by Jessica Marx
If only she knew that I’d fantasized all night about exactly that. But I couldn’t share that with her, even though she’s my best friend. She’s seen me fall for the bad boy too many times. I can’t imagine what she would say if I told her.
“Men are so stupid,” Rachel finishes at last. “I mean, most of them. I’m glad I found Chris when I did or I might have given up all together.”
Then she looks at me. “Michael seems like a great guy too, Ash. Maybe he’ll be The One.”
“I don’t know. I thought we were going somewhere, but with the way things have been between us lately, I’m not sure they are,” I say out loud for the first time. “I mean, he doesn’t even ask me to leave a change of clothes or a toothbrush or anything at his place. You would think after all the nights I’ve spent there it would be common courtesy.” I’m realizing I feel worse about this than I thought.
“Well, you’ve only been together a few months, but I see what you’re saying,” Rachel replies with a glum look “Maybe he just wants to take it slow.”
“Maybe,” I answer, thinking she could be right. I’m not even twenty yet and he’s only a few years older. I know he’s had a couple long-term relationships that ended badly. Maybe he’s just looking to play it safe, kind of like I am.
“Sometimes I think I should’ve stuck with the bad boys. At least I know what to expect from them—nothing.” I’m only half-joking.
And suddenly I’m thinking of Jayson again. I can’t help it. He is a player and definitely a bad boy, but I know he would more than satisfy me sexually. If he can make me squirm without even touching me, I can only imagine how he would make me feel with those big, full lips sucking their way down from my neck to my breasts and then my pussy, which would be so wet by the time he pressed his tongue into it.
I snap back into reality. We are talking about Michael, not some random asshole I met for two minutes at a bar.
“You’re crazy Ash. Stick it out with Michael. Maybe you can have a nice guy and mind-blowing sex. You’re amazing and you deserve to have it both ways.” Rachel always knows how to make me feel good about myself.
I smile at her. “Thanks.”
We continue chit-chatting for a while at the bar. I remind her that I’m going to meet my mom’s boyfriend tomorrow night. I wish she could come to keep me company. Michael’s going, sure, but there’s just something about a best friend that always makes everything better.
And truthfully, even when Michael and I are together, I’ve started feeling alone.
We finish our drinks, say goodnight, and leave the restaurant together. The east side of Manhattan is always busy, even on a summer weekend. We pass through groups of people smoking outside bars and waiting to get into others. When we get to my apartment, we say goodnight and Rachel blows me a kiss before walking to her own home just a few blocks from mine.
I’m lost in thought while I fumble with my keys and open the door. Michael still hasn’t responded to my text and I don’t think I’ll call him again tonight. Until that night at the bar—until I met Jayson—I’d thought things between Michael and I were going pretty well, but now that I’ve felt that spark, I can’t help but wonder what I’m missing out on.
I realize with a start that I’ve never felt like this about Michael.
A vision of Jayson appears in my head, which is senseless. He meant nothing and forgot about me in minutes, which was apparent by the way he had his hands all over that blonde. Why was I wasting my time even thinking of him?
Because I wanted him in a purely animal way. I wanted to feel his big cock inside me, his hard body on top of mine. Feel his hot breath on my neck again. I was getting worked up just thinking about it. Maybe nice guys don’t do it for me, or maybe like Rachel says, I deserve both.
I mentally plan my morning as I get ready for bed. Maybe Michael and I will have some time to talk on the train and I can see what he thinks about me and our relationship. Maybe he’s just scared to get too close too soon.
I get in bed and fall asleep easily after my long day at work. I try not to hold it against my subconscious when I dream about Jayson.
_____
I wake up early and throw on some clothes so I can head to the grocery store. I decided I’ll make my mom’s favorite—strawberry shortcake with homemade whipped cream. It’s easy enough to make and I know she’ll appreciate it.
I call Michael on my way to the store and get his voicemail. It’s early yet, so he’s probably still sleeping. I leave a message for him.
Getting what I need from the store doesn’t take long. Back at home, I mix my batter and put my shortcake in the oven. I whip the cream and mix the strawberries and sugar. I clean up the kitchen and by the time the timer goes off, my counters and sink are looking spotless. I take the cake out and go take a shower so I can get ready to leave.
My phone starts ringing as I get out, but it’s not near me, so I let it go to voicemail. I dry off and get dressed, but before doing my makeup, I hurry into the other room and grab my phone. I’m going to have to leave soon and still haven’t spoken to Michael. I’m hoping he’s the one who called.
When I look at my screen I have a notification for a missed call and voicemail. I press “play” and hear Michael’s voice on the other end.
“Hey, Ash. Sorry we didn’t get to talk yesterday. I’m not going to be able to go with you today. Honestly, I just… I just can’t. I don’t think I’m ready to meet your family. Not that there’s anything wrong with you, or them, it’s just… me. I’m not ready. I hope you understand. We’ll talk later, okay? Promise. Bye.” And that was it.
Is he fucking kidding me? My “nice guy” boyfriend is ditching me via voicemail! Is he breaking up with me? Or is he just scared to meet my family?
Screw this. I call him back. He picks up after the fourth ring.
“Hey, Ash,” Michael says hesitantly.
“Hey, Michael. What’s up?” I’m trying to sound nonchalant but I’m not sure how it’s coming across when my teeth are clenched and my hands are shaking.
“I don’t know. I was thinking about going to your mother’s house, and it just doesn’t seem right.”
I swallow the venom rising up from my throat. “Could you be a little more specific?”
Michael sighs. “Look, I like you. A lot. And I love hanging out with you. But lately, I’ve realized I don’t see our relationship going to the next level.”
I realize now that part of me saw this coming. All the signs were there. All the red flags. But the force of his confession still hits me like a ton of bricks, and I have to sit down. “You… don’t?”
“No, Ash. Shit, I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner…”
“You’re goddamn right!” I snap. “How the hell do you think it’s okay to break up with me over the phone? Do you not have the balls to tell me to my face?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you, Ashley. I really do like you. And I care about you,” he adds, almost as an afterthought. But that saccharine tone of voice isn’t something I’m ready to believe. Not anymore.
“Is there someone else?” I ask. I never thought so before, but now I just don’t know.
He hesitates. “Yes,” he says at length. The confession and the honesty behind it both hit me like a slap to the face. So that’s it. Another woman. I wasted all this time thinking he was different, but as it turns out, men are all the same.
“Fuck you,” I snarl and hang up. There’s nothing more to say. Great. Now I have to go see my family and explain why my now boyfriend isn’t with me.
Ex-boyfriend, I mean.
I only give myself a few minutes to cry it out before moving on with my life. Fuck him and whatever bitch he’s fucking on the side. Or was I on the side? I didn’t even know anymore.
I brush my hair and put on some makeup, along with a nice pair of skinny jeans and a tank top. I pack up my dessert and put it in a bag. Once I have all my things together I leave, locking the door behind me and leaving all mem
ory of Michael behind me. I don’t need to think about him during this trip. He hasn’t thought about me once through our whole relationship, and it’s high time I started affording him the same discourtesy.
When I get to the curb I hail a cab to Penn Station. I’m not in the mood for any of this, but I can’t bail on my mom. I haven’t seen her in almost a month.
On the train, I text Rachel. I want to talk to her but I don’t need everyone knowing my business. We go back and forth for half an hour and like best friends should, she assures me it’s not me—it’s Michael. And she’s right. It’s not me. He was cheating on me for who even knows how long. If I hadn’t called him, if we didn’t have these plans today, would he have ever told me?
Fuck. I’m thinking about him like I said I wouldn’t. I put my phone away and lean back in my seat, watching the scenery race by. I’ve got to think of something else. Anything else. Because whatever Michael and I had is over.
_____
An hour and a half later I arrive in Islip. I walk out toward the station parking lot and see my little brother, Eric, waiting there in his Jeep. I should have known he would be picking me up since my mom is tending to her hostess duties. I put my bag in the back and get into the passenger seat.
“What’s up, sista?” he asks me, making me smile as he always does.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in so long,” I reply, trying to sound happier than I am. “How are you?”
“I’m good. Just chilling and living the dream,” he jokes again. Eric has a decent job and an apartment not too far from our mother. He’s a great guy and loves to have fun, but nobody’s sure if he will ever really grow up.
“Where’s the new boyfriend?” he asks. Well, that didn’t take long.
“He couldn’t make it today,” I lie, and it’s a poor one. I’m sure he senses the irritation in my voice.
“Bullshit,” Eric counters like I knew he would. “What happened?”
“Honestly? I don’t know. Short version is he wound up being an asshole and it’s over. I don’t want to ruin Mom’s day, though, so please don’t say anything.”
“Sure, no problem. Sounds like he’s not worth the worry, anyway,” he says as we turn down the street I grew up on. I love coming back here to visit. It’s not far or hard to get to, but life gets in the way and I know I don’t visit as often as I should.
“You ready to meet our possible future stepfather and stepbrothers?” Eric asks.
“Oh, his boys are here too? I didn’t realize everyone was coming today.” Although I should have known. Why would it just be my mom’s children and not his? “Have you met them yet?”
“Yeah. They seem pretty cool. One is a little older than me, and one a little older than you. They’re chill. I could see us hanging out, I guess.” Eric shrugs. “I only got to Mom’s an hour ago, so I don’t know much.”
We pull into the driveway and I smile. It’s nice to be home and I love to see my mother—especially after a morning like this one. She always makes me feel better, even when she doesn’t know I need it.
I get my things out of the backseat and walk up the path to the front door. I see Mom coming toward us. She smiles and opens the door before we even reach it.
“Hey, Ashley!” she chirps as she pulls me in for a hug.
“Good to see you, Mom,” I answer. She is glowing as she looks at me. I haven’t seen my mother this happy in a long time. “You look great. Tom must really be treating you well. I can’t wait to meet him.” I’m truly happy for her. It’s nice to see my mother so full of life again.
“Well, no need to wait any longer. Tom and his boys are out back on the deck. Let’s get the awkward introductions over with.” She takes my bag and I follow her into the kitchen. She puts my dessert in the fridge and pours me and Eric a glass of wine.
“Where’s Michael? I was looking forward to meeting him,” Mom says.
“He wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I told him not to come. I didn’t want him here if he wasn’t feeling up to it.” I hate lying to my mother, but I don’t feel like getting into the details or stealing her thunder tonight.
“Too bad. Maybe I’ll have to come into the city to meet him, then,” she replies. She smiles and heads over to the sliding glass doors.
Eric steps ahead and pulls the door open. I’m the last to walk out and I almost faint when I see the faces looking back at me. There’s an older man, who I assume is Tom, and two younger men, one of which I recognize immediately as Jayson.
That Jayson.
I literally trip stepping onto the deck. What the fuck? How is this even happening right now? I take another look. I have to be mistaken, but I’m not. He is looking right back at me. I can see he’s also surprised, but unlike me, completely aloof and keeping himself together much better than I am at the moment.
“Well, everyone,” my mother starts, “this is Tom.” She gestures at the older man sitting at the patio table. “And these are his sons, Matt and Jayson. Tom, Matt, Jayson, this is my daughter, Ashley. Eric you obviously met earlier.” She ends on a nervous laugh.
Tom gets up and reaches out his hand to me. “Nice to meet you, Ashley. I’ve heard so much about you.”
It takes me a moment to compose myself and reply. I’m still in shock. I feel like my jaw’s on the floor where everyone can see it. “Nice to meet you, Tom. I’ve heard a lot about you, too.”
Matt smiles at me. “Nice to meet you, Ashley.” He’s a good-looking guy with a nice build. He also has a strong handshake, which I like. I wish I could focus on him instead of his brother.
Jayson stands up, as though summoned by my thoughts, and smirks at me. I know he can sense my discomfort and I get the feeling he’s enjoying it.
“Nice to meet you, Ashley” he echoes. He looks me up and down before adding with a leer, “You look familiar. Have we met before?”
My palm is sweaty as he grasps it. Despite my discomfort, I immediately feel the same electric charge when we touch as I did at the bar.
“Uh, no. I don’t think we’ve ever met,” I reply, trying to sound as light and graceful as I can under the circumstances. I might not be a player, but I still know a few moves.
We all take a seat around the table and begin chatting with each other. I don’t dare look at Jayson and instead focus my attention on his father and brother, making small talk while I freak the fuck out on the inside. I can’t believe this. How is it possible that the guy I haven’t been able to stop thinking about is now sitting across from me at my mother’s house? And his father is dating my mother? You can’t even make something like this up.
In under ten minutes I have drained my glass, so I excuse myself to go inside and get a refill. I need to remove myself from this situation for a few minutes so I can process what’s going on.
“Anybody need anything?” I ask as I get up to go into the kitchen.
“I need a refill, too,” Jayson says. Shit. He was the last person I wanted to speak up.
“Oh.” I move to take his glass, hoping to cut him off. “Well, I’ll grab you one.”
Jayson’s fingers are around my wrist before I can pull away. His eyes are smoldering. “Nonsense,” he says, the word rolling off his tongue like sweet molasses. “I’ll come with you.”
His grin is pure mischief. Great. Well, at least he’s having a good time, albeit at my expense.
Jayson stands and opens the door, gesturing for me to go inside. He is walking behind me and I can feel him checking out my ass in my skinny jeans. Knowing he is standing so close behind me is like an aphrodisiac, one I wish I could spit out, but it’s too late for that—the animal attraction has all but consumed me.
He closes the door, leaving us alone in the kitchen. I try to look busy at the counter with the bottle of wine to avoid looking at him. I know he’s waiting for me to turn around, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to see that look in his eyes. The one that drives me so damn crazy.
“I love your ass in those jeans,�
�� he says at last. I swallow before answering.
“That’s kind of a dick thing to say to your future stepsister.”
Jayson shrugs. “Maybe. What are the odds, huh? If I was a spiritual guy I would say fate brought us together again, but I’m not, so maybe we’re just supposed to fuck.”
As much as I don’t want to, I can’t help but laugh. I know he’s just saying these things to get a rise out of me, but I have to admit, he knows how to get a point across.
“That’s not going to happen,” I say, even though I don’t fully believe it myself. Whether I want to admit it or not, I want him. Seeing him again confirms it. It may be purely sexual, but in the extremely short time we’ve spent together, Jayson got inside my head. Now I want him inside me for real.
But I can’t let that happen. He’s an arrogant, spoiled, self-centered prick. His father is also dating my mother, which makes it that much more taboo and just plain weird.
“Where’s your boyfriend tonight?” Jayson asks, catching me off guard. “I was looking forward to meeting the lucky bastard.” I stammer for a second too long before I answer.
“Michael couldn’t be here. He’s not feeling well.” Ugh, I sound so lame.
“Excuses, excuses,” Jayson says with a smirk. “I’m starting to wonder if this boyfriend exists at all.”
“Of course he does,” I snap. “I’m a big girl. I don’t need a made-up boyfriend to keep you away.” I’m just full of lies today.
“Whatever you say. I won’t stop trying, though. I don’t usually have to beg, so this hard to get act of yours is turning me on. Tonight is going to be way more fun than I expected.” Before I can retort, Jason licks his lips, flashes me another cocky grin, and then heads back out the door to join the rest of our big, happy family.
What a presumptuous son of a bitch. I’m quivering, but I’m not sure if it’s anger or lust. How am I going to make it through tonight when I can’t figure out what I want to do more: slap him, or fuck him?