Lost Little Wolf

by N. K. Vir

  She shook her dust covered heat at him “No,” she said answering his unasked question. “My ears may still be ringing but they are working. I work in a college. I can recognize the sound of sheet rock breaking.” Her tone was playful but he knew that she was trying to bury the worry deep down inside of her.

  “I’ll fix it,” he mumbled hoping she could hear the apology in his voice.

  “I don’t give a shit about the wall,” she replied with a quick laugh. “I need your head, your brain, intact if we’re going to help Tanith.”

  His skin began to crawl with the urge to tear off his human skin and run. He opened and closed his hands; making and releasing a fist. It was another old habit he had allowed to linger. A strange tick left over from his youth when his brothers used to pick on his weakness. A Were that couldn’t change was considered to be a sign of weakness within the pack; one born to an alpha king was an abomination. Had he been born to different parents he would have been ostracized.

  “Tanith will you please see if you can convince Daisy to stop screaming for Kieran?” Wills calmly asked.

  He fought back tears of frustration; her voice sounded so calm when she should be screaming in panic. He wished he could say that was the most surprising thing he had seen or heard in the last few minutes. Tanith rose quietly from her perch on the end of the couch and complied. Tanith did not like being told to do anything; it was one of the many things about her that held him in thrall. The only thing she seemed to like less than an order was Wills. The reason was hardly a mystery. Wills had what Tanith had always assumed was hers…Kieran.

  Wills had fought valiantly for Tanith. Kieran had injured the very person he had sworn to protect and Adam had stood calmly by as what he had quietly struggled to build nearly fell apart. Today was just filled with surprises. He just wished they were good ones.

  He watched Wills blindly track Tanith’s retreating form as she headed for the front door to silence Daisy’s desperate pleas for help. He could almost hear her practicing her speech inside her own head. He sensed it would do little to keep his insecurities and frustrations tamed.

  “Lucas-”

  “Don’t,” he growled in anger stopping her pep talk before it gained the necessary momentum and gave him the poisoned pill of hope.

  She stumbled to her feet and bumped her way across the floor. She stopped just in front of him. The top of her dusty head barely hit him mid chest and she had to tilt her head back to look up at him. Her blind eyes failed to connect with his.

  “Don’t what?” she asked gently smiling knowingly up at him.

  “Give me- give her,” his voice broke as he imagined the fate that still awaited Tanith. “Hope,” he finally managed to choke out.

  “Okay,” she promised laying a gentle hand against his chest.

  As if by magick she pulled a deep breath from him and in that moment he felt more at peace than he ever had. “How did you do that?” he asked astonished.

  She smiled up at him. “We’re all testing the limits of our abilities.” She was beginning to sound as oddly cryptic as Adam.

  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close stealing the comfort he needed in that moment. He rested his chin on the top of her dusty head. His nose ignored the mingled scents of fire, Kieran and voltage as he pulled her unique scent up. He kissed the top of her head.

  “If it wasn’t for-” He exhaled roughly and broke off.

  “Yeah, we can’t really help that can we?” she asked not expecting an answer.

  He loved that she understood him; that she instinctively knew the dangerous path his thoughts were wandering down. He found that he meant it. If Tanith had never been; if Kieran did not exist; he could easily fall into her orbit. In truth the two of them had more in common than their headstrong counterparts. . Wills would have been so much easier to love. Things would be easier for the both of them. She had the easy ability to keep him grounded and in turn he had the power to keep his anger in check. In the end, however, the heart could not be controlled by the will of the head.

  His keen sense of hearing picked up the sound of approaching footsteps. A tiny evil streak wanted to be found with his arms wrapped around Wills. He had known, known for years, how Kieran felt about Wills. In turn Kieran knew about his feelings for Tanith. Jealousy was a dangerous card to play; yet it was sitting there in his hand. He also sensed that neither of them had been lying. Strangely it left him feeling good. He could release all his anger and frustration and planted it onto another. He tightened his grip on her and held her close for a fraction of a second longer as his inner monsters waged war with each other.

  In the end he let her slip away with just enough left unsaid to remain visibly hanging in the air. That was what they all saw…what could have been and what was.

  Chapter Five

  The Fear and the Aftermath

  Her mind had shut down shortly after a tiny door opened and allowed a memory to escape. For years she had been running on instinct and it was easy to let old habits continue. Walking away was as easy as putting one foot in front of the other. The direction her feet where taking her happened to coincide with a favor she was asked to do, she saw no harm in following through. The entire journey took seventeen slow, steps. Her legs, so used to running, now refused to move faster than the elderly walkers she had once witnessed early one morning at the mall.

  It had been the early days of her, mostly, human existence and Lucas had taken her to a mall. His parents had been against bringing her anywhere in public as she was barely able to hold her human form and when she did it was for only a few hours early in the morning. Lucas had snuck her out of the house and they traveled together in wolf form moving quietly through the silvery light of dawn. He had risked a lot for her that day and all to buy her clothes that were her own.

  She had watched the people slowly moving past them stunned by the strange color of their hair and the slacking skin of their face. She had been terrified that the creatures marching slowly in circles were meant to attack them before they could get clothing. Lucas had explained they were mall walkers; just a group of elderly people staying fit and active in their golden years.

  It was strange how easily she could access detailed memories that occurred after she finally managed to free herself from her wolf form. She could remember the taste of cookies and cream ice cream; she could remember the first time she had tasted it. She could remember every lyric to her favorite classic rock song and the first time she saw the ocean; but she could not remember anything past the first time she had met Kieran.

  She felt her hands drift up to the rough raw moonstone that once again hung around her neck as her eyes drifted to the tree line on the other side of the driveway. She felt the muscles in her legs tense and twitch as once again instinct and the need to escape threatened to force her to run and this time never stop.

  “Tanith are you okay?” A gentle voice with a sweet soothing timber asked. The first voice her human ears had ever heard just might be the last one.

  Her ears were listening but her eyes and mind were still focused on broken pieces of the past and what she knew would be her last chance to dissolve into the shadows of this world. His hands embraced her shoulders and she savored the simple human contact.

  “Kieran,” Daisy interrupted. “Wills needs you.”

  She could sense his hesitation he wanted to stay with her; he wanted to make sure she was alright before he moved on. The constant caretaker in him would force him to be sure of her well-being before moving on. A small smile forced her lips to twitch but her eyes never left the horizon. It was then that she realized that he would never look at her the way he looked at Wills. She had known it for some time now; but right now, in this moment, it was the first time she had allowed herself to see the truth that was standing in front of her. Kieran was not hers. He would never and could never be hers. His heart, his soul, belonged to another. The scabbed over scar on her abdomen would forever be a constant reminder of what he wou
ld do to anyone, anyone, who threatened Wills. The truth was harsh but she willingly accepted it. It made the possibility of a quick escape easier to escape.

  “I’m fine Kieran,” she whispered absently. “Daisy’s right, Wills is not okay.”

  He flew over the seventeen steps to Wills’ side but covered the distance in eight rapidly long strides. The slight smile faded from her face, her shoulders drew back and her posture grew rigid. The grip on her moonstone threatened to crush the soft stone.

  They would be better off if she listened to the howl of her wolf and ran. Kane would have nothing on them, nothing to hurt them with; and she would be free.

  “Running isn’t always the answer. Sometimes it just delays the inevitable.”

  The cortisone racing through his system combined with the internal battle between fear and self-preservation allowed her to miss the gentle, tiny hand that had wrapped around her forearm. A flash of bright blue light ignited in front of her eyes. For a moment her vision went blank and she feared she would fall victim to the same sudden blindness that had afflicted Wills. A few blinks latter and her vision cleared.

  Her surroundings had changed…

  Marian’s well-manicured lawn had faded away…

  She was running away again…

  In the distance the terrified scream of a woman. The long screech of two letters stung together echoed in her ears.

  “NOOOO-!”

  It was a voice she knew; a voice from her past, one she had buried deep and forgotten on purpose.

  She was running.

  The long almost airborne strides of her wolf form were tearing into the soft earth beneath her.

  “Run Tani- run!” The voice of a woman screamed. “Run and don’t look back!”

  She could hear her heart pounding in her skull. The soft water droplets that escaped the pebbled surface of her grey tipped nose clouded her vision as she darted between rock and tree forcing an escape path to appear before her. The quick blue flashes of her moonstone illuminated a path of escape for her. She followed the little orbs of blue light and never once looked back.

  The blue lights began to appear quicker and she had to move faster to keep up with them. The dark shadows of branches whipped past her tearing chunks of her pale fur from her. The pain was almost imperceptible but the fear was constantly nipping at her tail driving her to run harder, faster and further.

  A cosmic flash of every color erupted before her. The very air pulled at her sucking the air briefly out of her lungs then the sensation was gone and with it the fear that had forced her to run. She was free, safe from the danger that was behind her. She had found her new home. A place to roam and run; a place to be feared instead of feeling fear; she had found a home.

  A soft, shocked gasp pulled her out of the long forgotten memory. She was still standing on Marian’s front steps. She was still staring deep into the tree line listening for the call. She was home; but she was still lost.

  “I saw that Tanith. I saw your memory.”

  Daisy was tugging at her, pulling her, forcing her to turn. She tried to resist, tried to keep her eyes focused on the escape route her mind had planned out. Maybe the blue lights would show her the way again.

  “Those blue lights didn’t save you Tanith,” Daisy insisted. “They led you down a path that is almost impossible to escape from.”

  Her body turned pulled by the power of Daisy’s words but her eyes still held doubt and remained fixed on the possibility of another escape. “How can you be so sure?” she asked.

  “Whatever you ran away from is still out there hunting you and it is not something you can face on your own,” she explained. “Nobody ever survived a war they waged on their own,” she stressed. “Stay here. Stay here with us and we’ll help you. I’ll help you,” she promised.

  He’d been here before and then the fear wasn’t nearly as crippling as it was now. His feet might have forced him to confront the magickal chaos he had created; but his soul, his heart…would never be ready for it. Lucas had barely let go of her but the look that he gave her lingered long enough to make an impression and it was not a comfortable one.

  “Wills?” he whispered managing to find his voice.

  He watched her head turn. He tried to lock onto her eyes but hers refused to meet his. She clocked his left shoulder than his right before her eyes finally settled on the hollow of his neck. Convinced she was avoiding looking him in the eyes they searched out and found a new target…Lucas.

  “What did you do?” he asked.

  Lucas slowly reached out and wrapped his large hand around Wills’ upper arm. His movements were careful, slow and deliberate, his eyes, now glowing with the need to change stared back at him challengingly. He dragged a stumbling Wills backwards when she was close enough he stepped protectively in front of her. As if his protective posturing wasn’t enough Lucas punctuated his particular form of protection with a low rumbling warning that started deep within his chest and radiated outwards. The sound began to shake and vibrate the delicate china plates that hung decoratively around the room.

  “Stand down Lucas,” he warned.

  “You first,” Lucas challenged nodding his chin in his direction. Kieran was lost for a moment until he felt the heat. “You’re doing it again.”

  He lifted his shaking hands, slowly raising them up into his field of vision. Multi-colored flames danced around his hands, curling and looping around his fingers. He shook his hands hoping the rapid movement would smother the spreading fire his fear and anger had created. The sudden burst of oxygen excited the flames and they spread from his hands up his forearms and singed the graying edges of his rolled up flannel. The terror he felt must have reached his eyes because when he glanced quickly up at Lucas the glow had evaporated from his eyes and in its place he saw his own mirrored fear.

  “Kieran stop it!” Lucas ordered.

  “What’s happening?” Wills asked trying to peer around Lucas’ large frame. “Blind here Lucas remember!” she exclaimed as she uselessly tried to push Lucas out of the way.

  He felt the heat climbing further up his arms. A quick look down showed that he had suddenly become sleeveless as the flames wound around his biceps like a 3D tribal tattoo. He focused on trying to reabsorb the flames when that failed he held them perpendicular to the floor away from anything flammable, especially himself.

  “What’s wrong with Wills?” he asked. The pain from containing the magickal fire was causing every nerve ending in is body to vibrate in agony. “What is wrong!” he shouted.

  A sudden cooling sensation began to overtake him. The feeling started in the center of his back before it began to rapidly spread, spiraling from that one center point outward. The tight muscles between his shoulder blades suddenly melted into the most delicious sensation of peace. The rigid posture of his spine lessened as his tailbone dropped towards the earth beneath him. His legs wobbled as a numbing sense of peace and calm washed over him. Better still the pin pricks of pain caused by the tightly leashed magick instantly disappeared as did the fire that had threatened to consume not only him but the entire house. He fell to his knees as perfect relaxation overtook every cell in his body and his sagging muscles refused to hold him upright any longer.

  “Aquamarine,” Daisy whispered in his ear. “Never leave home without it…panic attacks.”

  He tilted his head back and she smiled down at him. “Aquamarine?” he asked sluggishly.

  “Being a water stone it also has the added benefit of quenching fire,” she proclaimed as she twirled the light blue palm stone across the backside of her fingers.

  The muscles in his body, no longer able to support the weight of his bones gave up to the power and draw of gravity as he collapsed into a barely breathing heap on the floor. “Daisy,” he gasped pleadingly.

  “Oops,” she giggled. He felt something cool and comforting being pressed into his hands.

  An electric shudder raced through his body. He recognized the familiar warmth of the q
uartz battery he had programmed for cases of magickal exhaustion. He accepted the power into the palms of his hands and directed the energy through his veins, into his heart as it lazily pumped the remaining energy through his bloodstream.

  He overheard snippets of conversation but his eyes missed nothing. Tanith was itching to run, Lucas was snarling, Daisy asked how Wills’ eyes were, Lucas snarled some more. The overlapping conversation in the room was rapidly reaching a deafening point.

  “Enough!” screeched Wills. “We have many things to worry about,” she quickly explained as she stumbled around Lucas and felt her way to a chair.

  Silence drifted down settling like a thick blanket over the room. She held four pairs of eyes captive. He watched her, spellbound, she drew a ragged steadying breath into her lungs, held it, and then exhaled slow and steady.

  “No one is going to run,” she explained holding up a finger. “No one is going to snarl and growl,” she continued turning her head slightly in Lucas’ direction as she held up another finger. “Neither of these things will solve anything. Daisy did you give Kieran his quartz battery?” she asked belatedly.

  Daisy mutely nodded her head. Her chocolate brown curls bounced around her head.

  “Daisy I can’t see your head bobbing up and down; so does that answer your question?”

  “Yes,” Daisy answered. “He’s -,” she broke off as she glanced down at him. She tilted her head to the side and arched a magenta dyed eyebrow at him. “He’s struggling with it but he’s getting there…I think,” she muttered under her breath.

  She was right he was struggling. The complex cocktail of unspent magick combined with Daisy’s aquamarine was proving to be more difficult to overcome than he had hoped. The conversation moved on without him and with his attention divided getting to his feet was going to be very difficult. At the moment it took all he had to stay awake.

  “Kane wants us divided; consumed by panic and fear. I bought us time. Don’t ask me how, but I did. What we need to do is focus on our strength.”