“Damn, babe, you acting like I just asked you the worst shit in the world. I know quite a few niggas who had another bitch with their girl in bed. It’s no big deal.”
I stood up and stepped closer to his face.
“‘No big deal.’ You want to bring another bitch into our bed and here you are telling me that it’s no big deal. I love cock, not pussy. I wasn’t raised like that. Listen up, nigga: if you feel the need for some new pussy, you need to get a fucking divorce and go get you a bitch that doesn’t mind sucking on another bitch’s pussy. I am not the fucking one.”
I grabbed my pillow and my blanket and walked out of the room. I couldn’t believe this fucking nigga just asked me that shit. I don’t know what the fuck this nigga was on if he thought that I would be down with some shit like that. I locked the door to the guestroom and crawled into the bed. The tears started to flow. When it wasn’t one thing, it was another. God help me, I thought as I dozed off.
* * *
The way I loved that man was crazy. I cried for days after he asked about a damn threesome. It never seemed to bother him. Instead, he continued to press the issue. I saw he wasn’t letting up any, so I finally decided to try it out. I felt like I was out of my mind to even give in to such a demand, but I didn’t want to lose him and since it seemed like everybody done tried that shit, I decided to do it.
“Listen, I’ll have the threesome with you and the other person,” I said.
His face lit up instantly. It was that moment that I saw him for the dog that he really was. He didn’t give a fuck about me or my feelings. I shook my head in disbelief as he sat across from me at the dinner table.
“Babe, listen, I know that it took e’erything in you to do this for me. I love you girl, and I want you to know I ain’t leaving you for no bitch. You my woman, you hear me?”
I continued chewing on the piece of steak without saying a single word. All I could think about was another woman fucking my husband in front of me. I instantly felt sick. I got up and rushed to the bathroom on the first floor. I threw up the entire meal that I had consumed minutes earlier.
God, what have I gotten myself into, I thought.
“You all right in there sweetheart?” his voice interrupted my thoughts.
“Yes, think I had too much to eat. I’ll be out shortly.”
I brushed my teeth, washed my face with cold water, dried my tears with a towel, and walked out of the bathroom.
* * *
After a few days of not talking to Hassan, he finally asked me out to dinner. I was still upset with him, but I did not like when we were not talking. I agreed to do dinner with him because it had been a while since we had gone out anywhere. I put on a pair of Levi’s Jeans, a sleeveless top I got from Macy’s, and a pair of Michael Kors sandals. He didn’t say where we were going, so I dressed casual. I looked myself over in the mirror and instantly noticed all the bags underneath my eyes. It seemed as if I’d aged ten years. I quickly turned away from the truth that was staring me dead in the face. I snatched up my clutch, turned the lights off, and walked out of the room.
* * *
“Sweetheart, why do you look like that? Everything all right?” he asked, startling me.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I smiled at him.
I was caught up in my feelings because deep down, I knew he was full of shit, but what was crazy was the fact that that my dumb ass was still in love with him. I’d thought about leaving him so many times, but something held me back. I needed to wake the fuck up, or this man was going to drag me down with him. We sat in the dimly lit area in the back section of the restaurant. It wasn’t too fancy, but then again, Hassan’s behind was cheap as hell. We ate and I drank two glasses of Bahama Mama’s, which were enough for me because I started to feel lightheaded. He paid the waitress and we left at around 9:30 p.m.
I was tired and was ready to lie down and catch an episode of Blue Bloods on TV. The ride home was quiet. I would’ve given anything to know what was going on in his mind. He must have read my thoughts because seconds later he spoke up. “Destiny. . . Umm. . . Baby... What about that threesome tonight? I’ve been patiently waiting.” He glanced at me.
“So, this is what it was all about? That’s why you asked me out to dinner. Because you want me to eat another bitch’s pussy and watch you fuck her? Nigga, fuck you! I could have bought my own dinner!” I screamed.
I was so fucking angry, I started to tremble.
“Baby, calm down. I don’t like when you get this mad. You start sounding like one of these hood rat bitches around here. That shit don’t fit you.”
I was going to dig into his ass, but I was quickly reminded of my mama’s words: “If you know better, than you’ll do better.” I took a deep breath and turned my head toward the street. The rest of the ride was quiet and minutes later we pulled up at home. I couldn’t wait to get out of the car, but before I could do so, he grabbed my arm.
“Sit down, babe.” He took his hand and turned my face toward him.
“Destiny, man what’s happening between us? You seem so angry at me. What, you ’ont love a nigga no more? ’Cause I’ve been in love with you from the day I laid eyes on you. Ain’t nothing changed on my end.”
“Really? Because you know I don’t feel any of that. You come and go as you please. You act like you not married. Shit, you barely spent any time with your child. So how do you love me?”
“I know I’ve been slipping, but it don’t have nothing to do with me not loving you. I’m just stressed out. How do you think I feel, knowing that my woman is the breadwinner? I’m supposed to be taking care of my woman and showering her with gifts, not the other way around. I love you, woman, with everything in me. Listen, give me a chance to show you how much you mean to me,” he said.
Tears rolled down his face. I’d never seen him cry before and it definitely melted my heart. He looked me in the eyes as he professed his love to me, crying his heart out. I hugged him tight as he continued talking. In the midst of all that, his phone started ringing. I watched as he scooted back and looked at the caller ID.
Hmm…I wonder who the hell was blowing him up like that.
“Who was that?”
“Oh, that was the chick that I was telling you about. She ’bout to pull up.”
“Really? You made plans without telling me. How you know I was down for a shift tonight?”
“Babe, listen, please do this for me. One time. I promise I’ll never ask you to do it again. It’s always been a fantasy of mine and I want to share that moment with my wife.” I sat there in silence. I felt like this was all bullshit he was feeding me to get his way, but on the other hand, I wanted to be the woman that would do anything to make her husband happy.
“All right, just this one time. Don’t you ask me to do this shit no more.” I snatched my arm away and got out of the car. The nerve of this man, I thought as I opened the door.
I didn’t know how it was going to turn out, so I went upstairs to take a shower. All kinds of crazy thoughts ran through my mind as the water pounded on my body. The thought of being with another woman turned my stomach. I didn’t knock anyone’s choices, but I grew up believing a man was for a woman and a woman for a man. I got out of the shower, dried off, and put on my Victoria’s Secret Dream Angels body lotion and, afterward, my nightgown.
Then I heard voices downstairs. This nigga was dead-ass serious. I was hoping it was a bluff. I pranced downstairs and stumbled into the living room, where the voices were coming from.
I stood in a trance, lost for words, as I noticed a white bitch on her knees with my husband’s cock in her mouth.
“What are you doing?” I leaped toward her.
“This is Tanya, the chick that I was telling you about. She was just getting me ready.”
“Getting you ready? That’s what you call getting your cock sucked in my living room.”
“I’m lost. I thought you said she was down with it.” This little slut managed to pick up her mouth of
f his cock long enough to speak up.
I stepped closer to her, fully intending to smack the life out of her, but Hassan jumped in between us.
“Tell me, you little cracker bitch, how long have you been fucking my husband?”
“Husband?”
She turned to Hassan with a confused look plastered across her face.
“Uh. . . Uh. . . Calm down. You didn’t give me a chance to tell you,” he stuttered.
“So I ask you again, how long have you and my husband been screwing around?”
“Come on, Destiny. Quit harassing this young girl like that.”
I took a step closer to this fuck-nigga’s face.
“Shut the fuck up. This is a grown-ass ho; a few minutes ago, she was on her knees sucking your cock. That alone lets me know she’s a grown-ass ho. So before you try to check behind a ho, get your shit right.” I poked him in the face with my finger.
“Yo chill out, putting yo’ hands on me like that. You agreed to this, now you in here actin’ a fucking fool.”
“Listen, lady, I had no idea he was married. I met him at school and we dating. I’ve been over here before and I had no idea he had a woman.” She smirked at him.
“Bitch, shut your damn mouth.” He grabbed her neck.
“Let her go! Ain’t no need for your ass to get mad. This is what you wanted to do, remember?”
He let go of her neck. I watched as she gasped for air.
“Now that the show is over, why don’t you take your whore and get out my house!”
“What do you mean get out your house? This is my shit too.”
“You cheatin’ ass bastard, you heard me. Get your little whore and get the fuck out of my shit before I call the fucking police. You know once they come, one of us got to go and this is my shit, so I ain’t going nowhere.” I looked at him, and he knew I was dead-ass serious; there wasn’t a hint of a smile on my face.
The bitch got the picture, because she grabbed her things and walked away.
“Babe, it ain’t like that. That bitch lying on me, I swear to you.”
“Hassan, you know, you can’t even keep a straight face when you lying. I’m done with you. Please get your shit and get out my house. I mean it. Trust me, I can do bad by my damn self.” I stormed off.
I heard the front door open and a car pull off. I figured I was not the only mad bitch. Oh well, I thought as I walked up the stairs, fuming. This bastard had this little bitch up in my house. How low could this nigga stoop, after all that I’d done for him? The tears began to flow, my chest tightened up, and my mouth gathered water. I rushed to the toilet and threw up everything I ate earlier. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. This didn’t make any kind of sense and the tears continued to flow. I lay across the bed with my face buried in my pillow. “God, why does this man continue to treat me like this?” I asked out loud.
* * *
Last night was hell. I tossed and turned all night. I also noticed Hassan’s car was gone. I got up, took a shower, and made a cup of tea and toast. My head was pounding from all the crying that I did last night. I grabbed the bottle of Aleve and took two pills to help ease the headache. It was Sunday and my baby girl was still at my mom’s house. I decided to get dressed and go see Mama.
In no time, I was pulling up in front of her house. I parked, grabbed my purse, and walked up to the driveway. “Ooh, it’s chilly,” I mumbled. My ass ran out of the house without grabbing my jacket.
I knocked on the door, shivering.
“Who is it, banging on my damn door like that?” she yelled.
“It’s me, Mama.”
She opened the door and stood in the doorway, looking at me like I was trespassing.
“It’s cold out here,” I said, as I pushed past her.
“You damn right! Only a fool walk around here without a coat like it’s summer time.” She locked the door.
“Where’s my baby?”
“She asleep. I gave her a nice bath and fed her some oatmeal. Before I knew it, she was out cold.”
I walked into the living room and dropped down on the couch.
“Why you here? I thought you said you were going to get here later on.”
“I know, but I needed to get out the house.”
“Child, you look like you been to hell and back. Are you all right?”
At first, I didn’t respond. I sat there staring out into space. Mama and I were close, but I didn’t let her know about my personal business. After all, what could she really say? She had stayed with that bastard, washing, cooking, and being the good army wife.
“Child, say something. You scaring the hell out of me.”
I looked at her and instantly the tears poured out. She walked over to me and sat down.
“Baby, talk to me. Did somebody hurt you? Talk to me.” She hugged me.
I didn’t respond. Instead, I started bawling louder.
“Destiny, if you don’t tell me, I can’t help you. Is it Hassan? Did he hurt you?”
“Mom it’s okay,” I mumbled.
“Like hell it is. Not when you sit on my damn couch bawling your eyes out. That bastard better not do anything to my child, ’cause he’ll have to deal with me.”
Mama was nothing but a good 4’9”, but she had a big voice that would make you tremble when she yelled. I picked my head up and wiped my nose. As I glanced at Mama, I realized that she wasn’t going to ease up. Reluctantly, I told her a little of what was going on. I didn’t tell her everything because I was a bit embarrassed about some of the things that were going on. When I was finished, Mama got up and stood in front of me.
“Let me tell you something: don’t repeat the mistakes I made. You are too strong of a woman to let this boy treat you like you are a doormat. You picked him up and turned him into somebody and now his ungrateful behind want to show his ass. Child, I can’t tell you how to live your life, but you need to do what’s best for you and Amaiya.”
“That’s the point Mama. That’s her daddy. I don’t want to take her away from him.” The tears began flowing again.
She sat down beside me, took my hand and placed it in hers. “Child, cut out the foolishness. You don’t have to be with him for him to be in his child’s life. Don’t you be like me and stay with a man because of convenience.”
“So you’re saying you stayed with a man because of convenience?” I looked at her.
“Sure I did. The love died a long time ago after he started sleeping with all those other woman in different states. Those army men are pure sluts. I stayed with him because he made good money and the benefits were nice. It was only after I found out what he did to you that I decided to leave him. I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with that bastard after all that happened.”
I squeezed her hand. Mama hadn’t thought twice when all that shit went down. She divorced him and we moved away.
“Anyway, enough about me. I’ve lived my life. Now it’s you that need to decide what you going to do.”
I looked at her. I wished I could give her the answer. Truth is, deep down, I loved him and I always imagined us together forever, but his disrespectful ass done crossed the line.
“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,” Amaiya hollered as she ran into the room, jumping on me.
“Hey baby.”
“Mommy, what’s wrong? Why Mommy cry?”
I quickly wiped my tears and smiled at her. “Baby, there’s something in my eyes.”
“Let me blow, then.” She tried to pry my eye open.
“It’s already out,” I lied.
“Maiya, let’s get some juice,” Mama said.
“Now wipe your tears and get yourself together. All them damn tears won’t change a thing if you’re still in the same situation,” she scolded me before walking out with Amaiya.
I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. As harsh as her words seemed, she was right.
Lord, I need you right now, I thought. I wiped my tears and continued to lie there. I was tired and mentally
drained. I can’t do this anymore, I thought before I dozed off.
Hassan Clarke
The bitch that I married was one step away from becoming psychotic. How the fuck she goin’ agree to have a threesome, then wait ’til I bring the bitch over to get all emotional and shit? I was mad as fuck when she interrupted me. See, these bitches didn’t know when to shut the fuck up. Destiny’s ass was at the top of the line of being disrespectful. She had the nerve to put me out. At first I wasn’t going anywhere, then I was like what the fuck, she did me a favor. As soon as I pulled out of the driveway, I called Imani. “What the fuck you want this time of night?” she asked me with attitude.
“Yo, watch your mouth. I’m on the way over there.”
“Whatever.” She hung up the phone.
Oh hell no, I might end up beating her ass. It’s bad enough I had to deal with one disrespectful bitch, but another one was out of the question. I banged on the door with frustration.
“Who is it?” she hollered.
“Open the fucking door, yo.”
She popped open the door with an attitude plastered across her face. I pushed past her and walked into the living room.
“Where’s my son at?”
“He’s asleep, what you think? I want to know what breeze blew you over here this time of night. Better yet, do your wife know where the fuck you at?”
“Come on with all this questioning. It don’t matter if she know or not. I’m a grown-ass man, I’ll go where the hell I want to go.”
“Boy whatever! Don’t come up in here acting like you run shit. This is my muthafucking house. So act like you know it.”
I was tired of hearing this bitch yap her cock suckers. I walked off on that ass, went into the bedroom, grabbed a pillow, went to the couch, and lay down. She must have gotten the picture, because she walked off cussing under her breath, and then slammed her bedroom door.
I kicked my sneakers off and lay back down. My phone started buzzing and I looked at the screen. It was Tanya’s ass. “Hell no,” I blurted out. I pressed the ignore button and cut my phone off. Enough was enough.
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