by Hannah King
The palace courtyard had been filled with all sorts of people; farmers, traders, soldiers, freed slaves, and court members alike. There had been dancing and delicious rich food from the palace’s own kitchen. Of course, guards had to be placed to protect against rioting, for it would be years before Cronin’s trade merchants came to peace with the idea, but the celebration marked the day with joy for most, and those still loyal to King Lardox had celebrated the day ever since.
Clearly the Leiden’s did not understand the meaning of the festival they’d allowed us to celebrate. Slaves hovered around us, lugging and refilling the kettles and vats of food, collecting our dishes, filling our glasses. It made me squirm inside whenever one of the silent, sober servants passed me. We were celebrating a day of freedom long ago, but here, they remained enslaved.
The Leidens were so different from us, in everything they did and said. Can we make an alliance with such a country without guilt? I wondered. Countries with differing rules and standards make alliances all the time, I reminded myself. I pushed aside my worries and took a bite of the sweet pudding.
Once I’d finished my meal, I passed in my plate and began to wander around the crowd with Cora. We stopped and watched the dancers, listening to the low whistles of the pipes and the rhythmic clapping and stomping of feet.
“You going to dance?” Cora asked me.
I shook my head. “Too tired,” I reasoned. I was happy enough observing and I couldn’t think of anyone who would even want to dance with me.
“How about you?” I asked my friend.
She shrugged. “Don’t know yet. No one’s asked me, except Reylard,” she added and we both grimaced.
I shivered suddenly.
“You ok, Tali?” Cora asked, always alert.
“Mhmm yes…” I quickly tore my eyes from what had caused the reaction.
I didn’t know why Captain Gray kept staring at me. She was the only one of the captains who hadn’t greeted me that night. She was in the corner of the courtyard, not far from the dancing, but her eyes took in none of that merry scene. Instead, they looked apprehensive and cold even in the glow of firelight. I tried to ignore it, imagining she was simply bored and trying to make me nervous just to amuse herself.
As the night carried on, I realized she wasn’t the only one who was watching me. The Ambassador was there too. He stood at the front of the courtyard with a group of soldiers, seemingly making sure nothing got out of hand. His eyes were distant and far from the merriment in front of him, but every so often they rested on me.
I made eye contact with him once and he drew his eyes away quickly, but often I felt his gaze return.
“He’s just standing there,” I heard Cora say almost to herself. She was looking at Wes. He was across the circle, his arms folded in his usual watchman manner, but there was really nothing to be watching for.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
She shook her head, “Oh, well, once Wes’ plate is empty he doesn’t know what to do with himself at these sorts of things,” she added.
“None of us are used to having a night off,” I reasoned.
“You could ask him to dance,” she treaded carefully.
I crossed my arms, almost mirroring Wes’ stance.
“No…I don’t think so,” I bit my lip, suddenly uncomfortable.
She sighed disappointedly. “This is likely the only night of dancing we’ll have for a long time, Tali. If you’re going to get cold feet and waste it, that’s your choice,” she decided.
Ayla and Camphraz spun by us, laughing.
“Why aren’t you two dancing?” Ayla called over her shoulder. I rolled my eyes.
“It’s not that hard, Talitha,” Cora insisted. “Watch.”
She picked up her feet and made her way over to where Wes was standing. His eyes widened as the girl approached and he shifted uncomfortably, but after she whispered in his ear he nodded, and with a nauseous expression he led her into the circle.
I felt a small pang of regret as I watched her pulling Wes around to the lively tunes. Once his nerves wore off, they started to laugh so easily, and Wes’ light feet seemed to pick up the steps quickly.
Ayla and Camphraz didn’t continue into the next song. Camphraz went to the sidelines to sit down and Ayla joined me.
“Cam’s not feeling well again,” she grumbled. “I know there’s something wrong with him, but he won’t admit it.”
“Stomach pains?” I asked.
“Those are gone, I guess. He’s just, always tired, and the firelight hurts his eyes. It’s so strange. One moment he’ll feel fine and the next he can hardly stand up.”
“Well, maybe he’s still beating the last of it,” I suggested, but I couldn’t help but notice how similar his complaints were to mine. In fact, I’d felt all of those things off and on since my bought of Parsley fever all the way back in the Elm Beds. Something about that illness had stuck around, something about it was sapping my energy a little bit every day. He’d had it then too, I realized. But the stomach pains he’d recently had? Wasn’t that an entirely different illness?
Ayla let out a strange strain of laughter, breaking through my thoughts.
“Cora and Wes look ridiculous! When did he ask her?”
“She asked him.”
“Beat you to it?” Ayla teased.
I shrugged uncomfortably.
She laughed. “Poor Wes, he’s sweating like a pig.”
“I hope she cheers him up a little,” I commented. He hadn’t been himself since Byrne had died.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around.
“Talitha, want to dance?” It was Tratis, and he’d startled me. He held a hand out for me to take.
“Sure,” I nodded awkwardly, forgetting that I was tired. He looked so uninhibited and free in the light of the bonfire. His eyes were sparkling and his sandy hair was unwilling to stay behind his ears where he’d pushed it. It was then that I realized there was a roughness and strength in him that Leida could never smooth out.
He confidently led me into the circle.
I started to panic. “I don’t know what I was thinking,” I mumbled to him nervously. “I barely remember these dances,” I admitted.
He grinned. “Doesn’t matter, just pretend you know how,” he looked over his shoulder and dodged another couple gracefully.
As we continued, I began to relax. My mind had been so full that night, and to have him guide me so easily was a breath of fresh air. Of course, I misstepped, but he didn’t care, he only made it look like a flourish or blamed his own clumsiness. If only everything was this simple, I thought to myself. I hadn’t ever thought of how wonderful it might feel to be in his arms, and now that they were wrapped around me, I could only think of how much I didn’t want it to end.
I’d been so tired all week, so confused, yet as strong as I could be, and here he was, holding me up, being that strength for me. I dared to look in his eyes, and my heart lurched. He was looking at me too. He wanted me in his arms, I was almost sure of it.
My pulse quickened as I realized it. He’d always been so kind to me, even from the beginning. He’d gone out of his way to speak to me, smiled at me, teased me, even praised me. The music stopped and we spun around one last time. He grinned and I realized for the first time that week I’d been able to forget everything I was afraid of.
“Thanks,” he said, bowing his head a little in gentleman fashion. The music started up again. “One more?” he asked. I nodded, not wanting his hand to ever leave my waist.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
TALITHA
LONG INTO THE night the dancing continued. Tratis excused himself after our second dance to go speak to the leads, but I was content. I went after another glass of cider with a smile on my face. Cora and Wes were still dancing, and I couldn’t complain. I was glad to see them enjoying each other’s company.
Cam sat beside Reylard, drinking mead and debating. Ayla had found a few of the girls from her
rank to chat with. I didn’t mind. I was grateful to not be the center of attention for a little while, but my happy moment of solitude came crashing to an end when Captain Gray cornered me.
“I need to speak with you,” she said coolly. “Inside.” She didn’t wait for me to follow her, but grabbed my wrist and practically pulled me into the Turaphelin. We reached a dark corner of the empty first floor and she finally let go of me.
“What?” I sputtered in confusion. There was something so strange about her mannerism. She was nervous, I realized, catching her glancing over her shoulder like she was being followed.
“How do you feel?” she asked me. My eyes narrowed. It wasn’t the question I’d expected from her tone and urgency.
“All right...thanks,” I shrugged nervously.
She glared at me and pried open my right fist with her fingers. She stared at the marking for a second, then met my gaze again.
“Did they tell you what this was?”
“My student mark…”
She cursed. I’d heard her curse before, but never with such a harsh word.
“It’s just to mark that I’m one of Tate’s students,” I ex-plained further.
“They’re foolish to let you do this,” she hissed.
I backed away but she took me by the shoulders.
“Why do you think you’ve never heard of Nurandism before? Did you imagine it was some lovely recipe that Master Tate himself cooked up and only gives to people he likes? Has he dressed it up like something new? Something harmless? I’m sure he has. Why would he or anyone else tell you the consequences? Why would anyone bother to mention that it is illegal to teach in almost every realm? No, they wouldn’t tell you. They deal only in their own interests, these bloody Leidens.”
I looked around nervously, hoping no one was listening in on us.
“Look at me Amlai,” she forced me to face her. “They’re foolish, playing this game, and forcing you to play it. It’s dangerous. Nurandism has brought hell on societies. Not only that, it’s a direct offense against our late king. He was the first to pass the order to stop teaching the art.”
I gaped at her. Tratis had never once mentioned that there was danger involved in what I was learning, never once made any statement that I would be breaking Cronin laws.
Then it occurred to me. She was jealous. Gray was a Lantern, after all, a good one at that, and a captain, for much longer than I had ever been. And here all the attention was turned to me. Her glory was fading all because of some lucky fielder that had been picked out of the crowd. Some lucky fielder that could sense the shazod.
I’d always known that she hated me, but I had once thought it far beneath any of my captains to lie to me. My heart was pounding. I had to find a way to escape the confrontation. I was afraid she’d make me promise to do something I didn’t want to do, and I was right. Before I could speak, she was already threatening me.
“You’ll stop this madness now, before anyone gets hurt, before you get hurt. Before something goes horribly wrong,” she urged me dramatically. “Tell Tratis that you’re through, that you can’t. Make up any excuse, I don’t care if you have to pretend you’re sick.”
“Why would I do that?” I queried in disbelief. “Can’t you see how well it’s going? If I pull out now, the Leidens could change their minds about everything!”
Gray grabbed my right hand again, prying it open again, her gaze fierce, her tone hushing into a frightening whisper.
“This is a Yal mark. It is permanently burned into your skin, as a permanent warrant to kill you. If anything ever goes wrong, if you lose your sanity temporarily, it gives any man in any village permission to end your life in any way possible. That’s how the Leidens decided to regulate their “students” instead of outlawing the practice. They teach very few and they make the disposal of their students easy and fully legal, and for good reason. Students of Nurandism cause more trouble than good.”
My face blanched.
“At least if you do go crazy and they have to kill you, you’ll be at peace knowing you won’t endanger anyone any further,” she scoffed. “Tratis told you none of this, I’m sure. But I swear it’s true.”
I was speechless, my stomach churning as I took in the full meaning of her words.
“Tell them you can’t, pretend you can’t. Whatever you have to do. If you proceed, you’ll bring a curse on all of us.”
I stared at the ceiling, my gloved hand stroking the cat on the pillow beside me for comfort. There was an ache in my heart, a nagging, sickening tug that wouldn’t stop as I weighed out my options, trying to choose who to believe.
The sun was coming up, illuminating the dark clouds that covered it with a pale white light. The day was upon me, and with it, all the fears I’d wrestled the night before.
I had to talk to Tratis. Somehow. I jumped up, pulled on a dress and a pair of slippers and opened my door. There were guards outside of it, and I squared my shoulders.
“I need to see Captain Tratis,” I said, moving confidently to see if they’d follow or obstruct me, but they simply looked at each other and nodded. They seemed satisfied so long as I didn’t leave the hallway they were in charge of.
I lifted my hand and knocked on his door, frightened and embarrassed to be calling on him so early, but he was already awake. He opened the door, surveyed my urgent stance and beckoned me in.
“You’re shaking,” he said, taking my cold hand in his. I hadn’t noticed.
“It’s chilly, here,” he took his deep blue cloak from a hook and draped it around my shuddering shoulders.
“What is it Talitha?” He motioned for me to sit down on a bench by the fire. My mouth was dry, I wasn’t sure where to start, but he waited patiently.
“I don’t know what to do,” I blurted out. “Why did you hide everything from me? I should have at least known that what I was doing was wrong, or, forbidden, or…” I trailed off, and then raised my voice. “You should have told me it was against our king’s will!” I met his eyes angrily. “Or at least, my king’s will,” I added. Deep down, he wasn’t even one of us, but when I looked back up into his face, I realized my words had cut him like a knife.
He fell silent, still staring at me, then took a deep breath, proceeding cautiously.
“Talitha, did Gray-”
“Tell me the truth?” I snapped.
“Some, of the truth,” he clarified. “Talitha, Gray was never meant to speak to you about this.”
“So that I’d be in the dark?” I stormed.
“She doesn’t understand everything that’s at stake here.”
“She’s a Lantern, like me,” I reasoned. “She probably understands it far better than you do.”
“In some ways yes, she understands being a Lantern, but she’s never practiced Nurandism, she’s only heard stories...the wrong stories.” He was treading so carefully, so gently, but I was too worked up to appreciate it.
“But they’re true stories, aren’t they? Curses and insanity, and, and this mark!” I spread out my fingertips.
Tratis frowned. “I never meant for that to happen. That was Tate’s doing. I was assured by the Paraphrant that no such mark would be given. You have to understand, Tate follows no rules except his own. To him, it was a basic safety measure. I wish he hadn’t done it, but it’s something that will only cause you trouble if you let it. Talitha, look at me please.”
I lifted my gaze to his eyes. There is nothing but truth and concern in them, I admitted to myself in frustration, but was there something else hiding behind them? Was the genuine look he gave me the result of a lot of practice?
“Nurandism is dangerous, in the wrong hands, but it was once safe and trusted, given to prosper communities, to aid those in danger,” he began.
“There are some dark stories surrounding it, yes, but they were a result of greed, manipulation and hunger for power; Lanterns who brought a curse on the gift that Lavalt gave them by using it for their own gain and hatred. It was only t
he great evil of a few that caused people to shut it out, forget it, forbid it. People were afraid of these wrongdoers, so, many stopped teaching it in order to shut out the mistakes. In doing so they lost a great gift, one that must be handled with wisdom.’
“In Cronin, our king feared the outcome of the power uncontrolled, and understandably. He chose to ban it all together, but here in Leida they recognized both the danger and the value of the gift. They chose to teach only those who could be trusted with it, those who fought for more than their own will, those who possessed hearts that could contain the power.” He took my trembling hands in his.
“You have a strong heart Talitha, I’ve seen that since the day Lead Breiden chose you. Do you think she would have placed you as a Captain, with all her wisdom, if you were foolish and reckless? You’re loyal, you can be trusted, and right now your gift can be used against the greater evil. That’s what it’s for. Gray may be right in thinking that it’s not for the weak of heart, but you’re not weak…are you?”
“I feel weak,” I whispered.
“I’ve discussed this thoroughly with your leads. Both Talrinious and Breiden approve. Don’t you trust them?”
I swallowed. Why had I let Gray shake me? Her words had replayed in my head all night, haunting me, but after all, she’d never trusted me, in fact, she seemed to despise me.
“Talitha,” Tratis said slowly. “Tate thinks you’re ready.”
I stared at him in horror. “For, for the...”
“You’ve been training for weeks.”
“Is that enough?”
“I’ll admit, the Paraphrant is not a patient group, but I believe that you are ready. So does Tate. He says he’s never seen a Lantern as strong as you are.”
I looked away.
“But if you are to do this Talitha, you must push these doubts out of your mind. You must.”
“But how?” I questioned, wide eyed. “I don’t know if I can do it! I’ve never even tried to bind a shazod, let alone one that is bound by someone else.”
“Try to think of the good it could do. Think of the lives it can save. It’s more than the alliance Talitha, it’s the ending of a wicked man’s regime. If you succeed, our people, and many more, will be able to rest easy. Their loved ones will be avenged. There will be no more massacres like the ones you remember. Isn’t it worth a try?”