by Layla Wilde
“Oh, yeah. Clearly she wants for nothing. Clearly everything is just hunky-dory. Man, I know we’re tight and everything, but you’re a serious asshole if you don’t go to that appointment.”
I stared at my clothing director as though he had officially lost his mind. “What happened to her not being pretty? Or worth it?”
His eyes narrowed. “Because now that I really think about it, putting a baby into the picture changes everything. It’s called responsibility. And if you had any brain cells in that head of yours, you’d ask her out. I may have standards like you do, but I also have something called ethics. Now come on, call her back or I’m leaving. And I’m taking all these beers with me. And the wine. Oh, and the—”
“Okay, okay!” I held up a hand. “I get it, just… What do I say?”
“Easy. Say you’ll go. Call her and tell her you’ll be there. And then when you do get there, ask her out on a date. You do know how to do that, don’t you?”
I narrowed my eyes on him. He was making sense, but I didn’t want to admit it. I also didn’t want to admit that I was scared of the commitment I knew I had to take on. There was no way I was ready for it. “No. No dates. No way.” I ran my hands through my hair. “Easy? You call this easy?” My lips pressed together, and I felt my nostrils flare. “You know what my mom told me once? ‘If it was easy, everyone would do it.’ Well, it seems everyone’s having kids, but it’s definitely not easy!”
Rocco laughed. “Dude, you’re panicking. I’ve actually never seen you panic before. It’s kinda cute.”
I heaved a sigh and rolled my eyes. “Shut up.” There were a million things going through my mind at the same time, and none of them made any sense at all. “This doesn’t make any sense. Why am I doing this?” Shaking my head again, mumbling to myself, I walked back out to the balcony and called Stephanie back.
When she answered, I didn’t hear her voice. I just heard the faint click as she picked up. “Stephanie?”
“What?” Her voice was crisp; she didn’t sound happy.
“I’ll…” I sighed and glanced at Rocco. He waved at me and gave me strange hand gestures that I didn’t understand. “Listen.” Looking at the view below, I leaned a hip against the railing. “I’ll come to the appointment tomorrow. Okay? I’ll come.”
There was a long silence. I thought she’d hung up on me until she finally spoke. “Thank you. It’s at 2:30 tomorrow afternoon at Dr. Clause’s office. Do you know where that is?”
“Yes. I’ll meet you outside her office at 2:25.”
There was a click as she hung up. Looking down at the phone, I sighed again and glanced up toward the stars. What the hell was I doing?
Stephanie
I sat alone in Dr. Clause’s waiting room, my hands clenched tightly together in my lap. Darla was at work, so she hadn’t been able to make it. It was 2:30 in the afternoon, and there was no sign of Damian. After exploding on him over the phone the night before, I could almost understand why he wasn’t here.
“Stephanie Sanders?”
When I heard someone at the front call my name, I took a deep breath and stood up.
“Stephanie!” Damian’s voice came to me from the door, and I turned to look with wide eyes.
I couldn’t stop my smile from lighting up my face. I could hardly believe he’d shown up. “You came.”
“Yeah. Sorry I’m late, I was…” He waved a hand. “It doesn’t matter. I’m here.”
“Stephanie Sanders,” the voice from the front called again.
“That’s me—us.” I reached awkwardly for his hand, but drew back and folded my arms across my chest. I gave him a tight, hopeful smile and hurried to the front.
“This way, please.” The nurse took us into one of the offices in the far corner. “Have a seat and the doctor will be right in to see you.”
“Thank you.” I sat down in one of the chairs, my eyes shifting to the ultrasound machine and the bed next to it. My stomach fluttered with butterflies, and I placed a hand on my swollen belly. Damian, to my surprise, sat down next to me. He looked as awkward as I felt, but, to my relief, he wasn’t shutting down like he had the last time I’d seen him.
“So, what have you been up to lately?”
He shrugged at my question. He struggled to meet my gaze. “Do we really have to do the small talk thing?”
I sighed, and I felt a faint surge of irritation. I had no idea if it was real or if it was the hormones talking. “No, I guess not. But it’s not really small talk. I just want to know how you’ve been.”
“I don’t know… fine. Working. My dad’s retiring a few months early, so I’ll be taking over his company sooner than expected.”
I nodded, my anxiety creeping up on me like it always did. A large part of me wanted to know where the man was who had wooed me so easily at the opening of the Cherry Pop Nightclub. I wished he was here instead of the real Damian. My gut lurched at the thought.
“That’s good. Congratulations.” My voice felt as hollow as it sounded. When Damian said nothing, I swallowed audibly. “Do you even like me?”
There was an even longer moment of silence. He wouldn’t look at me.
“Hello again, Stephanie!” Dr. Clause’s voice jerked me from the conversation, and I swore I saw Damian flinch as well. The doctor looked between us and raised both eyebrows. “I swear I could cut the tension with a butter knife right now. Everything okay?”
“Yeah, fine. Good.” I smiled at her even though I knew it had to look fake.
“Good.” Damian rubbed his hands over his knees and nodded.
She eyed us both for a few seconds. “Okay, good. Stephanie, can I get you to sit up on the bed?”
I nodded, grateful for the distraction. I pulled myself up from the chair and sat on the table, my legs hanging down. Deborah smiled at me before she pushed the bottom of my shirt up. “Can you hold this?”
I held my shirt out of the way for her. I glanced at Damian, who sat in his chair on the far end of the room. He looked tenser than I could ever remember seeing him. I knew for a fact, just from the conversation we’d had on the phone, that he didn’t want to be here. It was written all over his beautiful face.
“Alright, this might be a little cold, Stephanie. Hang tight.” As I looked away from Damian, I watched as the doctor applied some clear goop to my belly. It was cold, making me flinch.
“That is cold,” I whispered nervously, my smile matching my voice.
Deborah used the wand and rolled it over my belly. She pointed to the ultrasound screen. “Have a look. sir, you can come closer if you want a better look.”
I tried to smile at Damian. I still desperately wanted the answer to my question. Damian shrugged reluctantly and walked closer to the bed. He swallowed without looking at me, and I could tell he was in danger of shutting down again. I knew the feeling all too well. Not knowing what to do, even though I was upset with him, I reached out and took his closest hand. He looked surprised and glanced at me.
“Okay, you two.” The doctor pointed to the screen. “Here is your little one. You see her?”
I shifted my eyes to the screen. The breath hitched in my throat, and I gasped, my jaw slackening. All I could do was stare, and tears filled my eyes when Damian squeezed my hand. I was too scared to believe he could be supportive in any other way except financially, but there was still hope buried deep down inside.
“Her?” I breathed. “She’s a girl?”
“She’s a girl,” Deborah confirmed. “If you want, I can leave you two for a few minutes while I take care of some paperwork. I can leave the machine on so you can watch her.”
“No, that’s okay.”
“Okay, sure.”
Damian and I spoke at the same time. I wanted him to stay. He wanted to go.
“Alright, well… I’ll let you two figure that out.” She winked at us both and with a smile, stood up and left the office. The door closed softly behind her; Damian and I were left in the room alone.
&n
bsp; I stared at the machine because I couldn’t look at him. “Well?” I whispered.
“Well what?”
“Do you like me?”
There was a brief silence. When I heard him stand, I reached out and took his wrist. “No.” It was rare that I showed any degree of assertiveness, but I couldn’t let him walk away from this. I had to know. “You haven’t been around in months, Damian. Months. You throw money at me as though it will make everything okay, but it doesn’t. It won’t. Do you have any sense of responsibility at all, or do you just bury it under all the women you screw?”
I could see the hurt flash across his face, and I immediately regretted the words. “Damian… I… I’m sorry. I’m just—”
“Scared,” he said. He stared at me, frozen to the spot. “You’re scared.”
“Yes. I’m terrified. I’m scared I’m doing this all wrong. I’m scared that you’ll vanish and I’ll never see or hear from you again. I’m scared of having this baby. I’m just scared of everything right now, and I feel like such a damn fool for trusting you. And I know we’re not actually together, but I thought that night meant something to you.”
I saw him move, and I expected him to leave. There were no words to describe the feeling when he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me close. I clung to him and chose to revel in this moment rather than ask why. I was even more shocked when he stroked my hair and hugged me closer. He was getting ultrasound goop all over him, but he didn’t seem to care. “I’m sorry I’ve been MIA, Stephanie, but I want to make it up to you. I want to do better.” I could feel him hold his breath. “What do you say we try… ‘us?’”
Was he serious? I stared at him without blinking. “Us? What do you mean?” After a pause, I said, “Are you sure?”
“Yeah…” His brows were drawn together, and he almost looked afraid.
My heart was pounding. “Then yes. Okay. We have a lot of catching up to do, but if you’re ready for something like this… I am, too.”
He gave me a tight smile and kissed the top of my head. One of his hands smoothed some hair back from my eyes. “I want to.”
I nodded and held onto him, breathless and unable to stop smiling.
“Here. I printed something off for you guys.” I jumped at the sound of the doctor’s voice. So deep in my own world, I hadn’t even heard her come back in. She smiled at me and handed me a copy of the baby on the ultrasound.
“It’s beautiful. Thank you so much,” I said.
“Thank you. Was there anything else?” Damian looked to me. “I should get her home.”
“No, nothing else.” Deborah nodded as she helped me wipe the ultrasound goop from my belly.
“Thank you again.” I gave her another grateful smile and let Damian guide me slowly out of the office. Once we were outside, I took in some deep breaths and tried to pull myself together. More than anything, I wished Darla had been here with us. This man, who I barely even knew, pulled my heart in so many different directions. I just hoped he was ready to commit to what he’d promised.
Damian
I stood in the doorway of Stephanie’s house, trying not to think about what had happened at the doctor’s office. I was not ready for a relationship, but I’d had to do something. Avoiding her wasn’t working, and it just made me feel guilty. She deserved someone in her life who could be there for her, and I really wanted that person to be me. I had to try.
“Stephanie?” My voice was soft.
She turned to look at me as she set her purse down on the table. “I’m okay. Promise.”
“Are you sure? I can come in if you want. Keep you company?”
“No, I’m fine, Damian, really. You’ve done enough, driving me home and…everything else.”
One of her hands squeezed my own, but I felt awkward instead of comforted. I saw flashes of my parents in my mind, and I remembered how happy they had been when I was a child. Those memories shifted into the present day, with my father constantly cheating on my mother. I couldn’t remember seeing her as unhappy as she was now. Stephanie deserved better than that. “Sure. Just call or text me if you need anything else, okay?” As she nodded and started to turn away, my heart clenched again. “Hey, Stephanie?” When she stopped and looked at me, I said, “Can I have a copy of the ultrasound picture?”
Her eyebrows shot up. “Of course. I’ll send it to you as soon as I scan it onto my phone. I’ll see you later, okay?”
I nodded and walked out, shutting the door behind me. For several seconds, I stood there and stared at the door, wondering what I had done. I nearly knocked a few times. I thought about calling her, but what good would that do? If I wanted to talk to her, wouldn’t it be better to do so face to face?
More than a little confused by my own feelings for a woman I barely knew, I headed to my car. After I slid in, I sat in the driver’s seat for what seemed like hours, staring at her front door.
Ping!
A message notification on my phone broke the silence, and I flinched. I checked my messages, hoping to see the ultrasound picture. Instead, I got a message from one of my highest paying agents: “Masters, there’s a surprise shoot tonight at the old library downtown. Be there in ten minutes.”
“Shit,” I whispered. After glancing at Stephanie’s door one more time, I pulled onto the road and headed for the library which was less than twenty minutes away.
The library was absolutely massive. It had been cleared of people for the purposes of this event. Staff members and library security weren’t allowed in the vicinity any more than patrons. My agent had her own security, all of whom were women. I’d never asked why she only hired female security officers, but I’d never complained. A woman in uniform was a beautiful thing.
As I walked inside, people scurried around like ants. There were cameras, sound buffers, backdrops, makeshift rooms, and everything else one could imagine on a modeling set. With all the books everywhere, and with the high ceilings and old stairwells, the place had a spooky feeling to it.
“Damian, you’re on deck!” I heard my agent scream at me, but it was hard to tell where she was because her voice echoed off of every surface.
I gave Rocco something of a withering look as he made the finishing touches on my outfit. I wore a glorious set of wine colored robes. On my head was a crown made from steel painted to look like gold. There were semi-precious stones inlaid in it.
“How could anyone call this stuff clothes?” I asked.
Rocco grinned at me and winked. “I dunno, dude. I think you look hot!”
“Right.” I sighed as I moved past him and onto the set. Ahead of me was a long, dark, wooden table set up with candles and books. Seated at the far end was a woman with the most brilliant red hair I had ever seen. She wore a sheer white dress that was a little too tight so her very fake breasts pushed against it. The fabric accentuated the darkness of her nipples, and my eyes were immediately drawn to them. On her head was a smaller crown than mine, accented with gold and precious stones.
“Okay, places everyone!” My agent ran around more than anyone else. She both looked and sounded irate. “Masters, you know what to do. Let’s go!” She clapped her hands.
I drank a cup of water offered to me to help clear my throat. With a grumble, I padded quietly to the opposite end of the table from the red-haired woman.
“Action in three… two...” The cameraman counted the last number off with a thumbs-up gesture.
Leaning over the table, I gripped the edge of it with my hands and stared longingly toward the woman at the other end. She looked back at me, setting down the book she’d been reading.
Drawing in a sharp breath to make her breasts press harder against the fabric, she stood up and walked sensually toward me. Her hips swayed, and a fan off to one side provided enough wind to make her hair flow elegantly behind her. I could hear the clicking of the camera; it was the only sound in my ears save the whir of that fan.
For the first time since I could remember, my mind went comple
tely blank. All I could think about was Stephanie and the baby in the photograph. I stared at the woman without moving, and she stared back at me. There were a few moments of silence before she threw her hands in the air.
“What the hell? Why did I even come here? This is such a shit show! Is it that hard to find someone who knows how to get up and walk ten feet?” She made an exasperated noise and shot me a heated glare.
“Damian!” My agent stomped toward me. Her face looked redder than a fire hydrant. “What’s the problem?”
Ping! That had come from my phone.
I felt my heart drop, my stomach tightening into knots. What if Stephanie had sent me a picture of our baby?
“Damian! Pay attention!”
I jumped when my agent screamed at me, and I felt an imminent explosion coming. Setting my jaw, I narrowed my gaze on her as my fingers curled into fists. “Hey! I’m sick of you yelling at me. That’s enough!”
Her face reddened so much I thought she might have a heart attack. “I am your agent! That means I call the shots here! I don’t care who you are, but if you want to be in the modeling industry, you need to do as you’re told!”
“I’m sick of this crap! I’m done with you!” I wanted to explode. My body vibrated with the need. I ripped the crown off my head and threw it to the floor. Turning on my heel, I stormed to the table where I’d put my things and picked up my phone. Everyone stared at me like I’d lost my mind, but I ignored them all in favor of what I saw on my screen.
The baby. There she was, on my screen. She looked so small and so strange, and I didn’t really want to believe she was mine. I didn’t want to believe I had helped create this tiny human. The sound of my agent yelling at me meant nothing compared to this.
“But… What about the shoot?” Rocco, who looked at me in horror, asked.
I shook my head at him and tugged on my clothes as fast as I possibly could. “Forget the shoot, Rocco.” I clutched the phone like a lifeline.