by Amy Sparling
A million horrible facts race through my mind. My parents. Elisa's parents. School. College. Money. The future.
The baby.
My eighteenth birthday is one month away. By then, my parents won't be able to tell me what to do. I could work more hours at the shop. I could get a better job.
By sunrise, I know that my parents will wonder why I'm not getting ready for school and eventually they will notice that I'm not home at all. So I call my dad, and thank God for the small miracle that he didn't answer. I leave a voicemail. "I'm at the hospital with Elisa. I know that's going to piss you off, but – I couldn't ignore her anymore, Dad."
I end the call and stare at my phone, fearing that he will call me back any minute and disown me.
There's a knock on the glass door, startling me back to reality. Mrs. Hardy, Mr. Hardy and the couple from the waiting room are standing there, each with a different look on their face. Mrs. Hardy had been crying, Mr. Hardy is dazed and the couple is concerned, or angry.
"Jeremy, can you come with us please?" Mrs. Hardy says. I stand, checking on Elisa to make sure she's still asleep, and then join them in the hallway. Mrs. Hardy takes my arm and pulls me a few steps away from the rest of the group.
"Please don't let them do this," she begs me in a whisper.
"Do what?" I whisper back.
"They are going to ask you and Elisa to sign over the adoption papers, now that Elisa is conscious again. You can't let them do this, Jeremy. Please."
This is what I had been thinking about for three hours. And to a lesser degree- nine months. A painful lump the size of an elephant sits in my chest.
Elisa had forgiven me. Did she still want to give up the baby? I hadn't had time to ask. Why does this decision suddenly fall on me? I had made it clear that I wasn't ready to be a dad. But I'm here, and that has to mean something.
We're in the waiting room now, and it's too quiet for me to say anything to her without everyone else hearing. The man walks up to me, practically shoving Mrs. Hardy out of his way.
"Hello son, I'm Richard and this is my wife, Mary." He shakes my hand, and his grip is a little too hard.
"Hi," I say, weak like a little fucking pansy. I am better than this. I can't let him intimidate me. Taking a deep breath and stretching to my full height, I say, "What do you want?"
His eyes flicker, like a school bully who's just been challenged. "I want nothing more than what you want – a happy future for your child. Which is why, as soon as your girlfriend feels better, we are going to adopt it."
"I don't think so," I say. I don't even need to look at Mrs. Hardy to feel the joy radiating off her as I say, "Sorry Richard. Guess you wasted money on those plane tickets after all."
He laughs. "I hate to break it to you, but as a minor who is not the mother of the child, you have no legal say in this."
Up until now I didn't know if I wanted to be a dad. I didn't think I could handle having a baby, and being a grown up. But this asshole has rubbed me the wrong way.
So I say the first thing that comes to mind. "I hate to break it to you, but you may go fuck yourself."
Richard's jaw tightens. Mrs. Hardy, who hates cursing almost as much as she hates missing church on Sundays, is smiling.
I turn to her. "I want to see my baby now."
Chapter 26
A nurse wearing pink scrubs with little baby footprints tells me to wait in Elisa's room for the baby. She said it was feeding time and that she would bring me the baby after she gets fed and changed. Trembling, I sink back into my chair and try to slow my breathing. Mrs. Hardy joins me and sits on the edge of Elisa's bed. She hasn't woken up yet.
"I'm proud of you," Mrs. Hardy says, with more emotion in that one sentence than my parents have ever shown me. I shake my head. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."
She shrugs. "Elisa told me your parents weren't too happy about the situation?"
"No," I say. The strong exterior I had put on in front of Richard begins to break away. "They said I'm on my own."
"Well I'm here for you and Elisa. And if it means you moving into our home, well – we can arrange that."
"Wow, that's really nice of you," I mumble. "But I don't know if Elisa will take me back."
"Oh, honey. She will."
I swallow back tears.
"I will what?" Elisa says, groggy as she shifts around in bed, turning to look at us.
I am at her side instantly. "How do you feel?"
She sighs. "I'm so sick of everyone asking me that."
"In my defense, it's the first time I've asked." She smiles and reaches up to touch my face. My eyes close when her soft touch caresses my cheek. I am so heavy with guilt and regret. So burdened with pain and embarrassment over how I've acted. In this moment, her touch briefly releases me from all of my pain.
I will spend a lifetime making this up to her.
My eyes open. "I told those adoption people to fuck themselves."
She stares at me in disbelief. "Does that mean…?"
"It means that I am here for you. And the baby." The trembling hand on my cheek moves to her mouth. "What about-"
I interrupt her. I know her mom is still here, still watching me pour out my soul. And it's kind of embarrassing but right now, this woman is my only ally in the whole world. "Don't finish that sentence. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. I'm going to take care of us."
Elisa's heart monitor beats faster. She smiles at me, her puffy cheeks turning pink.
Mrs. Hardy speaks up. "The nurse should be bringing the baby soon."
Elisa and I look at each other, a giddy rush of excitement flowing from her eyes to mine.
"What did you name her?" I ask.
She shrugs. "I was in and out of consciousness last night, so I never got a chance to name her."
"Really? But didn't you have a million names picked out?"
"Yeah, but when I saw her, I forgot all of them. Nothing seemed good enough for her." Her eyes search mine, and then she looks down at her hands. "I was so confused. I never expected Mary and Richard to actually fly down here. It killed me to think of naming a baby that wouldn't get to be mine." She sighs. "I kept hoping…I guess I never gave up hope that you might come back."
"Look who I have," the nurse says in a sing-song voice as she walks into our room, cradling my baby in her arms. She looks at the tiny bracelet on the baby's wrist. "Miss… Oh, does she still not have a name?"
I stand. "Hope," I say. "Her name is Hope."
"Lovely!" the nurse says. I turn to Elisa. She smiles. "That's perfect, Jeremy."
"Who wants to hold her?" the nurse asks.
"He does," Elisa says.
I take a deep breath and exhale. My mind is racing so fast, I don't even know what I'm thinking. I sit back in my chair, knowing that I am in no condition to stand up while holding this fragile baby. The nurse bends down and places Hope in my arms.
And here I am, cradling this little cocoon of a baby. Her wispy hair is dirty blond like Elisa's. Her pink little face is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Gingerly, I touch her tiny clenched fist.
Her eyes open.
She's looking right at me. And she is so small, and so perfect. And just like that, I know that nothing in this world will ever hurt me again. Nothing in life could ever mean more to me than this little girl. I have meaning now, purpose.
And I will fight to the death for her.
Her fist closes around my finger.
"Hi, Hope," I tell her. "I'm Jeremy. And I am your dad."
There's a rustling behind me as someone else walks into the room.
"David?" Elisa says. I look over, and see my brother staring straight at me. He's holding a bouquet of flowers.
"I'm sorry," he blurts out, awkwardly. "Mom told me where you were – I…" he crosses the room and hands the flowers to Elisa, then looks back at me. He shrugs, helpless. "I had to come see for myself." David kneels down next to me and strokes the baby's cheek. And then he looks righ
t at me. "See Jerm, I always knew you weren't a deadbeat."
Table of Contents
Copyright © 2012 Amy Sparling
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26