“Nah babe, you ain’t got to apologize to this nigga. You don’t need his ass no more. I’m going to take care of you and my son.”
“Shut up Corey! There is no us. I love Hassan, not you. For fifteen years, I lived with regrets of fucking you. I don’t want you.”
“Damn B, you regret? You acting like it was a one-time deal. Matter of fact, we fucked about two months ago.
Hassan looked at me and gave me a devilish grin. “You dirty bitch! That’s who knocked you up again.”
“Wait, what? You pregnant again?”
“It ain’t yours. It’s Hassan’s baby,” I spat.
“How you know that? I fucked you raw and nutted in your pussy. Remember?”
“Shut the fuck up, Corey. I ain’t fuck you but once. You trying to make Hassan jealous.”
“Jealous? Bitch, I’m good. He can have you. I ’ont want you, I’m done. Fuck you and your son. And nigga, you just made the worst mistake of your life,” Hassan yelled, before he walked out the door.
I ran behind him, but he shut the door in my face. I fell to my knees. My life was over and my heart was ripped from my body.
“No, God! Nooooo! Hassan, I love you,” I bawled out.
“Babe, cut all that crying out. You only want him, ’cause he got that money. Fuck that. I can take care of you.”
I held onto the couch for balance and stood up. My eyes were swollen and I could barely see.
“What part of ‘I love Hassan,’ don’t you understand? I loved him when he had no money. I don’t want to be with you.”
“Man, whatever. I ain’t tryna hear that shit. I’m ’bout to bounce. Hit me up when you calm down. Stop stressing. I don’t want you to lose our baby.”
“Fuck you, Corey. You fucked up my life. I fucking hate you, you hear me? You better stay away from me and my son.”
“Whatever, Imani. Go look at your face and see what the nigga that you loving did to you.” He tucked the gun back into his waist and walked out the door.
I locked the door and broke down. Everything happened so fast I didn’t have time to digest it all. I walked to the bathroom to get some pain medicine. My rib cage was still hurting, so I took two Aleve to help relieve the pain. I cut the light on so I could take a look at my face in the mirror. I didn’t recognize the person staring back at me. My face was swollen and red; it seemed like a truck just ran over it. I went to the fridge to grab me some ice so I could at least try to get the swelling down. I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing and I was also worried about my Josiah seeing me like this. If he did, he would ask who did this to me.
Speaking of Josiah, an hour later, I heard his keys opening the door.
“Hey baby,” I barely uttered because my mouth was hurting when I opened it.
“Ma, where you at? Dad called me.”
“I’m in here. I don’t feel too good so I’m lying down. What your dad wanted?”
He pushed my door open; I saw tears coming down his face. I wasn’t worried about myself anymore. My baby was crying and that’s all that mattered.
“What’s wrong, Josiah? Talk to me baby.”
“Dad called me when I was on my way home, talking about he ain’t my dad. Some dude named Corey is my dad. Ma, what he’s talking about?”
The look on his face let me know he was hurting. “Mama what is he talking about?”
I swallowed hard and looked at my son. I realized there was no way he was going to ease up or give me an easy way out. “Answer me, Mama,” he said as he stepped closer to me.
“What happened to you?” he reached out and touched my face.
“Nothing, baby. I bumped into the wall.”
“Ma, did Dad do this to you?”
“Baby, no your dad didn’t do it.”
“So who hit you, then? I ain’t no fool. I know you ain’t bump into no wall.”
“Josiah, please listen to your mama. Hassan is your daddy and can’t nobody change that. You hear me?”
“So why he saying that? To top that off now I see your face.”
“Your daddy’s a bit upset about some grown stuff, but trust me, he is your daddy.” I smiled at him.
I was trying my best to let him off easy. I swear I didn’t want my son to know that Hassan wasn’t his dad.
“I swear I’ma get me a burner ’cause don’t no nigga have the right to hit you like that.”
“Boy, shut up talking like that. You better not be out there messing with no gun. You hear me, Josiah?”
Without responding, he walked out of the room and slammed the door behind him. Any other time, I would have got up and served his ass for being disrespectful, but I knew he was hurting.
I had no idea why Hassan had to be so cruel. He didn’t have to call Josiah. He could’ve allowed me to handle it. I guess he made the call to hurt me, but instead, he hurt my child. I bust out crying again. The more I thought about not having Hassan in my life, the worse it became. I grabbed the pillow and dug my head deep into it, screaming my lungs out. There was no reason for me to keep living.
Hassan Clarke
Bitches weren’t worth anything these days. I should’ve listened to my pops when he warned me about these hoes. Chris Brown ain’t lie when he said, “These hoes aint loyal.” I was sitting in a hotel room basking in self-pity. That bitch Imani did the ultimate betrayal. She led me to believe for fifteen years that Josiah was my son. Now this lame-ass nigga claiming that he’s the daddy. I’d never felt so low in my life before now. I was a fucking sucka, playing daddy, and spending my damn money on a motherfucker that ain’t even mine.
I risked everything to be with this bitch, even fucked up my relationship with Destiny. I thought Imani was the only woman for me. I had no idea she was a whore. I knew that I was living a double life, but I was in love with her ass and I was about to leave all these hoes so she and I could settle down. Things were all the way fucked up. I took another swig of the Hennessy Black. That bitch violated me, fuck her; I was going to show her and that pussy ass nigga that I wasn’t to be fucked with.
I spent the rest of the night drinking and plotting. As a lawyer, I couldn’t get my hands dirty, but that didn’t mean a nigga couldn’t get touched.
I jumped up to the ringing of my phone. I grabbed it off the dresser and put it under my pillow to muffle the sound. Whoever it was wasn’t giving up.
“Fuck,” I yelled and grabbed the phone.
“Hello,” I said angrily.
“Daddy, where are you? Do you know what time it is?” Amaiya yelled.
“First off, little girl, lower your damn voice. Now what’s up?”
“I was supposed to be at school an hour ago; now it’s after nine and you still not here to pick me up.”
“Why you ain’t call your grandma, or better yet, why your little ass didn’t get on the bus?”
“Grandma is at the hospital with Mama and I can’t get on the bus because you was supposed to give me lunch money.”
“All right, all right. You ready?”
“Yes, I’m ready.”
I hung up the phone and rubbed my face. This little girl didn’t know when to shut up. Did she just say it was after nine? Fuck, I had to be in court at ten. I looked at the time and it read 9:07 a.m. There was no way I could have made it home, got dressed, dropped her off and then made it downtown. The traffic was bumper to bumper going into Manhattan in the mornings. I scratched my head, trying to figure out what to do about Amaiya.
I dialed Tanya’s number. I knew this wasn’t a good look, but fuck it, I was desperate.
“Hey babe,” she answered.
“Hey love, I need a huge favor.”
“What’s going on?”
“I need you to pick up my daughter and drop her off at school. Also, give her twenty dollars for me until I see you later.”
“Really? What your wife goin’ say about that?”
“Tanya baby, no disrespect, but let me worry about Destiny.”
“Okay. Where is she?�
�
“She’s at the house. I’m about to call her and let her know you’re on your way. Thanks, babe. I owe you one.”
I was relieved. I wished Tanya were the kind of woman that I could settle down with. She was great for a toy, but because of her race, it was definitely out of the question for me.
I dialed Amaiya’s phone to let her know Tanya was going to pick her up.
“Amaiya, I can’t make it to pick you up because I have to head to work, but this lady will be there to pick you up. She’s driving a silver BMW. Make sure you ready.”
“Lady? Who is she and does Mom know?”
“I’m not getting into all this right now. I gotta go, but I’ll see you later.” I hung up before she could say another word.
Destiny Clarke
I was happy to be released from the hospital. There was something about that place I couldn’t stand and, to top it off, the food was horrible. Mama had been bringing me some of her good home-cooked meals and that was the only reason I hadn’t snapped on these people.
“You ready baby girl?” Mama said.
“Yes ma’am. I been ready two weeks ago,” I joked.
The nurse pushed me in the wheelchair while Mama walked alongside me.
After we got into the car, Mama looked at me. “So how you really feeling?”
“I’ll tell you this: I’m feeling a lot better than I did. Not feeling a hundred percent yet, though.”
“I’m happy you made it. God knows my heart couldn’t take it if anything happened to you.”
“Well Mama, I’m still here and I’m just grateful.”
“Well, I know this might be too soon, but you need to see about that divorce lawyer. Don’t sit around and wait for him to stress you out again.”
“Mama, you must’ve read my mind. For the last couple of days, that’s all I’ve been thinking about. You know, for years I used to say I’m leaving him, but I was fooling myself. It wasn’t until he burned me with some STDs, that I finally decided enough was enough. That’s some shit that I can’t get over.”
“STDs? You ain’t mention nothing about that. What the hell?”
“I didn’t say anything, because I found out the same day I had the heart attack.”
“That dirty bastard! Someone needs to put him out of his misery.”
“Mama, you know I never loved a man after what happened to me. This time I could actually say that I loved Hassan, only to find out he wasn’t worth a damn. Sometimes it still bugs me. Why didn’t I see him for what he really was? Am I that gullible and gone over this man that I couldn’t see through the foolery?”
“Baby girl, don’t blame yourself. Snakes come in all forms and sizes. You had no reason to doubt him until he showed you his real colors. If you ask me, you should’ve got rid of his sorry behind a long time ago. You and Amaiya deserve so much more.”
I wanted to cry, because her words were reaching my soul. However, I didn’t want to be weak. From now on, I refused to be weak because of this man.
* * *
Mama dropped me off at home and I was grateful to be back in my own space. The minute I opened the door, I noticed the place looked like a tornado had passed through. I was tempted to grab my cleaning supplies and start scrubbing, but I decided against it. This was my first day home and the only thing I wanted to do was lay in my own bed. I took a well-needed bath to help relax my mind a little; I had some serious decisions to make and I had to be prepared. After thirty minutes, I got out of the bath and my body felt much better. I got dressed, made me a bowl of soup, and got in bed.
“Mama, Mama,” Amaiya ran up the stairs yelling.
“Quit all that yelling child,” I said.
She didn’t respond. Instead, she jumped on me, hugging and kissing me.
“Girl stop! Get off me with your school clothes. I told you there are a lot of germs running around in that school.”
“Mama, you got OCD. Grandma told me you was at home and I couldn’t wait to see you. I missed you so much, Mama.”
“I missed you too, baby girl. How you been doing?”
“I’m good. I just missed you and Daddy don’t never be around. I don’t know what’s going on with him lately. He seems so different.”
“Baby.” I took her hand into mine. I paused for a second. I didn’t know how to tell my baby girl that her mommy and daddy weren’t going to be together. I held her hands tight.
“What is Ma? You’re scaring me.”
“Baby girl, I wanted to be the first one to tell you. I’m going to divorce your daddy.”
“Is it because of that lady?” she asked.
“What lady?” I blurted out.
“Oh, the lady that picked me up this morning and took me to school.” I sat up in the bed. My mood went from joyous to bitter.
“What do you mean she picked you up? Where was your damn father?”
“Ma, calm down. Daddy was late coming to pick me up this morning so I called him. He said he had to be in court and someone was coming to pick me up.”
“What the hell she look like?”
“Young white woman.”
“That bastard!” I yelled.
“Mama, calm down. All that yelling is not good for you. Grandma told me you got to take it easy.”
I knew she was right and I felt foolish. She was only fifteen, yet she was acting like the grown up and I was behaving like the child. I started to cry; every time I thought I was a step ahead, this bastard did some more fucked up shit to drag me back down. Amaiya scooted closer and laid my head on her shoulder.
“Mama, I know I’m still a child, but I’m not a baby anymore. I see how he treats you. He calls you all kinds of names. I always wished you would leave him. You’re not happy like you used to be and I’m tired of seeing you hurt.”
I hollered louder as I heard the words that were spoken by my child. Just the other day she was a baby and here she was, telling me some real shit. I put my arms around her and held her tight.
“You know what, Amaiya? I love you with everything in me. You hear me little girl?”
“Ma, stop, you squeezing me too tight.”
“Sorry babe, I got carried away a little. Now take off your school clothes and you can call to order pizza and wings.”
“Okay Mom. Love you, now get some rest.” I watched as she stepped out of my room singing some rap song under her breath. “Lord help me, this child is no longer a baby,” I said.
* * *
I couldn’t sleep last night after what Amaiya told me. I was more determined to get this bum out of my life for good. It wasn’t enough for him to cheat; he also had to have his ho around my child.I made a cup of ginger tea and then called the attorney. I hadn’t spoken with him since I was admitted to the hospital. I made an appointment to go into the office the next day. I didn’t want to wait another damn minute.
Mama called almost every hour since I came home. It was a great feeling to have someone who cared, but I just needed a break to myself. These last few months had been crazy and I had a gut feeling it was going to get worse. I was thinking about selling this place after the divorce. I didn’t want to be reminded of him in no way. I swear I’m done, I kept reminding myself.
The first place I tackled was the kitchen; dirty plates were all over. Don’t ask me why, because I had a damn dishwasher. I didn’t expect better though, because Hassan was a fucking pig. I then moved on to the living room, which smelled like pure ass. I went to go grab my vacuum when I heard the doorbell ringing. Who the hell was that? I’m not in the mood for company, I thought as I walked to the door.
Imani Gibson
The pain was intense. I had cramps in my stomach and lower back. I tried to call out for help, but I was too weak; besides, Josiah had his music blasting. I felt something wet underneath me and when I put my hands to investigate, I found out it was blood. I reached for my cell phone and dialed 911.
The police banged on the door, terrifying Josiah. He ran into my room yelling, “M
ama, the police and ambulance people at the door. Are you aiight?”
“No baby, Mama not feeling too good. Go ahead, let them in.”
Minutes later, they were wheeling me out on a stretcher. I could hear Josiah yelling in the background. I wanted to tell my baby it’d be okay, but I was too weak and didn’t have the strength. Soon as they got me to the hospital, they rushed me to the second floor to get an ultrasound done. The doctor said he was trying to find my baby’s heartbeat and checked to see whether the amniotic sac that surrounded my baby was normal. I kept whispering a silent prayer to God. I didn’t want to lose my baby. This might be Hassan’s baby.
Shortly after the ultrasound, the doctor entered my room.
“Ms. Gibson, I’m so sorry to inform you that you’ve had a miscarriage.”
“What? Are you sure?”
“Yes ma’am. You’re bleeding pretty heavily and there’s no sign of a heartbeat. I’m going to perform a D&C, which is a dilation and curettage. Basically, it’s a procedure to remove tissue from inside your uterus. This can be painful for you, so I’ll put you under a light sedation.” Everything around me seemed blank. I couldn’t comprehend what this man was saying to me; the only thing I could think about was Hassan. I couldn’t lose him and now I had no baby to show him.
“Ms. Gibson, I don’t mean to intrude, but looking at how swollen your face is, I have to ask: did someone do something to cause this miscarriage?”
“No, I bumped into the wall.”
“I’m going to get you a grief counselor in here to talk with you.”
“Grief counselor? Can this bitch bring me back my baby? I doubt it.” I looked at the doctor with an attitude.
* * *
I woke up feeling kind of out of it, and that’s when it hit me: I was no longer pregnant. I rubbed my hand across my stomach. Even though I wasn’t far along, I’d known my baby was inside of me. I was hurting so much. “What did I do to deserve this?” I cried out.
“Hello Ms. Gibson. My name is Dr. Aletha Stewart. I’m the grief counselor here at the hospital. I know this might be a stupid question, but I have to ask. How are you feeling today?”
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