by L A Pepper
I was afraid to see him. I was afraid that tonight would send me to a place from which there was no coming back. Worse, I wanted to go there. But no. I had to remind myself. This wasn’t me. This was Allie. Allie was lighthearted. She was having fun. She was not in love. I dragged in a deep breath of air as I got to the penthouse level. I would not sleep with him. I would keep it light and free. Allie who was having fun with her new boyfriend, not Alex who was in love with a man she’d never be able to keep.
The door opened, and there he was. He wasn’t even dressed up, wearing a worn t-shirt that looked so soft I wanted to rub my cheek up against it. His jeans looked soft, too, and his feet were bare, comfortable, at home. Relaxed.
It was devastating.
He looked taller than he had before, although for sure that was just my feelings about him. And his shoulders were so broad. I knew what it was like to be embraced in those strong arms and feel safe and cared for. His dark hair was rumpled, as if he had been running his fingers through it, as if he were nervous. I wanted to run my fingers through it. I’d relax him. His dark blueberry eyes were shadowed with unspoken words and his soft shapely lips curved into a smile at the sight of me. I wanted to kiss him and never stop.
He sighed warmly. “God, it’s good to see you Alex.”
I was screwed.
Chapter Ten: Jordan
The elevator door opened on Alex and something within me opened too. Something in my life opened up. She glowed. And I felt it inside of me. She was pink and peach and blue sky and miles of curving legs and rounded arms. She was lit from within and I wanted that light in my life. For so long, I’d been fighting against the darkness, trying to find a way to be free. Seeing her now, here, with me, I had the thought that as long as she was with me, the darkness could not find me.
I stared into her huge brown eyes, so open and vulnerable, and the golden rays welcomed me. She looked as if she wasn’t sure of my welcome. How could she not be sure? Didn’t she know how I felt about her? Couldn’t she tell?
I reached out to take her hand and drew her out of the elevator, into my apartment, into my arms, into my life. The doors shushed closed and she was really here. With me. It felt right. I held her, her curves lush and soft against my body, her scent rising up to me, something light and floral with a deeper note of sensuality and depth, and was happy.
“I’m so glad you’ve come,” I whispered into her hair. “I wasn’t sure you’d come.”
“You were right, Jordan. I was holding you at a distance,” she said, into the skin of my neck. I shivered. She felt my reaction and petted my back soothingly. “And I decided that wasn’t fair to you.”
Fair to me? I pulled away so I could look at her face. “You shouldn’t be here if you’re doing it out of obligation, Alex. That was the point of keeping it light all the time, wasn’t it? No commitment. No obligation. Just two people who want to spend time together. That’s still where we are…” A twinge of uncertainty went through me. “Isn’t it?”
She laughed at me and there was something new in her eyes, a tenderness that hadn’t been there before. She’d always been warm and happy and sexy, so sexy, but now, with the way she reached for both my hands and held onto me, her lips curved in that soft, sensuous smile, she called to me. She said yes with her whole body. “Oh, Jordan, that is where we are. I do still want to spend time with you.” She ducked her head and her flowing hair hid her face for a minute. I put a finger to her chin and tipped it up so I could see her expression, her eyes, which were warm and soft and lovely. “I want to spend more time with you. I wasn’t being fair to myself, either. You were right. I am scared, and I was using Trini as an excuse, and keeping it to business hours so I wouldn’t…” she broke off, biting her lip. I thought she wouldn’t continue.
She let out a breath. “I like you more than I thought I would. The night I met you, that wasn’t supposed to be anything. We were just supposed to have a fling. My heart wasn’t supposed to be involved at all.”
Her heart.
Her heart was involved.
“What are you grinning at?” she asked, her brows drawn down suspiciously in a frown, her full lips pouting.
“Nothing.” Joy rose up. There was no way I could hide it.
“Jordan. You’re laughing at me.”
“No, I’m not.” Yes, I was.
“Stop laughing at me,” she grumbled and took a swing at me, slapping me on the chest with surprising force. I held onto her hand and wouldn’t let her go. She didn’t try to get free.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” I said.
“Me too.” She stood on her toes and kissed me, her free hand coming around my neck so I couldn’t get away from her.
As if I wanted to. Her lips were so soft, all of her was so soft, I wanted to keep her with me always. When she broke the kiss, I couldn’t help letting out a gravely little hum. “That’s what I was looking forward to.”
She flipped her hair and looked over my shoulder. “Not me. I’m just here to see the Cezanne. I still can’t believe you have a Cezanne.”
“It’s just a minor Cezanne landscape,” I grumbled. “I don’t even technically own it. It’s owned by my foundation. I’m just holding onto it. I’m not like that, Alex.”
She must have read something, something ashamed in my demeanor. I’d never felt right about all that my family had. Nor had I felt right about what they’d done to get it. I’d benefitted but never really wanted it. It was hard to separate from that. She raised a gentle hand to my jaw and cradled it. I nuzzled her like a cat.
“I know you’re not. Now that I know you better, I can see how much this apartment doesn’t feel like you. It’s so…glamorous and such a bachelor’s castle. You’re… You wear cartoon ties and drink too much coffee. I was just teasing you.”
“It’s not me. It was part of the bargain my mother made me to get me to return home. She bought it and had it decorated. I just liked that it was close to my clinic. She had it designed to find me a wife so she could have grandbabies.”
Now she laughed and I couldn’t blame her.
“This time you’re allowed to tease me. It’s ridiculous. I’d get rid of the place and get something more my style but it’s just a place to sleep when I’m not working, and I don’t care enough to go through the bother of finding a new apartment and moving. Plus it has fantastic views of the sunset. I’m glad you’re on time. I had our whole night planned around this sunset. Come on.” I led her to the living room and sat her on the designer leather couch.
She reclined a little and patted the seat next to her. “This is a very luxurious couch,” she said and fluttered her eyelashes at me. “I think it’s meant for seduction.”
I lifted a finger at her. “No. I have this planned. You stay there. You’ll see.” I walked away from her backward, so I could watch her as she huffed and rolled her eyes most dramatically before I ducked into the kitchen.
“You can’t schedule a seduction, Doctor Bellamy!” she called. I flicked a switch, and my playlist came on, filling the room with slow, romantic music.
“You wanna bet?” I called back to her and checked the oven before grabbing the wine glasses, a bottle and the bottle opener. I came back out and she’d removed her shoes, lying back against the arm of the couch with her luscious legs stretched out along the cushions. I licked my lips but refrained, instead handing her the glasses. “Here, hold these.”
She did and watched me open the bottle easily.
“Impressive,” she said, grinning as I poured the red wine.
“Not impressive, sweetheart. I’m French.” I set the bottle down and then took my glass from her outstretched hand. “I was practically raised with a wine bottle instead of a baby bottle.”
She frowned. “I’m not sure I approve of that.”
“That’s because you’re a good mother. And my mother gives me a luxury apartment so I can seduce women. It’s a different kind of family.”
“Oh, Jordan,” she sai
d and took my arm, shifting so that I could sit next to her and she could wrap an arm around my waist and hold me close. “You deserve better.”
“I’d like to deserve you.”
For a moment, she almost looked like she was about to cry. Instead, she kissed me with such sweetness, I would have done anything for her. Anything. She pulled away far before I was ready to let her go and raised her glass to mine. “To you, Jordan. For everything you are.” The crystal chimed as she toasted, and I kept her from drinking.
“To us,” I said, not ready to tell her how I felt but wanting her to know, to feel it, too.
She crooked her mouth and looked me in the eyes before nodding almost imperceptibly. She drank and I wouldn’t let her look away.
“This wine is delicious,” she said.
“French,” I replied. Because: wine. And she chuckled and snuggled into my chest with my arm around her. We watched the sun lower itself in the sky over the river, lighting up the clouds with pinks and oranges and yellows. We listened to the music and just existed there.
This was what I had wanted when I asked her to come over. The chance to just be, with her in my arms, without jobs or responsibilities weighing on us, without people waiting outside the door. Just us. We didn’t even speak for the most part. We didn’t need to kiss or fondle, we just let ourselves be together and it felt so right.
When the oven alarm went off and I moved to stand up, she made a noise of displeasure and tried to keep me from leaving.
I kissed her hand and stood. “I have to get dinner out of the oven, sweetheart.”
“You cooked for me?”
“French,” I said and winked. As if that was supposed to explain away what I would do for her. Food, wine, sunsets. “Go sit at the dining table, we’ll still get to see the sunset, the whole apartment has a great view. I planned this.”
“Jordan, you didn’t have to do all this for me. I would have been happy with a pizza and beer.”
“We could have a pizza and beer any day. I wanted to do something special.” To show her what she meant to me.
She reached for me and I held up a finger. “Go sit. My timer is calling me.”
She went to the dining table while I plated the food; pepper-encrusted steak with a dijon cream sauce, oven-roasted potatoes with parsley and butter and French cut green beans. I carried them out to her where she was sipping her wine and set her plate in front of her.
“Voila,” I said, and then handed her a rose.
She blinked, startled, looked at the rose and then back at me. “It’s pink.”
“Because it reminds me of your cheeks when you blush. I love your blush.” She blushed for me then, and I smiled. “That’s the one.” She didn’t seem to have any words, so I bent down, kissed her flushed cheek and then sat at the table with her.
“Wow, Jordan, this is delicious. You’re an amazing chef.” I opened my mouth to speak and she interrupted. “If you say you’re French again, I’ll pinch you. Just take the compliment.”
I ducked my head and shut my mouth because I had indeed been about to brush it off with a French comment.“Thank you,” I said, instead, and she looked at me smugly, because she knew.
We ate and I opened another bottle of wine and as we finished, the sun sank below the horizon, spreading deep shades of orange, rose and violet across the sky. The darkness rose but it didn’t feel dark or heavy, it felt full of possibility.
“Did you really order up this sunset just for me?” She asked, and it seemed like she was only half-joking.
I shook my head. “I just got lucky.” Lucky I’d met her that night. Lucky she walked back into my clinic. Lucky she was working at the coffee shop next door. I hooked a foot around her chair and slid it towards me. I had to kiss her.
Her eyes got huge and her lips fell open as I sank my fingers into her hair. I loved that she left it loose for me, that it was wild and wavy, verging on curly. It was uncontrolled, full, lush and free. I didn’t need to bring her lips to mine, she was right there with me and when we kissed, I felt all the colors of the sunset inside of my chest. I swallowed her sweetness, her freshness and her down-to-earth honesty. She was a part of my heart more than any other woman I’d ever known. I’d have been worried if it didn’t feel so damn right.
I stood and drew her with me. “Come to bed with me?”
She let out a shuddering sigh and ran her hands down my arms. “Oh, Jordan, you don’t even need all this stuff to seduce me, you know that, right? In fact, it’s a mark against you. I didn’t need any of this.”
“You don’t like fancy dinners and sunsets?” I loved the curves of her waist going into her hips, the strong muscles there and the soft flesh. I held her close.
“No, I love them, but I’d be happy with beer and pizza on a stoop, as long as you’re there. It’s you who I’m falling for, not the penthouse.”
“Got it. Next date. Beer and pizza on the stoop. This date, down pillows and Egyptian cotton sheets?” I wiggled my eyebrows at her.
This time, her hands ran up my sides, under my shirt, across my stomach. “Oh, we shouldn’t…”
“No?” I bent my head to the juncture of her neck and shoulder, revealed by her strappy, silky top with little points of light here and there. I sucked at her pulse point and she shivered and dug her fingers into my shoulders.
“Everything is still so complicated…”
“You’re right, we shouldn’t.” I thought we totally should, but maybe she needed a little more encouragement. I slipped the strap off of her shoulder and peeled the top down. Her strapless bra was a pale pink lace. I loved her breasts. Gorgeous and full. I held one in my hand, just feeling it and pinched the nipple until it peaked. She arched into me. I set my lips to her nipple through the lace and kissed her.
She let out a sigh.
“Whenever you’re ready, Alex, I’ll wait for you. We’ll go at your speed.” I stood up, after one last kiss to her taut nipple, and pulled her shirt back up, covering her up. Going at her speed.
“Ugh,” she said and glared at me. “That was totally unfair.” Then she pushed me back, and back until she had walked me all the way back to the couch, where she pushed me down, climbing over me to straddle my lap.
“Indeed, your couch is luxurious,” she said. “Very good for seduction.” She pulled my shirt up and over my head and threw it on the floor. She looked at my bare chest as if she would devour it, and ran her hands all over me, settling at the button of my jeans between us. I grew instantly hard. “I’ve been dying to get you naked again.” The desperation in her voice nearly undid me. “I can’t stop thinking about it. Now that I know you, know who you are, I just… I want… I knew this would happen.” She almost looked in pain. She laid her hands on my sides and held on as if she were afraid to let go. Afraid to fall.
“What would happen?” I pushed her, my hands sliding up her thighs to her ass, under her skirt, gripping her to me, needing her to say it.
“Damn you,” she said, fierce, and then possessed my mouth with hers, kissing me deep and hot. She ground her hips into mine and I groaned.
“Alex...you have to tell me you want it. You have to say it.”
She panted into my ear. “You were supposed to be a rich asshole. You were supposed to be someone to have a good time with and not get attached to. How could you do this to me?”
I pulled away from her to see her face. She was upset. “Sweetheart…”
“Don’t,” she whispered. Tears in her eyes. She squeezed them shut and one rolled down her cheek.
I kissed it away. “We don’t have to, it’s okay. We don’t.”
“Damn you. Please. Please, Jordan,” she panted. “Please, take me to bed. Please.” She kissed me desperately. “Make love to me,” I swallowed her words with my mouth.
I stood up with her still in my arms, her lips against mine. She wrapped her legs around my hips and her arms around my shoulders and clung to me as I carried her into my bedroom and laid her on my bed.
She wouldn’t release me, so I crawled up on top of her and pressed my weight into her body. Finally, her grip released and she gentled under me. Her soft body. Curvy and warm and mine. I felt like I was home.
She went for my zipper and opened it, slipping her hand in and wrapping her fingers around me. My eyes rolled back in my head and I pressed my forehead to hers. “Hey, slow down. We have time, okay? I want to enjoy this.” I removed her hand and kissed it, then kissed her neck.
“We don’t have time. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I don’t have all night. I have to leave soon to pick up Trini. I wasn’t supposed to let myself do this tonight. I was trying to be smart…” She pulled me to her with her legs at the same time she whipped her shirt off over her head, reaching behind herself to unfasten her bra.
The glorious globes of her breasts were revealed in front of me. “Oh, I missed these.” I bent to cover them in my hands, squeezing and massaging her, rolling the tips between my fingers. “I had dreams about these nightly. Oh, Alex,” I groaned, “let’s enjoy this, okay? Even if you have to leave soon tonight, this is only the beginning for us. We have time.” I licked her nipple. “Only the beginning, okay?”
She let out a breath and flexed her fingers into my shoulders as I suckled. “Okay, okay.” Her breathing calmed and deepened.
“That’s good.” I felt her relax under me. “Good girl. I can make it even better for you,” I murmured, sliding down her body, slipping her skirt and panties over her hips and down her legs. “Yes, much better.” I kissed and licked and fondled my way back up her body.
“Jordan,” she whimpered, “Jordan,” letting the most beautiful sigh out as I reached the apex of her thighs with my mouth and kissed her there, softly, touching her. “Baby,” she said, and her voice resonated within me.