My hands trembled around his face as the branches of a tree behind Kipp swayed in the wind. Nettie wasn’t wrong—the answer was so damn simple that I wanted to scream out at how hard we had made it.
Why hadn’t I figured it out? After all I’d seen and learned about my abilities, I should’ve known better. I should have realized that only one thing could save Kipp—himself.
My body vibrated in hope. “Tell me.”
Kipp’s eyes softened with his tender smile. He placed his hands over top of mine, leaning down toward me. “I want to live again.”
The second the words left his mouth, a rush of wind fluttered the hair around my face, and his eyes went huge. He jerked out of my hold and glanced down at his hands, gazing over them before his focus jerked to me. “What….”
I stood, unable to move, unable to speak. I was only able to watch as Kipp began to shimmer with bright colors around him. Flickers of white and blue piercing light streamed around his body through the dark night.
The wind picked up, and I gathered my hair into one hand not to lose sight of him. I drew in a harsh breath, wrapping my free arm around my waist as tears rushed down my cheeks and the scent of the fresh trees engulfed me.
Kipp stared down at his fading body and I witnessed his confusion from the surprise flashing over his features. He didn’t understand what Nettie had said without saying it, but I did. It was the same power within myself.
The power to fix Kipp wasn’t something magical.
It was the strength within a soul.
Now it all made sense to me—when Kipp had been shot, he had come into the Netherworld to make that final decision. Live or die. Perhaps he accepted his death, but wanted to solve the Hannah Reid case, too. And that’s why he’d become a ghost in the first place. He needed to help Hannah cross with peace to settle his soul. Maybe he would’ve died after he solved her case, but his love for me trapped him.
The time he wanted to live again had been made in the real world. He had never told me in the Netherworld he wanted to live. He told me at a time when that admission wouldn’t matter. The decision couldn't be made in the real world. It had to be decided in the Netherworld.
Kipp had to choose to live.
The bright light mixed with purple blasts of color and when Kipp lifted his head, tears filled his eyes. His lips slowly parted and the wind whipped around us with such force, it caused branches to fall the ground behind him.
His whisper escaped, “Tess…”
Chapter Eight
Kipp had vanished…
I exhaled, unable to look away from the spot Kipp had winked out of existence. I stared at the pavement where he had stood in wonderment if he would reappear or if something would happen. “He’s gone.”
Had it actually worked?
As much as I had rationalized that I found the answer in my mind, and believed I had solved Kipp’s situation, and had seen it with my own eyes, I couldn’t accept it as true. For all we’d gone through to have him reconnect with his body, maybe part of me thought we’d never succeed.
The warm wind brushed over my skin, my body shivering and trembling, yet more in shock than at the cold presence of the Netherworld. I finally tore my focus away from the pavement and turned to Nettie. She looked blurry through my teary eyes, so I wiped my face frantically. “Did it work?”
She looked over my shoulder, then down the dark street behind her before she said to me, “He’s not here any longer, so I’m assuming so.”
“You assume?” I snapped, trying desperately not to scream at her. Assumptions, at this point, were not enough. “You don’t know for sure?”
She closed the distance between us, her boots clicking against the road, and her expression became measured. “I have power in the Netherworld, since I decided to stay. He’s not here anymore.” She stopped directly in front of me, glanced around again, and then finally shrugged. “That’s all I know. I cannot tell you if he’s gone back into his body.”
I focused on the spot where he vanished again, and stared at the crack in the pavement, praying that it had worked. Now I also wished I’d wake up to find out for sure, no matter what awaited me at Wayde’s house. A phone call to Kipp’s brother, Brandon, would be all I needed to do to find out for sure.
Deep down, I knew the moment he reconnected with his body, he’d wake up. But how to confirm that now?
At the same time, a part of me didn’t want to wake up. Who knew what I would discover. Wayde killing the people I loved? Although, the other part of me was so consumed with guilt that my friends were there alone. Well, alone as in, their souls were still in their bodies. Who knew what was happening to my body? Yet, if Wayde had wanted to kill us all, why wasn’t I dead already? Or perhaps he had killed me and I hadn’t realized it.
I shook my head, not even allowing myself to go there.
With all that jumbled-up mess on my mind, I focused on Nettie, who stood by one of the fallen branches. I centered my thoughts on something I wondered, but hadn’t cared in the moment of healing Kipp to ask. “Why didn’t you tell me how to fix him?” She had made it so cryptic when it didn’t need to be, and that irritated me. “Why make me figure it out when you could have told me?”
“It wasn’t my job to help him.” She ran her boot over the branch, scraping some of the bark off, and then as she looked at me her blue eyes softened. “It was yours.”
I blinked. “Pardon?”
With a slight tilt of her head, she regarded me in a slow sweep, making me feel all too examined. “Your soul is thick with despair. I see it now, because souls are more exposed in the Netherworld.”
After her study of me reached my toes, she finally lifted her gaze to my face again. “If I had saved him, that despair would’ve been forever tainted on your soul. You needed to help him, because it would free you. Like I’ve said, I’m here to guide. I did what I could to show you the way without taking away your right to save him.”
Her explanation pieced it all together, and now I saw sense in some of what she said. I’d seen enough how spirits held onto their pain and carried it with them—exactly why I helped ghosts—and yes, after all I’d gone through if it hadn’t been me to save Kipp, the frustration and agony of this whole experience wouldn’t have ever left me. But a curious thought rose. “So, you wouldn’t have told me if I hadn’t figured it out?”
“I’m a guide,” she replied with a shake of her head. “Not a messenger.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You would’ve let us leave and go through more? How does that make any sense?”
“Because—”
I didn’t need her to finish. “Because it wasn’t your job to save him, only be his guide.”
She nodded. “That job was yours and yours alone.”
Lord, I could only hope I succeeded at that job. More than the unbelievable factor, it seemed so unlikely it had worked without some kind of horrible thing right before it. Well, of course, there was a good chance I might still die, depending what Wayde planned to do to me. But I wasn’t dead yet, so I took that as a good sign.
Besides, fate couldn’t be that cruel, right? No way would I find a way to save Kipp, only for me to lose my life. Or so I let myself believe, because fate hadn’t been overly nice to me so far.
“Now then,” Nettie said, snapping me out of my thoughts, and giving me a long look. “I can guide you, as well.”
I waited for her to continue, since sheer horror filled me. Was I dead and that’s why I’d come into the Netherworld? When she didn’t go on, I barely managed through my tight throat, “Guide me?”
She smiled gently as she took my hand. “I’ve been where you are. I even feel the strain in you I once felt in myself. I understand the responsibility of having the gifts you do, and the pain it can cause, plus what a disruption it is to your life.”
My breath caught at the coldness of her skin, even if her clear eyes radiated with warmth. I didn’t doubt for a moment she understood exactly what I had to deal wi
th. But her motive in this conversation was lost to me. “And…?”
Her fingers wrapped tight around mine and she stared at me dead-on. “Do you want to keep your powers?”
I hesitated, unsure if I had heard her right. When she continued to stare at me, I figured I had. “Keep my powers?”
Her serious expression never wavered, even if I started to question her sanity as she went on, “Kipp could decide his path, and so can you.” She took up my other trembling hand in hers and squeezed both. “You only need to decide not to carry the Netherworld with you anymore. You can leave it here, forever, and your gifts will be undone.”
I hesitated and searched for any deception in the depths of her eyes. I found none. “Seriously?”
At her nod, I could only gawk at her in surprise. I hadn’t even considered that as an option, even if it did make sense. I had taken the Netherworld with me after the car accident, which is why I held the abilities I did. I could leave it behind, refuse it now, while in the Netherworld, and I’d no longer be bound to the mystical world.
Did I want that?
Be a normal person again?
For so long, I had refused my gifts, and hated them. I would’ve given anything for the choice I had now. As much as that held my focus, the reminder of the accident made a curious thought rise. “Before we get to that, my family…” I gulped, and then forced my voice out. “Did you see them?”
She released my hands, and her features softened. “I did.”
While I didn’t doubt her, since I figured she’d have no reason to lie to me, I still had trouble trusting how quickly she answered without any background history. “How do you know it was them?”
Her eyes twinkled as she twirled her finger within her hair. “You were with them and I remember you, because of the abilities you obtained when you left.” Her head cocked, eyebrows lifted. “Not many leave with such a gift.”
“You were there?” My chest tightened and tears, once again, filled my eyes. “You saw us?”
She nodded and said in a soft voice, “You never saw me or perhaps didn’t notice me, but yes, I’m always there.” Her eyes saddened, staring intently into mine. “When you all came here, you were peaceful and ready to move on.”
“When we—”
My mind didn’t allow me to finish. A memory struck me with such intensity I lost my breath, and apparently, a suppressed memory flooded my mind. Maybe it wasn’t a memory I could have taken with me. Not until I returned to the Netherworld and wanted to remember would the memory return. More importantly, maybe it’s why Nettie had said something, so I could remember.
“Where are we?” my twelve-year-old brother, Tanner, sobbed in my mother’s arms. “Mommy, what happened?”
My mother, dressed in her yellow sundress, wrapped her arms around Tommy, and pressed his dark brown topped head against her chest. “I’m not sure, sweetie.”
The despair in my dad’s blue eyes was obvious when he ran a hand through his black hair—his classic dad stressed move. “I…” He paused, wrapped an arm around me, and then said clearly, “I remember a car accident.”
I glanced around at my family, realizing that yes, we had been in a car accident, and clearly, we had all died. I wasn’t sure how I knew we were dead, but since we were standing on a big, fluffy cloud in the sky, I could only assume that’s what happened.
The warm air didn’t hold a breeze and there wasn’t any noise around me—everything was too silent. “Is this heaven?” I asked, noticing my body feeling lighter and colder.
Mom smiled, gazing down at the clouds at her feet before looking at me with her warm green eyes. “It must be.”
Even as she said it, I didn’t believe her. This didn’t feel like Heaven. It seemed too empty…too detached…and too cold. Before I could say as much, my thoughts were interrupted as a deep tug pulled at me from within, almost like a jolt.
I looked down to my chest and didn’t notice anything. Then, once again, a hard thump in the center of my chest brought instant awareness. As if, something deep inside gave me all the answers I needed.
Lifting my head, I regarded my family. My mother hugged my sobbing brother, and my father had inched us closer toward them. Shockingly enough, the cloud felt no different from a carpeted floor, which made me realize something was amiss.
I doubted Heaven would look like this. Perhaps I even suspected when my soul travelled on I wouldn’t be holding such coherent thoughts as I did now. I imagined a soul would feel peaceful, not endure the confusion I witnessed rushing over my parents’ faces, or the sadness my brother suffered.
In that moment, with despair etching into my soul, I realized a hard truth—I didn’t want to go with them. I didn’t want to die. I wasn’t done. I had more to do.
I stared into my mother’s eyes and looked up into my father’s soft expression. I also realized the damage it would cause my family to know I stayed behind. The agony they’d feel if we were separated. There, in my mother’s warm features, I spotted the happiness we wouldn’t have to suffer without each other.
Her family would remain as one in Heaven.
I wrapped my free arm around her, and squeezed both my parents as tight as I could, causing them to look down at me. “Let’s move on from here,” I said, even if deep in my soul I denied what had come out of my mouth. My time wasn’t over…not yet. “We can’t stay here. We have to keep moving. Together.”
“Yes, we’ll always be together,” Mom stated, and she pressed her cheek on top of Tommy’s head.
My heart clutched, and tears welled in my eyes as I faced the moment I didn’t expect to happen so soon. I had to say goodbye to the family I loved dearly. Not only did I have to say goodbye to one of them, but I had to say it to all of them. I’d never hold them again after this moment. When, and if, I woke up, it would be to discover the world as I knew it no longer existed.
“It should’ve been this way,” Dad whispered, squeezing my shoulder tight.
“Always together,” I barely managed.
As torn up as I was, now wasn’t about me, it was about them. Saving them because I knew—oddly enough—in this moment they needed me to. If that meant lying to them, then so be it.
Mom tightened her arm around me, too, and we all hugged each other. There was no noise whatsoever, not even our breaths to break through the quiet. A dead silence that wasn’t peaceful as I thought it’d be, but eerie and cold.
Tanner, who stood in the center of us, smiled his cute grin at me. “Love you, Tess.”
My eyes were so blurry from my tears I could barely see him, but I blinked them away. I never wanted to forget this moment. I wanted to burn this memory into my mind so I could revisit it whenever I thought of them. To remind myself when they died they weren’t sad, lonely, or scared, they were thinking only of the love for each other. “Love you, too, kiddo.”
The moment the words left my lips, a wave of intense energy blasted across my skin and the bodies beneath my arms became less and less dense. I shut my eyes, unable to watch them vanish, unable to say goodbye, but knowing I had no choice.
Only a split second passed before my arms lowered, since no solid bodies held them up any longer. I gasped on a sob, forced my eyes open, and dropped to my knees. “I love you…”
With a loud gasp, I yanked myself out of the memory, and tears rushed down my cheeks. My entire body trembled. I clasped my hands, trying to control my hard shaking. It’d been so long since I thought of my family. It hurt too much to think of them.
It always ripped me apart to remember what I missed, but perhaps, I should’ve tried to think of them more. As I had in the memory—happy and safe. Maybe I shouldn’t have focused on their absence. I should’ve remembered how their faces looked, their smiles, and the love that we all shared in the moment they accepted their deaths.
A little part of my soul that had been so damaged by their deaths—an empty part that I stayed well away from so I could live each day and not lose myself in grief—felt f
uller now. A sense of closure I hadn’t realized I needed slid over me. I no longer had to fake strength because of their absence.
After I wiped at my tears, I focused on Nettie, who stood silently in front of me. With the memory, something else now made a lot of sense. “My decision to help my parents cross over, and not worry about me, is why I gained my gifts, isn’t it? It was because I helped ghosts here, right?”
Nettie smiled and nodded. “You cannot lie in the Netherworld, even if it’s for good intentions. Your desire to help your family cross in peace sealed your destiny because you showed an interest to take on the task.” At the scrunch of my nose that spoke to my confusion, she added with a soft laugh, “meaning, you showed you deserved to become a Spirit Guide.”
My eyes widened, as I was in total shock at what she had implied. “You are not suggesting I’m like an angel?”
“Well, no.” She chuckled, brushing her boot up against the fallen branch again. “More like a guide to help spirits come into the Netherworld. Just as my destiny was to guide from the Netherworld—yours is to save those lost souls needing saved on Earth.”
I considered all this, watching her break off pieces of wood with the tip of her boot, and a thought quickly formed. “You know, I thought Dane’s explanation of my gifts was crazy, but this…” I couldn’t believe what was about to come from my mouth, “seems right.”
When I looked at her, she inclined her head. “So then, you have the choice now to finally end this, if that’s what you want. Your gifts as a Spirit Guide shouldn’t be a burden.” She glanced at the dark sky and heaved a long sigh. Then she looked to me with a sparkle in her eyes. “Those who have gifted you wouldn’t want that. You can choose to deny this calling.”
While part of me wanted to lose my supernatural powers, the other part of me paused. Did that mean someone thought I was worthy of such gifts? Was I doing something for the greater good, and for something that was bigger than me?
Up until this very moment, I had never looked at it like that. I always thought it’d been an annoyance more than something I had been destined to do.
Eternally Devoted (Frostbite #4) Page 6