by t. h. snyder
I watch as he begins to get down on one knee and he says my name. I quickly put my finger to his lips to stop him before he says anything more. I’m about to break his heart and all for my own selfish needs.
“No wait. Derrick stop. You can’t…I’m sorry, but I have to tell you something before you say anything else.”
His body slouches to the ground and from his knees he’s now sitting on his ass. The pain of what I’ve just done courses through my body and I’m so scared to speak. Once I tell him the path I have chosen our lives will be changed forever. There is no going back on this now.
“I’m sorry Derrick. Today has been absolutely wonderful and you have no idea how special you have made me feel. I just…I need to tell you something and it may change the way you feel and wanting to ask me those words.”
Sitting down in the grass next to him I take his hands in mine. He turns his face to look at me and confusion is spread across his eyes.
“I’ve wanted to tell you this for the past few weeks, well actually the past month or so. The timing just never felt right and now it’s almost as if it’s too late.”
He pulls his hands from mine and moves to stand. Grabbing for my hands he pulls me up and leads me to our bench. We sit in silence for what feels like forever and then he lifts me into his lap. He rubs up and down my back to comfort me. I’m about to rip apart his night and he’s soothing me. Derrick is the most remarkable man I’ve ever known.
“Chloe, I have no clue what is happening right now. I feel numb. It’s like someone ripped out my heart and I don’t even know what you have to tell me yet. I planned this perfect day, this romantic night. I was going to propose to you Chloe. We were going to start our new lives together…tonight. And you stopped me, why did you stop me?”
I pull his face toward mine and kiss him. I want so badly to make him feel loved and like this will be okay. He pulls away from the kiss and stares at me with his baby blue eyes.
“Please tell me Chloe, I have to know what is going on. Did I do something wrong?”
“Oh no Derrick. You’ve done nothing wrong. This is harder now than I ever thought it would be.”
“Are you breaking up with me?” He asks in a whisper.
“No…please no, don’t think that. I love you so much Derrick. It’s just…ugh!” I shout and stand to walk pacing the inner circle of the tree branches.
A few moments pass and Derrick comes over to me pulling me into his embrace. Tears prick at the back of my eyelids and as soon as I open them to look at him the dam bursts and tears are flooding my vision.
“Whatever it is tell me. We will get through it together. As long as you love me and I love you we can make it work.”
“You’re too good to me Derrick, I love you so much.”
“I know, now let’s go sit so you can tell me why you stopped me from asking you to marry me.”
We sit back down on the bench and Derrick pulls my face into his hands. He lightly kisses my lips and tells me everything will be okay. I feel better knowing he’s willing to support me even though I’m about to crush him.
“Derrick…there’s no easy way to put this. I’m leaving for Los Angeles.”
I look up into his eyes and his face is flushed with fear. I grip onto his hands. I can feel him start to shake.
“What do you mean you’re leaving for Los Angeles? Like for a trip, a vacation, for what Chloe?” He asks staring into my eyes.
I can barely speak as the tears fall from my eyes.
“I’m sorry Derrick, I couldn’t say no. This is my dream.”
“Chloe, I’m so fucking confused right now and to tell you the truth I’m getting pissed off. What the hell do you mean you’re leaving for LA? What fucking dream are you talking about?”
Obviously Derrick is beyond pissed at me and I can’t really blame him. I move back from him so that I’m not touching him. It’s hard enough to explain this without the warmth of his touch consuming my body.
“A few months ago Sean came into my office with a member of ESPN Live’s crew. It was Traci Roche. She came all the way to Boston to let me know that they’ve been watching my career and felt it was time to offer me a position as an analyst on ESPN. Derrick, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just didn’t know what to do. They called me Monday and told me they needed me to be out there the beginning of June. I had to give them an answer.”
“And let me guess you told them yes. That is what this is all about. You’re telling your boyfriend that you made a decision to pick up and move across country without even talking to me? How could you Chloe? Fuck your damn dreams for a fucking minute. Did you even consider what would happen to us with the choices you were making? No, because you never think of anyone but yourself. God damn it Chloe, I was going to fucking propose to you. I wanted to ask you to marry me and be with me forever. And because you didn’t have the decency to talk to me about this months ago…we…its…FUCK Chloe!”
Derrick gets up from the bench and begins to pace the same path through the inner branches as I was a few minutes ago.
“I’m sorry Derrick.” I say with tears still pouring from my eyes.
“Sorry doesn’t cut it this time Chloe. I can’t do this right now. I’m going home to think. I suggest you stay here for the night.”
He begins to walk out of the branches when he turns and looks at me. His eyes are red and swollen from crying. His hair is a styled mess from running his hands through it in fury.
“Don’t think about calling me tonight either Chloe. I can’t deal with you tonight. I want to be alone. Got it?”
I can’t speak. He hates me. I just nod my head and turn my back. I can’t watch him walk away like this.
I can’t believe this is happening. What the fuck Chloe? I slam my hand down on the steering wheel. I’m so angry right now I don’t know what I want to do with this information. How could she make a decision like this without even talking to me? Yeah, okay, I get that this is her dream. But what the fuck, aren’t I a part of her life? I thought we were more of a pair than this.
God damn! Motherfucking! Piss ant! Fucktard! Stupid shit! Just fucking fucktasitic! Ugh! I scream in my car.
I reach into my pocket and pull out her ring. Glancing down at it I begin to cry. Thankfully I’m pulling into our driveway and I throw the car into park and turn off the ignition. I settle my head against the steering wheel and bang on it a few times, hoping this is just a really bad nightmare.
But then I realize it isn’t a nightmare at all, its reality and I just lost the love of my life.
I pull myself out of my car and close the garage door. Making my way into the house I head down to the basement into my man cave. I need to find something to numb this pain so I look through the liquor cabinet. I spot a bottle of whiskey and grab a glass. I set her ring on the bar. I reach in the freezer and toss in two ice cubes while filing the glass to the top. This should do the trick. I climb onto the couch, kick off my shoes and gulp down my poison. Before I know it the glass is empty and I pass out.
Voices? Do I hear voices? I sit up and grab my head. What the fuck? I look around the room and see the bottle of whiskey and a glass sitting on the table. I hear voices and footsteps coming down into the basement. Maybe if I hide they’ll go away. Ugh, my head is killing me. I need aspirin like yesterday.
“Derrick? You down here?”
What the hell is Charlie doing here?
“Derrick Mason Peters! We know you’re here your car is in the garage.”
Oh damn it to hell she’s here with my mom. I need to get my ass up before they come in here and pull me out of the man cave. Walking over to the door three women storm in after me and I fall back into the couch.
“Thank god we found him!” My mom shrieks.
“Mom, come on, not so loud. Where the hell else would I be? This is my house.”
“Yes I know this is your house dear, but we’ve all been calling you since you walked out on Chloe last night. We were wor
ried sick about you.”
“Well I’m here and as you can see I’m perfectly fine.”
“You don’t look fine to me. You want to talk about it?” Charlie asks.
“Come on ladies we can see he is okay, why don’t we go upstairs and make him something to eat.” Teresa says pulling the others by their arms.
“You guys go ahead. I’m going to stay down here and talk with him.” Charlie says pulling her arm from her mom’s grasp.
“Okay honey. You two meet us in the kitchen in fifteen minutes.”
I watch as their conversation takes place right in front of me like I’m not even here. Mom and Teresa walk out of the room closing the door and Charlie hops on the couch next to me.
“So you freaked, huh?”
“Do you know what really happened Charlie or are you just taking Chloe’s word for it?”
“Look Derrick the news of LA was a surprise to all of us, no one saw this coming. If I knew I swear I would have told you.”
“I know you would have Charlie. You’re a great friend you know that?”
“Hell yeah I do. Who else would put up with all you and Chloe’s drama if I wasn’t around?”
“I guess I overreacted and said some stuff that I didn’t mean to. I’m sure she is just as upset over this as I’m, right?”
“Derrick she is beside herself right now. I don’t think moving away is the best thing, I kind of hate it too, but this is all she has ever dreamed about you know. I just wish she could land that kind of job here in Boston.”
“Me too Charlie, me too. So what’s next? Do we stay together? Do we break up? I’m so confused.”
“I bet you are. I would be. One thing is for certain Derrick. You both love each other more than anything. I think you need to talk to her and figure out what is best for both of you. She’s going whether you and I like it or not.”
“I know. I’m proud of her. It just sucks. I’m going to go grab a shower and give her a call. Tell our moms I’ll grab some breakfast on the way out.”
I get up to walk out of the room and turn to face Charlie.
“Thanks for everything Charlie. You’re always there for us.”
I continue up to me and Chloe’s room. As much as I hate what just happened last night, I can’t give up on what we have. I need to let her know that we will make this work. We have to make this work…no matter what.
It’s been a rough few months to say the least. Since living in New York I never spent this much time away from my family or Derrick for that matter. I do my best to keep busy with work and socialize with some friends, but my heart still hurts. I miss him.
Now here I am living in Los Angeles working as an ESPN sports analyst and living my dream job. Things worked out well for me in the career sector of my life, it just sucks that I’m thousands of miles away from my true love, Derrick.
After the night he was about to propose I didn’t think we were going to make it as a couple. Well actually that’s a lie. I knew we would make it, but it was going to be hard. Derrick and I talked about the chance of me moving to the west coast when we were in college, but then again that was years ago and neither of us thought my pipe dream would come true.
Then it happened. I was offered my dream job. Everything I’d ever wanted was right in front of me, but I had to choose.
The morning after he walked away from me I woke up feeling like the world was about to end. My head was pounding, my eyes hurt and it felt like my chest was split in two. Ugh! I hate to think back to that day.
“Hey sleepy head how are you feeling?” Dad asks.
“Fine.” I reply. “Where is everyone?”
“They went over to the house to check on Derrick. You okay sweetie?”
“I’m good Daddy, thanks. I think I’m just going to take a shower and relax downstairs for a bit. Let mom know I’m down there when she gets back.”
“Okay Chloe, I’ll be outside if you need me.”
I made my way downstairs and took a hot shower. The feel of the water pricking my skin hurt at first, but after awhile it started to numb the pain. I just wish it could have taken the pain away in my chest. Shortly after the water started to cool I dried off, got dressed and laid down on the couch.
I closed my eyes for what felt like a brief moment and was woken up by warm arms pulling me into an embrace. I could smell his cologne and body wash, it was Derrick. I didn’t want to open my eyes for fear that I was dreaming, but I took the chance and there he was.
“What are you doing here? I thought you didn’t want to see me ever again.”
“Angel, I’m sorry. I was so upset and said some awful things to you last night. Please forgive me.”
“Derrick I’m the one that should be sorry. I ruined everything.”
He pulled me away from him so that we were facing each other. Wiping away my tears he kissed my lips.
I missed him so much in only a short amount of time.
“I don’t like the idea of you living on the other side of the country Chloe. I won’t lie about that.” He says running his hands through my hair.
Looking into his eyes I can see the pain and hurt.
“We’ll get through this. I promise.” I tell him pulling us closer together. I need him and I need his touch to reassure me we will really be okay.
I let out a deep sigh at the memories and try to regain my composure. Things have been okay between Derrick and me since I left. We talk at least once a day and Skype every night before bed. I know everything happens for a reason and we’re strong together as a couple.
Walking toward the gate I smile, this week is going to be fun and exciting. My mom and dad are flying in today and I have a jam packed week of activities for us to do. I want them to see why I love LA so much and know that I’m truly happy with the decisions I’ve made.
I can see my dad come through the tunnel first. Daddy really is quite the handsome man at 56. He is 6’4”, dark hair and eyes with a distinct mustache that drives me crazy. Coming up behind him I can see my mom. She too is attractive. Though mom is much shorter than dad, she still stands tall at about 5’7” with long dark hair, deep brown eyes and a smile that can go on for miles. I walk quickly over to them and dad grabs me up in a bear hug. As he puts my feet to the ground, mom comes over and gives me a warm hug. I feel loved and protected now that the two of them are here.
Out of nowhere two hands come around my face covering my eyes. I squeal with nervousness and pry the hands off of my face. Turning around to see who would do such a thing, I spot my little sister Char.
Holy shit! What a great surprise.
"What is going on here? Am I being punk'd?"
"No you are not being punk'd loser, you’re way not famous enough for that." She says.
"Come on girls; let's move this act of affection away from the gate. You two are going to get us kicked out of the damn airport." Dad tells us in a stern tone.
Char and I finally break free from our embrace and I walk the four of us out of the airport and out to the parking lot where my car is waiting.
I take them straight to my apartment to get settled in and then plan on going out for a nice dinner welcoming my family to LA.
Curling up on the couch I look toward Char and ask, "So Char tell me all about this hot roommate Derrick has staying with him. Derrick said Riley has quite the crush on you. Spill it girl."
"Wait, what? Char you just said there was nothing going on between you two." Daddy says in an odd tone.
Char seriously looks like she is about to spew so I figure I’ll lay off the Riley topic for now. I can dig in later when it’s just the two of us.
Spending this week with my family has been exactly what I’ve needed since moving out here. The best part so far was bringing them down to the studio and introducing them to some of the analysts. To me they are just normal people, but to everyone else I suppose we’re famous. Daddy nearly passed out when Erika Anderson walked in while I was giving the grand tour. Talk about a fan mom
ent.
Since today is their last day here I set up an appointment for Char and me at the salon and sent mom and dad off on a tourist mission. I want to spend some time talking to my sister about her and this Riley guy. I have a sneaky suspicion that she is holding back because of her last relationship and I want my sister to find her happiness.
While we’re waiting in the whirlpool to get our massages I look over at her.
"Thanks so much for doing this with me today Char." It really is great to have her here with me in LA and having a day to just relax and bond.
She refuses to be the one that is being thanked, she feels this day is a treat and she should be thanking me. Honestly I’m just glad to be here with her.
"So tell me why you came out here to see me." I ask.
She plays it off as if it’s no big deal that she dropped everything to come out here, but I know her better than that.
"Chloe?" She looks over at me and a tear trickles down her face.
"Yeah, sweetie?" I reply putting my hand on her arm and slowly start to brush back and forth in a comforting rhythm.
"I don't think...I don't know."
"Look I know what Marc did to you was awful, no one deserves to be lied to and cheated on the way he did to you. You have to remember that none of it was your fault. He was a complete jackass and was unhappy with himself in many ways. You two were so wrong for each other from the start, but you always saw the good in him. You always see the good in everyone. That is why we all love you so much sweetie."
"I just don't think I can ever love again. Marc was my first everything and it just seemed to all line up until he got caught. I know I need to move past it all, but I can't."
"You can and you will. Char you’re absolutely gorgeous, have the body I would kill for, and deserve to be happy. I’m quite certain this Riley fellow is just as smitten with you as you are with him. Just admit it girl."
My poor sister lacks confidence in the relationship department, but I have a good feeling that now when she goes home she is going to start anew. I’m proud of the woman she has become and the future she is building for herself. She deserves to be happy.