by Unknown
“I thought I would do something special for my girlfriend, but obviously I’m a gimp this week and needed help.”
“Girlfriend?” I raise a brow.
“You don’t think you are?” He furrows his right back.
“It was mentioned in the hospital, but we haven’t had that conversation yet. Even though we are exclusive, we hadn’t ever labeled what we were. What we are,” I amend.
“That’s a topic I would like to discuss with you—tonight.” He says sheepishly.
“Yes, we should talk about that, shouldn’t we? I think we have a lot of ground to cover.”
“You’re right, and I’m sorry about that.” He has the good grace to look ashamed.
I reach out a hand and place it on his, lightly stroking his fingers. “Well, you’ve got me here now, right? There’s no time like the present. Unless, you’d rather have a nice diner first, and then chat later?”
“That’s my girl.” He warmly smiles at me. “Thinking with her stomach, just like her man.” He winks at me.
Shaking my head at him, I laugh. “You big dork.”
My comment causes him to laugh, and breaks some of the tension I was feeling. My shoulders relax, and we start dishing up manicotti, salad, and mixed vegetables. The rest of dinner goes over smoothly, with light-hearted talk and teasing. After dinner, he leads me to the couch, where he serves chocolate pie.
“Okay, I have to say it. I know you didn’t make this pie!” I laugh. “Though it is so dang sweet and delicious.”
“Guilty as charged. I cannot tell a lie about food.”
“So, do you want to start?” I hedge. “Or should I?” I try to ask with as much tenderness as I can.
“Let me say something first.” He places his dessert on the coffee table, then takes my plate and does the same. He turns back to me and takes my hands into his. “I’ve been a real big jerk to you, and I’m sorry. I was only doing what I thought was best for my emotional wellbeing. It took me some time to finally come to terms with it. I wanted you completely, but part of me was frightened to give my whole self away.” He gazes into my eyes intently. “You understand that, right? It was never about me not wanting you. I know you must have thought that for a while, and I apologize.” I nod at his statement. “That was never my intension.”
“I know that now. I know it even more so after the night you made your drunken confession that I was never meant to hear. Do you know how badly that hurt me? I was devastated that you didn’t remember opening up to me the next morning. It only got worse when you started distancing yourself further. To be honest, Nathan, I would have never known anything was wrong or how unbalanced our relationship was until that drunken night. That’s when we started going downhill. Sure, there were some hints that were red flags—like when you wouldn’t talk about your family, which concerned me. But I was learning how to cope with that. What I really wanted was your heart—completely.” I stare back into his eyes, trying to read the thoughts forming behind them.
“Don’t you know, silly woman, that you’ve always had it? Even if I tried to pretend otherwise?” He caresses my cheek, willing me to believe him.
“I will admit, there were times I thought so, but other times told me to be cautious. Not to get my hopes up. I was learning how to handle things with what I knew about relationships, which wasn’t much. But still, I had good role models growing up, and still do, with my family.”
“Yes, you do, and you’re blessed beyond measure for it. What I wouldn’t give to have that back in my own life. We had that once, what your family has. I miss it. It’s one of the many things that drew me to you, though the seriousness of it scared me, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to go back there again. I can’t express how hard it was hearing about and watching the kind of family you have, and being reminded of my own when my mother was alive.”
“Nathan, you shouldn’t be scared to go back to something as good, loving, and wonderful as a close-knit family. In a way, you already have that with Holt and Tucker, and now with the girls and I. Don’t you know that? We are your family, and we deeply care for you. You should never doubt or deny those feelings.”
“You’re right, Charlie. But when you lose the glue that holds your actual family together, the one who’s the very light in your family’s eyes, it’s hard to get that feeling back. You can’t replace it. You can only hope for something as close to come along, but then when it does, you wonder if it’s a fairytale in your mind. Or if other families are truly that happy together.”
“I’m sorry you lost her. I’m even more sorry for how I found out. I wanted to know things like this, but only because you wanted to tell me, and let me into your life. That’s all I wanted, you know. To be fully allowed into your heart. After all, you’ve had mine from the start.” I shyly tell him.
“You don’t think I realized that? I’ve always known. I was just too scared of that knowledge, and the responsibility that would come with it. The last thing I ever want to do again is shut you out.” He leans over and kisses my forehead.
“Speaking of hurting me, I really don’t want to jump to conclusions, but we need to talk about the woman who I saw you with at Texas Jacks.”
“I wish that hadn’t happened. It was worse to see than you actually think it was.”
“So? Who was she then?”
“Heather Morgan, my ex-high school sweetheart. We dated for a long time. Actually, we grew up around each other. We had big plans for our life together, until my mom got sick. After she passed, I broke up with Heather. I couldn’t think straight, and I eventually made some unwise choices during the course of the period after, until I met you. Talking to you was the best choice I’ve ever made, to date.”
“I love that you think that. But, can you tell me what she wanted? And why you looked like you were having a tender moment with her?”
“She was asking to come back to me. She missed me, and she felt like she had given me enough time and space to finally rekindle what we once had. I told her that the only door I would be knocking down was yours, Charlotte. I truly mean that.”
“Thank you for being honest with me. I still don’t like that she came back into your life, though, or the moment it looked like you two were involved in.”
“How do you think I felt when Dave was around? I wanted to punch the guy, and I’m not a violent man. I thought for sure you had slipped through my fingers. I was so upset that day at the track. He was there, being too friendly in your personal space, and all I could see was this red rage. I’d had enough, and wasn’t thinking straight when I jumped off my bike and started to exit the track. I was careless and blinded by jealousy. The likes of which I wasn’t used to experiencing before, ever.”
“Dave isn’t you, Nathan. He’s a friend, but not a personal, close one. I would never jump to another man when I have no clue where I stand with the one I love.”
My eyes fly to his, and I’m in shock that I just admitted that out loud. It’s how I feel, and I meant it when I said it to him at the hospital when he was sleeping. I couldn’t stand the thought of rejection from him. It would sting if he didn’t repeat the words back to me.
If his stunned expression is anything to go by, then I’m ready to hightail it out of here.
“Can you please repeat those words?”
I know I can’t hide the feeling anymore, and I’m not about to play games. So I put on my brave face, and say it again. “I love you, Nathan. I have for a long time, now.”
“Do you know how often I’ve imagined you saying those words? I thought I heard you say them in the hospital, but then realized it was only a dream that I thought was real.”
“I did say it back then, too.”
“Come here, little one.”
I scoot closer to him so he can pull me into his arms. He leans us against the couch, as gingerly as he can. I lean against his good side when he kisses the top of my head. I shyly look up at him, wanting to know what he’s thinking.
“Charl
otte,” he looks down into my eyes from his perch on the couch. I strain my head up more to get a better view. “I’ve been in love with you since the beginning, I just didn’t comprehend what I was allowing to happen. I regret my actions. I should have told you months ago how I felt. Can you ever forgive me and my stupidity?”
“Nathan, how can I not forgive you? There is one thing that I need to ask of you, though.”
“Anything.”
“Can you forgive me for not trying harder to make you share your feelings? Can you forgive me for when I felt like I let you down after you told me about your mom? Here you’ve shown me a new part of life, and reached out your hand, holding mine the whole way, when I’ve let you down.”
“Charlotte, I have to apologize here, too. I was so mad at you for not saying anything after my confession. Though, I didn’t know it had happened then, and it would take days to remember it all. I blamed you for a while. I was so beyond mad at you, myself, Carianna—I should have talked to you like an adult following that night, and I didn’t. I let it go the route it did and pushed you further away. I didn’t mean to toy with your emotions, or to be so distant and hurt you. I was hurting myself. I had to go through the grieving process the rest of the way. I was mad. I was hurt. I was sad. I wanted to be alone. I just didn’t know how to take in all of these emotions, or where to go with them. The guys really helped show me the light, but the kicker was when I thought I lost you. I realize that it was only my own doing.”
“Even though you don’t need it, I’ll tell you that you are forgiven. I wanted you to tell me these things on your own, without the help of alcohol. I felt horrible for not reaching out in a better way. I think at this point, we need to let go of our mutual hurt and anger, and move on. Can you do that for me?”
“I want to do that, and I’m trying. It won’t be easy, Charlie. I will still have setbacks. I will still get upset and feel lonely all over again, but never as lonely as I was, if we work on this together. I can make you a promise that I won’t drink again like I did the night you found me. I’ve never gotten like that before, and I don’t ever want to experience it again.”
“I like that promise, and I can be your foundation. You just have to let me in when you have a hard day.”
He leans down and kisses me softly, and that’s how we end our evening. On the couch, cuddling, watching movies, and working out our past hurts, our future wants, and our lives in the present.
One and a half years later
I can’t believe I’ve spent over a full year with Charlie. We’re in a better place now than we were in the year prior. I’m learning to work out my issues by actually talking to her. She’s been there for me on my hard days, and my best days. She encouraged me to make more time for my family, which is slowly coming back together, but still is a work in progress. We can’t change who we are overnight. It takes time to work out the kinks. Regardless, it’s been a great year, with several new additions to it.
We’re not married yet, but I’ve already become a permanent fixture in the home of the Davenports. Greg and Lindsay were married. Jaxon and Jennifer had a baby. Bethany finally settled down with one man, and he treats her like she’s his queen. Rachel and Anson had twins—both girls, to Anson’s horror. We’ve had a few good laughs at that.
Tonight, we’re celebrating our birthdays, Charlie and I, at Texas Jacks. We’ve invited our family and friends to come celebrate with us. It looks to be a promising evening with everyone we love, and all of the joy and laughter they bring us.
“Are you having a good time, sweetheart?” I bend to speak in Charlie’s ear over the music. She wraps her arms around me and snuggles in closer.
“Yes, cowboy. Thank you for the best birthday to date. I don’t know how you will top this next year.”
“I’m sure I’ll find a way, don’t you worry.” I lean in and kiss her cheek, then up to her ear, where I nip it. “I’ll be right back. I think I just saw Holt and Tucker head off to the pool tables. I want to see how much I can swindle out of them.” She giggles, and I pull away to find the guys.
I clock them near the DJ booth. I’m heading their way when I spot Dave. We haven’t exactly gotten past the Charlie-episode, as I call it, but we manage to coexist together, when we have to. Thankfully it’s not that often. I give him a head nod and keep on moving to the two targets in my line of sight.
“Is it all set and ready to go?” I ask, the moment I get to them.
“That’s an affirmative!” Holt salutes me.
“All right. Let’s get to it then.” The DJ hands me a mic and cuts the music.
“I would like the birthday girl to come out to the middle of the dance floor, please.” I look through the crowd and spot Charlie. She looks at me, trying to guess what I’m up to. I don’t think she has a clue. I hope no one spoiled it, at least.
She makes her way over, but does it hesitantly. “This beautiful woman standing before all of you tonight is the center of my life. She’s saved me from a downward spiral. I want her to know how much I think of her. To me, she’s the best part of me. I love you, Charlie. Happy Birthday.”
She smiles at me, and I already know that if I were up close to her now, I would see how much it shines through her eyes. She’s about to walk away, but I stop her again.
“Charlotte Davenport, I have a question to ask you.”
Everyone is pretty quiet now, as I’ve got their full attention.
“Will you dance with me?”
Everyone starts to boo me, thinking I was going to pop the question. I can see her, and she looks like she’s laughing, but pleased and happy all the same. I watch her make her way to me, and we start to lose the attention of the partygoers. Once she makes it to me, I take her hand and walk her back to the dance floor.
“You crazy man.” She socks me in the arm, but I can hear the mirth in her voice.
I pull her into my arms as a slow song comes on. Right as we start to slow dance, I stop and drop down to one knee. The music goes to a low hum, while I stare up into Charlie’s eyes. Everything ceases to exist but her in this moment. I pull the mic back out from my back pocket and start to talking to the love of my life.
“Charlotte Davenport. From the moment I laid eyes on you here, in this very place, I couldn’t stop. I felt a connection with you from the start. We had our ups and downs, but through it all, you’ve made me stronger. I’ve given you my heart, and then my love. Now, I want to give you one more thing. Will you do me the honor of taking my last name, and becoming my wife?”
Charlie’s eyes are wet with the tears running unchecked down her cheeks. She stands there in a stunned silence. I pick up her left hand, and hold a ring out to her ring finger. I start to slide it on. I’m confident that she will say yes.
“Are you going to leave him hanging?” someone shouts from the crowd.
Charlie pulls out of the spell I cast upon her and slowly nods her head, whispering, “Yes."
The moment finally dawns on her, and she beams the biggest simile on me before she jumps me. I almost fall over, but manage to save the day. I wrap my arms around her waist, resting my head on her soft belly, giving her an extra firm squeeze. She lets go and I stand up. I gather her back into my arms and kiss the daylights out of her.
“Ladies and gentleman, I would believe that’s a yes.” We hear the DJ say over his mic. “Everyone, please join in celebrating this fine couples’ joint birthday—and engagement—out on the dance floor. Grab a partner and let’s dance!”
“I can’t believe you surprised me like this. I had no idea!” Charlie exclaims.
“It was a miracle that no one blabbed it to you. I’m shocked!” I laugh. I nuzzle her hair as we sway to the music. “Thank you, little one, for coming into my life. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
We spend the rest of the night celebrating life with those we hold dear to our hearts. I won’t say it was an easy one, as I had one important person missing, but I’m learning to deal w
ith those hard times in a better way now. I have all of the support I need now. My mom would have loved Charlie, as I’m sure she does while she watches over us from Heaven.
Seven years later
IT’S A BEAUTIFUL, WARM SUMMER evening, and I’m heading home from the track. I still drive my beloved truck that my mom left to me. It’s the one thing I own that I won’t let go of, and eventually our son, Jack, will take his first driving lesson in it.
You can just guess what we named him after.
I still go out to the track from time to time, but no longer feel the need to constantly. That pull to go there and block it all out is gone, thanks to my loving wife, Charlie. I no longer feel the sadness of losing someone all the time. What I feel now is an abundance of love from Charlie, our son, and our friends and family.
Now, when I go out to the track, it’s to enjoy myself and to have a little time away from the hassles of work. Every now and then I can convince Holt and Tucker to meet me out there, and we have a blast laughing like old times and feeling the thrill of the race.
I know sometimes going out to the track worries Charlie, especially after our scare seven years earlier. But she knows there are times when I feel the pull, and need to go. I love that about her. She may worry, but she doesn’t hold me back, trusting all will be okay, and that I will come back home safe and sound. Sometimes, I can even manage to get her and Jack to come out with me as well. Those are the days I get our friends out there, and they spend their time soaking in the rays of the sun, watching the children play, and enjoying each other’s company.
I’m halfway home when I start reflecting back on my life and realize what a gift Charlie has been. She keeps me happy and sane. She fills my heart every day with her beauty and love, and then there’s our son, Jack. He’s such a little character, always going full steam ahead and loves to laugh. I look forward to returning home each night so I can see our family and listen to the joy of our son echoing off the walls of the house. He really is such a happy little guy, and he’s by no means lacking in the love department.