by C. L. Donley
“I know. And I’m trying to be.”
“Wanna know why you don’t know?”
“Why, Jo,” he humored her.
“Because you don’t have to. It’s just some puzzle for you. That you sometimes work on. If you don’t want to work on it, you just don’t. You’re not black, so you can just say ‘I don’t know’ at the end of the day. You believe the world works in a system that’s unproven, that you’re willfully ignorant of.”
“I didn’t say it was a science. It’s not the gospel. I’m just trying to live by what I know is good. I don’t know why people are shit, or why the world’s covered in it. I’m trying to figure it out, same as you.”
“You’re trying, but I have to figure it out,” Jo insisted. “I have to figure you out, and other people like you, or he dies. I care about my son. I care about what people like you will do to him.”
“People like me?” Adam asked, indignant.
“Yep.”
“People like me won’t do shit to him, Jo” he shot back. “Why would I want to see any kid be hurt or harmed? Why wouldn’t I want to see Judah grow up into a respectable man? I’m not one of these fucktards, scared to have Judah ‘take my job’ one day. ‘Cause I’m a bitch. And you can’t tell what a person will do just by askin’ a buncha questions about their beliefs. What’s your cunt boyfriend believe? What’d your dad believe? And then what did he do?”
Jo just sighed.
“You’re right. You are,” she said.
All was cautiously quiet as Jo lowered her weapons abruptly. Adam lowered his.
“You’re a hell of a mom, Jo.”
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
“I’m hanging on by a thread,” Jo quietly divulged.
“The best ones always are, trust me,” Adam encouraged her, “My mom thinks she’s the best damn thing that ever happened to us, to this day. This is a woman that got so high, she woke up inside a front load dryer. Twice.”
Jo laughed. “You still talk to her?”
“To mom? I will, but Gus won’t. Corey’s the one she calls, though.”
She bristled at Gus’s name, forgetting momentarily that she had a hell of a problem.
“She live here too?”
“No, she hasn’t been back since we were little. Last I heard she was back in Tennesse, gettin’ kicked outta rehabs.”
“When’s the last time you saw her?”
“Since she left,” He gruffly alluded with a closed-off air. Then he said, “You really don’t respect my belief system, Jo?”
Jo just laughed in response.
“Jo, between you laughin’ at me and yellin’ at me, I’ve had about enough.”
“Have you? ‘Cause you keep saying crazy shit.”
“…If I had you for a mom, know what I’d do?”
“Don’t even fuckin say it,” she giggled.
“It wasn’t gonna be dirty.”
“The hell it wasn’t.”
“…You’re right, it was,” he admitted.
She laughed again. Then she was quiet for a moment, thinking. Wrestling. She rolled her eyes at herself as she began her rambling.
“So, um… my ‘cunt boyfriend’ as you call him, he’s taking Judah next weekend. For three days actually, and… I was going to… ask if maybe you’d want to... I mean, you asked what we should do about it, so I was going to suggest—”
“Say no more.”
“Lemme finish,” she smiled.
“JoAnn, the weekend will be over by the time you finish. Let me help you: I’m down.”
She laughed nervously.
“You don’t know what I was gonna say.”
“I do.”
“Okay, hotshot, what was I gonna say?” she grinned.
“You got an itch. And you want me to scratch it.”
“Well… I wouldn’t have said it quite like that but…”
“Okay, how would you put it then?” he asked.
“Well, first of all, I think we need to be kind to each other and state the obvious.”
“…Which is?”
“I think we both know that this thing could never work between us, but it’s time we say it outloud. To each other. This can’t work,” she said.
“Okay…” Adam was stock still and glad to talking over the phone, otherwise he’d have no place to hide. He gave her an unconvincing nod that she couldn’t see as she continued.
“But...in the immortal words of Amy Winehouse, we need to find time to do this shit together, before it gets worse.”
Adam’s whole body shivered again and again as his emotions battled. He hadn’t been alone in this growing cyclone of infatuation. Knowing that she wanted to “get it out of her system,” just as much as he did, veiled his arousal with a thin bitter layer of sorrow, despite knowing better.
“I’m making plans already,” he said.
“Plans? What kind of plans?”
“Plans that involve a drive.”
“Oh no. Please don’t tell me you want to take me camping,” she groaned.
“…It won’t be camping, per se.”
“Adam, no.”
“You’ll like it, I promise,” he beamed unconsciously. She seemed to hate surprises. He could really get used to that.
“What about work?”
“What about it?”
“Aren’t you the foreman?” Jo raised an eyebrow.
“No one needs me there to get that damn house built.”
Jo cackled as much as she could in the quiet. Even though Judah was asleep clear across the other side of the house, she felt as though she could be caught at any moment.
“I don’t suppose I need to spell this out for you. This can just be a one-time thing. Lord knows I don’t have time for even a side thing… and if I did it probably wouldn’t be—”
“You’re using me, I get it.”
“Now who’s low on self-respect?” she snickered.
“Me.”
Jo laughed again.
“I just need you to make me cum. Hard. Think you can do that?” she said.
Adam’s mind went completely blank.
“Ma’am… I— yes ma’am.”
“What the fuck,” she giggled.
“Can I have a preview?”
“Of what?”
“Of what you’ll do. When I make you come.”
In a nanosecond, phone sex went from not her thing to being right up her alley. Jo’s heart beat like a drum as her hand moved between her legs.
“…No.”
“Please, Jojo. I’m rock hard,” he said. Hearing Adam beg her for anything was better than any drug they sell.
“You’re killing me with the nicknames,” she laughed.
“In a good way?”
“Yeah. In a good way.”
“I call you that in my mind, I guess,” he shrugged.
“You have nicknames for me in your mind?”
“Yes.”
Jo sighed dramatically. Honestly, this guy was from outer space.
“Okay, fine. Where are your hands?”
“No, no, no, no, no… that’s not how this works.”
“How does it work then?”
“I’m not in your fantasy. You’re in my fantasy,” Adam corrected her.
“Okay…” she giggled, “so what am I doing in your fantasy then?”
“Exactly what you’re doing now. Except you’re not runnin’ your mouth.”
Jo went completely silent on the phone. Adam couldn’t tell if she was complying, pissed, or not even on the line anymore.
“Hello?” he said. Jo responded with a snicker.
“What do I do after I’m quiet, Adam?” she giggled.
Adam swallowed, trying to get moisture to his suddenly dry throat.
“Touch yourself.”
“What do I do after that?”
“First things first.”
“I’m already doing that,” she said.
“Doing what
? Touching yourself?”
“Mm.”
Holy shit.
“Then wait up,” he said, laying flat on his bed so he could pull his trousers the rest of the way down with shaky hands. He grabbed his stiff cock and began to stroke like it was the joystick to the best video game ever.
“Okay, Jo. Lay down and take off your shirt.”
“Bra too?”
“Yeah, I need to see those tits.”
There was some shuffling and then she was back on the line.
“Now what.”
“Now close your eyes and put your hand back where it was. And imagine me.”
“Imagine you… doing what you’re doing right now?”
“Imagine whatever you want. But only imagine me,” he said. She gave him an airy laugh.
“You want me to describe it?”
“No, don’t tell me. Just let me hear what I’m doing to you, Jo.”
Adam put the phone on speaker and laid it next to him on the pillow. He let Jo’s soft moans transport him while he stroked his cock, feeling like he was a teenager on an uncontrollable rocket of lust, his heart beating wildly, speculating what Jo was imagining him do to her.
“Yes… just like that,” she occasionally whimpered. Adam writhed around in frustration, trying to hold back, trying to wait for signs of the end.
“Fuck, I’m gonna come,” he suddenly eeked out. Jo apparently heard him because she was suddenly begging for it, which hastened his climax to the point that he was suddenly throwing off the bedclothes so he could spill out on his own naked chest, his staccato grunts mingling with Jo’s fluid, stifled moans of orgasm. He let out a breathless laugh before bringing the phone back to his ear.
“How do you feel, Jo?”
“Mm.”
“Good?”
“Mm-hm.”
“That was fuckin’ hot, Jojo.”
“Thanks.”
“I wish I was there. Rubbin’ your back. Then flippin’ you over and makin’ you come again.”
She bit her lip, his words drizzling heat along her body like gray clouds in a lightning storm. Looks like horny Adam was just as forthcoming as plainclothes Adam. She looked her conscience square in the face. Yeah, I’m doing something bad. He can hate me after.
“Next weekend,” she whispered.
“Fuck that, I’m callin’ you again in five minutes.”
“Adam…”
13
Chapter 13
Friday morning, Jo woke up bright and early. She’d packed the cooler the night before, full of random things that she didn’t know if they would need or not. Adam was so bound to secrecy that she’d had to infer. Knowing what she knew of him, he would be prepared for all the major stuff, but not for the intimate details.
Jo tried to pack the appropriate wardrobe for this weekend that was supposed to be “camping but not.” By the end of the week, he’d still refused to divulge anything, at least not knowingly. I checked the weather and there’s supposed to be rain, she’d sent in a text. Ok, was all he said. So she had to assume it was some kind of cabin.
When she heard Adam pull up in his noisy, confederate flag-covered truck, Jo got that raw feeling of forbidden sexual anticipation that made her mouth feel numb and her insides weak. He left the truck running as he got out and rang her doorbell.
Jo opened the door and was struck by the sight of him. He’d shaved his beard and he didn’t look like himself. He looked better than himself. He looked like a movie star. She handed him her bag and she stifled her smile as their eyes met.
“Well, well. Don’t you clean up nice.”
“You like it?” he said, rubbing his face and chin.
“If I didn’t see that big swastika on your arm I would think you were… a luxury car salesman or something.”
He just smiled, and without the beard, she could see how a smile made his entire face light up. He looked like the most trustworthy, knowledgeable, wealthy and influential white man ever. It was like watching a living hologram as he picked up her bag and brought it to the truck. He came back to the door for the cooler.
“Do you even feel like yourself without it?” she asked, referring to his beard and mustache.
“No, but… it’ll probably be fully grown out again by tonight,” he said.
As she made her way to his truck, it dawned on her that he’d probably done it for her. Maybe he wanted to give her the fantasy. Maybe he wanted to look his best. She wanted to ask, but the answer wouldn’t have done any good. It didn’t matter. Whatever happened this weekend wouldn’t go beyond this weekend.
Jo slammed the big metal door of his truck closed once she climbed in, and it was as though his truck were a bubble from the outside world, where nothing had to make sense in order for it to be real. She smiled as she looked over at the most gorgeous man of any color she’d ever known or seen, his blue eyes already on her, studying her tenderly, if not somewhat intensely.
“Ready?” she said.
“Are you?” he asked, his gaze devouring her.
She slowly nodded, giving him a little smirk. His heartbeat doubled.
She removed the dividing armrest beside her and wordlessly snuggled in close to him. He rested his long arm on the back of the seat as if on cue so she could cozy up to his big barrel chest. She felt like a baby bird in an eagle’s nest.
“I couldn’t hardly sleep last night you know that?” he said into the top of her head.
She didn’t answer, she just let the first of what would surely be many arousing sentiments this weekend simmer along her body as the big truck slowly picked up speed, chugging its way down the road.
Jo had a restless night, too and fell asleep not long after they left. When she awoke they were still driving, the sun brightening the cloudless sky that stretched for miles, the endless road lined with trees and brush on either side. They didn’t seem to even be close to their destination.
“How close are we?”
“Not far. You’ll see.”
A dirt road on the side of the highway emerged and the big truck took the detour, like a secret passage. They passed what looked like a cornfield on one side until that was all gone and there were miles of flatness dotted by the occasional barn or solitary house. Finally, they came to a piece of land with a little shack on it. The truck rumbled through the grass and got closer and closer to the modest little shelter no bigger than a really big tent.
It looked to be made out of galvanized steel. It sat on modest pillars a few feet off the ground, and the patio area was about half the size of the shelter itself with a modest table and chair set. The closer they got she could see a small lake in the distance surrounded by trees.
“Whose little shack is this?”
“Mine.”
“All this is you?” Jo marveled.
“Yup.”
“Adam!” she turned and smiled.
“What?” he shrugged.
“You’re a landowner?”
“One of the first orders of business when I started working for Uncle Charlie. White man’s gotta have land. Off the grid, if he can manage it.”
“You must’ve paid a fortune,” she muttered, surveying the greenery from the window as they creeped up the hill towards the tiny shack.
“Not ten years ago. It was a plenty big purchase, but I was nineteen, livin’ with dad. No responsibilities, no lady friends yet. Taught myself plumbing and electrical on top of it. All I did was make money.”
“So you don’t own your house in Bethesda?”
“No.”
“Just more convenient?”
“Well… yeah. I mean…” Adam didn’t know why he didn’t want to tell Jo about his grand plan for his land. To settle down on it when he finally found the person he wanted to share his life with. He didn’t want her thinking that he somehow thought he meant her.
He didn’t want her knowing that he’d never brought another woman up here. He always wanted to, but he never got that far. When she suggested the
weekend, he couldn’t wait to bring her up here. Couldn’t wait to see her reaction. Couldn’t wait to fill his 7 acres with the sound of her passionate moans.
“Eventually I’m gonna build a real house here. When I have more of a reason to,” he vaguely summated. Though he felt like he’d said it all with that statement just the same. Jo was quiet, and she seemed to know too.
They parked a few yards away and he killed the engine. They were bombarded by the ambient serenity of the outdoors.
“Did you build this yourself?”
“Me and Corey. Gus helped a little too.”
Adam got out and Jo followed suit.
“How long did it take?” she asked.
“'Bout a year and a half to get it presentable,” he answered.
“Look at this,” Jo gave him an awed chuckle as she trekked up the front steps, which was essentially a ladder.
Inside it was one room, the size of a large-ish bedroom. The bed was full size with a patchwork quilt bedding. The framing looked to be made from single flat pieces of wide lumber, all painted white. The floor was stained mismatched planks that were probably reclaimed. He’d made shelves in-between the studs with cups and dishes on them. There was a small woodburning stove in the corner, that presumably heated the place. And a kettle on the small surface that served as the cooktop. A small hanging gas lamp lit the place at night, and there were two on either side of the patio. Right now it was flooded with light from the glass-paneled garage door that served as the patio wall and faced his property’s view of the North Carolina hills.
Adam started to get nervous when after a few moments Jo hadn’t elaborated on her reaction.
“You like it?” he finally volunteered.
Jo turned fully around with an awestruck look.
“Adam… this is so… adorable. And amazing.”
“Thanks,” he smiled.
“You could be charging serious money for this little thing. People are crazy for this tiny house stuff.”
“I built it for my family and me to come out here and enjoy my land.”
“Yeah, but you can’t be here all the time. You could charge $1000 for a weekend, easy.”
“Not everything is an enterprise, Jo.”
“Maybe even $1000 a night.”
“Don’t get all Jewy on me, JoAnn,” he said as he dropped her things down in the corner. He lifted up the garage door— that is, the back wall— and the tiny space was instantly flooded with the subtle sounds and fresh smells of breezy nature.