by Maggie Cox
With his hands shaking he watched the neatly folded letter slip out of his loosened grip and drop back onto the green baize blotter. Leaning forward to rest his arms on the desk, he dropped his head into his hands and squeezed his eyes shut tight. So many feelings, thoughts and sensations rose up inside him at the same time that he felt he would drown beneath the crushing weight of them.
Opening his eyes, he murmured, ‘Dear God—why hit me with this now, after all these years? It just doesn’t make sense. It makes no sense whatsoever!’
Unable to stay still for a moment longer, Gabriel shot to his feet, heedlessly scraping the chair against the immaculate parquet floor. Vacating it, he furiously kicked at one of the legs and it crashed to the ground and lay on its back like a floundering whale. He had no inclination to set it right again.
It was hard to breathe suddenly, and the desire to escape both the house and the shocking truth of his tragic past was strong in him—too strong to be overcome or ignored. Snatching up his uncle’s letter, he slammed out of the room and hurried downstairs.
* * *
‘Gabriel, please don’t drive so fast!’ Genuinely frightened at the speed at which her companion was taking the narrow country roads, Lara felt her spine rigid with tension. But she was even more perturbed by the furious tight-lipped expression that hadn’t left his face since he’d sought her out in the kitchen, where she’d been talking to the housekeeper, and unceremoniously declared that they were leaving right away.
‘But what about your coffee and biscuits, Mr Devenish?’ Janet Mullan had asked mournfully, clearly concerned that her new boss wouldn’t be staying for refreshments after all.
Gabriel had looked even more irritated, and his tone had been surly. ‘Don’t stress about it. I’ll be in touch again soon, to let you know what I’m doing. Just do your job and take care of the place in my absence. That’s all you need be concerned about, Mrs Mullan.’
And with that he’d grabbed Lara’s hand and urged her towards the door without pausing even once to explain why.
Lara had already guessed that he’d discovered something in his uncle’s study that had disturbed him. He must have, she thought anxiously, because although he’d been a little quiet he’d seemed more or less okay before he’d gone in there.
‘I’ll get you home safely—you don’t have to worry,’ he said now.
His classic chiselled profile was as coolly perfect as one of Rodin’s marble sculptures and he didn’t even steal a momentary glance round at her.
Twisting her hands together in her lap, Lara sucked in a breath and answered, ‘I’m not worrying so much about your driving, Gabriel, as about your state of mind.’
‘What the hell do you mean by that?’
This time he did deign to glance at her, and his crystalline blue eyes were fierce.
‘I mean I can see that you’re upset, that’s all. Why don’t we stop somewhere and talk? It’s not a good idea to drive when you’re feeling distressed.’
‘Why don’t you let me be the judge of that? And do me a favour, Lara—please don’t treat me like I’m one of your family’s infamous waifs and strays that you can pet and nurse back to health. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m all grown up now and I can perfectly well take care of myself!’
Gabriel was indeed ‘all grown up now’, she thought privately, but that didn’t mean he had the tools to try and heal whatever had distressed him on his own. He at least needed to talk things out with someone.
Turning her head to glance out of the window at the verdant country scenes that flashed by, she hoped that perhaps later, when he’d calmed down a bit, there might be a chance of reaching him and getting him to confide what had so disturbed him when he’d gone into his uncle’s study. She could only pray that an opportunity would present itself.
Back at her parents’ house, as soon as Lara opened the door Barney leapt up at her, barking an enthusiastic greeting, his short tail furiously wagging as if she’d been gone for years instead of a mere couple of hours. As was her habit, she dropped down to make a fuss of him, tickling him behind the ears, stroking his back and talking to him as though he understood every word she said—which she didn’t doubt that he did.
‘Hello, you little scamp. Have you missed me? I know you don’t like being on your own for long, do you?’
The terrier emitted a short, sharp yap as if to agree.
Staring down at Lara’s slim back and silkily smooth bared shoulders in that far too alluring summer dress she was wearing, Gabriel couldn’t help fantasising about how easy it would be for him to unzip the garment and, using every seductive technique he had—and there were many—coax her into bed with him, rather than let her waste any more time and attention on the family’s dog.
He realised he was becoming more and more reluctant to leave the brunette’s side for even a minute. And after reading the hauntingly disturbing contents of his uncle’s letter he was in no mood to be on his own. The only thing that could possibly help ease his soul-deep distress was Lara, preferably naked and lying beneath him.
As if suddenly remembering he was there, she rose to her feet, her lips curving in a tentative smile. ‘What are your plans for the rest of the day? Are you in a hurry to leave? Only I was wondering if I could get you a cup of coffee, since we didn’t have one back at the manor house.’
Her comment couldn’t help but raise Gabriel’s hopes. ‘Are you angry with me because I didn’t stay at the manor longer with you?’
Her expression softened. ‘Of course I’m not angry. I was just concerned because I could see that you were upset.’
‘Nearly everything to do with that damn house upsets me. But that’s not your problem, Lara. I’ll make it up to you when I take you out to dinner tonight. I’ll book us a table at the Dorchester.’
‘You have nothing to make up to me, Gabriel.’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘In any case, shall we have that coffee now?’
Rubbing his hand round the back of his neck, Gabriel grimaced. ‘I need something a lot stronger than coffee. Have you got any brandy?’
Absently smoothing back the curtain of dark hair that framed her face, Lara frowned. ‘But you’re driving back to your hotel at some point, aren’t you? I won’t give you alcohol if you’re intending to drive, Gabriel.’
‘You really are a little Miss Goody Two-shoes, aren’t you? I bet you never once sat on the naughty chair at primary school, did you?’ he jibed, hating himself for sounding so disparaging when she was only displaying her natural concern for him.
But his ill-mannered retort didn’t seem to faze her. As she lifted her chin he saw her glossy brown eyes were defiant.
‘Call me what you will,’ she said, ‘but I won’t collude with any plan that might potentially harm you or get you into trouble, Gabriel—however much you insist on having your way.’
Not releasing her perturbed gaze, he deliberately stepped towards her. ‘What if I want or need some help?’
He’d knowingly pitched his voice low to engage her intimately, and Lara’s sharp inhalation of breath immediately drew Gabriel’s avid glance to her cleavage. He witnessed the provocative rise and fall of her luscious breasts in the fitted bodice of that sexy pink dress and, God help him, what was a healthy male supposed to do in such testing circumstances?
‘What kind of help?’
A corner of his lips quirked in a teasing smile. ‘I’m sure you must know the answer to that by now, Lara.’
‘You have a worryingly one-track mind—you know that? Do you really think us being intimate is going to help resolve whatever upset you earlier? Something disturbed you when you went into your uncle’s study—don’t you think it might be more help if we discussed that?’
‘No, I don’t. I’m far more interested in what’s going to help me right now, sweeth
eart. Not in what happened in the past. And, yes, I really do think it would help if we were intimate. The last thing I want you to do is worry about what happened earlier. That’s my problem. Can’t you stop trying to be Lady Bountiful for a minute and just be a woman for a change?’
Her pretty face was immediately stricken. It was obvious he’d touched a nerve, but although he regretted that he might have hurt her it didn’t stop him wanting to seduce her. It might not ease any of the devastation he’d felt on finally learning the truth about his mother, and the lie about her abandoning him that his uncle had colluded with, but fulfilling the intimate connection he craved with Lara would go a long way to help satisfy the burning desire that had mercilessly seized him since seeing her again.
It was a carnal hunger that made it almost impossible for him to think about anything else but being with her in the most intimate way. Had the woman put some kind of spell on him?
‘That was uncalled for, Gabriel. I’m just as much a woman as you are a man and you damn well know it.’
Hands planted firmly on her shapely hips, her dark eyes glinting with fury, Lara had no compunction in displaying her temper—and in truth right then those fulsome breasts of hers, along with her rosily flushed satin cheeks, ensured she was a sight for sore eyes.
Gabriel couldn’t help concluding that Sean’s ‘little sister’ had turned into a woman who would stir lustful longings in a stone, let alone a healthy red-blooded male. It was an honest-to-God mystery why she was still single.
‘And if your criteria for judging femininity means that a woman is only feminine if she agrees to have sex with a man when he tells her that he’s “in need” then you’re seriously deluded.’
‘Of course I don’t think that!’ Now it was his turn to feel aggrieved. ‘You make it sound like I’m some stranger off of the street, instead of someone who’s known and regarded you since you were young. Is it so hard for you to believe that I’m attracted to you, Lara?’
Gabriel was finding it increasingly hard to tamp down his growing frustration at her reticence to be closer. Perhaps he should open up to her a little bit more? Let her know that he had just as much feeling and sensitivity as she had, even though he rarely displayed it? Could he risk revealing such a thing to her?
The thought instantly made him want to retreat in order to protect himself. What if Lara laughed at his confession and concluded it to be a cynical ruse he was using in order to persuade her into bed? What if opening up more personally to her turned out to be a colossal mistake he’d come to regret? He had never yet given a woman that kind of power over him and he didn’t want to start now. If he couldn’t seduce her with his usual prowess and the skill that was innate to him, then he shouldn’t even waste his time trying.
Reaching out to push the door shut behind him, and unknowingly tantalising him with her alluring sun-kissed scent that reminded him of a garden full of honeysuckle, Lara sighed heavily.
‘I don’t want to argue with you, Gabriel, but I am going to make us some coffee. Then I really think we should sit down and talk.’
Frustratingly having to own to losing this particular little battle, but reluctant to walk away, Gabriel ruefully shook his head. ‘Okay, have it your way—at least just for now. Perhaps some coffee will help clear my head. God knows right at this moment it feels like a herd of buffalo are stampeding through it.’
‘That’s probably the jet lag. Unless you have some kind of cold or fever brewing? Let me see.’
Reaching up, Lara laid her hand against his forehead, as if to ascertain his temperature, and her silkily cool touch made Gabriel suck in a surprised and pleased breath. It renewed his hope that she would continue to play nurse should he stick around a bit longer.
‘You feel a little warm, but I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. If you start to feel any worse I’ll give you something to help take your temperature down.’
‘It won’t work.’
‘Why?’
‘Let’s go and have that coffee and maybe I’ll tell you.’
Finding a perfectly legitimate excuse to touch her, when it was becoming more and more difficult for him not to, Gabriel slid his hand beneath her elbow to lead her down the hallway and out into the kitchen.
CHAPTER SIX
IT WAS ONE OF THE hardest things Lara had ever had to do—to sit down opposite Gabriel at the kitchen table and try to pretend she was impervious to the naked longing in his eyes. It would be so easy to give him what he wanted, what she wanted, too. But then what would that achieve other than fulfilling their mutual need for sexual gratification?
She didn’t doubt he could get that anywhere. After all, what woman in her right mind could look at the man and not imagine what it would be like to make love with him? Never mind get the chance to actually find out! He was pure erotic female fantasy come to life. But although the thought of her body entwined with Gabriel’s was a dream she’d often fantasised over—one that she’d longed to make a reality—she wasn’t about to diminish her fantasy with just one or two stolen experiences in bed with him and then have him walk away. Not when she yearned for so much more.
‘Can I ask you why you wore that particular dress today?’
‘What?’ Startled by the question, Lara stared back into Gabriel’s darkly captivating blue gaze and frantically wondered what to tell him.
The outfit wasn’t her usual style—that was for certain. When it came to more ‘dressy’ items of clothing she usually erred on the side of caution—not too revealing and not too showy. But her friend Nicky had persuaded her that this dress looked ‘hot’ and would be perfect for when she found herself going on a special date with someone.
She supposed that when she’d known she was seeing Gabriel the following day, and that he would be taking her to visit his ancestral family home, she’d decided it could constitute as a sort of date. Now, in the cold light of day, having his heated gaze examine her as if he’d like to peel off everything she was wearing, preferably slowly and stitch by stitch, Lara wished she’d been more sensible.
‘I knew it was going to be a hot day, that’s why.’ She shrugged her shoulders as though it was scarcely worth even commenting on.
‘Well,’ he drawled, leaning across the table to pin her with a tantalising gaze it was impossible to wriggle out of meeting. ‘I’d like to commend you on your choice. It shows off your figure to perfection.’
‘Gabriel?’
‘Yes, Lara?’
‘I think we need to change the subject and talk about what’s been troubling you. Can we do that?’
The answering scowl on that handsome hard-jawed face was not dissimilar to that of a small boy denied a treat. Under different circumstances Lara might have found it amusing. But she was becoming very familiar with Gabriel’s avoidance tactics, and right at that moment she would have been hard-pushed to raise even the smallest of smiles. Not when anxiety about him was gnawing away at her.
‘I know you probably think I’m being a bit too pushy, but I’m concerned. If you don’t at least share with me what’s troubling you then who will you share it with?’
Lifting his mug of coffee to his lips, he took a sip, then returned it to the table. ‘So you want to hear the whole sorry tale of my hopeless and hapless family, do you?’
Straight away Lara registered the pain in his voice that he’d obviously hoped to conceal with self-deprecating mockery. Her heart twisted as apprehension and fear about what he might be going to reveal invaded her. She nodded slowly.
‘All right, then.’ Even though he’d agreed, Gabriel looked far from easy and stared down at the floor. ‘My uncle left me a letter revealing things about my mother that I never knew.’
The words were followed by a near deafening silence that told her his feelings must be in utter turmoil. Somewhere outside a bird sang. The lyrical so
und pierced the air, adding a heartrending poignancy to the moment.
Wanting to encourage him to resume his story, and fearing he wouldn’t because the prospect of revealing his family secrets and potentially making himself vulnerable was something he no doubt despised, she remarked quietly, ‘You said she left when you were very young. You don’t remember her?’
He lifted his head. ‘No, I don’t. In any case, it turns out that that was a lie.’
‘I don’t understand.’
Gabriel’s carved mouth twisted bitterly. ‘Oh, she left, all right.’
He stared at her, lost in some unhappy reverie that he was still trying to make sense of, she guessed.
‘She killed herself.’
Lara could scarcely think straight above the sonorous thump of her heart. ‘Oh, Gabriel, I’m so sorry.’
As his confession sank in she felt even more stunned and sorry. She couldn’t begin to imagine what it must be like to hear that your mother had committed suicide. How did a child—a child who was now an adult—pick up the pieces of his life and live anywhere near normally again after learning such devastating news?
Gabriel shook his head as though bemused. ‘My uncle told me that she left because she didn’t think she was cut out to be a mother. That was the story she begged him to tell me so that I wouldn’t try and find out the truth about her.’
‘But why—why would she do such a thing?’
Shrugging his big shoulders, the gesture momentarily straining the soft blue chambray of his shirt, he grimaced. ‘He said it was because she was suffering from a depressive condition that was incurable. She was afraid that if I knew the truth I might think I’d inherited it and it would ruin my life.’ A harsh semblance of a laugh left him. ‘She must have really been disturbed if she thought it was better that I believed she’d deserted me!’
Leaning forward, Lara studied Gabriel as if seeing him for the very first time. There was no hiding his distress. She had a heartrending glimpse of the small boy who’d grown up believing that his mother hadn’t wanted him and had consequently abandoned him. With every fibre of her being she longed to go to him and draw him into her arms. But she sensed there was a lot more yet to this terribly sad story.