by Elena Monroe
Oliver’s jacket was off, and he leaned against the doorway before standing up to take his shirt off. His plain black shirt fell to the floor as he walked over to me pushing me back into the counter.
“Oliver.”
His hands found my hips and pushed up under my shirt, exploring for the same hidden jewelry he was used to.
“No one else is involved unless you love him, Layla. Do you love him?”
I stayed quiet, not willing to take inventory of my feelings at the same time I was fighting myself to not throw myself at him after so long. I had grown accustomed to Hunter, but I didn’t know if those feelings were love as a friend or more. Could it be more if I never got over Oliver?
He searched my face for answers before giving up. His hands slid up my ribs, and I felt his thumbs tease, brushing up against my braless breasts. I sucked in sharply feeling him touch me after so long. His thumbs breezed over my nipples eliciting a small moan.
“I need you to do something for me.”
I bit my lip, praying this wasn’t it. I wasn’t strong enough to lie and tell him I didn’t want him exactly how he wanted me.
He tugged my shorts down letting them fall down the rest of my legs, and his forehead found mine again. His hand sunk down lower on my back until he found my ass pushing me into his hard cock, which was straining against his zipper.
“I took away the bad memory of him and of what happened in high school. I need you to do that for me, Layla. I need you to replace seeing his lips on you with yours around me.”
His fingers hooked into my panties, and he was already tugging them down from my hips as my hands touched his stopping him in his tracks. Before I could speak, he whispered against my lips.
“Come on… I know you’ve been wet since I touched your legs in my goddamn car.”
I went to protest again, but his lips pressed against mine. Our kiss became hungry, as our mouths opened and our tongues searched for each other. He only pulled away to push my panties down the rest of the way and lift me up onto the counter. Our mouths found each other quickly again as he undid his jeans and shoved them down, while still pushing his tongue in my mouth.
His kisses trailed to my neck as he asked, “Baby, where are the condoms? I need one.”
His voice was rushed, like any spare second gave me enough time to come to my senses. I shook my head, and then realizing he couldn’t hear that, I said, “I’m… I’m on the pill.”
He stopped kissing my neck and pulled away, only for him to look at me. “Tell me he isn’t fucking you raw.”
“No… He always uses one.”
He pulled off my shirt between us and looked at my body, completely a woman now. I was no longer eighteen. His hand groped my breasts, and I pulled him closer as he pushed the band on his boxer briefs down just enough to let me see him spring out, completely hard.
The sharp knock at the door stopped us both, like deer in the headlights. Both of us were breathing heavily, and his head rested on my shoulder, as he whispered, “Fuuuuck.”
He stood up, pulling his boxers up again, as he handed me his shirt to cover myself. He barked as he pulled the door open. “God damnit, Maddison… What?!”
We were both shocked to see Aspen standing there as Oliver opened the door wide enough to give him evidence as to what we were doing. He looked down immediately, clearly disappointed in us both for being in this position.
“Ollie, can we talk? Outside.”
Oliver huffed, before walking back over to me and whispering into my lips, “I’ll be back. Stay put.”
He pulled his skinny, destroyed at the knees jeans back on and followed Aspen. I rushed to put my clothes on, so I could listen in at my bedroom door.
A spen’s sheer look of disappointment was meant to scold me after I ignored his opinion about Hunter being good for Layla. There wasn’t a bone in my body that believed someone like Hunter, who I could bet fucked Jade last night, was good for Layla. I was gonna indulge his interest in the matter, until he understood he hurt Maddison and yet no one questioned their relationship. I certainly didn’t after they kissed and made up in that library.
I stepped outside on the small balcony hanging from their apartment. I walked around a small table and two chairs and leaned on the railing, waiting for him to speak first.
“What the fuck are you doing? You text me Maddison’s work drama, and then I find you here breathing heavy in the bathroom.”
I looked unamused, like I normally did, wondering if he lost the sense in his sentence himself. “Yeah, I texted you, and now I’m busy. Is there something you wanna say? I’m in the middle of something.”
I stepped through the threshold into their living room that was perfectly clean and resembled a catalog instead of a space used by two women. I was hoping Aspen would drop it. I was wrong. He followed me inside, shouting my name and forcing me to stop, but not turn around to face him.
“You don’t know what it’s been like for her since college. You can’t just show back up and expect it to be like was.”
My tongue pushed up against the back of my teeth trying to restrain myself.
“Hunter is a good guy now. He’s good to her, and you’re just gonna break her heart all over again, as soon as you go back to Amherst and keep fucking Jade.”
I closed my eyes, telling myself it wasn’t worth it. It was the grudge talking, not my friend. None of that helped when my body pivoted, and my mouth knew what to say without me thinking first. I stepped closer and closer to him, until I was the right amount of distance to make him nervous.
“I don’t know what it’s been like for her? I’m the only one who knows what it’s like, Aspen. I got my heart ripped out too. I had Arson, who wasn’t gonna take care of himself while I got sober again and mended a broken heart.”
He jumped to interrupt, “That’s not what I meant.”
“‘Show up and expect it to be college again?’ When did I leave, Aspen? The only people who avoided me were you and Layla! I was at everything. Even your shit!”
He went to speak, but I held up a hand and gave him a look of pure savagery as I continued, “…and Hunter? I swear to god if you bring him up with the word good one more time… I will punch you.”
Aspen didn’t move back or shrink down as he proceeded to shout. “And why do you think we avoided you, Ollie? Think about it. You have been MIA. You don’t know what it’s been like for Layla. You’re just doing whatever you want like always. Part of your bad boy image, right?”
I growled with a tight jaw and eyes swimming in anger. “Then why don’t you fill me in, since you know so much about Layla? Did that little crush from college never die?”
Aspen pushed me, and I stepped back, almost shocked. I was so used the timid Aspen who never challenged me.
“Is that what it takes to make you go back to Amherst with Jade? Hunter loves her. He’s waiting for her to forget you.”
Aspen snickered to himself, finally landing a jab after failing for years to do just that. I grabbed him by his shirt instinctually pulling him into me roughly, wanting to do so much more than fuck up his shirt. I wanted to be cruel and spew some kind of truth all over him that made him crumble and regret not being on my side. Instead, I was too stunned by someone who called himself my best friend and saying sentences like “go back to Amherst with Jade.”
I was much more calm as my grip loosened on his polo. “Do you not want me happy?”
He refused to look at me, and even I began to question who the guy underneath me was. His face was tight and just as angry as mine.
“You have Jade and Arson. You don’t get to have someone else too.”
I pushed myself off him, releasing his shirt, and landing on the coffee table that I’m sure wasn’t ever sat on. If Maddison or Layla saw this, I’m sure they would have heart attacks.
“You know I never stopped loving Layla. Jade is the mother of my child, not my girlfriend. You know that, Aspen.”
He sat up, adjusting
his shirt. “All I know is we all have secrets, and we never used to.”
I dropped my head, knowing he was right. Ever since sophomore year of college, the ban on secrets in this group was lifted. Now we were riddled with them, and we weren’t sharing the same way.
I took a deep breath. I gently hit his knee, trying to change the topic.
“What are we gonna do about her boss?”
A smile crept across his face as he looked up from his lashes. “We?”
I stood up, feeling naked in a way I avoided. I texted Caden quickly to show up at the girls’ apartment. “We” meant all of us or none of us.
“I always have your back, even if you’re being a complete asshole.”
I smiled the petite grin—the only one I was capable of outside of Layla’s presence. I sat down, and we actually caught up and buried whatever was wedged between us, until Caden arrived.
He didn’t even knock, and I couldn’t contain the laughter. Five years later, and we were the same people. I found it comforting.
His arms stretched out, as he said, “The boys are back together!” He fell down to the couch, staring at both of us, and his happiness slipped right off his face, knowing something wasn’t right.
“We have a problem… Maddison.”
Caden’s eyes went wide at my words, waiting impatiently to have more information I didn’t have. All I knew was Maddison quit her job, and it was because of her perv boss.
Aspen sat back, with his hands balled into fists on his thighs. “He touched her. I should be thankful he didn’t rape her.”
I winced internally at the word “rape.” The word alone threatened the half of grilled cheese I stole from Maddison’s plate to come up again. I watched Caden’s relaxed demeanor turn downright sinister. It felt like college without trying. Each one of us would protect each other fiercely, but outside of a college campus, this became impossible. I sat up straighter, ready to do whatever it took to protect women from what Layla went through. Scheming and plotting like this made me think of every shady thing we did in our lifetime.
“What are we doing, Aspen? You know this guy?”
Aspen’s hands were in the position of praying with his fingertips against his forehead.
“My dad’s best friend from college… I’m the one who pulled strings for the job.”
Layla emerged from her room in tight jeans, Converse, and my t-shirt with a knot at her hip to form closer to her curves. Her blonde hair was less golden, stripped of its innocence, just like she was. Her dark maroon lipstick was impossible to miss on her full, pouty lips, making my cock ache twice for her in the same span of time. She slung a bag across her body and announced to those of us plotting in her living room:
“I have to meet Elizabeth downtown. Possible band for the big day.”
I didn’t bother standing up, as I twisted further around to see how good my shirt looked on her body.
“Is that my shirt?”
She smiled at me, not responding, as she checked her bag for everything she needed before she left us to our own devices. I didn’t direct my next comment at anyone in particular.
“Well, at least it’s obviously a man’s shirt. It’ll keep the creeps away.”
She was taunting me, leaving in my shirt, all dolled up to go to some bar with Elizabeth. I left her all hot and bothered on her bathroom sink. I hadn’t forgotten; my ache below my zipper wasn’t letting that happen. Having Layla was a need—a deep guttural need that I wasn’t leaving without satisfying.
Caden snapped his fingers in front of my face, trying to steal back my attention as I watched her leave—always leaving somehow, running or walking, all the same. I directed my attention back to a clearly distracted Aspen.
I couldn’t blame him. When I finally saw Hunter for the first time, after what he had done to Layla in high school, all I saw was black—not red like the popular saying, but cold, dark black. It was hard to pull myself out of it without rectifying it with destruction. That’s exactly what I did. I beat Hunter until they pulled me off. If they hadn’t, then I would have kept going until I erased him completely.
“Earth to Ollie… Hey! Dude.”
My eyes snapped to him once the door clicked closed behind her. I refocused my mind at the task at hand. Cruelty was something I never tried to perfect or purposely dished out. It lived inside of me, waiting for the opportunity to shine.
“Is her key card still active? Let’s trash his office. Send a message.”
Aspen was still silent as he sat forward, clearly interested in my idea. Caden hollered Maddison’s name for her to come downstairs. She hung over the banister in her powder blue shorts that showed off the scars I’d only seen a few times by pure accident. The Sinners were the only ones who had seen them besides doctors and her parents. She didn’t show them off proudly, like a survivor would.
“Yeah?”
Aspen leaned back, letting his head fall back against the couch, viewing her upside down. “Where’s your key card? We need it.”
She leaned further pushing her legs to the background, hoping no one was looking. “In the bowl, on the counter, where I always leave it. Wait… why?”
Aspen stood up, walking to the kitchen almost instantly. “We’ll be back. Love you!”
Maddison protested, but she never stopped us. She wanted to be protected, sheltered, and remain blameless. I don’t know why, but the words “love you” dangled in the air in front of my face long after he said them. I was stuck on the phrase, how casually he said it, and how much he really did mean it. I only ever said it when I tucked in Arson.
B eing reckless was the closest I could get to high nowadays, and I took whatever sobering inch I could take. That was what my adulthood amounted to: each inch forward to the next sober moment. Even when the contemplation evaporated, it was a day-to-day effort to find the kind of contentment that others naturally did.
I watched everyone move so effortlessly from moment to moment without needing just one of the 1,440 minutes in the day to be wrecked enviously. Layla was my placebo I didn’t realize I had. Now I was running on inner strength. Layla was the balance I had lost the last five years. Now my scale was unevenly reckless, while I was supposed to be getting more mature as I aged.
Reacting the same way I did in college, as an adult, wasn’t winning me any awards, but damn… it did feel good to do exactly what I wanted, with no fear of consequences or the wrath of my dad.
I pretended not to care as my Porsche pulled into the parking garage of the skyscraper that Maddison had worked at only a few hours ago. I waited for Caden and Aspen to get out so I could smile in the privacy of my car, before I got out with my permanent look of borderline boredom.
At least this devious plan was a good excuse to keep me in Boston longer than I intended. I quickly texted Jade, letting her know she could catch a ride from Hunter and that I had business to attend to. I made it clear, even as an adult, that we weren’t to be messed with. The zeros at the end of my trust fund only did it half justice when I had no real ties to Boston. I relied solely on my appearance, and that wasn’t what qualified as new money in this century—not by a long shot.
I wasn’t dipped in Gucci or Supreme or whatever was hot now. I wore the same old Vans and ripped jeans. No amount of money was going to change who I was or the demons I battled every day.
Anger talked—a well calculated plan and reckless endangerment.
Aspen’s family was well known in Boston as shakers and movers—the good guys. Aspen was a great guy unless doing what’s right came into the picture, then he was fucking Superman—ready to rectify all the wrongs at the cost of his own image, of being hated. And Maddison? She was his kryptonite.
Aspen didn’t even use her badge to get into the building or past the security guard, who was on his phone at the desk. One smile in their direction, and Aspen was waved through with no question. Caden was smiling so big I thought his grin would rip into his cheeks. I could tell reckless wasn’t something
Caden condoned anymore. I’m sure his contact with the Sox was ironclad with behavior clauses.
I was the only one thinking, when I popped my hood on, shielding most of who I was. The building wasn’t secure at all; it was almost welcoming even. What the fuck was the key card for? Lunches and coffee? The open floor plan still included cubicles separating everyone just enough, without it feeling too much like solitude.
I trailed behind the boys, as my phone vibrated in my pocket. It wasn’t the best time, but I pulled it out anyways. I was still firmly stuck in boredom, until this actually got reckless. The possibility was tickling around my dick, turning me on even, as I thought about it.
Layla: How’s trouble going?
I hadn’t planned on texting back, because it meant dividing my attention. She knew I hated texting. She’d understand. But, I found myself texting back anyways. It was Layla; I couldn’t ignore her even if I tried to justify it to myself.
Me: Boring.
Layla: It’s sweet. You guys sticking up for her.
I didn’t know what kind of answer she was fishing for when I decided not to reply and push my phone back into the safety of my pocket. This is why I hated text messages. There was no expression, emotional eyes, or even body language to decipher.
I had stuck up for Layla in the past, just to find her sleeping with the enemy. Deep down I knew I could read between the words: You’re fighting for her, but never me.
I walked behind the boys, feeling like an absolute fake. This was a distraction, a temporary high, and not any real dedication to Maddison’s issues, like it seemed. I was here purely to feel, to let the licks of danger lash me, until I was riddled with burns and welts.
The young receptionist sat at the desk with a prissy look, like the phone might actually bite her. He had replaced Maddison fast; he must be important. She didn’t bother standing up when we breezed by her. Her monotone voice simply said, “He’s in a meeting. He won’t be back for another 15 minutes.”
Aspen has all the time in the world. He had such bad tunnel vision that he didn’t see anything else right now.