I walked to the sofa and sat down just as the tears started to flow, and this time there was no holding them back.
I hated that I was crying again. I hated that this was how I’d become. Crying was not something I allowed myself to do normally. To me, crying was a sign of weakness. Yet here I was sobbing like I had never cried before.
I was sad that I had hurt Jared. I was sad that I would probably never get to see Jolie or Sylvie again, but my heart was broken that I would never get to love Seth the way I wanted to. I longed for him to come and hold me, and tell me everything was going to be okay, but I knew that would never happen.
I needed to face the fact that there would be no happily ever after with him. I needed to let him go too.
It was a little after four when the buzzer to my apartment rang out, pulling me from the books I had lost myself in, trying desperately to forget my problems. For a moment my heart raced. I knew it was unlikely, but the tiniest part of me hoped that it was Seth.
Hurrying to the hallway, I pressed down on the intercom, almost holding my breath.
“Hello!” I said into the speaker, having no clue who was on the other end.
“Hey, Sav,” Jolie’s voice came through the little box on the wall. “Can I come up?”
“Sure,” I replied as I reached up and released the front door for her instantly. “I’ll leave the door open.”
I quickly pulled back the latch on the door, then headed into the kitchen to switch on the coffee machine once more.
I was just taking out the coffee mugs and some cupcakes Jared had brought over from the store the day before, when the sound of the front door opening, and closing told me Jolie had reached the apartment.
I turned to greet her with a smile, but my smile quickly faded when I saw that her eyes were red and puffy from crying.
“Jolie, what’s wrong?” I asked as I quickly closed the distance between her and me. Without even hesitating, I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tightly. “What’s happened?”
She didn’t respond, instead she just cried harder.
I led her to the sofa, where we both sat down, and I continued to hold her as she sobbed like I’d never seen her before.
“Jo,” I said, when her tears finally stopped, and her breathing had begun to return to normal. “What’s happened?”
“I’m sorry,” she said as she sat up, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. “I’m just being stupid.”
“You could never be stupid,” I said, my heart hurting for this sweet kid. “Now tell me, what’s happened?”
“I had a fight with Jared,” she said as tears danced in her eyes, as they met mine. “He said you and he…that you broke up with him.”
“Oh,” I sighed as guilt rushed through every inch on my body. “Jolie, I wish I could say it wasn’t true…”
“So, it’s over?” She sniffed as she continued to look into my eyes. “But why?”
“Because I don’t love him, Jo,” I said, knowing there was no point in sugar coating for her. She was young, but she wasn’t stupid, and I would never treat her like she was. “I wish I did, but I don’t.”
“Because you like Seth?” She asked, almost flooring me with her question.
“Why…why would you think that?” I asked, feeling sick that Jolie had seen straight through me. I wondered who else had seen this too.
“Because I can see it in your face when you look at him,” Jolie smiled. “Just like I see it in his eyes when he looks at you.”
“Jolie…” I said, searching for the right words to say, but my mind was blank.
“It’s okay,” she shrugged. “Nobody else knows. I just, I know Seth better than he knows himself. I knew it the day you and he met that he “liked you”, liked you. But I wasn’t sure about you till Jared said you broke up with him.”
“I see,” I replied, figuring there was no point in lying to this girl now. “The truth is, it’s complicated. Seth and I can never… well you know, because he will never betray Jared.”
“I know,” Jolie said with a sad look in her eyes. “I just don’t think it’s fair. Seems like Seth always is the one who loses out because he loves someone else so much.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, curious by what she’d just said.
“It doesn’t matter,” she shrugged, but I knew there was something bothering her. “I just wish things could be different.”
“I wish they could too,” I sighed truthfully. “But that doesn’t mean you and I can’t still be friends, right?”
“Do you mean that?” She asked as her face lit up with the most perfect smile.
“Of course, I do, Jo,” I replied, giving her a nudge. “I will always be here for you. You’re like my little sister.”
“Thank you, Sav!” She exclaimed as she threw her two arms around me, hugging me so tightly, I could hardly breathe. Suddenly she started to sob once more.
“Hey,” I said, holding her at arm’s length. “What is it, Jo? What’s wrong?”
“I can’t tell you,” she whispered as she looked up into my eyes. “I can’t tell anyone.”
“You can tell me anything, Jo,” I said, giving her a pleading look. “And I promise, whatever it is, I will help.”
“You can’t help,” she continued to cry. “Nobody can.”
“Okay, now you’re starting to scare me,” I said sitting up straighter in my seat. “Please talk to me. I promise I won’t tell anyone. But I need you to tell me so I can know that you’re okay.”
She stared at me for a moment, a look of terror dancing in her eyes.
“If I tell you,” she whispered. “You have to promise me that you won’t ever tell Seth.”
“I give you my word,” I assured her, but the moment I said it, I regretted it. If this was something bad, I would have to tell Seth, and it would mean betraying her trust.
“Everything is my fault,” she began, her voice barely louder than a whisper as she stared down at her hands.
“I don’t understand,” I said as I reached out and took hold of her hand, giving it a soft squeeze. “What is your fault?”
“I’m the reason our dad left,” she said, finally letting her eyes meet mine. “I’m the reason why Mom is the way she is. I’m the reason that Seth’s life is such a mess. It’s all my fault.”
“Of course, it’s not all your fault,” I replied, surprised she would even think like this.
“But it is,” She whispered as tears spilled down her cheeks. “Did you know that Seth misses our dad so much, that sometimes he cries over him. He doesn’t know I know, but he does. He keeps his picture in his nightstand, and I know he wants to go looking for him, but he’s too afraid to.”
“I didn’t know that,” I replied as my heart ached for the man I loved. I wished I could go now and hold him, but I couldn’t. That is something I knew I would never get to do.
“He misses his dad so much, he can’t even talk about it,” Jolie continued. “And I’m the reason he left. If Seth finds out, he will hate me.”
“Of course, he won’t hate you,” I tried to assure her, but I knew my words were falling on deaf ears. “Jolie you father left when you were a baby, how could it be your fault?”
“Because he is not my father,” she whispered as a fresh wave of tears pooled in her eyes.
“I…I don’t understand,” I said giving her a sad smile.
“My dad, my real dad, he raped my mom,” she explained, her eyes once more focused on her hands that were clasped on her lap. “She was out one night, and this man, my real father, he dragged her into this alley, and he raped her. When she found out she was pregnant she decided to keep me, but Seth’s dad, he couldn’t love me. He said that every time he looked at me, he could see the man who raped his wife, and he hated me. So, he left. That’s when she started to drink, because she hated me too.”
“Jolie, sweetheart,” I said reaching out, taking hold of her chin, pulling her face up to mine. “How do you know all
this?”
“The night the Douche hurt me,” she sobbed softly as she looked up into my eyes. “My mom came to the hospital and told me. She said if I didn’t drop the charges, she would tell Seth the truth and that he would hate me too, and I would have no one left in the world.”
“Jolie,” I said, taking her face in my hands. “I don’t know how you must be feeling right now. I know your heart must be breaking into a million pieces. But what I do know is, Seth loves you. You are the centre of his universe, and there is nothing anyone could ever tell him to make him hate you.”
“But this is all my fault,” Jolie continued to sob.
“No, it’s not!” I exclaimed, completely stunned that her mother would have put this on her. But then, from what I’d heard about Seth and Jolie’s mother, this shouldn’t have been such a big shock. “How you were conceived, is not your fault. Why Seth’s father walked away, is not your fault. And how your mother is, is most certainly not your fault. You are the only innocent person in all of this, and Seth will see that too. Jolie, he is still your brother, and he loves you so very much.”
“But I can’t tell him the truth,” She whispered. “I can’t stand to see him look at me like she does. Like I am this horrible mistake.”
“He would never…” I began to say, but she cut me off mid-sentence.
“You promised you wouldn’t tell him,” Jolie said, her face full of fear. “You gave me your word. Please promise me you won’t break it.”
“Jolie…” I began, but she stopped me once more.
“Promise me!” She exclaimed.
“I promise,” I replied, knowing that keeping this secret was the wrong thing to do. Still, I had promised, and now I would keep it too.
“Thank you,” Jolie said, giving me a sad smile, before she hugged me once more. “I’m so glad that I have you in my life, Sav. I love you.”
“I love you too, Jo,” I replied, holding her tightly. “I always will.”
Chapter 14
Seth
It was Friday night once more, and part of me was dreading going to the bar, but there was also a part of me that thought that I would never get to work that night. I knew that Savannah was going to be there too because she would be singing that night.
I hadn’t seen her since Jared came back to his apartment the morning she and I had talked and said that she had broken up with him. That was a week ago now. She’d called in sick to Joe’s the Friday before. She said she was too sick to sing that night, but I knew she just wasn’t ready to face me.
If I was honest, I had mixed feelings about the fact that they had broken up. The biggest part of me was gutted for my best friend, who was clearly heartbroken over losing the girl he loved. The guilt I felt was almost consuming me. But still there was a part of me, the tiniest part that believed somehow Savannah and I were meant to be; that part felt happy and relieved almost.
I had thought about stopping by her apartment to see her, just to make sure she was okay, but in my heart, I knew that was a bad idea. I knew the temptation to kiss her would have been too strong and I would have crossed a line once more.
As I walked into the bar that evening, I was feeling pretty good about myself despite everything. I’d a lead on another job that would keep me closer to home.
I had even managed to find the perfect apartment. One even Jolie approved of. It was only about five minutes from Sylvie’s place, so I would still be close to Jolie once I moved in. It was furnished too, which was a bonus, so I just needed to pack my things, and I could move in whenever I wanted. I was planning on moving in the next day.
I dropped my things into Joe’s office, before I took my place behind the bar, ready for another busy night.
“Hey, Seth,” Meggie said as she walked up to the bar, the moment she spotted me behind there. I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed when I saw that she was working tonight too. “How’s it going?”
“It’s going great, Meggie,” I replied in the brightest tone of voice I could fake. I was in a good mood, and I was determined that I was not going to let her ruin my night.
“Well you sure are in a good mood,” she replied back to me. “Anything you wanna share with me? Maybe we can celebrate whatever it is later.”
“Nothing to share,” I said with a grin trying my hardest not to tell this girl to go to hell. “Just a good mood; and I’ll pass on the celebration.”
“Oh, Seth,” she sighed as her smile widened. “Why are you always playing so hard to get?”
“I’m not playing,” I smiled as I picked up a clean cloth from behind the bar and busied myself wiping down the countertop. She just gave me a wicked grin, before she walked away from the bar once more.
Suddenly the door to the bar opened, and just like they had every other time it had opened since I got there, my eyes went straight to it, and I held my breath, praying it was Savannah.
Sure enough, this time it was her, and the smile on my face instantly widened the moment I saw her, but then it quickly faded when she looked up and hesitated the moment she saw me standing there.
Taking a deep breath, she slowly continued towards the bar, giving me a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“Hey,” she said with a trace of uncertainty in her voice. “You’re working tonight.”
“Yep,” I replied, trying to sound as natural as I could, but my mind was racing. “Can I get you something to drink?”
Before she could reply, Meggie returned to the bar, giving Savannah a dirty look, before she turned her attention back to me.
“So, about later?” She said, like she was just picking a conversation back up where we’d left it. “Should I wait for you when I finish my shift?”
“I should go help the guys set up,” Savannah blurted out as she looked Meggie up and down and I could see the annoyance in her eyes. She really hated Meggie with everything inside her. As she turned back to the bar, she glanced at me briefly, but she didn’t say a word.
“Don’t you have customers to serve?” I asked as I turned my attention back to Meggie. She just gave me a grin, before she picked up her tray and turned away from the bar.
Suddenly the door to the bar opened once more and I was surprised to see Jared walking in. The moment he did, his eyes went straight towards the stage and I knew he was looking for Savannah.
There was a look of disappointment on his face when he didn’t see her on the stage. He stood for a moment before he turned and headed straight to the bar.
“Hey, Jared,” I said when he reached the bar. “I wasn’t expecting you in this evening.”
“I came to see Sav,” he said, giving me a worried look. “Is she here?”
“She’s out back with the rest of the band,” I replied, wishing there was something I could say to help my friend.
“Thanks,” he said as he turned to walk away, but instead he walked straight into Meggie.
“Hey, Jared,” Meggie said, giving him a knowing smile. “A little bird tells me you’re back on the market. Well, technically anyway.”
“Go to hell, Meggie,” Jared huffed as he gave her a warning look.
“Oh, come on, Jared,” Meggie said, stepping closer to him, giving him a grin that said she knew something more than she was saying. “Don’t pretend you’re heartbroken. You and I know better than that.”
Jared glared at her with his fists clenched by his side.
“Meggie,” I said, trying to defuse the situation as quickly as possible. “There are customers waiting.”
She glanced at me, giving me a smile, before she turned and walked across the bar.
“Thanks for that,” Jared said as I turned and grabbed him a bottle of beer from the chiller. “That chick needs to back the fuck off before…”
“Before what?” I asked when he didn’t finish his statement, as I set the beer down in front of him.
“Before I forget she’s a girl,” Jared sighed before he took a long sip of his beer.
I
stared at him for a moment, as my mind raced with so many thoughts. There was something I was missing, something more than Meggie simply winding Jared up, and I didn’t know what.
Then it hit me. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before, but suddenly it was clear as day.
“You’re fucking her!” I blurted out without even thinking. “Were you cheating on Savannah with Meggie?”
“Have you lost your fucking mind?” Jared said as he set down his bottle of beer. “I wasn’t cheating on Savannah with Meggie Wilks. I can’t believe that you would even think that.”
“Then what the hell is going on with you two,” I leaned forward and demanded in a hushed voice. “Every time you see her, you look like you want to climb into a hole somewhere, and she loves every minute of it.”
“She just hates me,” Jared sighed. “She’s pissed because I was with her the night I met Savannah. She thinks I dumped her so that I could hook up with Sav.”
“And that’s it?” I asked, still not sure if I was buying his story. I just felt that there was more.
“Seth,” Jared said before he pushed up from the stool he was sitting on and gave me a hurt look “I love Sav. I would never pick someone like Meggie over her. I can’t believe you would even think that.”
“Jared, I’m sorry,” I said, but he just walked away, and I knew he was angry with me.
I watched him as he crossed the bar and slid into a booth at the far side, and the words he said settled inside me. He loved Savannah. It was something I had tried not to think about too much over the last week, but I couldn’t ignore it any longer.
Jared loved Savannah, and she broke his heart because of me.
I knew that it didn’t matter how I felt about her; I would never betray Jared. But then it struck me that I already had. I had kissed her. I kissed my best friend’s girl. It didn’t matter that I believed that she was the one for me. She was his girl, not mine.
Suddenly my heart felt like it was in a vice that was growing tighter and tighter, and I could barely breathe. I needed some fresh air.
“I…I forgot something in my car,” I called to Rick, who was at the far end of the bar, before I turned and headed straight for the door.
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