For the rest of the set, I continued to work behind the bar, while I also continued to watch Savannah too. Song after song, she just seemed to get better and better.
When they broke for their fifteen-minute break, I was surprised when Savannah made her way to the bar.
“What can I get you, Sav?” Rick, the other barman, asked, as he gave her a warm smile.
“Just some water with a slice of lemon please,” she replied as she gave him a grateful smile in return.
“I’ve got this one, Rick,” I said as I picked up a glass, and grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler behind me. As I poured the water for her, I looked up and smiled at her. “You were pretty amazing up there.”
“Thanks,” she replied with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Your girlfriend didn’t hang around long.”
The moment the words came out of her mouth, the look on her face said that she wished she had just kept her mouth shut.
“Who, Meggie?” I asked with a laugh, as I slid her glass of water toward her. “She is not my girlfriend. She was just a stupid mistake.”
“She doesn’t seem to think so,” Savannah replied, as she gave me a strange look.
“I don’t care what she thinks,” I replied and smiled. “I promised Jolie there would be no more skanks, and I meant it.”
“Well I’m glad to hear it,” she replied, this time her tone was softer, and her smile seemed genuine.
“So, how come Jared didn’t come tonight?” I asked making an effort to remind myself that she was dating my best friend.
“He was busy I guess,” she shrugged, and I could see the hurt that was in her face. “I don’t think he likes sitting around, waiting for me to finish.”
“Well, for what it’s worth,” I replied as I leaned on the bar, giving her a smile. “I think he’s nuts, because I could never get tired of listening to you sing. I would happily sit night after night and wait for you.”
She stared at me for a moment, as her face blushed. Finally, she smiled at me before she took a sip of her water.
“Why don’t you want to date Callie?” She blurted out suddenly, completely throwing me off guard. “Jared said that you were adamant that you weren’t interested.”
“I’m not,” I quickly replied, as I held her eyes with mine. “She’s a nice girl, but she isn’t who I want.”
“Oh,” she replied as she swallowed hard; her eyes not leaving mine. “And who is it you want?”
I stared at her for a moment, my mind racing with so many replies to that question.
YOU! I screamed in my mind. You are all I can fucking think about. You are the only one I will ever want!
I knew I could say none of these things, no matter how I felt inside.
“Somebody that I can’t have,” I replied honestly as I gave her a sad smile.
“I see,” she replied, and for the briefest moment, she almost looked disappointed with my response, but she quickly pulled it back, forcing another smile on her face. “I… I should be going back up. Thanks for the water.”
“Anytime,” I replied, smiling at her before she turned and walked back up to the stage.
Why can’t I have you? I thought bitterly in my mind. This is so fucked up.
Chapter 9
Savannah
As I took to the stage once more, my mind was racing as the longing in my heart was almost consuming me. I had thought for a moment that he was going to say it was me he wanted, and if I was honest, it was what I wanted him to say.
Then when he said somebody he can’t have, I knew that was his way of telling me that he had feelings for me, but he would never betray Jared. I guess I understood. Still, I couldn’t help but feel my heart ache.
YOU’RE WITH JARED! I screamed in my head as the band started playing the music to our next song.
I quickly tried to push Seth from my thoughts, trying to focus on finishing out the gig, but as I glanced down at the bar, he was watching me again, and the look in his eyes almost broke my heart.
“SAV!” Andy called out, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked at him and realised that I had missed my intro.
“Sorry,” I said, as my face burned with embarrassment. The intro began again as I closed my eyes, trying to push Seth from all my thoughts. Slowly I brought the microphone to my mouth and began to sing. I just needed to get through this next forty-five minutes, and I would be okay. At least that’s what I kept telling myself, but I knew in my heart that it wasn’t that simple.
While I sang, I knew Seth was watching me. I could feel his eyes on me, burning into my skin, setting my soul ablaze with longing. I had no idea why he affected me the way he did, but whenever he was around, my emotions were all over the place.
Somehow, I managed to hold my focus, making it through the second half of the set.
“Sorry about tonight,” I said to Andy once the last song was finished.
“Are you okay?” Andy asked as he gave me a worried look. “It’s not like you to miss your cue. Is everything okay with you and Jared?”
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I assured him. “I think I’m just tired tonight.”
Even though I didn’t really know Andy that long, he and I had become good friends. He watched out for me almost like a big brother.
“Is he coming to collect you tonight?” Andy asked, and I knew he was less than impressed that Jared hadn’t turned up again.
“Not tonight,” I said, knowing it was going to be met with contempt.
“I know it’s none of my business, Sav,” he sighed, giving me a worried look. “But don’t you think you deserve better than how he is treating you lately?”
“He’s just busy,” I replied, but instantly my mind went to Seth. I shook my head, quickly pushing him from my thoughts. “He would be here if he could.”
“But would he though?” Andy asked. “You know what I was told about him. Are you really sure he is who you want to give your heart to?”
“I haven’t given my heart to anyone,” I assured him with a smile. “I’m just having fun.”
I turned around and was surprised to see Seth stepping up onto the stage. The moment my eyes met his, I was greeted with a broad smile.
“That was amazing,” he said as he joined me on the stage. “I mean, your voice is insanely good.”
“Thank you,” I said, and I couldn’t help but smile at him. He really was the sweetest man in the world.
Why couldn’t I have met you first? I thought to myself miserably. Why does this have to be so complicated?
We stood for a moment, as an awkward silence settled between us. I smiled once more.
“So,” Seth finally said, as he pushed his hands into his pockets. “I’m finished here in about fifteen minutes, and Joe mentioned that you sometimes catch a cab home. So, I was wondering if you would like me to drop you home. I mean, if you don’t mind waiting till I’m finished.”
“Um, yeah,” I stammered, feeling a little surprised by his offer. “I mean, I don’t want to be any trouble.”
“It’s no trouble,” he replied with a smile that made my stomach flip out of control.
“Then, yes,” I replied, feeling like a giddy teenager being asked out by the most popular boy in school. “That would be great. Thank you, Seth.”
“Okay,” he nodded, with a shy smile as he turned, jumping down from the stage. I watched him as he hurried back towards the bar, and I sighed to myself. Halfway across the room, he turned and looked back over his shoulder, and once more I was rewarded with a breath-taking grin.
Yep, I thought to myself. I’m in big trouble, but I don’t even care.
As I sat at the bar waiting for Seth to finish up his shift, my mind raced with so many thoughts. The overriding one was, will Seth kiss me? The other thought was, would I kiss him back.
I would have been lying to say I hadn’t imagined kissing him a million times as I sat there, and now the time was almost here for us to leave, my heart was working overtime inside m
y chest.
I had almost talked myself out of taking the ride home when Seth came out through the office door.
The moment his eyes met mine, he smiled and I knew there was no way I could have turned him down now.
“Are you ready to go?” He asked as he reached me, his smile widening.
“Sure,” I replied as I slipped down from the stool, looking up at him expectantly.
“Then after you, Ma’am,” he said with a bow, then laughed. “You’re chariot awaits.”
As I walked towards the door of the bar, my heart was now thumping so hard, I was sure anyone close to me could hear it. Just as we reached the door, Seth reached past me, pulling it open for me.
“Thanks,” I said as I looked up into his eyes.
“My pleasure,” he whispered as he leaned closer to me, then added. “Anything for you.”
Instantly I could feel my face flush, but I just gave him a smile.
As I stepped out into the night air, I welcomed the coolness on my flushed face. We walked side by side to Seth’s new car. Well, I say new, but it was more of a vintage car than a new one. It was an old Mustang, I didn’t know the year or even the model, but it was a black, soft top convertible, and it was gorgeous.
“What do you think?” He asked as his face beamed with happiness. “It needs a little work, but it’s all mine.”
“It’s gorgeous,” I said as I looked from the car to him. “It’s very…it’s very you.”
“I was going to get a newer car,” he explained as he pulled open the passenger door for me. “But Jolie picked this one, and when I sat inside it, I just knew it was what I wanted.”
“I think that girl has you wrapped around her little finger,” I laughed as I slipped into the passenger seat.
“That she does,” Seth laughed before he closed the car door, then hurried to the driver’s side.
Climbing into the car, he glanced over at me and smiled before he started the engine.
We drove together for a few moments in a comfortable silence. I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking. I glanced over at him, as he seemed to be lost in thought, so I took my chance to take in his handsome face.
He really was gorgeous. He had these insanely long lashes that almost hid his perfect, brown eyes. He had a strong jaw, and his chin had one of those dimples that always reminded me of my grandpa. Though he was perfectly manicured and presented, he had a light stubble on his face that made him look even hotter than he already was.
“So how long have you been singing?” He asked as he suddenly glanced over at me, and my face instantly burned with embarrassment once more because I had been caught staring.
“I don’t know,” I said as I quickly turned back to the road ahead of us. “I guess I always have. I play piano and guitar too. I guess music was always my escape.”
“Your escape!” Seth repeated, and I knew he was looking at me. “What were you escaping from?”
“Nothing that matters,” I replied as I glanced over at him for a moment, then turned away once more. Seth didn’t speak for a moment, but I knew exactly what he was thinking. It was funny, but in the short space of time I had gotten to know Seth, I could already read his face like a book. Right at that moment, he was thinking that he wanted to get to know me better, to get past the walls that I had built to protect myself.
What he didn’t know was, I had no intention of ever letting that happen.
I didn’t talk about my past to anyone. I never even told Jared about my family, or how much of a nightmare my father was. I didn’t want his pity. I didn’t want anyone’s pity. That’s why I left my past behind me and I refused to ever talk about it again.
We drove in silence for a few moments. A couple of times, Seth glanced over at me, but he didn’t say a word. Still, I was waiting for the questions to start, but they never came.
“So!” He exclaimed brightly, completely throwing me with his change of tone. “I was thinking about Jolie. She is seventeen in three weeks, and I was thinking about throwing her a surprise party.”
“Oh wow!” I exclaimed suddenly feeling very excited about planning a party for Seth’s sister. “She would love that.”
I loved Jolie. She was like the little sister I never had. Maybe it was because we liked pretty much the same things? Or maybe it was because I saw myself in her? She had that same broken look in her eyes that I saw in mine. Only a kid that had grown up with crappy parents knew this look. It was like we were all members of the same sad, shitty club.
“I was thinking of asking Joe about using the club,” he said as he glanced over at me once more. “But I think Sylvie would want to help, and I’m sure once I mention it, she’ll want to have it in her house.”
“I agree,” I replied. “Sylvie loves Jolie more than anything else in this world. She will want to be involved, and she will definitely want it in her house.”
“Then I should talk to Sylvie,” Seth nodded, as his kept his focus on the road ahead.
“I could help you,” I said, knowing that spending more time with Seth was the last thing I needed, but still I couldn’t help myself. I told myself it was because I wanted Jolie to have a great birthday, but in my heart, I knew it was more than that.
“I would love your help,” Seth grinned as he pulled the car to a stop. I turned to look out the window and was surprised to see we were already outside my apartment building. I was surprised by just how disappointed I felt for the drive home to be over already.
“We’re here,” I said, surprising myself with the disappointment in my voice.
“Didn’t you want to come home?” Seth asked as I turned back to look at him.
“Of course,” I quickly replied, my face flushing with embarrassment. “It’s just. I guess I was enjoying the company.”
“I guess I was too,” he replied, giving me a grin that pulled at my very soul.
I smiled as I dropped my gaze to my hands. Neither of us said a word for what felt like a lifetime.
“Will you be singing next week?” Seth finally asked me, and I instantly lifted my head to look at him.
“Yep,” I replied, smiling. “We are signed up for every Friday.”
“And do you think Jared will be there next week?” He asked, but I could see a look in his eyes that said he really hoped that my answer would be no.”
“I don’t know,” I replied as I held his gaze with mine. “I don’t know what Jared does most of the time.”
“I see,” Seth said, and I knew his mind was now racing. He dropped his eyes from mine for a moment, but when he looked back up, something had changed in them. “Well, for what it’s worth, I think he must be mad. If you were my girl, I would never want to be anywhere else, other than by your side.”
“Really?” I whispered as I looked up into his eyes. The atmosphere in the car changed, and you could almost touch the tension between Seth and me. My heart was hammering so fast inside me; I could barely catch my breath. I knew he was going to kiss me. I knew it deep down inside; and what’s more, I wanted him to.
“If you were my girl,” he replied with a grin as he slowly moved closer to me, as I held my breath. “I would feel like I was the luckiest guy in the world.”
“Oh,” I breathed out as he softly pressed his lips to mine.
“Do you know how much I have wanted to do that to you since the day I met you?” He whispered as he took my face in his hands. “Do you know how incredibly beautiful you are?”
He claimed my mouth once more, this time his kiss was deeper and everything I imagined it would be. I didn’t hold back; I returned his kiss with everything I had inside me.
I wanted him, and I could feel how much he wanted me too. It just felt right, even though I knew what we were doing was wrong.
But then suddenly, Seth pulled back, releasing a loud groan, as he pushed his hands through his hair with frustration.
“I’m sorry, Savannah,” he said, closing his eyes, refusing to look at me. “I shouldn�
�t have done that. I mean, I fucking wanted to, more than you could ever imagine. You are everything that I want, but Jared… he is my friend. He is my brother. I just can’t do this to him.”
“I…I understand,” I replied, knowing he was right, but it didn’t stop how disappointed, or embarrassed I was feeling right at that moment. I knew I needed to get out of the car as fast as I could. I reached for the handle, pushing open the door. “I think I should get going.”
Without even looking at Seth, I climbed out of the car and slammed the door behind me. I quickly hurried up the steps of my apartment building, as hot tears suddenly pooled in my eyes. I just needed to get through the door as fast as I could, and away from Seth before I completely fell apart.
As I reached the door, I searched my bag for my keys, but my hands were shaking, making it so much harder to find them in my bag.
“Savannah,” Seth said as he came up the steps behind me. I froze but didn’t turn back to him. I couldn’t look at him right at that moment. “Please don’t hate me.”
“I don’t hate you,” I sighed as tears trickled down my face. Still, I wouldn’t turn to face him. “I could never hate you, Seth.”
“I hate this whole fucked up situation,” he sighed as he stepped closer to me. I could sense his body directly behind mine, and it just made the tears come harder. “But Jared is my best friend. You don’t know the life Jolie and I had. If it wasn’t for Jared, and his family, I don’t know what would have happened to Jolie or me. I don’t know if I would have survived. So how I feel about you can’t come before what I owe them. I wish I could tell you it could.”
“I wish you could too,” I whispered as I turned to look at him. “But I understand, I really do.”
“Savannah,” he said as he stepped closer to me once more; so close that his body was pressed against mine. “Please don’t cry. I would give anything to make it so that it was me you met first. That I was the one you were with, because I really think you could be the one, I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with.”
“Please don’t say anymore,” I sobbed softly. “Please.”
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