by T. Styles
“Why you bringing up old shit? I’m telling you that I ain’t fuck my fucking cousin, J! What the hell is wrong with you?”
When I heard a door creek, I knew K-man was up again. He would probably make his way to the kitchen or something like that to see what was going on. Lately, he was extremely overprotective of me and Delonte knew it too.
Delonte sat back on the couch and took the remote out of my hands. We both pretended to be glued to the TV, which before Delonte turned, was on some Spanish-speaking channel. Why we were giving Kelsi this much respect was beyond me. Let me handle this shit right now.
“Kelsi, I thought I told you to go back to bed!”
“I am, Ma, I’m just thirsty that’s all,” he said while looking at Delonte.
“K, it’s a school night and its almost time for you to get up,” I said feeling he wasn’t threatened enough.
“I know, Ma but I can barely sleep,” he said as he cut his eyes back to Delonte.
“Hey, K-man, what up? You gonna check out the Giants and Falcons on Sunday? It’s gonna be a beat down. Vick ain’t got nothing on Testaverde. It’s ole school against new school, boy!
Delonte was trying to ease the tension in the air but Kelsi didn’t respond and disappeared into the kitchen. Delonte looked at me and shook his head. Kelsi was never disrespectful to any of my friends but he was tonight. It was as if my little boy had gone to sleep forever and was replaced with a grown ass man.
“You know that boy is starting to smell himself,” Delonte whispered. “I’m gonna have to check that little nigga one day I’m telling you,” he said as he placed the remote control down on the glass table. “If his daddy won’t do it, I ain’t got no problems with it.”
“Don’t worry about K, you need to be worried about yourself and convincing me why I should let your sorry ass come back.”
Delonte took a deep breath and grabbed one of my hands, “Baby, I love you and I wouldn’t do anything like that. I ain’t got no where else I want to be besides with you.” Kissing her hands he continued, “Now I know I fucked up in the past and I’m sorry. But what you saw was me consoling my baby cousin after that weak ass nigga dumped her, that’s it. You know how close we are, J.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t know how close Delonte. Talk about kissing cousins, your mouth was covering hers like you were breathing new life into her skanky ass. And what boyfriend you talking ‘bout? How come I ain’t never seen this mysterious boyfriend?” I whispered. “Aren’t you the least bit embarrassed?”
“I’m not embarrassed because I know what really happened and it wasn’t how it looked. I know what I was doing but if you saw her kissing someone, it wasn’t me. Besides, you ain’t got no reason to be seeing her boyfriend cuz he ain’t your man.”
“Well she seeing mine every night,” I spat back with an attitude, not even caring about how stupid I sounded.
He sat back on the sofa and folded his arms and continued with his groveling. “You have to start trusting me baby. I mean…I cheated a few times but after the last time I haven’t stepped out on you again. I swear to God, baby. I fucking love you, girl!”
“I’m a woman, Delonte. That’s your problem. You don’t know the difference.”
He took another deep breath as if to ignore my last comment. “You tell me right now. Do you want me to leave or stay?” He sat up straight and looked me in my eyes.
I hated when he did that, turn the shit back on me. It’s always easier to take him back because he begged, than it was because I wanted him. He knew I wanted him home and he knew the game we played was only temporary. I’m sure Delonte was as aware of my insecurities and fear of being alone as I was. I paused. I couldn’t answer the question right away. To answer right now would mean he’d do whatever he wanted tomorrow. Why couldn’t he find happiness with me and our relationship? Why can’t I be enough for him?
What scared me was that he could look me straight in my face and lie just like my ex-boyfriend, Jarvis. I glanced over his chocolate covered skin and smiled inside. Damn you fine, I thought to myself.
“Janet, did you hear me?”
“I heard you and I’m thinking,” I said as I looked toward the kitchen to see if Kelsi had come out yet and I was also trying to buy more time. I can’t appear too anxious. Damn Delonte. Why does he have to ruin our relationship like this and force me to admit my weaknesses by saying I want him back.
“I’m a grown man and as much as I can’t see living my life without you, I’ll leave if that’s the way you want it,” he said growing impatient with my silence.
I looked at Delonte’s fine ass like I was really thinking about not taking him back … again, but my mind was already made up the moment I unlocked the door. I needed him and I knew he needed me. I also knew that taking him back wouldn’t be the last time I would have to put his ass out but I didn’t want another woman having him, even if the other woman was his cousin.
He was an attention magnet.
Delonte was 5’11” dark-skinned and kept his hair cut really low and neat. He was told quite often that he resembled Morris Chestnut. He played basketball every day at the Gold’s Gym in Beltway Plaza in Greenbelt, Maryland so he was toned, athletic and could run this 5’7”, 140-pound frame all over this apartment. I often wondered if he wasn’t so attractive, would our relationship would be better? But then would I even want him?
Before I could say anything, Kelsi walked out of the kitchen holding a cup and a piece of cake I made yesterday. I told that boy time and time again not to eat in his room because it attracted roaches and there he was taking food out of the kitchen and into his bedroom. As I looked at him, I started to stop him but the look in his eyes caught my attention. I could tell he was getting ready to say something and I didn’t know what to expect. There was fire behind his stare and he looked as if he wanted to rip Delonte’s throat out. So needless to say I was gonna let the cake thing slide.
At least for now.
“Delonte, maybe you should talk a little lower when you making comments, man. Feel me?” Kelsi said in a calm but serious voice, in between chewing a piece of the cake.
I sat there frozen and speechless. My feet wouldn’t move and neither would my mouth. If he was bold enough to talk to Delonte that way, who knew what else he might say. K-man just treated Delonte like he was one of his friends right in my face.
“Uh, K don’t be disrespectful to Delonte it’s not right,” is all I could manage to say to him.
“Sorry, Ma but I’m not the one knocking on the door at 3 o’clock in the morning begging. He is.”
“Little man, you got it all messed up. I love your mother and my coming over here at whatever time is our business. Stay in your place youngin.”
Kelsi just laughed and walked toward the back of the apartment. Before going into his room, he turned around and said, “Man, Atlanta gonna crush the Giants. Testaverde’s old, too old to be playing anybody’s ball. Oops, that’s your team, my bad.” Kelsi grinned devilishly and continued, “Vick, let’s just say, he schooling them ole heads. By the time he through with them, they’ll be begging for the pain to stop. Youngin’s is where it’s at, champ…hope ya’ll can handle a BEAT DOWN!” He turned around, walked to his room and closed the door.
I didn’t know what to say to Delonte because truthfully I was wondering what was going on in Kelsi’s mind. He was a sophomore in high school and I knew girls and the pressures of the world were already on his shoulders. Ever since last year, he changed and there appeared to be extra weight he was carrying around all the time. I tried to make it easier by not sweating him with small stuff but I didn’t know if it was working. Maybe that was the reason he reacted the way he did to Delonte. Maybe I wasn’t hard enough on him. Maybe I let him get away with too much. I had a feeling that he overheard everything Delonte and I were going through and was tired of it, just like I was. I felt useless as a mother.
I found myself thinking only of Kelsi, until Delonte stated talking.
“Janet, what’s up with K? He’s really getting out of control and I see I’m definitely gonna have to put him in his place sooner or later. What the fuck was that suppose to mean about the Giants getting BEAT DOWN? Was he threatening me?”
“Delonte, please,” I said as if he were boring me. “We have other things to worry about then some damn ass football! He’s my son and I can handle him.”
“So what you saying? If I live here I have to deal with the little nigga treating me like I’m a bitch? If that’s what you saying, J I might as well roll right now.”
“I’m not saying that,” I sighed as I took a deep breath.
He was acting like a kid, Kelsi was acting like my father and I was mad as shit!
For one second I wanted both of them the fuck up out my house! Nobody seemed to care that I had two jobs, one as a housekeeper and the other as a waitress and I was tired, mentally and physically.
“Just let me handle K-man. He has a few things going on at school and maybe he took it out on you. You know he likes you.”
Delonte kissed me on my cheek and then softly on my lips. My acknowledgment of his feelings about how K-man treated him gave him confirmation that it was okay to move back in. And in a way, that made it easier for me too. I really didn’t feel like saying “Yes, baby I want you and need you to come back home.”
“I love you, Janet,” he said as he kissed me. “I’m gonna grab my stuff and I’ll be here by the time you get home from work. And quit that second job, baby, I don’t want you working yourself to death. How you gonna take care of me?”
“I’ll think about it, but for right now the money’s good.”
Delonte had been trying to get me to quit my second job forever. Every time I mentioned it we’d get into another fight. Anyway, I worked the second job to look out for K-man not for Delonte. I told Delonte I worked two jobs because I wasn’t sure if we would make it and I wanted to cover my bills.
But that wasn’t entirely true.
The Sheraton paid all of our bills but I wanted my baby to have some of the things boys his age wanted so he wouldn’t get too caught up in the streets. Unfortunately, I knew there was some shit I just couldn’t keep him away from.
“Well think about it a little harder. I get tired of living here and having you gone all the time,” he said as he stood up and walked toward the door.
“Delonte, don’t leave,” I said as I followed him. “Stay with me until I leave for work. You can move your things in later.”
“I can’t, baby,” he said as he opened the door. “But I’ll be waiting for you when you get back,” he continued as he kissed me.
“Okay,” I responded all disappointed. “I’ll see you later.”
“Aren’t you forgetting something?” He asked with a sly smile on his face.
“Oh,” I responded as I reached in and gave him a kiss.
“That was nice, baby but I’m talking about my keys.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, D give me a second.”
I forgot I snatched his keys when I put him out last week. I put him out six times already and each time the locks were changed before the door slammed behind his ass, but I knew he was coming back. That changing locks shit got expensive, so this time when I put him out, I snatched his shit.
I walked to the kitchen and opened the drawer where I kept them. They weren’t there. I moved stuff around, took stuff out and still couldn’t find them. Then it dawned on me, K-man has them. Was he that dead-set on him not moving back in that he would take his keys? I didn’t want to knock on his door and ask him for them because Delonte would know there was an even bigger problem with Kelsi than we realized.
“Baby, I left them at work. K-man will let you in later,” I yelled from the kitchen where he could still see me.
“You sure? I don’t want no shit when I come back home with all my stuff.” He said as he looked at me.
“I’m sure, baby,” I said as I walked over to him at the door. “Now aren’t you forgetting something?” I asked.
“Oh yeah,” he reached in his pocket, peeled off three crispy one hundred dollar bills and handed them to me.
I moved my fingers as if to say, “Keep peeling mothafucka.” By the time he finished flipping his bills, he paid the price of a cool grand to move back home.
So far, it was the highest price yet.
“Okay. I’ll see you later. Don’t forget to tell Kelsi I’ll be here around five.”
“I won’t,” I said as I kissed him and locked the door.
CHAPTER TWO
SEPTEMBER 16TH
FRIDAY, 7:45AM
KELSI
You can only push a person so far, until the person you pushed, ceases to exist. That’s what happened to me last year and been happening ever since we moved to Autumn Woods, which used to be called Mattapony Apartments ‘bout six years ago.
Stop crying Kelsi! Never let ‘em see you cry, my moms used to tell me.
So what did I do?
I stopped crying and stopped showing any kind of emotion in the face of these mothafuckas out here. I hardened up and hardened up quick. People looked at me and called me a boy but I knew that lil nigga left a long time ago.
He had to.
If he hung around any longer, he would have gotten us both killed.
My stomping grounds bred criminals and I was no exception. I knew the mind made you vicious, not the work you put in and I had been building myself up to put in work a long time ago. If it wasn’t to protect myself, it would be to protect my moms. Too many dudes used her and I was tired of that shit. Every time she cried, I made sure I saw the tears fall from her face.
That fueled my hate!
When you seen your moms cry enough times, nothing else can fuck with you, especially if you feel you can’t protect her but I don’t feel that way no more.
I was the only man my moms needed, the only man we needed. I had plans to get us out of Autumn Woods so she wouldn’t have to work two jobs. Even if I had to hustle a minute to build up our funds, I was willing to do whatever I had to do. A man ain’t shit unless he can take care of his family Kelsi, is what she used to tell me. Man up or them streets will eat you alive. Drugs and crime were my neighbors and she told me to stay away but I had plans to make them our means of survival.
I already knew the streets by name.
By hustling on the side, I saved up about fifteen grand and managed to keep her from finding out. That’s cuz I watched niggas’ games before I jumped in head-first. I was quiet and let the streets tell me who to fuck with and who was on crud time. Before doing anything, I made sure K-man, the youngin, wasn’t approaching nobody asking to be put on, instead it was Kelsi, the man. I made sure my heart was in it and when it was, I didn’t approach the hand-to-hand cats because they were hungry just like me. I approached Skully, the meanest but most respected dealer in the hood.
He appreciated my boldness and I’ve been working for him ever since.
Although I’m fifteen, I worked on myself inside and out. I got my weight up and wiped the stupid smile off my face. It seems like some people took pleasure in me being young and shit. They liked taking their problems out on me, like I didn’t have enough shit of my own. I was quiet and timid until I learned that being timid made you a target. The moment I changed, people respected me, except for two mothafuckas.
“So this nigga gonna tell my moms I’m smelling myself. Bricks, I’m telling you right now, I was five seconds from breaking that nigga’s jaw.”
We were on our way to school and I was telling my boy what happened last night. Still tired, I was furious when I thought about it being because of Delonte’s punk ass. I hated that bitch nigga with a passion!
The cold air eased me up a little, as each step caused the wind to hit my face. I pulled my cap down further over my head, but it wasn’t doing shit. Good thing I grabbed my gray hoodie and wore two shirts underneath it. I also had on jeans and my timbs, which never came off. Whenever they got scuffed, I just
replaced them. I knew Bricks was cold because he only had on two short-sleeved t-shirts and was walking with his hands in his pockets. He was strutting at first like it really wasn’t cold but right before we reached school he was shaking like a crackhead.
“You should have, Kels. You should have broke that nigga down. That’s your fucking house champ.”
“Naw… I’ma let the nigga breathe for now. My moms is feeling him and I can’t break down every nigga that’s feeling her, at least not now anyway. But I fucked his head up with that Giants shit.”
“You wild!” He laughed. “But you know I with that shit. I fucks with the Giants, too.”
“Yeah well fuck that shit! Last Monday night they got they ass whooped, simple as that. It was on time too because I wanted him to know he could get beat down just like them niggas if he disrespected my moms.”
“You think he got the message?” Bricks asked sensing my hate.
“I don’t know but I know my moms picked up on it.”
“How you know?”
“Cuz I ain’t realize I had cake in my hand when I walked in my room.”
“What that mean?” He asked clueless. Sometimes you gotta explain shit to Bricks like he in pre-school.
“Nigga, my moms never let me eat in my damn room. She had to be fucked up behind that shit.”
“Oh … I feel you. Well, did you tell her about Black’s party tomorrow night?”
“I ain’t ask her yet. It won’t be a problem though because Delonte ‘s back. She be all happy and shit when he come home. That was the only reason I didn’t steal him in his face last night, no matter how I felt about him.”
Did I already say I hated Delonte?
We used to be cool, but lately he’s done one too many things to my moms. Between the yelling and the fighting he made me despise his ass. Every time I smelled that bamma’s cologne, I wanted to kill him and I mean that shit. I loved my moms to death and I knew if she knew how I felt, she’d be all fucked up, so I never said shit.