by R. C. Martin
Alex is the first to walk through the door, right on Stefany’s heels. When she gasps loudly, everyone starts running. We crowd behind our little bass player, our mouths falling open as the something that Greg wanted to get us is revealed.
“Holy fucking shit—he got us a bus?” I exclaim.
“Yup,” Stefany replies with a knowing grin. “The second Kings & Crowns extended the invitation, he started making calls. He knows more than a few people—as you’re well aware—and he was able to score this black beauty for his newest up-and-comers. A small time band by the name of Pinstripes was in the market for a new ride, so Greg took this one off their hands.” she says with a shrug.
“Pinstripes?” Knox utters in surprise.
Stefany is so full of shit, and she knows it. Pinstripes is no small time band. They’re a fucking award winning group, bigger than Kings & Crowns.
“Our new bus used to belong to Pinstripes?” Knox asks once more.
“Yup,” Stefany repeats. “Don’t worry—it’s been properly cleaned and sterilized,” she adds with a laugh.
“Can we look inside?” asks Alex.
“Absolutely!” She tosses the keys to Derrick and he catches them against his chest, looking at her in question. “We’ll let Big Shot, here, open her up. Though I doubt even you could handle these wheels.”
He chuckles, shaking his head at her before jogging toward the driver’s side door. We all head to the opposite side and wait anxiously for him to let us in.
“All aboard!” he yells as the door hisses open.
We climb inside, each of us silent as we take in our new digs. The front of the bus has two black, leather sofas—one on either side of the walkway. There’s a flat-screen TV mounted on the wall that sections off the driver’s seat. Just beyond the sofas is the breakfast nook and the kitchen—everything decked out in chrome. Then, after the door I assume closes off the bathroom, there are six bunks. Finally, at the very back, there’s an open space—big enough for us to have a place to jam. JJ’s keys would fit in there perfectly.
“Oh, my gosh,” Alex sputters. “This is…this is…”
“Fucking perfect is what it is,” pipes in Maddox.
“This is nicer than Lawful Sinners’ bus. Adrian is going to be so jealous,” she teases, reaching for her phone as she hurries off the bus.
“Looks like JJ get’s a bed this time,” says Derrick, sliding back the curtain to one of the empty bunks.
“Thank fuck,” he replies, plopping down onto the couch. He pulls Violet into his lap and she snuggles up against him, her eyes still roaming around the bus.
“Black Beauty—that’s her name,” says Knox, running his fingers across the black kitchen countertop.
“Hell, yeah,” Maddox agrees. “I think Black Beauty deserves a toast. Who’s coming?” He doesn’t wait for anyone to answer before he makes his way off of the bus. Derrick and Knox follow after him, Violet and JJ trailing behind.
“Hey, wait,” I murmur, gently pulling on Millie’s hand as she turns to leave. I’m not ready to go. Not yet. I peek into one of the bunks and then climb inside, stretching out across the bed.
“What are you doing?” she asks, sounding amused.
“Get in here.”
“What? It’s too small.”
“No it’s not. Come on, get in here.”
“Sage—”
“Millicent.”
She purses her lips at me and then rolls her eyes before she climbs into the small space with me. It’s just big enough for her to lay on her side, half of her body draped over mine.
“This is ridiculous,” she mumbles.
“Relax, baby—just lay with me a minute.”
She looks up at my face for a second and then gives in. Her body melds further into mine, her cheek resting on my chest as she frees a sigh.
“I almost can’t believe this is happening,” I admit, tracing my fingers up and down her arm.
“Which part?”
“All of it. The tour. The bus. I mean—fuck—we never could have gotten here on our own. Big things are happening, really big shit. I just…it’s almost too good to be true.”
“It’s pretty remarkable.” She pauses for a beat before she murmurs, “You might not have been able to accomplish this on your own, but you’re here because you earned it. Mountains & Men—who you are, the music you put out—that’s what got you here, in the hands of the right people at the right time.”
“Yeah,” I whisper, allowing her words to sink in.
“I’m going to miss you so much.”
I wrap my arms all the way around her, holding her tight. For a second, flashbacks of the last time I set out on tour are at the forefront of my mind. I push those thoughts aside, sure that this time will be different; confident that we’re in a far better place—she’s in a far better place.
“We’re going to be okay. You know that, right?”
She nods against my chest, her fingers clutching around the fabric of my shirt. Her actions contradict themselves, and I can tell she wants to know that I’m right, but a part of her is scared. I get it. If I’ve learned anything about my girl over the past couple of months, it’s that she’s still learning that people are capable of loving her and not abandoning her.
She might be older than me, she might be smarter than me—but her book smarts don’t compare to what I know; and what I know can’t be learned any other way than by experience. I just have to prove to her that my leaving is not goodbye. It doesn’t have to be like that. No matter how incredible life on the road might be, I found a girl worth keeping—a woman worth fighting for. She’s the dream, too. I want it all, and I want her by my side.
“Come with me.” The words fall out of my mouth without thought. Even still, when she jerks her head up to look at me, one glimpse into those pretty eyes and I know that’s what I want. “I mean it, doll. Come with me.”
“What? Sage—I can’t come with you.”
“Why not? Spring break is next month, right? Wherever we are, wherever we’re going—just take the week and come with us.”
“Sage,” she starts to protest, shaking her head at me.
I shake my head right back, a smirk tugging at my lips as I argue, “It’s perfect. The bus is plenty big—”
“It’s not,” she laughs. “There are six beds and six of you.”
“You’ll sleep here with me.”
“Baby, we barely fit in here.”
“I don’t mind sleeping with my girl wrapped around me.”
“Sage, you’re—”
I cut her off with a kiss. When she opens her mouth to speak, I thrust my tongue between her lips. She hums as I reach up and bury my fingers in her hair, keeping her close. After a moment, without breaking our kiss, she maneuvers her way on top of me. With our legs locked together, her thigh brushes against my dick, and I slide a hand down to grab her ass. She whimpers, and the sound makes me smile. I drag my lips along her jaw and down her neck, fisting her hair in my hand and turning her head where I want it to go.
“Come with me,” I whisper against her neck before licking her skin. “We’ll make it work, baby doll.” I kiss the spot at the back of her jaw and then press my lips against her ear as I say, “You make everything better, Millicent. Everything’s better with you. I love you, baby—I want you with me. Say you’ll come.”
“Okay,” she breathes, nodding her head in agreement. “I’ll do it. I’ll come.”
“That’s my girl.”
“Yo, Dweeb!” Derrick calls from the front of the bus. “Get your asses inside—we’re partying!”
“Aye!” I shout back. I then look up at Millie, smiling before I smack a kiss against her lips and clap my hand on her ass. “Come on, doll. Let’s get drunk.”
“HEY,” HE MURMURS before kissing my hair. “Wake up, baby. Time for grub.”
I draw in a deep breath, trying desperately to shake off sleep, and turn my face to look into his eyes. He smiles at me, kissing my lip
s before drawing back the curtain to our bunk.
“Up, sleepy head!” calls out Maddox as he passes behind Sage, heading for the front of the bus.
Sage chuckles, turning to watch him go, and I fight to keep my eyes open. I’m exhausted, though I can’t say for sure why. It seems that so long as the bus is moving, I’m overwhelmed with the desire to sleep. Not wanting to miss my time with Sage while we’re away, I try my best to keep myself alert—but this afternoon I just couldn’t do it. My stomach was bothering me so much that I didn’t have it in me.
Turns out, riding on a bus for hours at a time makes me slightly nauseous. Couple my motion sickness with the fact that I’ll be flying back home tomorrow, and my stomach has enough reason to pit itself against me.
As luck would have it, Kings & Crowns’ tour was slated to start at the same time as my spring break. Almost one week into the tour, and Sage and I haven’t said goodbye yet. We packed our bags together, loading up with the rest of the band at some ungodly hour last Saturday. It wasn’t until after I agreed to come that I wondered how the guys and Alex would feel about me tagging along with them. Fortunately, none of them minded. In fact, they were disappointed that Violet couldn’t join us, too; she’ll be meeting up with them in a few weeks, when she can get the time off work.
“Up you go, baby doll. You need to eat—you’ll need the sustenance for later.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me before kissing me once more and heading toward the front.
Tonight, Sage promised me we’d check into a motel. They’ll all be in Minnesota for a few days before they head to their next stop. Kings & Crowns are scheduled to do a couple radio shows while they’re in town, which is why we’re here today instead of tomorrow. They’ll be performing in St. Paul tomorrow night. I wish I could stay to see it, but my flight leaves in the afternoon.
I don’t know where time has gone. It’s more than just this week and the six days that have disappeared right before my eyes. It’s the last month. It flew by before I had a chance to grasp hold of it. One day, Sage was moving into my apartment; the next, I was putting the final nail in the coffin that is my connection to my father, dealing with the court and the bank to put an end to my mother’s last act of retaliation against my father; and then the next, I was boarding Black Beauty, headed for Nebraska with Mountains & Men. Now I’m sick at the thought of leaving Sage in the morning.
“Doll face—come on.”
“Yeah. Sorry. I’m coming.”
I roll gently out of bed, running my fingers through my hair as I make my way to the front of the bus. I slip my feet into my warm, fuzzy boots and slide into my coat before grabbing my purse and hooking it over my arm.
“Hey, you okay?” asks Sage, running the back of his fingers down the side of my face.
“I’m fine. Probably just need some fresh air.”
“Let’s get out of here, then.”
The brisk cold air that greets us feels good against my skin. Like a jolt of caffeine, it wakes me up, which is just what I need. Sage and I join the others in the cab of the suburban that takes us to the nearest restaurant, which ends up being a bar and grille with something on the menu for all of us.
We take our time eating, talking, and laughing. It’s during moments like these that I understand why Sage loves this so much. I’m not one for the spotlight, certainly not like he is, but sitting around the table at a restaurant, miles away from home, it almost feels as if we never left. The comradery between them is contagious; and it’s just about impossible to avoid growing closer to one another while on the road.
When they got back from their first tour, I remember thinking that they’d never sounded so in sync before. Now I understand why. This is part of their journey—perhaps one of the most important parts—and it means so much that Sage wanted to share it with me. A month ago, I asked myself if I’d be able to latch onto his dream; I wondered if I could somehow make it my dream so that it would be easier to let him go. After the week I’ve had with all of them, I realize that Sage’s dreams are not mine—but I love him, and part of what it means to love him is to want what he wants for himself, and I do. With all my heart, I want him to shine as bright as I always imagined he would. I want him to share his music as much and as often as possible. I want the whole world to sing with him.
I’ll admit, that’s not going to make goodbye any easier. Seeing him this past week, watching him burn blue—like the hottest part of a flame up there on that stage—it makes me love him deeper. Seeing him in his element, experiencing his journey right along side of him as he grows into the man that he’s destined to be—it just makes me admire and adore him even more. Goodbye is going to suck ass. But I will hold true to my vow. I will be strong. For him, I’ll hold fast to who we are, to the promises that we’ve made to each other, and to the hope of our future. For him, I’ll be brave.
“DON’T GO TO SLEEP, yet,” I insist, looking down at my gorgeous girl.
We’ve been fooling around for hours. She’s come four times. Before the break of dawn, I intend to make her come at least four more.
“Stop touching my face like that and maybe I’ll have a fighting chance,” she murmurs, her eyes fluttering as she tries to keep them open.
I slide my fingers down her cheek and along her neck, flattening my palm against her chest as I drag my hand over her stomach and around to her side. I pinch her and she giggles, turning her naked body toward mine. I smirk down at her, loving the sound of her sexy, groggy laugh.
“Fuck. I’m not ready for you to go,” I tell her.
I lean down to brush a kiss against her lips, and she rests her hand against my cheek, staring up at me without a word. For a moment, neither of us moves or speaks, as if our silence might slow down time.
“I know now,” she whispers before reaching up for another kiss.
“You know what, baby doll?”
“I know that this is our best chance.” She runs her fingers through my hair, the sensation of her touch making my dick jerk. “Before, I was afraid. I was afraid that if I let you go while we were still together, I’d lose you—that you would get swallowed up by the attention and the success that’s right at your fingertips. I was afraid that you’d outgrow me. Honestly, I’m sure you will. Outgrow me, that is.” I start to shake my head at her, but she continues before I can get a word in. “You will. It’s how this works—it’s the only way this works. You can’t have the dream and not outgrow me. You’ll see too much, experience too much, live too much. It’s destiny. I’m sure of it. But I’m no longer afraid of it.
“You have to go. I have to let you go. It’s our best chance at survival. You won’t love me if I hold you back; and it’s not love at all for me to want to. I’ve never wanted you to sacrifice your hopes and aspirations for me. Not ever. I see you,” she says, holding my face between her hands. “And I love the man I see. I won’t run from you. I couldn’t even if I tried. I did try, but you have my heart. All of it. So while I’m not ready to say goodbye, I will—I will, knowing that it’s the only way we make it.”
“Baby,” I sigh, leaning down to rest my forehead against hers.
For a second, I don’t know what to say. She blows my mind. Just when I think I love her as much as I ever will, I fall for her a little bit more. She’s unlike any other girl I’ve ever met. Sexy, smart, stubborn, soft, sweet—and she can be a smart-ass, but it’s hot as hell. Then, when she opens up, when she allows herself to be vulnerable with me, I wonder how the fuck I got to be so lucky. Getting here sure as shit wasn’t easy, but it was worth the struggle. I wouldn’t trade her for anyone.
“No one—no one has ever believed in me the way you do.”
“I don’t believe that,” she says softly.
I furrow my brow, lifting my head so that I can look her in the eye as I reply, “Swear to god, doll face—no one. Not like you. It means everything to me.” She smiles and I tighten my hold around her hip. “I’m not going to outgrow you, baby. We’re going to grow together.”
“Sage, I—”
“What’d I say?”
She seals her lips shut, saying nothing as she stares up at me, her hands falling away from my face. I fight a smirk. That’s my girl. So fucking stubborn.
“I’m not going to outgrow you. You’ll figure it out. The dream—Millicent’s dream—you’ll figure it out. And when you do, we’ll fight for it together.” I dip my head down and kiss her lips, barely pulling away before I whisper, “I believe in you too, doll face. And I love the hell out of you.”
“Dammit,” she mutters, her voice trembling as she wraps her arms around my neck. “If you don’t shut up, I’m going to cry—and I sure as hell will not be able to get on that plane tomorrow.”
I seal my lips around hers, chuckling into her mouth.
“How about I fuck you instead?”
“No,” she whispers, tightening her hold around me. “Make love to me, Sage. Take me slow. Make it last.”
I respond with a kiss, more than willing to give her exactly what she wants. She parts her lips, and I don’t hesitate to sweep my tongue through her mouth. As she hums a sigh, my dick starts to get hard. I kiss her deeper, rolling on top of her, the warmth of her body beneath me—her peaked nipples grazing my chest—her smooth legs rubbing against mine—it all excites me even more, stirring my desire for her. Only for her. Always for her.
I kiss her harder as her hands begin to roam—and, fuck me, her light touch makes my skin tingle and my dick grows fully erect. I rock my hips, causing my length to glide over her clit. She whimpers, making me harder still. I kiss her even deeper, desperate to taste her, and she hooks her legs around the back of mine before lifting her hips.
I pull my mouth from hers with a grunt. “Who owns your orgasm, baby?”
“Sage—I need you. I’m so wet—please. Don’t make me wait anymore.”
“Who owns your orgasm, Millicent?” I ask again, rubbing my hard-on over her clit once more.