by Ciara Knight
“I’m happy.” I said the words but didn’t feel the flutter of excitement when I said it. It had been a while, a year, since I’d felt passionate about anything. “And Margie does more of the administrative stuff than I do.”
“You know, this would be easier if you sat down so that we can make some notes about the menu.”
I snagged my bag and retrieved my notes. “Here. You can email them to me, and I’ll make the changes.”
“Are you baiting me to prove that I’m a tyrant?” He tilted his head and patted the seat next to him. “Avoiding your client isn’t a way to make a good impression. Now, let’s work out this menu so that we can move on to some other topics.”
The way his voice dipped made my legs weak, so I lowered to the couch a respectable distance from him. Of course, he wasn’t having it and scooted closer until our knees were touching. “Other topics?”
“Don’t worry. We’ll get to that in a minute.” He opened the folder. “Now, I love the hot chocolate. I mean, wow. That will appeal to staff and the children. I think it’s the best hot chocolate I’ve ever had.”
Pride filled me that the hot chocolate snob liked my concoction, even if it wasn’t the best recipe. That title undoubtedly belonged to Ms. King’s hot cocoa.
“I know I want the recipe, and I don’t cook.” He winked.
A distracting, I-could-forget-everything-and-fall-into-your-arms kind of wink. That’s when I noticed the perfect romantic scene. How many times had I made sure the room was set for romance for my clients? The candles on the mantel twinkled, the fire sparkled, the faint music played in the background.
“Emma?”
“What?” I snapped back to the moment and realized I’d been lost in my own thoughts. Thoughts I shouldn’t be having, so I snagged the paper and thought fast.
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” He raked his knuckle down my cheek, and my body shivered. “Emma, I want to tell you something.”
I sat silently, not sure if I should run from the room or listen to what he had to say. Nothing mattered. He was a businessman who would be gone in a couple of days, and I was a barren woman who would never have a family. No matter what he said, it couldn’t fix these things.
“This isn’t easy, but in the last year I’ve changed. You need to understand where I came from. I mean, I had nothing. Nothing at all. Poor didn’t begin to describe my circumstances. I was less than poor, because you have to have some money to be poor.” He took in a stuttered breath, and I saw it, the vulnerability. Something I never thought I’d witness from Seth.
I couldn’t help but want to know what touched him in such a way. “You can tell me anything.”
He covered my hand and let out a surrendering breath. “I know, or I wouldn’t be telling you any of this. Even though I only shared snippets of my past with you before, I want to tell you everything now. You will be the first woman I’ve ever trusted with my past.”
“The only one? But you’ve dated—”
“Plenty, yes. I know. None of them were real, though. They were placeholders until I knew what I truly wanted. That’s what you did for me. Last year, I realized the place you were holding wasn’t temporary. You made me realize that I wanted more than just my business and I didn’t handle that well.”
“That’s why you left? Because I scared you?”
He nodded. “Yes. I knew you had drawn the line that you wouldn’t go with me and leave behind this job. You’re the first and only woman who’s ever told me no. Although I still can’t understand why you want to remain here when you could be a chef in a big, glamorous city.”
I opened my mouth, but he pressed one finger to my lips. The contact was warm and inviting, and I longed to experience the kisses that made my toes curl and my insides gooey like we had last year, but I wouldn’t. That was in the past, where it needed to stay.
“I’m not fighting with you about staying here and being a chef. If that is truly what you want, then I’ll support you on that, but I want another chance. I’m not asking you to open your arms and accept me at my word, but I’m going to stay here until after Christmas this year. I won’t leave this time. No matter what.”
I shook my head in fear my words would betray me.
“I know what you’re thinking. What’s the point? I have to return to the city, and you’re a small-town girl who wants to live on a mountain, but after…after something happened a few months ago, I realized that those are only physical obstacles that can be moved. And, Emma, I’d move Christmas Mountain to be with you.”
Chapter 11
White frost covered my cabin window. Part of me longed to escape to the white sand beaches far from here. Another part of me lived for the cold. I touched the frosted glass, recalling the night that Seth and I chipped away at the ice that had covered his car windshield while we were out hiking. To our surprise, there was no scraper in the rental car, so we resorted to his platinum credit card that broke halfway through. We’d laughed while we each used half the credit card to finish the job enough to see to drive. Although we fogged up the windows before we had a chance to start the car.
Memories. That’s all they were. He was handsome, and he swept me off my feet, but it was a vacation romance. That was all. Why I’d ever thought otherwise never made since to me.
I abandoned the crystalized winter wonderland and slid on my coat to go find a tree for the lodge. It was one of my favorite chores. I’d volunteered the first year, and I’d done it since.
My phone buzzed, and I realized I hadn’t turned the ringer on since I woke up. A tingle of excitement danced over my skin, but when I saw the number, I knew it wasn’t Seth. I hated myself for wanting it to be him. But I couldn’t help it. There was something about that man that made me feel more alive yet content.
I hit my voice mail button and listened.
“Ms. Winters, I apologize for the inconvenience, but I can’t meet with you this morning to pick out a tree. My father fell and broke his hip. I’ll be closed for the next few days. I understand if you need to make other arrangements, but if you would still like me to help, please let me know.”
My mood plummeted. How would I manage to get everything done if I didn’t get the tree today? I’d have to travel outside of town and try to find a tree lot at the base of Blacktail, or I’d have to drive to Christmas Mountain. I didn’t even want to think about how to get a ten-foot tree back to the lodge, though. Not since it was Hector’s day off.
I wondered over to the lodge into the main room to find Seth with an axe in his hand, wearing snow pants, hat, scarf, and boots with a lumberjack-style coat on. Souffle sat obediently at his feet with a green Christmas sweater on. “I’m ready.”
I blinked, trying to see past the obvious hallucination. I’d never seen anything more comical. There was no way Seth would ever wear anything that wasn’t Armani or some other uppity perfectly tailored suit. Then again, I’d never guess he’d have a dog, either. “For what? An axe throwing competition?” I couldn’t help but giggle.
He looked down as if realizing what he wore. “What? Too much? I thought we were going to chop down a tree.”
Souffle’s ears wiggled and her nose lifted in the air as if agreeing with Seth.
“Not exactly. I was going to drive up to the tree farm and tell the man which one I want. He cuts down the tree and delivers it here.”
“Oh.” He pressed his lips together and then blinked at me. I’d never thought to use the term adorable to describe Seth. Hot, sexy, strong, yes. Adorable? Not until now. “What’s the fun in that? Come on. Maybe it’s time for both of us to throw caution to the blistery mountain wind.”
“Blistery to the point of blowing us off the mountain since there is a storm coming.” There were a thousand reasons not to go with Seth to find a tree, but the fact that without his offer I might not have a tree made me consider the option. “That sounds like it’ll take some time, and I need to start decorating the main room and dining room. Not to ment
ion ordering supplies for our guests arriving in a couple of weeks.”
“I’ll help,” he announced, as if he had nothing better to do than hang garland. “Besides, you and I both know you need a little Christmas inspiration to finish that menu.”
“Seriously?” The idea of seeing Seth hiking up the side of a mountain and cutting down a tree was something I’d pay money to see. And he had a point. My creativity was misfiring since I found out about this event. What could it hurt to breathe some fresh, pine mountain air?
“Yeah, why not. It can’t be that difficult.” He stood tall and proud.
Souffle bolted to all fours.
If he only knew. “What about Frank? He’ll expect his lunch, and I’m sure I won’t make it back in time.”
“He’s been taken care of for lunch today. I’ve got him on an errand for me.” The way his tone deepened and his jaw tightened told me he didn’t like the man at all.
“Okay, if you promise to help hang garland and ornaments and candy canes this afternoon, then I’ll go with you to find the perfect tree.”
He lit up like the brightest star on the clearest winter night. “Souffle will even help. She’s great at catching things, right, girl?”
Woof!
“Let’s go, then.” He slung the axe over his shoulder and hit the mantel, sending a chip of wood flying. Souffle scooted closer to me. She wasn’t a bad dog. Big and furry but sweet.
“Be careful with that thing! Have you even ever held an axe before?”
He examined the mantel. “I’ll fix this later. As for the axe, I’m strong and capable, I assure you.”
I retrieved my hat, gloves, and surrendered my heels for snow boots from the coat closet. I’d have to call Hector tomorrow to repair the mantel. Something told me Seth wasn’t a woodworker, even as a hobby. “Let’s go, then.”
“There’s only one condition for me to help this afternoon.” He opened the back door. Souffle bolted outside and nosedived into the snow.
“I should’ve known. You always have an angle.” I popped a hip out and put my hand there with all the attitude I could swing. “What is it?”
“Hot chocolate. The one you made last night.” He offered a Cheshire smile.
“Deal.” I snuggled my scarf around my neck and headed out into the cold morning air.
It only took a hundred steps before Seth was heaving. “I don’t understand… I run daily, hit the weights, even have a personal trainer. This is so humbling.”
Souffle bounded around him as if encouraging him to continue.
“It’s the altitude. You’re not used to it.” I knew I needed a tree, but at this rate we wouldn’t even make it to the woods before he collapsed. “We can turn back.”
“No. Not happening. Just give me a second.” He rested his elbow on my shoulder. “Better yet, you could carry me.”
That boyish charm caught me off guard, especially up close and personal. I brushed his arm off my shoulder and stepped a foot away from him, trying to collect my wits. This was a mission, not a date.
“Why do you pull away every time I get close to you? There was a time that you pursued me.” He waggled his eyebrows. “Is it because you don’t trust yourself to keep that massive attitude between us?”
“What? I don’t have an attitude,” I protested.
“Really? Then why are your arms crossed over your chest and why are you angled away from me?”
Souffle rubbed against my leg as if we were friends now. “I-I’m giving you space to breathe.”
He took a manly sized step, closing the distance between us. “What if I don’t want to breathe?”
“Don’t be silly. Everyone has to breathe.” I swatted at him, but he snagged my fingers and laced his leather-covered fingers between my knit gloves.
“I confess, I didn’t bring you up here just to get a tree.”
Warning bells chimed. “Then why did you bring me up here?”
“Because each time I try to talk to you, you shut me out. Last night I tried to tell you why I’ve changed, but I could tell you weren’t ready to hear more. Worse, you won’t share with me what you’re thinking or feeling. Did I hurt you that bad when I left?” He moved in, consuming my space.
My lungs tightened, as if I’d run up the hill. Snowflakes dusted my lashes and lips. He leaned his head down so that his forehead touched mine. “Tell me. Why are you keeping me at a distance? I can see that you still care about me.”
“You live in LA. I’m here,” I said with a hint of irritation. “How many times do I have to remind you that we didn’t work last time because of that, and we can’t work this time because that hasn’t changed.”
“No, there’s something else. That’s an excuse, not a reason. Last time we weren’t ready to make geographic and time sacrifices to make this work, but now I am.”
“No, you’re not.” I stood my ground. There was no reason to share anything further. That alone kept us apart, and I wouldn’t need to open a gaping wound to make him see that we would never work. Not when this new version of him was about dogs and kids.
“What I didn’t tell you last night was that I watched my partner lose his health due to an illness. He was rich but alone. It put things into perspective for me. He only lived a few months after his diagnosis. He warned me not to waste any more time on proving that I’m not the poor foster kid who had no future. To let go of what made me feel worthy and go after what makes me happy. And you are what makes me happy.”
A blizzard of thoughts and fears swirled inside me. His eyes were soft, and the way he looked at me was vulnerable, heartfelt. No. I couldn’t. This wasn’t real. “I’m sorry about your business partner. That’s tragic, but it doesn’t change anything. You might want to find happiness, and you might have even convinced yourself that I’m the one you found it with briefly last year, but I’m not. This won’t work. I won’t date a man who is in LA. My life is here.”
He tipped my chin up to face him. “Then I’ll move to Blacktail to be with you.”
Chapter 12
It took twenty minutes to reach the tree, but it wasn’t enough time to process Seth’s confession. He allowed me space to think and didn’t say another word until we reached the woods, but I could feel the tension between us.
Snow drifted in thicker flakes, and the clouds rolled into the mountain like a dark tent billowing above us. Souffle ran and chased snow, jumping in the air to bite it piece by piece before it hit the ground.
He pointed at a tree, but I crinkled my nose. I pointed to another, and he shook his head. At the third tree, I stopped. With a deep breath, I let out every question I had. “How will that work? You can’t have business meetings here. Your headquarters are in LA. There isn’t a nightlife here. No models to have your picture taken with. No opportunities to grow your business further. You’ll be lost and bored and hate me.”
Chilly air shot into my lungs. My pulse hammered against my throat. Smells of tree sap, mountain air, and Seth surrounded me.
He dropped the axe and held both my shoulders, forcing me to face him. “It will work because I don’t need to prove myself any longer. Most of my meetings are in various locations, not LA. My assistant will handle day-to-day functions at the office, and I’ll do most meetings remotely. There’s a thing called a computer now. I’m not looking for more opportunities. I’ve grown enough. As my partner said, know when you have reached max potential and then move on. I have enough, and I want to move on. And I could never hate you.” He waited, but I couldn’t look at him. A car drove by on the mountain road below. A wayward bird flew from tree to tree. His shoes were tied with brown, round laces.
“It won’t work. You can’t run a business and live here.”
“Then I’ll sell the company.”
I met his gaze. His honest, I-vow-like-a-Boy-Scout kind of gaze. “I don’t know what to say.”
He released me and lifted his chin high. “Don’t say anything. I did what I came here to do. I’ve told you how I tr
uly feel. I understand that this is a surprise and you need time. I had a year to realize my feelings and that I want you more than anything. Now I need to give you time to figure out how you feel. Let’s just spend time together and enjoy each other through Christmas. After that, you can decide if you want me to stay or go. I won’t hate you for sending me away if I’m not who you want.”
Not who I want? He was everything I wanted but could never have. If he really wanted more, a family…then I was all wrong for him.
Souffle trotted over and nuzzled my hand, and I welcomed her comfort. She was special.
“Stop looking like Rudolf caught in headlights. We’ve got a tree to cut down.” He turned in all directions, holding his goofy fur-cuffed hat on his head. “That one. There.” He pointed, and I followed him to a fourteen-foot tree.
“We can’t get that back to the lodge on our own. It’s too big. And it won’t fit.”
“Are you telling me that it’s too much for us to handle?”
I scanned the tree from base to tip. “Um, yeah. It’s going to be too tall, and I don’t even think it’ll fit in the space.”
“Then we’ll figure it out. We’ll trim the top and bottom, and it’ll fit. Sometimes things just take a little work, a little change, and a lot of faith.”
“Why do I get the feeling we’re not talking about the tree anymore?”
He lifted the axe over his shoulder and shooed me to the side. “Give me a chance to show you that I’m capable of making this work.”
The whistle of the axe through the air followed by the chop to the trunk cut me to the core. There was no way this was going to work. This entire situation, the tree…us… It was doomed to fail.