by R. C. Martin
I prop my forehead against hers before I tell her, “I know what I want. I want you. From day one, all I’ve wanted is you. You haven’t been able to shake me yet—and I’m not going anywhere, doll.”
“No matter what?”
“I won’t lie to you. I want it all, baby doll—the record deals, the crazy fans, tours that take us all over the world—but I want you right there by my side when it happens. No matter what. You with me?”
She nods her head against mine, breathing out slowly before she murmurs, “I’m with you.”
ONCE SAGE AND I return to the bus, Violet and I have an hour before we have to leave. Everyone is on board, the band doing what they do any other day as they wait to take off again. Derrick is on the couch next to Alex, coaching her as she faces off with Maddox in some video game that’s displayed on the television. Knox is right there with them, laughing and supplying commentary while he casually strums his acoustic guitar. Violet and JJ sit across from Sage and me at the little kitchen table, and it all feels vaguely familiar—like we’re sitting around in the boys’ garage in Colorado, rather than a bus in California.
When it’s almost time for us to go, JJ calls Violet and me a cab to take us back to the airport. Too soon, we hear the driver honk his horn, announcing his arrival. My entire chest cavity fills with a sadness I’m not prepared for. I look at Sage, remembering our conversation back at the motel, and all of a sudden, staying on the road with my dreamer doesn’t seem like such a ridiculous idea after all.
He offers me a small, encouraging smile, as if to silently assure me that everything is going to be all right, and then he leans into me, tightening his grip around my shoulders as he presses his lips against mine. I grip a fistful of his t-shirt, not the least bit shy to kiss him back fervently. He pulls away before I’m ready, but he doesn’t let me go, his lips still grazing mine as he starts to sing to me.
“Hello was never meant to feel like this
Heavy with regret/I’m still hoping you’ll forget
Hello was never meant to feel like this
Up against the sun/In the shadow of goodbye
Would rather you just hold me
Would rather you just stay here
Would rather, baby, anything but This.”
I sigh into his mouth as he finishes, my skin covered in goosebumps and my heart racing.
“Holy shit,” JJ mumbles.
It isn’t until he speaks that I remember where we are, and I turn my head only to realize that we’ve got an audience. Everyone is staring, and Violet has a huge grin on her face.
“Not to sound like a total pussy, but that was pretty fucking epic,” states Knox.
“What?” I mutter.
“He couldn’t finish the song,” Maddox tells me. “We started working on it a few days ago, got most of the way through it, but he couldn’t write the second verse. He kisses you and—bam!”
“That’s so romantic,” Alex whispers.
“Well, damn, now I want to hear the rest of the song!” Violet insists. Sage chuckles, drawing my attention back to him, and then we hear the honk of our waiting taxi once more.
“You gotta go,” JJ murmurs somberly. “We won’t debut it without you in the audience. That good enough?”
“Yeah, babe, that’s good enough,” she tells him, standing to make her exit.
“I’ll grab your bag. Meet you out there in a sec,” Sage tells me, reaching up to tuck a few strands of hair behind my ear. I nod and then we both get up.
JJ tosses Violet’s bag in the trunk of our ride just as another taxi pulls into the lot. While I wait for Sage, I watch as two guys climb out of the vehicle. I recognize them right away, though I don’t remember their names. It’s been a while since I’ve seen anyone from Lawful Sinners or Twisted Tuesday, but it’s hard to forget someone who looks like that—his dark hair pulled back into a low bun, his face covered in a few day’s worth of stubble, his broad chest covered in a black tank that could only be worn in a place like this, just days before December.
“Well, fuck me, look who it is,” one of them calls out as they both make their way toward me. “That offer still stands, by the way,” he continues with a cocky grin.
I quirk an eyebrow at him, ignoring his friend as I reply, “Still not interested.”
“Clay, man, leave that one alone.”
“Nate’s idea is a pretty good one,” says JJ from behind me.
I turn my head to see him standing with Violet tucked under his arm, his gaze trained on Clay—the asshole who invites me to bed every time he sees me. Looking at him now, I realize he’s so far from what I want, it’s laughable. I used to think that Sage was an arrogant little shit, but he is nothing like this guy. When we met, Sage was simply a man fully aware of what he wanted and he took it, knowing even before I could admit it that I wanted him just as much.
“I’m just sayin’,” Clay chuckles, folding his arms across his chest. “Three weeks left—anything could happen,” he whispers the last bit, as if to taunt me, but I refuse to let his words get to me. Not this time. Sage loves me. He would never betray me. Not like that. I know it.
“And I’m just saying, get over yourself—for the sake of all womankind.”
“You’d be singin’ a different tune if you—”
“You motherfucker,” Sage growls as he prowls toward us. My eyes grow wide when I catch the look on his face just before he drops my bag and steps in front of me, filling the gap between Clay and me. “Back the fuck up off my girl.”
A sneer spreads across Clays lips and Nate reaches up to grab his shoulder. “Clay,” he says, his tone clearly meant to express a warning.
“Not this again,” says Knox. I look beside me as the rest of Mountains & Men join the showdown, which, according to Knox, isn’t the first one they’ve seen.
“What’d I say?” Sage speaks through a clenched jaw. I reach for his hand, hoping to calm him down. He squeezes my fingers tightly, and I start to get the impression that he won’t relent until Clay does as he says.
“What’s going on out here?” I look in the direction of the new voice and see another member of Lawful Sinners exiting their tour bus, the last of their group trailing behind.
“Clay’s dumbass talking shit,” Nate grumbles.
The lead man makes eye contact with me before a smirk curls at the corner of his mouth and he coughs out a laugh. “He can’t help himself. He’s got a soft spot for the rare beauties. Give it up, Clay. She’s taken. We’re rollin’, fuckers. Break it up,” he says, turning to head back to the bus.
Clay shrugs out of Nate’s hold before he directs his eyes on me and offers me a wink. Sage starts to move, but I grip his hand with both of mine, and he relents as all four of Lawful Sinners’ men head back to their bus.
“I’m pretty sure I hate that guy,” Sage mutters.
“Hey,” I say softly, moving to stand in front of him. “It’s not a big deal.”
“He knows you’re mine. He did that shit on purpose.”
“Let it go,” I plead, wrapping my arms around his neck as I press my body against his. “I’m leaving, Sage. Don’t rob me of a proper goodbye.”
He sighs in resignation, locking his arms around my waist before he leans in to kiss me. And, oh, how he kisses me. It’s hard, wet, unrelenting, possessive, and absolutely incredible. As his tongue sweeps through my mouth, his hand sliding down over my ass, I know he’s making a point. He’s staking his claim, sending a message, and soaking my thong. I love every moment, and I don’t care who sees. I’m his, totally and completely, and I’m not the least bit ashamed.
When he finally pulls away, I’m panting, my fingers buried in his hair. I know my lips are swollen and red because his are too, and I can’t help but wonder how in the fuck I’m going to last another fourteen days without him.
“I love you,” he says, his voice husky and sexy as hell.
“I love you, too, baby,” I whisper, the ache of goodbye overwhelming me.
“I will.”
“Get out of here, doll face—before I steal you away.”
I giggle and he smacks one last quick kiss against my lips before he turns toward the taxi. Violet is already inside, speaking softly with JJ through the open window as they wait for me. Sage opens my door and I slide into my seat, already feeling too far away from him. He shuts me in and then deposits my bag in the trunk. As the cab driver begins to pull out of the lot, both Violet and I twist around to get one last look at our men. She blows JJ a kiss and I wave, staring at Sage until he’s out of sight.
I draw in a deep breath and free a heavy sigh as I turn back around, settling in for the duration of our ride. After a moment, I take stock of my emotions and realize that while I’m sad to see him go, the weight of despair is no longer pulling me down. I’m buoyed by the knowledge that I’ll see him again in just a couple of weeks—as soon as my semester is over. Furthermore, after I get to the airport, I’ll hear the sound of his voice, reminding me that we’re still us. We’re in this—together.
“You all right over there?” asks Violet, breaking the silence between us.
I shift my gaze from the window and find her smiling at me kindly. I can tell that she misses JJ already, too, but she also remains light with the hope of the future.
“Thank you.” The words fall from my mouth without a second thought. As soon as I hear them, I know they bear repeating. “Thank you for getting me here.”
“Wasn’t hard,” she says with a grin. “It’s where you belong.”
I smile then, sure that she’s absolutely right.
SAGE AND I SENT a volley of texts back and forth Friday night, after I made it home safely. I didn’t last long once I was settled, sleep coaxing me under until I woke late Saturday morning. When he called me in the early afternoon, we spent hours talking as the band continued to travel east. He made me laugh, keeping the conversation light and fun, telling me more tour stories and also filling me in on a few things Stefany has been trying to line up for them when they get back. We said goodbye when they stopped for dinner and he promised to call me later.
Later ended up being the next evening. We didn’t talk long, as they were gearing up for their show, but I was just happy to hear from him—knowing full-well that’s the kind of woman I am, the kind who needs to hear the rich, alluring, sexy tone of my man’s voice. I went three weeks without it, and I’ll never choose that ever again.
The rest of my night was spent preparing for work the next day. I then retired to bed, where I finished a book and then drifted to sleep, my head replaying my favorite memories from my time in L.A.
Now, as I stare blankly at the computer screen in front of me, I can’t seem to reign in my thoughts. Instead of reading, replying, and deleting emails, I’m too busy remembering what it felt like to have Sage inside of me, bringing me to orgasm right on the heels of my third.
“Millie?”
My whole body jolts as I’m pulled from my thoughts, my gaze shifting toward Lindsey as she enters my office. She’s wearing a burgundy sweater-dress that clings to her noteworthy curves, nude panty-hose, and a pair of Mary-Jane heels. Her loose, dark brunette curls dust her shoulders, and the pleasant glow that usually lights up her face is perfectly intact.
“You’re blushing. What were you just thinking?” she asks, occupying the empty chair on the opposite side of my desk.
“Uh…” I reply dumbly, bringing my hair to one shoulder simply to busy my hands.
“Something happened. I’m missing something. What is it?” she asks, crossing one leg over the other before leaning her forearms atop her knee.
“What do you mean?” I inquire evasively, still trying to combat my inappropriate thoughts of Sage. Naked. Whispering my name…
“I mean, you’ve got color in your face again. You haven’t looked this happy since—oh, my god,” she gasps, sitting up straight. “Something went down with you and Sexy McHottington!”
I can’t help the grin the spreads across my face at the mention of her nickname for Sage. It’s certainly not one that can be denied.
“Millie Valentine, I want details—now! You were a ghost of your former self when we left for fall break. What happened?”
“I went to see him,” I confess.
“Thank god!” she cries, clapping her hands against her chest in relief. “Seriously, I was worried about you. When you told me you two were putting the breaks on your relationship, I thought you were outside your mind. That guy is hot! Not to mention the way he makes your face go soft when you think about him—just like that.”
She points at me, and I wonder what it is that she sees. I don’t think on it long as she continues speaking.
“So, what’s the story? Was it romantic? I bet it was romantic. Girl—I need romantic. We both know my life is lacking in that department.”
I shake my head at her, a small smile playing at my lips as I tell her, “I don’t know that romantic would be the term I’d use. We had a couple issues we had to iron out.”
“But you’re good now, right?”
“Yeah,” I reply softly with a nod, the memory of our panty-melting kiss goodbye flashing through my mind. “We’re good.”
For the next twenty minutes, she peppers me with questions about my trip. Seeing as how Sage and I spent half of my stay in bed, there isn’t too much for me to share with her, but I tell her as much as I can. I then inquire about her holiday, and she chats about her time with family and friends.
She stands to leave when she notes the time, her next class only fifteen minutes from now. When she gets to the doorway, she turns abruptly before she asks, “Hey, any chance you spent some time with the guys from Lawful Sinners while you were in L.A.? I’m still waiting on that autograph,” she says teasingly, lifting an eyebrow at me.
I frown at her, vaguely remembering her request to get an autograph from the band’s lead guitarist, back when I first saw them before the tour. “Which one is he again?”
“His name is Clay,” she answers with a smirk.
I shake my head at her, knowing Lindsey’s far too sweet to entertain any sort of attraction to that arrogant asshole.
“He’s bad news, Lindsey.”
“What? No,” she pouts. “Let me guess—typical rock star? Mad talent with a god complex?”
“Something like that.”
She wrinkles her nose in disappointment before she says, “Well, I suppose they can’t all be like Sage. You got yourself a good one, Millie.” She offers me a wink before she turns, slipping into her office across the hall. I replay her words in my head and smile as I think about my dreamer. Sage—my fucking rock star.
She doesn’t know the half of it.
THE LIGHTS ARE brighter. The crowd is louder. The band is tighter. The music is better. I’m rockin’ out harder than I ever have before, and I’m having the time of my life.
I thought my music kept me whole during a time when I needed something to hold onto— but here, now, I understand that Alex was right. I was barely holding on. My music drives me; it defines who I am—but it isn’t everything.
The adrenaline that courses through my veins makes me soar. As the lyrics to our best songs pour out of me, I know I’m in the right place at the right time. I’m on top of the world. I’m on top of my fucking mountain. Every bead of sweat that trickles along the sides of my face and down my back reminds me how hard I’ve worked to get here—how hard I’ll work to stay here. On the stage is where I belong, where we all belong.
“If I sneak you out the back, will you let me come?
Take a chance, just one glance, and we’ll both be gone.
Let’s run real fast, drive real slow where you wanna go.
We’ll blow through perfect towns/ We’ll leave a mess behind.
“Forget the girl you were/ I’m not the boy I was
You turn me upside down/ I’ll make your world go ‘round.
‘Cause it’s just you and me/I swear it’s destiny
Forget the girl you were/Let’s go, just you and me.”
Under the lights, engulfed in the noise of wild screams, my band at my back, our music filling the atmosphere, it’s where I realize just how much she means to me. She changed everything in just one night—the woman who makes my heart sing. I’m not the boy I was because of her. I love her deep, and I love her hard. My muse. My inspiration. My girl, worthy of more than an encore, lights up my world.
WHEN WE COME TO a stop, I open my eyes and take a deep breath, ready to get off the bus and breathe in a bit a fresh air. We hit Jacksonville tonight. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to another show, but I sure as shit miss my own bed. I miss Millie’s bed, too. Four more days and we’ll be home. When we get there, I’ll crash wherever she is—and I’ll crash for hours. I feel like I haven’t had a decent night’s rest since L.A. I won’t complain, though. Sleep and the comfort of home are small sacrifices I’m willing to make for the sake of a dream come true.
“All right, boys and girl—how much do you fucking love me?” asks Stefany as I hear her burst on board. I slide on my glasses and then peek my head out of my bunk, curious what all the excitement is about.
“Stef, we’re on the last leg of our first national tour. Our Facebook page has literally thousands of likes we didn’t have five weeks ago. People are starting to actually download our shit on iTunes—I think it’s safe to say we love you a lot,” Knox yells from behind the curtain of his bunk.
I chuckle as I watch her grin, pressing her fists against her hips as she looks in the direction of his voice.