A Lova' Like No Otha'

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  Chase got off the couch and headed for the kitchen. “This is going to be a great day. I can feel it.”

  I watched as Chase filled the coffeepot with water and then set it on the coffee stand. He moved with such excitement and expectancy; I didn't understand. I wondered how he could feel so confident. After everything I went through the day before, there was no way this day could possibly be great.

  “Come on,” Chase encouraged. “I'm making you breakfast.”

  I wasn't hungry, but Chase was so happy and had done so much to help me, I wanted to keep him smiling. So I sat at the table, sipping my coffee and nibbling on my wheat toast.

  I tried to smile and chat, but my thoughts kept returning to yesterday—the day that was supposed to be the best in my life, yet had turned into the worst.

  “Okay,” Chase said when he cleaned off the table. “We're going out.”

  I didn't have enough energy to protest. So, after he brought my suitcases inside, I showered and changed.

  “Where are we going?” I asked when I joined Chase in the living room.

  He took my hand and pulled me from the couch. “Just come with me.”

  We walked to Virginia Key Beach and Chase pointed out where he liked to work out. Then we strolled to the sand and sat down. For minutes, we watched the waves crash along the shore.

  “I might be playing in the NFL this season,” Chase announced suddenly.

  My eyes moved from the unsettling waves to Chase. When I saw his smile, my lips turned up into one of my own. “What! For real!” I exclaimed. I took his hand and squeezed it.

  “Yeah, after a year of all this training and calling all those teams, the Seattle Storm gave me a positive response. They may be offering me a free-agent contract.”

  I paused for just a moment. “Devyn told me you couldn't make a team, that you're not fast enough.” Just mentioning my man's name almost caused my tears to flow once again.

  “Oh, yeah?” Chase countered. “Since when does that guy know anything? Watch this!”

  Suddenly he stood and sprinted up the beach while I sat, embraced by the soothing sand. I watched the muscles ripple down his dark back. His well-toned thighs carried him gracefully, yet speedily. Even his butt caught my attention, and my, oh my, was it fine! Actually for the first time, I realized Chase was a cutie. His sweet, dark chocolate skin tempted me to want to lick him all over.

  Quickly, shaking my head, I dismissed the naughty thoughts from my mind. I knew that Chase liked me, and one move from me could put us in a relationship. But I couldn't lead Chase on. Even though Devyn cared nothing for me, I was still in love with him. I was too wounded to consider another love. Besides, Devyn and Chase had been tight for years.

  Still, seeing Chase the way I did gave me hope that another man besides Devyn could be pleasing in my sight. I hadn't thought that would ever be the case.

  As Chase sprinted back toward me, I saw determination written all over his face. I had a feeling that the Seattle Storm had no idea how valuable Chase would be to their team.

  When he reached me, he kicked sand onto my legs.

  “Stop,” I said, not really wanting him to. “I hope they call. You deserve a shot.”

  “Thanks. That means a lot.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. “Look at you! You're all sandy,” he joked. “You gotta get cleaned up now.” He dragged me into the cool ocean water.

  We were acting like a couple of high-school kids on a first date. But this was not a date, I reminded myself.

  We spent the rest of the day acting like tourists, enjoying lunch at one of the cafés on the beach and then browsing through the boutiques. We couldn't buy anything because neither one of us had a dime to spare. As the sun set, we walked along the ocean's line until the day bowed to night.

  Then we went to the Rusty Pelican for dinner. We sat at a candlelit table as a jazz ensemble softly played in the corner. The atmosphere was completely romantic. But the flickering candlelight and the background music only reminded me that I was supposed to be on my honeymoon.

  “What's wrong?” Chase asked as he reached across the table and placed his hand over mine.

  I thought back to the hours we'd spent together and the million little things Chase had done to make me laugh and feel special throughout the entire day. Now, I appreciated him trying to console me, but I was still a mess. There wasn't anything special about me, and I knew it; this had to be why Devyn had rejected me.

  I stared at him for a moment before I stood from the table and ran, almost bumping into the waiter who was just bringing our dinners. I wasn't in great shape like Chase, but I still made it back to his apartment first, probably because he had to give some explanation to the waiter.

  But it wasn't until I arrived that I realized I didn't have the key. I pounded on the door, not because I expected to be answered, but because I was filled with frustration, anger and sadness.

  “Why, Lord?” I shouted. “Why is all this happening to me?”

  I don't know how long I stood there, sobbing against the door, before Chase came behind me and pressed his face against my neck. That sweet gesture let me know that he felt my pain. He shared it, cared about it and didn't want me to have to experience it. I so appreciated his compassion, but I couldn't let go of my grief.

  Minutes later, Chase opened the door and led me inside. We sat on the couch, and he held me silently until my tears stopped.

  “Are you okay?” he whispered when he saw my tear-free face.

  I nodded, though I really didn't think I'd be okay ever again.

  “I promise, Zoe, it's going to be all right. You'll look back on this one day and know that it all happened for a purpose.”

  I nodded again, not because I agreed with him, but because there was no need to argue.

  “You haven't talked to your mother today, have you?” Chase asked.

  I shook my head.

  “I'm sure she's worried by now.” He stood, lifted the cordless phone from the table and handed it to me.

  I knew Chase was right. I needed to let the people who cared about me know that I was okay. But I didn't want anyone to come looking for me. Not just yet.

  I took the phone from Chase. “I'll call my brother.”

  Chase nodded and sat on the couch as I dialed the number.

  “Alonzo, it's me,” I said when he answered the phone on the first ring.

  “Zoe, girl, 'bout time. We've been worried 'bout you.”

  “I know. I'm sorry. But I'm fine.”

  “Where you at?”

  I was grateful that he didn't have caller ID. “I'm safe.” I glanced at Chase sideways. “And I'm with someone who cares about me and can take care of me.”

  Chase smiled.

  “Like I don't? I care about you too, Zoe,” Alonzo said with a sigh.

  “I know. But I just need a few days. Do me a favor and let Mom and everyone know that I'm straight.”

  My brother was hesitant. I knew he didn't agree. Finally after a long pause, he agreed to pass on the message. Pressing the off button, Chase pulled me into his arms. I slept like a baby as he held me.

  The following days flew by in a blur. My life felt strange, as if I were going through withdrawal from a drug. I even got the chills from time to time. Chase nurtured me as if I were an addict—making sure that I ate and slept. He took care of my every need. But he couldn't help me purge Devyn from my system. I had to get the jerk out of my heart, but it was so difficult to shake the feeling of love I'd held for him for such a long time.

  Three days after I talked to my brother, Chase gave me some news that sent me spinning.

  “I got accepted into the Seattle Storm's training camp,” he announced as he placed a paper plate bearing a ham sandwich in front of me. “I told the landlord I'd be out of the apartment by the end of the month.”

  I stared at him, my mouth open wide. Finally, words came out. “What am I going to do?” All kinds of thoughts went through my mind. I still didn't have a j
ob, or even the prospect of one. I didn't have anyplace to live. I'd given up everything to be Devyn's wife. But what frightened me the most was trying to do this recovery without Chase. “I've leaned on you so much this last week. Not havin' you here is kinda scary.”

  Chase sat down across from me. “I wish I didn't have to go so soon,” he said, his voice husky. “I don't want to leave if you're not capable of handling things. I wouldn't want you to get so depressed that you'd contemplate…what you thought about on Saturday.”

  I shook my head. “Don't be silly. I wouldn't do that again,” I assured him. But his glance told me that he wasn't sure. Though I didn't want him to go, I knew I had to let him know that I'd be okay. “You've already done more for me than I could ever ask, Chase. Besides, you have to go. I want you to be successful and prove Devyn wrong.” We shared a refreshing laugh that lightened the oppressive mood. But though I tried to reassure him, I couldn't make myself feel better. “Chase, I'm not sure I can find my way without you.”

  “Zoe, the battle's not yours,” he said. “You gotta let go of this idea that you need a guy to take care of you. The only one you really need to lead you is God.”

  Deep down, I knew Chase was right. I hadn't done much praying since my wedding day disaster. I felt like God had abandoned me, so why should I talk to Him? I had believed His promise that He would give me the desires of my heart. Devyn was my greatest desire, and losing him made me extremely bitter.

  “I know you mean well and all, Chase,” I said, trying not to sound rude. “But I really don't want to hear any preachin' right now, okay?”

  “Why? Because God didn't do what you wanted Him to do?”

  I looked at Chase and wondered, how could this man see so keenly into my mind and voice my thoughts so clearly?

  “Zoe, God is always in control. He does things for our good, even though sometimes we can't see it. Isn't it better for Him to give you what you need, instead of what you think you want?”

  “All I want is to have Devyn in my life! How can wanting to be on my honeymoon be so wrong? Don't I need to know where my life is going? Doesn't God need to do at least that for me?”

  “Listen,” Chase said calmly. “I love God, not because of what He does for me, but because of who He is. He's my Savior, my Redeemer and my Lord.”

  “I'm glad that works for you.” Trying not to hear all that, I took a bite of my sandwich.

  “I guess what I'm trying to say, Zoe, is that the things I ask God for are the things that please Him. I want His will to be done in my life more than I want my desires to be met. If I desire His will, then everything I want will be done.”

  I had no interest in what Chase was yakking about. Truth be told, I didn't want to listen. But I wasn't going to tell him to be quiet, and he kept talking. It was his sincerity that forced me to tune in.

  “A lot of folks go around saying, ‘I want God to bless my relationship. I want this man or that woman.’ Then they go fornicating all through the relationship. They ignore the fact that God asks us to be clean. How in the world can they expect Him to bless their relationship when they don't do what He says?”

  It was hard to swallow the bit of sandwich that was in my mouth. I wondered how much Chase knew about the level of intimacy there'd been in my relationship with Devyn. I was sure Dev had bragged about his conquest. Suddenly I felt ashamed of the things he had undoubtedly told his roommate. I lowered my eyes, unable to look at Chase.

  “Zoe, Devyn doesn't even know God. But you do. You may not be where you need to be in your walk because you're hurt and angry right now. But deep down, I know you love the Lord. And God doesn't want you to be with somebody who doesn't love Him. He can't bless a relationship that's not built on His principles.”

  I didn't know what to say, so I just kept eating. I noticed Chase hadn't touched his food.

  Chase kept talking, and after a few minutes, I could tell that he seemed to be getting frustrated, maybe even angry. He seemed upset that I could not see what he was saying. That I didn't really get it. That I was holding on to my troubles. I could tell that Chase was disappointed and that bothered me. Although I owed him nothing, I didn't want to let him down.

  Finally, Chase pushed back his chair from the table, his ham sandwich still untouched. “I gotta get ready to go to the airport,” he muttered.

  My gaze shot up to his face. “Already?” I shrieked, fear obvious in my voice. “You can't be leaving today?” I glanced into the living room. There were no bags, no signs of his preparing to go anywhere. But that only meant that he had probably packed in his bedroom. I'd been sleeping in Devyn's bed.

  “My flight leaves tonight,” he explained. “I have my first workout tomorrow morning.”

  I tried to swallow my fear, but it stuck in my throat. “Well, I guess I'd better get my things together and get out of here too.” I couldn't begin to answer the questions that ran through my mind: Where am I going to go? What am I supposed to do?

  “There's no need for you to rush. The rent is paid up till the end of the month. You might as well stay here until then.”

  I breathed, but I wasn't totally relieved. “How will I get in touch with you?”

  “Until I know how things are going to work in training camp, I won't have a number I can give you. I'll call whenever I can, but I've got to really focus on trying to make this team.”

  “I understand.” I didn't like it, but I understood. I wasn't his responsibility.

  Chase went to his bedroom and I stared at his untouched sandwich. I took our dishes to the kitchen sink and wrapped his lunch in cellophane. I was grateful for the activity. I needed something to do as I processed this information. By the time I finished cleaning the kitchen, Chase returned with three suitcases. He placed them by the door.

  “Chase,” I said, “I don't want you to be mad at me. I really appreciate everything you've done for me.” I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight.

  He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could release his words, the front door burst open. Startled, I released my hold on Chase, but not soon enough.

  “What's up with this?” Devyn ranted, throwing his hands in the air. “My boy gettin' it on with my ex? Dang! Well, you can have her, man. I don't care. I just came to pick up a few things.” Devyn stormed through the house, grabbing his towels and other bathroom gear, getting the rest of his funky clothes, which had been on the floor of his closet for nearly a week, and some kitchen appliances that I'd bought for him. He stuffed all that into a big black duffel bag, continuing his verbal rampage as he moved from room to room. “And you wonder why I don't want you no more, Zoe? Look at you, girl. The minute I'm gone, you go and get with my best man. I can just imagine how wrong you'd have done me if we got married.” Devyn tossed a coffee mug into the bag so hard something shattered inside. He didn't even pause. “And Chase, my brotha'. I figured you were a trip. I knew you weren't no good. You always wanted my woman. Well, I'm done with her, man. I done throwed out this piece of trash. If you want it, it's yours!”

  In that moment, it occurred to me that I had been moping over a guy who not only didn't care about me but was so arrogant he made me sick. For the first time, I really looked at Devyn. And what I saw made my stomach turn.

  I was finally seeing another side of this man, or maybe a side that had always been there, but I was too blind to see before. I knew now that Chase was right. I should have been down on my knees, thanking God for not allowing us to be life partners. I needed to thank God for showing me what this man was really like.

  Now I had hope—hope of getting over Devyn and moving on with my life. This scene wasn't what I'd call showers of blessings, but I was thankful for the safe harbor Chase offered me, the lull.

  Chapter 4

  Red-hot anger tensed Chase's body as he watched Devyn stomp and shout through the apartment. I wasn't sure which of Devyn's words ticked Chase off, but before I could do anything, he lunged toward Devyn, ready to punch him out. I quickly jum
ped, standing between the two friends. My action made Chase stop. He placed his trembling arms around me.

  I turned around and looked at Devyn. He was staring at Chase and me—or should I say, he was staring at our embrace. His eyes were sad, appearing full of hurt that Chase and I stood that way, holding each other. But he put on a tough face, seeming to pretend it didn't matter. Without a word, he disappeared into his bedroom.

  Chase still held me, his arms tight around my waist, and I understood Devyn's sadness. I wasn't sure what the hug meant myself. As Chase held me, I couldn't deny my feelings for him—it was as if a surge of passion filled me.

  But I had to keep my feelings inside, at least for the moment.

  Chase gazed into my eyes, his arms still in place. “The airport shuttle will be here any minute, and if I don't catch it, I'll miss my plane,” he said softly.

  I trembled.

  “But I can reschedule my flight for the morning if you don't want to be here alone with him.”

  I didn't want Chase to leave at all. When he walked out that door, whether it happened tonight or in the morning, he would be going to a world far away from me.

  Though I wasn't in love with Chase, I did love him. And over the past days, I'd grown to love him more than I ever thought could happen. He was my anchor holding me together, helping me find peace in turbulent seas. I still couldn't get used to the thought of not having him around.

  But again, I wanted him to know that it was okay to leave. Chase had done his job. It was time for me to stand up and do mine. I didn't know how I was going to survive without him, but deep down I knew I could.

  Just as I had that thought, we heard a van's horn and I knew it was the shuttle.

  “Go,” I said. Then I kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks for caring. Don't worry about me. I'm gonna be fine.”

  He nodded, though I could tell that he didn't want to leave. He wasn't sure. He said, “I'll call you the first chance I get.”

  “I'd like that,” I said softly. “Now, go on.” I turned him around and nudged him toward the door. “Make me proud.”