Afraid to Fly (Fearless #2)

by S. L. Jennings

  So doing a good job today was important to me. I wanted to capture every precious moment on their special day. And that started with showing up on time.

  Toby bounded down the short hallway, his brown hair a wild mess of curls. He needed a haircut, and I made a mental note to ask CJ about a good barber. He had gotten over my kitchen haircuts real quick.

  “Hey kid, let me take a look at you.” I finger-combed his nearly shoulder-length mane, fixed his collar and straightened the wrinkles from his polo shirt. My little brother was growing into a handsome young man. It wouldn’t be long before the girls started noticing him. I just hoped they wouldn’t see his verbal aversion as something weird or wrong. I didn’t want him to be hurt by anyone, ever. And nothing stung worse than being rejected by someone you cared about.

  We arrived at Dive just before the first guests began to file in. Before it got too crowded, I quickly snapped some shots of the party décor—pink and vintage gold with old fashioned signage and paper pinwheels. There was a sipping station set up in the bar area, featuring mimosas with assorted fresh fruit purees and garnishes. Adjacent to that was a buffet table lined with chaffing dishes, including a dessert bar showcasing mini cupcakes, cake pops and chocolate-covered strawberries, all dressed in pink.

  “Isn’t it lovely?” Victoria gasped, sidling beside me. “Such a beautiful day for a beautiful baby.”

  She was absolutely right. Kami and Blaine had spared no expense, and I had a feeling Angel had a hand in the planning as well. It was Sunday, so Blaine had decided to close up shop for the private affair. Hard to believe that just last night, this place was packed with wall-to-wall patrons, chugging beer, pounding shots and rocking out to AngelDust.

  The place was gorgeous, but something was missing. Although I didn’t want to see Dom, I had mentally prepared myself to be in the same room with him again. He hadn’t been back to Dive since that incident with Amanda, and I wasn’t sure he would be here today. I wanted to ask, but I had my pride. He’d made it abundantly clear that there was nothing left between us. Asking about him would be pouring salt in my own wounds.

  Once the party was in full swing, I busied myself by snapping photos of guests meeting baby Amelia for the very first time, along with congratulatory praise for the proud parents. Most of the partygoers consisted of Blaine’s relatives and Dive employees, along with the members of AngelDust who would be performing some occasion-appropriate cover songs a little later. Everything was perfect, but still no Dominic. And while it was sad that Amelia’s godfather wasn’t in attendance, I thought maybe it was for the best. All eyes were on the happy family, as they should be. And factoring in him and all our would-be drama would detract from today’s purpose.

  The music started, AngelDust taking the stage to play their version of Paramore’s “Ain’t It Fun.” They were amazing—maybe even better than the original—and I happily bopped around, capturing images of the guests dancing and singing along. Surprisingly, I even caught Toby nodding his head, his eyes glued to the stage and Angel Cassidy. She looked down at him and winked, causing his face to flame bright red. Huh. He had a crush on her. I wasn’t surprised; straight or gay, Angel Cassidy had always been a stunner. I imagined she had more than her fair share of male attention.

  If his adolescent male affections weren’t enough of a revelation, I was momentarily astonished by yet another discovery about my baby brother. His mouth . . . was moving. He was singing along. And that filled me with a sense of maternal pride and hope that I didn’t think existed inside me. There was a chance he would come back to us. It may have not been today, or tomorrow, or even this year, but there was a chance we’d get him back.

  The band played a few more songs before Angel requested that Blaine come to the stage. Smiling, he cradled his daughter to his chest and made his way to the front. And as Angel belted out the first few notes of Bruno Mars’ “Marry You,” her raspy tone giving it a rock edge, I knew exactly why she had called him up. Oh my God, Blaine was proposing. My camera whirred at lightning speed as I captured the bright smile on his face as he held his baby close. I searched through the excited crowd for Kami, hoping to get her reaction as she realized what was happening, but she was nowhere to be found. However, as the band transitioned into the verse, she was definitely heard.

  Kami stepped onto the stage, leading the song with a voice that completely left me gobsmacked, as Victoria would say. She was singing. And she was incredible. And by the perplexed look on Blaine’s face as he looked up at her, this was not the plan. For the second time in 60 seconds, I was left with a WTF face. Blaine wasn’t proposing, at least he wasn’t anymore. Kami was.

  After the verse, she sang her way down to the dance floor area where Blaine stared at her in awe. Too engrossed in the enormity of the moment that they had chosen to share with us, I had to remind myself to take pictures so they could relive these memories for years to come. Watching Kami sing to him, and to their newborn daughter, had to be the sweetest thing I had ever seen. She had always been somewhat reserved—although friendly—so seeing her so beautifully exposed, pulled at my heartstrings a bit.

  I moved around the room to get every angle, careful not to intrude on their intimate moment. But after the song ended, and Kami dropped to her knees. And with my mascara running, I got in as close as possible. The look on her face as she looked up at Blaine, his own eyes watery with overwhelming emotion, was like seeing true love on display in its most raw, vulnerable form.

  “Blaine,” she said into the mic, her voice quavering. “You’ve given me safety, security, patience, understanding and unconditional love. And now, you’ve given me the honor of being a mother. And while these things are absolutely priceless and immeasurable, I must ask you for one more thing. Your last name. So, if you would have me, I would gladly give you the rest of my life in return. Marry me?”

  There wasn’t a dry eye in the room as Blaine dropped onto his knees right in front of her, holding their baby tight between them. The way he pulled her to him and kissed her . . . it was like their love radiated throughout the room and touched the most hollow of places. You could feel it expand in your chest, making it hard to breathe through the knot of emotion in your throat. It was exhilarating, it was scary, and it was completely real. And I thought, This is what it must feel like. This is what it’s like to fly.

  “I’ve wanted that since the day you came tearing in here. From the very first look, the very first smile, the very first shot of tequila, I’ve wanted to make you mine until the rest of our days. You don’t have to ask, baby. I’m already yours. And if you’ll have me, I promise to make you happy. You and our daughter, and the other eight children I can’t wait to make with you,” he chuckled, causing a ripple of laughter around the room, even a few hoots and hollers. “I love you, Kami. Yes. A thousand times yes. Let’s get married.”

  The crowd erupted into cheers, and I even found myself shouting with glee between snapping pictures. The happy couple—well, trio—eventually got off the floor and resumed celebrating with family and friends. After Angel gave them each hugs and kisses, she jumped back on the stage to finish AngelDust’s set.

  “Since this is Make Angel Cry Day, we have one more special request.”

  She didn’t say any more than that. The band just began to play, and I recognized the song instantly. Apparently, it was Make Raven Cry Day as well. A dozen memories ran through my head as Angel sang the first verse of “Eternal Flame.” Memories of my mom when she was happy and healthy. Memories of knowing what it felt like to be someone’s daughter, to belong to someone who loved you because they created you. Memories of her singing those words to a tiny Toby as he smiled and laughed. Memories of his first words, and the way he used to call me Mawwy in his adorable toddler talk. And most recently, memories of riding down the highway at the wheel of Dom’s car, singing at the top of my lungs, feeling wanted by him, and wanting him too—as scary as it was.

  I missed being Melanie. I missed having a sense of secu
rity. I missed belonging. And I missed him.

  Even when I thought he was a piece of shit, he was still a part of my life. I had held onto him all these years, lying in wait, hoping to come face to face with the monster that had destroyed me. Except he wasn’t a monster. He was a beautiful, tortured soul whose only crime was feeling too much . . . hurting too much.

  I almost didn’t see him through the tears in my eyes, when he stepped into view. But when I did, all the fight, all the resistance in me dissipated. My shoulders sagged, and my camera bag slipped past my arms. If it weren’t for his quick reflexes, my camera would have been the next to go. I fell into him, surrendering all the pain, all the anger to him. I let him hold me and tell me that he was there to catch me. I let him be what he had been all along—my safety net. Tethering me to this life when I wanted to fly far away.

  “Why are you here?” I managed to say.

  Dom looked down at me with compassion and caring in his eyes. “For you, Raven. I’ve always been here for you. You’re bigger than my fear, bigger than my pain. You’re the most perfect part of me,” he whispered, a smile on those perfect lips. “Besides, we have so much to taco ‘bout.”

  With eyes shut tight and my head tipped to the sky, I laughed until it hurt. And I laughed because it hurt to keep denying how much I loved him.

  “Tuesday night?” I asked, gazing at him through tears and stars in my eyes.

  He squeezed me tighter and nodded. “Tuesday it is. And every day until eternity.”

  “Eternity seems like a mighty long time.”

  “Only when you’re not having fun.”

  Then, he kissed me for every broken promise, every lonely night, and every anguished cry. He kissed me like I belonged to him . . . like I’d always belonged to him. And truth be told, I always had.

  I GAZED DOWN AT the woman in my arms and prayed to the gods of heaven and earth that this wasn’t a dream.

  Last night had been insane. Kami and Blaine got engaged in front of all their friends and family, and I’d made it my mission to win Raven back, even if I made a fool of myself. Even if she rejected me at every turn. Even if she had listened to all my fucked up, convoluted reasons why we shouldn’t be together, flicked me the bird and walked out of my life for good.

  Why?

  This right here.

  Having her in my arms, her naked, perfect skin dewed with the remnants of sex and sweat. Getting to kiss her mouth, her neck, and her shoulders as she slept. Watching the glow of sunrise touch her paleness, causing it to warm under my touch.

  I did it all for this. For her. Because I loved her more than I hated me. And because I loved her—really, truly loved her—I found that hating me wasn’t nearly as easy as it used to be. Because if this beautiful being could love someone like me, despite all the ways I’ve hurt her—past and present—and despite all the ways I’ve been hurt, then I couldn’t be all that bad. She saw something in me. She saw beyond all the exterior bullshit, the slick lines and cheesy anecdotes, and I became transparent in my feelings for her. And like I’d always believed, she captured the beauty . . . the beauty in me. The parts of me that had been buried so deep within my pain and loathing that I could no longer find it. I could no longer feel it.

  Now, here we were, a tangled web of arms and legs and sex-mussed hair. And I’d never felt more alive, more loved, and free. Freer than I ever thought possible. Freer than people like me—and her, and even Toby—probably deserved.

  Her love for me made me weightless. It made me daring. And every time I looked in her eyes, I felt the wind beneath my arms and the sun at my back. I tipped my head to the sky and tasted the sweetness in the air. And with her and Toby at my side, I flew.

  The End.

  Or is it?

  “YOU’RE SURE ABOUT THIS?”

  Raven looked at me with a smirk on her plump, kiss-ravaged lips. I couldn’t keep my hands off her, and my need for physical contact seemed to be amplified whenever she was around.

  “I’m sure,” she nodded. “I appreciate that you’re worried about us, Dom, but I won’t let you take care of us. I am not a kept woman.”

  Despite my better efforts to make her stay, Raven had insisted on going back to her apartment. I had already talked it over with Angel—there was plenty of room here for her and Toby. Ang had even agreed to tone down the wild antics. I guess we’d both been getting burnt out from the steady stream of faceless women that had once graced these hallways. Hell, the hardwood was damn near worn from so many walks-of-shame.

  “You know it’s not like that,” I assured her, trying to pull her back into bed with me. God, I could never get enough of her. I was starting to think I was borderline addicted, itching like a fiend for my next fix of Melanie Raven West. She was my disease, and the cure to my ailing body and soul.

  She looked at the watch on her slender wrist and cursed under her breath. “Shit, I gotta get to my shift. Tonight, ok? The three of us can watch movies. We might even spend the night. Depends on if you’re a good boy.”

  I made a low noise in my throat that ended with a groan. “Good boy? I thought you liked me because I was trouble.”

  She leaned forward to sweep her tongue across my lips, tasting my desperate need for her. “I like you, because you’re trouble. But I love you, because you’re you.”

  That was all the motivation I needed. With one swift movement, I grasped her by the waist, pulled her back into bed, and pinned her body under mine.

  Five more minutes. Blaine would understand.

  THEY WERE AT IT again.

  Well, I couldn’t hear them, or any gross crap like that—ew—but I knew what sex was, and I knew couples liked to do it. Duh. I just didn’t get why. Seemed totally sick to me. Yuck.

  But Mel was happy, and that made me happy. I knew it was difficult for her having to raise a kid alone, working day and night, plus finishing her nursing degree. She deserved to be with someone that made her smile. And I couldn’t think of anyone better than Mr. D. He was the best. And Mel only deserved the best.

  Plus all her “visits” with him allowed me to play Xbox and PS4 whenever I wanted. We never had video games growing up—we couldn’t afford them after my dad left. So that was awesome. And…it meant I could see Angel.

  God, she was gorgeous. Like, if I was ten years older, or she was ten years younger, I would totally want her to be my girlfriend. I’d never imagined I’d ever want that with someone, but I wanted that with her. It was stupid—I know. Even if she was my age, I couldn’t even freakin’ speak to ask her out. And who would want some head case like me? Not a freakin’ rock star.

  But, for the sake of dreaming, maybe I would ask her. Maybe I could speak…for her. Or someone like her. Beautiful, and nice, and funny, and totally cool.

  Mel had worked through her crazy to be with Dom, and I believed that no one else but him could break through to her. So maybe there was someone out there for me too? Someone to give me reason to swallow down my fear and sadness, open my mouth, and say…

  “Hi. I’m Toby.”

  I've always felt that writing acknowledgments was right up there with writing blurbs-hard as hell. Not because I'm not grateful-Lord knows I am. But because there is absolutely no way to sum up my gratitude into words that could ever express what my supporters mean to me. So yeah…acknowledgments suck. But the people in my life don't, so I'll do the best that I can.

  I first want to thank Mia Sheridan, Emmy Montes and Rebecca Shea for making sure my ass was on point with capturing this emotional story. Thank you for being gentle and kind with Dom, and giving him a swift kick in the pants when needed. I love you all!

  Thank you to the JFJ Girls for all your loyalty and support from the very beginning! Extra special love & hugs to Shanta, Louisa, Alicia, the Jennifers (Diaz & Noe), Andrea, Sandy, Holly, Martha and Sofia for all the shares and pimping. You girls are amazing!

  I also want to thank my PR & Marketing team, Sassy Savvy Fabulous PR for all their hard work and dedication.
Sharon and Melissa, you have been incredible, and I respect and appreciate everything you have done for me.

  Big hugs to The Rock Stars of Romance for all their help in promoting Afraid to Fly. Lisa, you have been so professional and helpful. Thank you for all your hard work in giving ATF wings! And Milasy…what can I say, babe? I heart you more than salted caramel cookies, and I am so thankful for our friendship.

  To my amazing editor, Tracey, who has been with me since FOF… Woman, we've done it again! Thank you so much for being such an important part of this process. I am so happy to have you on my side. And to Kara, my proofreader, I am so glad to have the chance to work with you! You're awesome, woman!

  My formatter, Stacey, is incredible at what she does, and I am thankful to work with her once again. So glad to have met you! Hang Le, you are amazing and so crazy brilliant. Thank you! And to Regina, who has kicked ass with yet another unbelievable cover…Girl, your talent never ceases to amaze me! I love you!

  I want to give HUGE props to Mo. Honestly, there is no amount of thanks I could give to properly encompass how much you mean to me. I am so grateful for all your dedication and friendship. And your hair. Because, let's face it-hair is important. #priorities

  Thank you to all the wonderful readers, bloggers and reviewers who have supported me through this journey by sharing, posting and reading ATF. I could not do this without all of you!

  Lastly, I want to thank my family for sticking it out through the craziness. When I set out to write ATF, I honestly didn't know what I was signing up for. And I absolutely love you guys with all my heart for having my back and loving me through all the chaos.