FORTY-SIX
ZUHRA
The citadel groaned, a sound that was at once familiar and foreign after spending more than a week away from what had once been my entire world. The candles on the table guttered when a draft snaked through the room. The fire Sami had tended to before leaving to make supper—the one thing she said she knew how to do to help—burned greedily across from the window where I stood, staring out at the wounded hedge.
“She will be all right,” Raidyn spoke softly from where he stood one step behind me. “With time.” I could feel him—both the warmth of his body just out of reach and the thread of emotions that stretched between us and had only grown stronger since healing Inara together.
Fear, panic, grief, want, exhaustion … a tangled morass that trapped us both.
“Will she?” I didn’t question his knowing where my thoughts were. When I turned to face him the firelight limned him in gold. His eyes, growing ever brighter as the time slowly passed, flashed in the falling darkness of dusk.
“If she has even half the strength you possess, then yes. I’m sure of it.”
His words should have warmed the chill that gripped me, but no amount of kindness could erase the horrific events of the day—because of me—the repercussions of which we were still just beginning to see.
Loukas moaned on the bed, but still didn’t wake.
“This is not your fault.” Raidyn lifted one hand, slow, hesitant. When I didn’t flinch away, he gently brushed my cheekbone with the back of his fingers. I squeezed my eyes shut to hold back sudden tears and leaned into his touch. His hand opened to cup the side of my face.
“Yes, it is,” I whispered, broken. Like my grandfather, like Inara, like the hedge.
His hand dropped away but was quickly replaced by both of his arms coming around me and pulling me into him, cocooning me in his warmth and strength. “Inara is alive because of you. Your parents are reunited because of you.”
And my grandfather is dead … and my grandmother might be dying. And a jakla is loose in Vamala. I didn’t speak any of those crimes out loud, but his arms tightened around me as if I had.
“Your father always said there are only two options with grief and guilt.” His mouth moved near my ear, in my hair. “You can either let them drown you, or let them drive you. It’s your choice.”
I stood there, in the protective circle of his arms, the memory of his grief that I’d experienced through the sanaulus combining with my own. His words—my father’s advice to him because he’d been trapped there with Raidyn instead of here with me—struck through them both. It’s my choice.
Raidyn suddenly stiffened and let go of me.
“They’re back” was all he said, and then he turned and rushed from the room. I glanced out the window to see four gryphons soaring over the hedge—Sachiel and Sharmaine in front, with Taavi and Naiki, both riderless, behind.
No Barloc to be seen.
But at least they’d all returned, whole, unharmed. At least Raidyn’s gryphon had made it through and was here with him in Vamala and not left behind, separated by the closed gateway.
The fire snapped behind me. Loukas sighed from the bed again. I glanced over at him, at the bandages tightly wrapped around the wound he’d sustained when he’d selflessly followed Barloc through the gateway into my world and then chased him down, heedless of the danger, his only thought to protect others—even a world that had rejected his kind, putting out a death decree because of one king’s fear of the power they wielded.
Power I wielded.
Loukas had done that, and my grandfather, and Raidyn, and my father. Sharmaine, Sachiel, and so many others. Risking their lives, losing their lives, to protect and help others.
Guilt and sorrow still threatened to pull me under, but I couldn’t let their sacrifices, their bravery, be wasted. Let them drown you or let them drive you. It’s your choice.
Drown you or drive you.
If she has even half the strength you possess …
What strength did Raidyn see in me? Did I truly possess any? And could I find the amount I needed to push through this—to face whatever was coming? To still find hope and purpose as my father had, despite everything he’d been through? My mother had let it drown her, but my father had chosen to be driven by his suffering, to keep trying, keep fighting. Could I be like him?
Yes.
I would find the strength. I had to. I refused to drown.
Out the window, I saw Sharmaine jump from her gryphon just as Raidyn exited the citadel, running across the courtyard toward her. She threw herself into his open arms. The hug, though brief, still punctured the fragile hope in my chest. Naiki folded her wings to her side, her head rising in greeting, and hurried toward the embracing pair—toward Raidyn.
They were lifelong friends, and her life had been in danger. Of course he would greet her with relief, with affection. Plus, it wasn’t like I had any claim on him. I turned away before he could glance up and see me watching their reunion.
Let it drive you, not drown you.
I would be strong, and I would face whatever was coming with dignity, with courage, and with hope.
I would help Inara find her way forward without her power.
I would figure out how my newfound power could be used—how it could help.
And somehow, I would find a way to right the wrongs of this day.
With a deep breath, and one last glance at Loukas still sleeping on the bed, I left the room and went in search of my family—and the answers that we could only hope Sharmaine and Sachiel had brought back with them.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Every time I get the chance to write these it is both an immense blessing and immensely terrifying! I just know I am bound to forget someone. But I will do my best and if I fail, please forgive me! You know I love you!
Thank you to my agent, Josh Adams, for always believing and continuing to make dreams come true. And the entire Adams Lit family—I am so grateful for all of you!
A huge thank-you to Melissa Frain for falling in love with my sisters (and their boys) as much as I did, and for turning this story into a book. I am so grateful for you! And the entire team at Tor Teen, thank you for the support and excitement for my book. Thank you, Jim Tierney, for the gorgeous artwork for the cover. Thank you especially to Kathleen Doherty, Liana Krissoff, Elizabeth Vaziri, Lucille Rettino, Eileen Lawrence, Sarah Reidy, Peter Lutjen, and Lauren Hougen. I appreciate all of your hard work and belief in this book—SO MUCH!
Kathryn Purdie—you are always there for me, no matter what, no matter when and I will always be forever grateful for that and for YOU.
I went through some difficult trials during the process of editing this book, so a huge thank-you to everyone who helped me through that time, especially Katie Purdie, Sarah Cox, Janessa Taylor, Lauri Lund, Kim Hoggan, Cathy Blake, Jen Appel, Natalie Lund, Jamie Kirkham, Jessica Knab, Andrea Taylor, Candy London, Julie Tomsich, and many others who reached out, supported, prayed, and cared. The tender mercies that got me through were in large part due to all of you. Thank you will never be enough. You know who you are.
As always, a huge thank-you to my amazing family. My parents, Henri and SuZan—you are always there for me, always so supportive and loving and helpful and I can’t thank you enough! My sisters … I wrote this book because of how much I love you all. Thank you for being there for me no matter what, no matter when. I’m so grateful to have you in my life! And my in-laws, Robert and Marilyn, thank you so much for all of your support and help. You are always willing to drive kids places and help whenever we need it and I am so grateful for that!
To my writing/author friends who understand, who uplift, who commiserate, who KNOW. THANK YOU. Erin Summerill, Emily King, Lynne Matson, Tricia Levenseller, Charlie Holmberg, Valerie Tejeda, Erin Bowman, Susan Dennard, Shar Petersen, C. J. Redwine, Stephanie Garber, Mary Pearson, Ally Condie, The “Vals,” Sarah Maas, and so many others. My life is better for knowing you all—even
if it was just a timely message I needed right at that moment. I’m so lucky to not only get to read your incredible stories, but to learn from you and call you my friends.
Brad, Gavin, Kynlee, Addie … and Trav. You five are my everything. I love you with all of my heart and soul and I hope that I make you proud. (Even though I know you wish I wasn’t on my computer so much when I’m on deadline!) Thank you for supporting me and loving me. I’m the luckiest girl alive to have a husband like you, and our incredible, beautiful children.
To all my readers—those who have been there from the start or ones who just found me—thank you. Thank you for loving my characters and these worlds that I get to create. Thank you for going on these journeys with me and for allowing me to do what I love because of your support!
And to my Heavenly Father. Everything I have or am is because of You. My gratitude is eternal and unending.
BOOKS BY SARA B. LARSON
Defy
Ignite
Endure
Dark Breaks the Dawn
Bright Burns the Night
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
SARA B. LARSON is the bestselling and critically acclaimed author of the YA fantasy Defy trilogy and the Dark Breaks the Dawn duology. She can’t remember a time when she didn’t write books—although she now uses a computer instead of a Little Mermaid notebook. Sara lives in Utah with her husband, their four children, and their Maltese, Loki. She writes in brief snippets throughout the day and the quiet hours when most people are sleeping. Her husband claims she should have a degree in “the art of multitasking.” When she’s not mothering or writing, you can often find her at the gym repenting for her sugar addiction.
Visit her online at www.SaraBLarson.com, or sign up for email updates here.
Facebook: @AuthorSaraBLarson
Twitter: @SaraBLarson
Instagram: @sarablarson
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Epigraph
Part 1. Sister of Shadow
The Beginning
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Part 2. Sister of Light
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty-One
Twenty-Two
Twenty-Three
Twenty-Four
Twenty-Five
Twenty-Six
Twenty-Seven
Twenty-Eight
Twenty-Nine
Thirty
Thirty-One
Thirty-Two
Thirty-Three
Thirty-Four
Thirty-Five
Thirty-Six
Thirty-Seven
Thirty-Eight
Thirty-Nine
Forty
Forty-One
Forty-Two
Forty-Three
Forty-Four
Forty-Five
Forty-Six
Acknowledgments
Books by Sara B. Larson
About the Author
Copyright
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
SISTERS OF SHADOW AND LIGHT
Copyright © 2019 by Sara B. Larson
All rights reserved.
Cover design by Jim Tierney
A Tor Teen Book
Published by Tom Doherty Associates
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New York, NY 10271
www.tor-forge.com
Tor® is a registered trademark of Macmillan Publishing Group, LLC.
The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.
ISBN 978-1-250-20840-8 (hardcover)
ISBN 978-1-250-20839-2 (ebook)
eISBN 9781250208392
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First Edition: November 2019
Sisters of Shadow and Light Page 37