by R. C. Martin
I shake my head, reaching up to run my fingers through my hair. “Today was our goodbye,” I repeat. “It hurts in ways I don’t understand, in ways that don’t make sense; but she’s gone and I have to move on. I don’t know how else to explain it. I just—” I shrug, turning to meet his intent gaze. “I want to go home, baby.”
He nods his head slowly and wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. When he presses a kiss against my temple, I relax against him with a sigh.
“Let’s hit the sack, then. Tomorrow, we’ll get shit done, and then I’m taking my girl home.”
“Thank you,” I murmur, burying my face in his chest.
“We got this. You and me, doll. You and me.”
I SEAL UP THE last box in the apartment, amazed. Not amazed that we were able to pack it all up in less than forty-eight hours—although, that’s pretty fucking impressive—no, I’m amazed that I spent two days going through a mother’s things and found not one trace of Millie’s childhood laying around. No pictures. No crazy art. Nothing. It was almost as if Millie didn’t even exist. I don’t understand it, and I sure as shit don’t like it, but I don’t mention it.
Millie’s been through enough this week. I don’t need to dredge up the past even more.
“Okay,” she says as she pockets her phone, her tired voice breaking through my thoughts. “The pick-up crew will be here sometime tomorrow to get all the donations. The landlord has been informed. We just have to hit the bank first thing in the morning to settle her accounts, and then I’m done.”
“So we’ve got the rest of the night off?” I ask, closing the distance between us.
“Yeah. I suppose we do.”
I circle my arms around her waist and pull her against me before brushing my lips against hers in a soft kiss. “Might I suggest something?”
“Sage…” She slides her hands up my arms, across my shoulders, and along my neck, her fingers toying with the hair at the nape of my neck as she stares at me with those pretty eyes. “I couldn’t have done this without you. I know I’ve been single-track minded since we walked into this place.” She pauses, looking around at the living room now filled with boxes and discarded furniture. “But this would have been torture without you. You were home for all of three days before you hopped on a plane with me. You didn’t have to do any of this, but you did. I just…I say all that to say, tonight—we can do whatever you want. I don’t care what it is.”
I smirk at her, amused that after all we’ve been through, she still thinks that I had a choice in the matter. Then my smile slips when I remember that no one has ever loved her unconditionally before. She doesn’t understand that I didn’t have a choice—that I couldn’t let her do this alone. She doesn’t get it, but she will. I’ll make sure of it.
“I was actually thinking we could go grab a shower and then I could take you to that little Italian place you love.”
Her mouth falls open as her expression softens in surprise. “You remembered?”
“Millie,” I start with a chuckle. “How could I forget our first date and why I thought it was a good idea to take you to my parents’ place? I totally fucked it all up. Of course, I remember.”
She pushes herself up on her tiptoes, holding me securely around my neck. I return her embrace, appreciative of the way her body feels pressed flush against mine.
If only we were naked…
God, I miss her naked body.
“Does this mean yes?” I ask, rubbing my hands up and down her sides, trying to shake my lustful thoughts.
“Yes,” she murmurs with a nod, her grip around me not loosening in the slightest.
“Okay,” I chuckle. “Whenever you’re ready, baby doll.”
“I need a minute.”
I nod before burying my face between her neck and her shoulder. “Take all the time you need, baby.”
DINNER WITH SAGE was lovely. We took a cab, since both of us needed the night off, and indulged in a couple glasses of wine during our delicious meal. The entire time that we were at the restaurant, Sage helped me to forget why we are here. It was a date, through and through, and I felt like I was sharing something special with him—the one thing I missed about Jersey, my absolute favorite restaurant.
Now that we’re back at our room, the alcohol in my system leaving me with a nice buzz, I’m not ready for our date to end. He shrugs his coat off, tossing it onto an armchair, and I follow suit before making my intentions known. I step in front of him, wrapping my arms around his waist as I reach up for a kiss. As soon as his lips touch mine, I slide my tongue along the crease of his mouth and he opens up for me. I sigh longingly and he reaches up with both of his hands to hold the back of my neck, angling my head so he can get a proper taste.
“Millie,” he mumbles.
“I want you,” I admit, sneaking my hands under the hem of his shirt and up the smooth, hard surface of his back.
“We don’t have to, doll, it’s okay,” he says, as if he’s trying to hold himself back for my sake.
“Sage, baby.” I take one hand from off of his back and move it down over the front of his pants, gripping the bulge trying the seam of his jeans. “I want you.”
He groans, taking my mouth in a bruising kiss, and I know he now understands exactly what I want. Judging by the way his tongue explores my mouth, as if it’s on a journey of rediscovery, I’m certain he wants this just as much as I do.
Abruptly, he breaks away from our kiss, taking a step away from me. I’m disappointed only until I see the fire burning in his icy blue eyes. As he reaches for the hem of his t-shirt, he commands, “Clothes. Off.”
I obey, stripping down to nothing as quickly as I can. I haven’t had his cock in days. In this moment, I’m so hungry for his touch, I wonder how I ever lasted weeks without him.
When we’re both naked, he reaches for me, capturing my lips once more. Feeling impatient, I press my hands against his chest and guide him backwards toward the end of the bed, never breaking our kiss. His legs hit the mattress and I give him another push. He gets the hint and sits his ass down, his long, glorious dick jutting out from between his legs.
I drop to my knees, my center growing slick with arousal just thinking about the noises he’s sure to make when I suck on his balls before I lick my way up and down the length of his shaft.
“Ah, hell, yes,” he grunts, one of his hands finding its way into my hair as I begin.
I suck and then I lick, just as I had planned, and then I wrap my lips around his head, swirling my tongue across his slit.
“Fuck—you feel so good, Millie.”
I bob my head, pumping what I can’t fit in my mouth with my fist, my pussy growing slick and swollen with every murmur of pleasure that spills from his lips. When I can no longer deny myself, I kiss the tip of his dick and then climb into his lap, the top of my feet resting at his knees. Our eyes lock as I hold onto his shoulder with one hand, reaching behind me for his dick with my other. I line us up and then ease down over him. I rest my other hand on his opposite shoulder, hanging on as I begin to ride his generous length.
He feels marvelous.
The sound of my arousal coating his cock makes me whimper with delight, and I throw my head back, concentrating on the feeling of him filling me up every time I crash down. When he dips his head and captures one of my nipples in his mouth, sucking greedily as his tongue grazes my hardened bud, I shift my legs around his hips, causing him to go deeper.
“Oh, shit, yes—Sage,” I cry out, rocking my hips with greater force—needing more.
He frees one nipple in order to taste the other, his hands reaching back to grab hold of my ass. As he squeezes, sucks, and hums, I become even more aroused. I arch my back, needing him to go deeper, but it’s not enough.
I grunt in frustration and then shove at his shoulders. He chuckles, lifting his head to look into my eyes. “Please,” I beg.
He smacks a kiss against my lips and then stretches out on his back. I sprea
d my legs wider, sinking down further, and my eyes roll into the back of my head. Reaching behind me with both hands, I grip his thighs and thrust my hips with as much force as I can manage. As I climb closer and closer to the pique of ecstasy, my breathing becomes ragged. Then, just when I think I’m about to get somewhere, I’m airborne.
My eyes open in surprise as I gasp, reaching out to grab his biceps, the sensation I felt just a second ago slipping out of reach.
“Sage!”
“You’re a tease up there, doll face. It’s my turn.”
Before I can utter a word of protest, my ass is on the dresser, his hands cupped beneath my knees as he spreads my legs open wide.
“Sage, I—”
A low, indulgent groan fills the room as he thrusts deep inside of me—I swear to god, I don’t know if he made the sound or I did. No matter. I’m instantly lost in him as he pounds into me, every plunge making the dresser bang against the wall. It’s loud, it’s disruptive, it’s rhythmic, and it’s amazing.
His glasses slip down his nose a little, but he ignores them, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth as he grunts in determination. I press my palms flat against the surface behind me, leaving my breasts fully exposed as they dance a little for my man.
Soon, he’s got my feet propped up on the edge of the dresser, his hands underneath my ass as he lifts me up and holds me close while he fucks me hard. He leans down and sucks on my lips, making me moan, and then he silences me with his tongue. I reach up and grip the back of his neck, rocking my hips in tandem with his, unable to stop myself. He growls and the budding sensation of a forthcoming release returns.
“Sage—baby, I’m going to come,” I whimper, holding myself against him as my body starts to lock up.
“Fuck yes, you are,” he grinds out, reaching between us to play with my clit.
I cry out and my knees press into his sides, my body stiff as my orgasm detonates inside of me. Just as my muscles begin to relax, he buries his face in my neck, muttering a string of curse words as he thrusts into me one last time and spills his release.
We’re both breathless from exertion, but he still holds me against him, his hand under my ass, his dick still deep inside of me, my arms wrapped about his neck. After a minute, he lifts his head, using his free hand to slide his glasses up his nose. He then smirks at me and asks, “Again?”
I giggle, feeling lighter than I’ve felt in days. I don’t want to lose this feeling. Tonight, I don’t want to think about anything else. I don’t want to be anywhere else. Tonight—I just want Sage, so I nod and insist, “Again.”
I WAKE IN A familiar bed, feeling comforted by the knowledge that I’m back where I belong. Yet, even as I pull the comforter about me tightly, breathing in the scent of the man I adore, I can’t escape the questions and the burdens that have been crowding my mind for the last couple of days.
After identifying my mother’s body, I had one mission—take care of her outstanding shit, and bail as quickly as possible. With Sage’s help, dealing with her belongings had been pretty cut and dry. It wasn’t until our last day, when we went to the bank so I could deal with her finances, that my plans to leave all of my past in Jersey were suddenly thwarted.
I’m pulled from my thoughts at the feel of his warm, wet lips against my neck. I draw in a deep breath, freeing a sigh as his hand slips beneath the covers and down my side. Sage kisses me again, and I feel the bed dip behind me, surrendering to his weight. My lips part open and I gasp quietly just as his fingers find their way under the t-shirt I wore to bed. He flattens his palm against my stomach and then feels his way up to one of my breasts, which he fondles gently. I arch my back, unconsciously encouraging him as a soft whimper escapes from my throat.
“Morning, doll face,” Sage mumbles into my ear.
I turn my head, not even bothering to open my eyes, knowing what I seek would have them closed again in an instant, anyway. As if he can read my mind, Sage presses a kiss against my lips, his tongue sweeping through my mouth without delay. I feel myself growing wet already, and I want nothing more than to see this through to completion—to forget what my mind was so adamant that I remember upon waking.
When he pulls away from me, tweaking my nipple before his hand disappears too, I whine in protest. I can’t help it. I wasn’t ready for him to stop, a truth I try to convey when I open my eyes, seeking his.
“Sorry, baby doll, I can’t stay. I’ve got practice in five. Just wanted to tell you to come down and chill with us when you’re ready. Dress warm—the garage is a little cool. We just turned the space heaters on.”
I frown, looking up at the clock he’s got hanging on the wall, and see that it’s almost ten-thirty. It strikes me as an odd time to be up and dressed, getting ready to practice on a Sunday morning. I open my mouth to say just that, but then I remember that with us being out of town until last night, the band hasn’t been together in almost a week.
“Hey,” he murmurs, burying his fingers in my hair as he holds the back of my head. “You good?”
As much as I want to tell him that he needs to finish what he started a second ago, I don’t. After the past week, he owes me absolutely nothing.
“I’m fine,” I assure him with a small nod.
He studies me, unbelieving. “I know we didn’t leave things the way you wanted, but we’re home now—let it go for a while. It’s your winter break, it’s almost Christmas, don’t worry about any of it. We’ll deal with it later.”
I pull my bottom lip between my teeth, my stomach tingling at his mention of we. He’s been by my side since the moment I told him about my mother’s death. Now, when he says we, I know that he means it, and it makes me want to do exactly as he’s suggested. I offer him a nod and he kisses my forehead before he lets go of me and stands to his feet.
“See you in a few?”
“Yeah. I’ll be down in a little bit.”
I watch him leave, shutting his bedroom door closed behind him, and then I stare up at the ceiling.
For just a moment, I think about the unknown funds being deposited into my mother’s account on a monthly basis—the funds that prevented me from being able to leave the bank completely free of her. Instead, I’m left with only the knowledge that she’s collecting some sort of garnishment payment. The banker I was speaking to couldn’t give me any further information; she only confirmed that I couldn’t close the account as long as the funds were still being deposited.
With no time to dig further, Sage suggested that we leave it be until after the holidays. Just now, he reminded me again to let it go. Knowing that something far more pleasant than my own obsessive compulsive thoughts awaits me downstairs, I get out of bed, gathering what I need for a shower.
I don’t linger under the water for long, deciding to skip my daily shampoo routine. As soon as we got back from the airport late yesterday afternoon, I washed away the stench of travel, so I don’t think my hair will mind. Besides, hanging out in a chilly garage with wet hair is a recipe for a cold. Getting sick is the last thing I want to worry about right now.
Before I step out of the bathroom, I don my panties and my bra, tugging on my blue skinny jeans and a plain, olive green t-shirt. As I open the door to make my exit, I’m coaxing the hair tie from out of my messy mane. I’m startled at the sight of Violet, causing me to yank at the small band, my hair cascading past my shoulders as she clutches her chest and then giggles.
“Shit, Millie, I didn’t know you were in there.”
“Sorry,” I murmur, offering her a tired, half smile.
“Totally my bad. I heard the band and just figured—” She cuts herself off, shaking her head as she waves her hand, dismissing her excuse. “Are you sticking around today?”
“Yes,” I reply, combing my fingers through my hair, sure that it needs a brush. “You?”
“I have to step out for a bit—staff meeting at work—but I’ll be back.”
“Okay.” I start to walk around her, assuming she still nee
ds the bathroom, but she stops me.
“Hey, how are you doing? You and Sage looked pretty wiped last night.”
“Long travel day,” I reply with a small shrug.
She nods, and something in her striking, dark blue eyes tells me she wants to say something more. I’m not sure what she could be thinking, so I endure the awkward pause before she says, “Look, I’ll be the first to admit, I have no idea what it is you’re going through; but if you want to talk…”
I force a smile, my heart conflicted. I feel grateful for her offer, all the while knowing that opening up to Violet about my mother will likely never be something I’ll feel comfortable doing. I’m not sure that I could explain what it is that I’m going through; I can hardly understand it myself. My relationship with Natalya—or, rather, the harsh feelings we harbored toward one another—it makes this whole situation so twisted and confusing, painful and yet liberating.
“Thanks,” I finally manage to say.
She smiles at me and I take that as my opportunity to slip back into Sage’s room. I get halfway across the hall before she stops me again.
“Do you have any plans tonight?”
I turn to her once more as I reply, “I don’t think so. Why?”
“JJ and I are going to Sunset Canyon tonight. You and Sage should come with us, if you’re up for it. I haven’t been on a double date in ages.”
I raise my brow in surprise, wondering if I’ve heard her correctly. “You and JJ are going to Sunset Canyon?”
She laughs, the look on her face expressing her understanding of my bewilderment. I’ve been to the club she’s referring to a few times, back when I was in college. It’s a cowboy bar. Somehow, I have a hard time picturing either of them stepping foot in there—Violet with her pixie haircut and her urban-chic style, JJ with his mop of spiral, curly hair and his obvious rocker vibe.
“Don’t let my handsome mutt fool you. He can two-step like nobody’s business.” With a grin she adds, “It’s not exactly something he brags about, and most of the band really hates country music, so they never come, but I have a blast every time we go. You should come.”