by C. L. Donley
Soon they were both filling the tiny space with their staggered, staccato breathy moans.
“Oh fuck, Adam… yes… just like that,” she cried. Just like the dream she told him about. And just like the dream, he was finding his reason to live right there in Jo’s pussy.
Finally, her release came, long and dramatic, her shrill cries of ecstasy sending shocks of arousal through him again.
He wondered if she would notice if he nixed the condom this time. He’d already jacked off first thing this morning in the shower. If he had anything left to give her, the kid deserved to be here.
He climbed on top of her, kissing his way back up her body until they were face to face and he was back inside. He could tell by the look on her face that she definitely noticed that he hadn’t suited up again. But she said nothing. Only studied his face and gave his lower lip a kiss and a little bite. He eased himself all the way back in and she winced, suddenly situating her arms around his neck and back, latching onto him for dear life as he buried himself deep. He let out a desperate moan, then another, and another as his pace began to quicken.
He didn’t ask if she was okay. He’d forgotten. She bit back screams into his hard shoulder as she clung to him, her fingernails digging as he took her again, forcefully. She remembered his words with every thrust, every word of what he wanted to do to her being fulfilled. She adjusted her short, wiry legs like an antenna, trying to find a new spot for him to hit in a new way. She found one. She opened her legs a bit wider and then she really found one.
“Oh, shit,” she cried as if troubled. Adam didn’t quicken his pace or even deepen his thrusts. He just let the glorious sounds of Jo’s ecstasy fill his senses, while her slick arousal all over his naked cock did the rest.
“You feel so fuckin’ good, baby,” he said in a near whisper.
“Yeah?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t stop, I’m gonna come for you,” she promised.
The sound of Jo exploding in his arms, tears and all, was the thing he’d been searching for all his life. He let the madness of her release massage his aching being, quietly shedding a spontaneous climax— his third of the day, but certainly not his last.
He kissed her lips, again and again, blocking out his inner demons of self-doubt as he gave Jo his whole heart. Jo gave him her body, and if her heart was involved at all, he was in the dark about it.
14
Chapter 14
When they finally woke up again the light was fading fast and soon they would be plunged in unscrupulous darkness.
“I’m starving,” Jo announced in a husky voice. “What time is it?” Jo reached for her phone, but cell service was non-existent.
“Probably almost nine, I’d say.”
“Fuck. We slept the day away.”
“So? We stay up all night then,” he said, lighting the oil lamps in the corner of the shack, bathing it in light.
“I had no idea what ‘sort of camping’ food to bring, so I brought a little of everything.”
“Heck yeah, you did,” he said, leaning naked over the edge of the bed to open the cooler. “You just emptied the fridge?”
“Basically. Anything that could be cooked over a flame.”
“You done good, woman. Real good,” he said, assessing the produce. “You ever been redneck fishing?”
“You mean night fishing?” she laughed.
“What’s the difference?”
“I’ll know in a minute, I guess.”
Adam had built a modest pier that went out a few feet from the pond on his property. By the time they were dressed and headed to the water with a lamp and tackle box, the sun had fully set. Jo had only been fishing a handful of times with her uncles, who were catfishing masters. She usually stayed behind, propped up on the kitchen island watching her mother clean and dress the catches before frying them.
Adam wasn’t playing around about living off the land. The fish were jumping in record time once the sun went down and the water cooled. He stuck a nail in a wood plank he got from a pile that seemed to be for just such an occasion, secured it to his tailgate with clamps, stuck the fish to the board, and had it skinned and deboned in less than half an hour.
Jo had the presence of mind to put a lemon and a stick of butter in her cooler. Adam lit a fire in the pot belly stove and Jo manned the cast iron skillet, putting anything in it that she thought would pair well. She hadn’t brough salt, but she had Greek olives, one of her go-to snack staples. It was easily in the top five best meals either of them had ever had. They ate on the patio bathed in moonlight while the shack cooled from the heat of the stove.
“You ever give Jesse that job?” Jo suddenly remembered.
“Nah, he never called. I knew he wouldn’t.”
“Would you have?”
“Would I have what?”
“Given him a job?” she clarified.
“Of course. Any man wants to be a man and own up to his shit can work alongside me.”
“Any white man, you mean?”
“No, any man. But a white man, especially.”
Let it go, Jo, her mind said. After tomorrow it doesn’t even matter.
“…Even though he insulted me?”
“He didn’t mean that shit. He was just trying to prove to his fuckin’ fucktard friends—”
“God, nevermind,” said Jo, before continuing anyway. “I can’t believe you’re making excuses for him.”
“I’m not.”
“Like, that’s really fuckin’ scary.”
“It’s scary, Jo? He’s a faggy little runt. His dad’s a meth head, had to drop out of school to pay the rent,” Adam defended.
“He called me a nigger, and spit in my food.”
“Oh Jesus, call the fuckin’ NAACP. Your dogs get poisoned too? Newsflash Jo: people are cunts.”
Jo froze for a moment then broke into laughter.
“Holy shit. I’m out here with a delusional psychopath,” she marveled.
“Yeah, well. That’s where chasin’ dick will get ya,” he darkly joked.
Adam sat quietly cursing himself, his world slowly turning from color to black and white with no way to stop it.
“My first and last lesson. Take me the fuck home, right now,” Jo calmly demanded.
“Jo, alright—”
“No. No more of your bullshit,” she shook her head,“you’re fuckin’ insane, and so am I.”
“I ain’t takin’ you anywhere,” he refused. “It’s past midnight, I’m full and I’m ready to fuck again.”
“Good luck with that. Where are your keys?”
“Right here on the tip a’ my dick, Jo. Come get ‘em,” he taunted her. He was already in the dog house, so fuck it.
“You fuckin’ redneck lowlife piece a’ shit.”
Adam gave her an amused look of surprise.
“Well, well. Looks like someone’s got their big girl britches on.”
“Take me, the fuck home!” Jo cried.
“No.”
Jo stormed into the humid shack and picked up a lamp as though she were threatening to burn the place down. Adam reluctantly got up from the table.
“Give me the keys.”
“Jo, you watch too many fuckin’ movies,” he sighed.
“I will set your fuckin’ bed on fire.”
“You can take a black girl outta the ghetto…”
Jo just stared blankly at him with the lamp in her hand, Adam’s mouth sewn shut. The words left his mind sounding funny, then left his mouth in an instant gunsmoke cloud of regret. They hung in the air and tortured him in the reverberating quiet.
He couldn’t even process what he’d just done to himself. He unconsciously let out a deep breath as he watched her return the lamp to its hanging spot. Then she got in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. She started to strip.
“Don’t take anything off,” he stopped her. “I’ll get everything packed. We leave in 20 minutes.”
“No. Forget it. I wan
t to stay,” she replied.
“Jo—”
“You know what Adam, we’re not even here to get along. We’re here to fuck. Period. And I don’t know about you, but I want what I came here for. More than I want your apologies. You’re a blind piece of caucasian garbage, but when I think about it, you’re not really the worst thing I’ve ever dealt with. And I’m just really not into letting you bother me. You’re right. People are cunts.”
A little harsh, the thought, but he didn’t fight it. He’d fucked up for what seemed like the last time.
“…For what it’s worth, Jo, I’m sorry.”
“It’s worth nothing, Adam. I truly don’t care. Say whatever you want.”
While they were both quiet, Jo continued undressing until she was naked to his stunned surprise.
“C’mon, let’s fuck.”
He couldn’t have been less in the mood, but her body was on display for him and calling for his betrayal.
“Jo…”
“Another thing I’m pre-disposed to do well. Right? You can pull on my fake hair if you want.”
“Jo, how the hell am I supposed to get it up, as bad as I feel right now?”
“Feel bad? For what, telling me the truth?”
“You gotta admit, the way you just fuckin’ flipped out on me—”
“Yes, you’re 100% right, Adam. About everything. And everyone. How’s it feel?”
“Feels about the same. Don’t think your little psychological games work on my big dumb ass, Jo.”
“Come here.”
Adam sighed, feeling as though he’d been poisoned. There was no way he could fuck Jo after she’d gone full robot on him. His weight indented the bed as he sat next to her.
Jo laid on her stomach with her elbows propping her up, looking thoughtfully into the lantern light. The light made her gorgeous face even more ethereal. The shadows nestled in the small of her back and he sat silently mesmerized until finally he dared to trail a finger everywhere the shadow was. Jo sighed, as if his touch were a password that unlocked her.
“I’m sorry I flipped out on you. The problem isn’t you, it’s me. Having this… secret stash of hope. That I haven’t told you about. Or myself about. And then you say something that just topples it and… I lash out,” Jo said, turning on her side to face him, her modest breasts nestled under her arm. “I could stay neutral about you once, but not anymore.”
Adam probably could’ve gotten away with saying nothing, knowing about her secret stash of hope. But instead, he plowed through the moment, offering up his transparency as a kindness.
“I wish I could say that I didn’t mean what I said. But the truth is, I’m bein’ as gentle with you as I know how,” he admitted pitifully. “I can’t stay neutral about you anymore either. But I can’t be anyone but who I am. It’s just not somethin’ I can do.”
Jo teared up as she nodded. She might change her mind, come to her senses and get dressed, but at least she would know where he stood. He wanted to do right by her.
“I don’t want to see you hurt Jo. By me or anyone else. I’m bein’ a selfish dick, comin’ around. Letting that boy get attached to me, and all the rest. We really need to part ways after this.”
Jo broke down crying and Adam’s whole body tightened. He didn’t know which part of what he just said she was crying about. Maybe it was about something else entirely. Either way it was hell. He should’ve held her, but he was afraid he’d inadvertently drop her or break her back, or make it worse in some other unintended way. He just needed to stop. And do nothing. He was still as an untouched pond until Jo’s tears finally subsided.
“I know it’s all just jokes and puzzles to you,” she sniffed,“I know you don’t mean anything by it, but you have no idea how it feels to hear someone talk the way you talk. It’s like you can’t see God in us,” she said.
He knew she meant black people, and not her and Judah. He was trying to understand her grief. Trying to understand what this had to do with how he felt about her.
“I see God in you,” he said.
“Adam…”
“I’m serious, Josie.”
“I know you are. But is it enough.”
“Enough for what?”
“…Nothing. It’s not fair,” she hiccuped, “Why can’t you just be… different?”
“If I was, you would want me?”
“I always want you.”
Adam took a deep breath as her words impaled him like an arrow. He sat in silence hunched over the bed, thankful the swastika tat wasn’t facing her when he took off his shirt. He placed Jo’s legs in his lap and scooted back across the bed propped up against the wall, his jeans still fastened.
“Come over here,” he said. Jo hesitated only a moment before crawling across the bed and situating her naked self atop his lap. She couldn’t resist curling herself into a ball against his broad frame. Her sobs started up again for a moment and Adam went quiet. His chin had already grown prickly with scruff brushing above her breasts. Finally he spoke.
“I always want you, Jo. And I think you fuckin’ know that.”
“I had my suspicions,” she whispered against him.
“I respect the shit outta you, Jo.”
“Can we please just fuck now?” she whined, his compliments after the fact making her wince.
“You’re so beautiful, it’s ridiculous.”
“For a black girl?”
Adam sighed a disappointed sigh. He’d underestimated the barrier between them and simply could not make heads or tails of it. It was invisible and razor thin. But effective. He could hear her, but she couldn’t hear him, and vice versa. Words were useless.
But the other four senses were intact. He grabbed her hand so curiously gentle it nearly broke her heart. He kissed the inside of her palm and rubbed her hand against his chin. Then he placed it over his heart where she could feel it beating steady and sure. The beat quickened.
“You always want me?” he asked. She nodded.
He placed her same hand on his crotch, his cock coming alive wherever he could feel the warm imprint of her fingers. Slowly they made out and he let her hand unfasten his pants and find him, caress and play with him, until his breath became as erratic as his heart.
“Touch yourself,” he whispered, panting, driving himself to madness with her body. Eventually they found themselves somehow making love, Jo underneath him filling the night air with desperate pleas and demands that drowned out the cricket songs surrounding them. She fucked like she knew about the barrier too. She didn’t want to talk unless it was about what he was doing to her. They buried themselves in each other to stop the pain. She looked in his eyes, she watched his body move, and when their orgasm finally reached the top they shook and slowed, gasping and wailing until finally they kissed.
* * *
The next morning, Adam and Jo were still fucking.
They stopped to eat a little, and were about to enjoy a cup of coffee and maybe go fishing when the rain started up. So instead, Jo rolled herself on top of Adam, while Adam reached for the giant box of condoms that’d inadvertently spilled during the night.
The rain pounded the tin roof in an exaggerated pitter patter that drowned out the sounds of their ecstasy. Almost.
Jo moved steadily and methodically up and down his length, her arms straight as pillars as she anchored her self to his chest with splayed hands. He couldn’t put off knowing what her hidden tattoo said any longer. He was on the verge of coming and tried to use whatever distraction worked. He gave her tits a rub and lifted them enough to read the flowery script: “my headphones… they saved my life.”
He let them go and they returned to their squished position between Jo’s arms. Adam put his hands behind his head as he watched Jo work herself into a frenzy on his cock. He didn’t want anything besides what Jo was doing right now.
He reached out to rub her clit. He was one thought away from spilling over the edge. One look away from disappearing into her swimming da
rk eyes.
“I’m gonna come,” she announced, but he hadn’t heard, on account of the rain. Instead he felt and saw it, her sex clenching his again and again, siphoning the sharp shock of climax out of him, forcing his clenched abdomen off the bed in a pulse that set off chills.
Fuck. He did not ever want to go home.
They showered under the rain barrel since it was now overflowing from weeks of springtime misuse. It was cold as hell, but the small pot belly stove did a decent job of warming the small space in a hurry. They ate the remains of Jo’s packed cooler and sat naked at the small patio table for two. A small awning made a curtain of rain around their table, as fog hovered across the Carolina mountains in the distance. Adam’s hazy gaze bored through her from morning to night. If he was Adam then surely she was Eve, the two of them shamelessly and wordlessly naked among the blue and green and brown expanse, alone and without a care in the world. She had the nerve to be eating an apple when she said, “whatever you’re thinking Adam, stop it.”
“I’m not thinking anything.”
There was a chill in the air by the time the sun had set. They left the patio open and laid at the foot of the bed, by the light of the fire in the pot belly stove.
“This is heaven,” she breathed, with her eyes closed. He gave her a kiss on the shoulder, thankful for this new language of touch he had at his disposal, now that his words were growing less trustworthy. “Thanks for bringing me here.”
“The pleasure was mine,” he sleepily growled.
“I think that cock of yours might have ruined me.”
“I’m touched, Jojo.”
“Your wife’s gonna be one happy lady,” she said. He didn’t answer, just opened his own eyes to see that Jo hadn’t moved. At all. It seemed forced, what she said. But she seemed to mean it.
“…Were you really gonna marry that cunt boyfriend of yours?” he asked.
“I was. I would have. He didn’t want it.”
“He said that?”
“He didn’t have to. He wanted to keep Judah, but he never mentioned marriage again. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to.”