by Elena Monroe
“But the wedding…”
“Leon is trying to get a couple to push their date or trade with us, so I don’t look so pregnant on the day.”
Her smile lit up the whole bathroom just talking about being pregnant, being a mom, and Leon’s excitement. I didn’t feel jealous or overshadowed by her news, like most Hollywood movies make women out to be. There was no competition, because I wasn’t in the race to begin with. Liz was going to be a mom, and I was the first person she trusted the news. I was honored, and at the same time, it cast a harsh light on my own life. Our lives were moving at rapidly different paces. She was a full-fledged adult, while I was still floundering in some in-between.
W e were all at the bar until last call was shouted from the bartender and the band was moving equipment out. The bride decided on a mermaid dress in a shade of champagne with beautiful beading. This was just the decision of the style and color. The bridal party still had to sit through her trying on endless dresses until she found the one that evoked that single tear of happiness.
Maddison and I took a cab home together—the upside of being friends with your roommate and having the same social events to attend.
I pushed the door open, and as I pulled back my key, I saw Oliver, sitting at the island playing with his keys. No Aspen in sight. Maddison looked down awkwardly as she whispered, “Well… I’m gonna go to my room.”
Oliver didn’t shift his gaze from me when he said, “Aspen is up there.”
I put my purse down with my keys, wondering why he was so serious.
“Everything okay?”
He stood up with his keys in his palm. “I have to get back. Class is tomorrow, and I didn’t plan to be out here the whole weekend.”
He was making this seem like another goodbye, and my heart’s small burning hope was being snuffed out with his seriousness.
“Okay…” I said, as I walked by him to my bedroom, trying to not overreact. I pulled my heels off and letting them make a thud as they hit the floor. I wiggled out of my jeans, fully aware of him in the doorway watching me.
“I don’t know when I’ll be back, Layla. I have Arson now. It’s not as easy leaving him.”
I undid my bra under my shirt and twisted until I got it off without taking off my shirt. I sat on the corner of the bed in nothing more than his shirt and a pair of black lace panties. I leaned back purposely with legs apart, pulling down the shirt between them, teasing him into not leaving.
We didn’t get to talk.
We didn’t get to push each other into confessions or pleasure.
We didn’t change anything between us.
I was desperate and fell back on the part of us that was never broken.
“How much time do you have?”
Oliver’s eyes didn’t stop scanning every inch of me. I always felt sexiest under his gaze. I watched his thumb swipe his bottom lip still holding his keys tightly.
“Layla… I… I don’t wanna fuck you and then just leave.”
Suddenly, I felt insecure in the midst of his rejection. I didn’t blame him. I understood how that could make me feel used or entitled to more of him—a more he couldn’t give me right now.
I pulled his shirt off of my body, and placed it down on the bed next to me, letting him look over more of me. “You’re not getting it back.”
“Looks better on you.”
His finger beckoned me closer without a word. I stood up only in my panties and stood in front of him. I wanted him to give in and give me this memory to hold onto if I couldn’t have him. His lips pressed against mine softly, not to give me the wrong idea. He only pulled away to whisper against my lips, “Make him work for it more, okay?”
That was all he said before he gave me a quick hug and shouted to the upstairs, where Aspen and Maddison were: “I’m out, guys! Aspen, text me tomorrow.”
I guess Oliver and Aspen had made up, or at least weren’t ready to kill each other, like they had been since the night of the bonfire.
I didn’t bother texting Hunter after Oliver left. He probably didn’t have the decency Oliver did. I didn’t need to smell Jade all over him, while he was on top of me. Instead, I helped myself to coming and prolonging getting up earlier than I normally had to.
I was never a fan of masturbation. I craved connection and emotions to feed off. Oliver’s recent memories ignited a necessary exception. I could still feel his lips on mine, his grip on my hips, his hard ridge against my panties… I wanted to relive it all, until Oliver’s kisses wiped Hunter’s clean.
On the off chance Oliver was awake as early as I was the next morning, I texted him, hoping he’d make the same exception for texting as I was for masturbating.
I waited for a reply as I rubbed my clit wildly.
You’re up early. Still scared you’ll be late?
Actually, I’m still in bed.
What’s got you in bed still?
Thinking. Touching.
Layla.
Oliver. You’re the one who taught me about phone sex.
It’s not that easy anymore. Privacy is scarce with a five year old and Jade. Trust me, I would if I could.
I refused to give up that easy. I wanted to claim a piece of Oliver for myself. I wanted a sign that he held out hope too. I snapped a quick photo of my panties sending it off to him with no words. The English major and now prof would have to decipher it himself.
Layla. Fuck. I have to get Arson his cereal before a meltdown. Apparently with a hard on now.
The mention of his son put a damper on rubbing myself in a way I didn’t expect. I wanted Oliver to give in, but he was still strong in his resolve—to the same degree as college, actually.
I didn’t bother responding, as I tossed my phone, letting it get lost in the puffy comforter, as I got up to start my day. I was just starting to take my first few sips of coffee, while still in my pajamas, when Aspen came down first without Maddison. I watched him pour his coffee, trying to build up the courage to ask about Oliver.
Finally, I pushed out the words with my eyes closed: “Is Oliver fucking anyone else?”
Aspen had a full mouth of hot coffee when he turned around with his eyebrows raised up in shock. He looked at me like the swear was the only part he heard. Everyone looked at me questioningly when I swore, like the words didn’t belong in my mouth, clashing with my innocent features.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me, Aspen.”
“We aren’t really best friends right now, and even when we were, he isn’t the type to kiss and tell.”
I bit my lip nursing my coffee. I didn’t respond, as I replayed Addi’s words in my mind.
He leaned on the counter, driving his weight into his forearms and conquering my space.
“Why? What’s going on?”
“Nothing. Addi, maybe… it’s not confirmed.”
He looked even more shocked when he leaned in asking, “Liz’s sister?”
I sipped my coffee, missing the coffeeshop on campus and all the machinery to make the perfect latte. I knew I couldn’t get away with a nod. He would want more information.
“Yeah, she was late last night because of a booty call. She said he was a prof from Amherst, and I couldn’t think of anyone else it could be, except for…”
Aspen almost laughed, trying to swallow another gulp of coffee. Now I felt really insecure about feeling worried and jealous.
“He’d never fuck a student. It was completely by chance you had his class. Besides, he’s still fucking Jade. That much I know.”
I looked at him, thirsty for information about their situation that was comfortably two hours away. It almost felt secret.
“He said he’s comfortable with the evil he knows than complicating shit with random hook ups, but I did not tell you that, Layla. You know how he is with his privacy.”
I stood up, putting my mug in the sink, without having drank much of it. “Apparently, it’s scarce now.”
He didn’t ask what I meant, as I walked back to
my room to get ready for work. I felt around my bed, searching for my phone to text Hunter: Who else is Oliver fucking? Don’t lie to me.
I was hellbent on validating her confession, instead of accepting how we left things again.
I was doing my mascara when my phone rang, and I put it on speaker to hear Hunter choke out: “Why would I know that, Layla?”
“Because you know everything… and because you’re still fucking Jade.”
There was a long pause on both our ends. I debated pressing the red end button just to avoid hearing the truth. Maybe I wanted it to be true so I could finally let go. If nothing could kill the leftover love I had for Oliver, maybe this would.
He finally spoke, “All I know is Jade. I promise, princess. Why are you asking me this all these years later?”
I applied my lip balm before leaving my hair wild. I was unmotivated to do much this morning.
“No reason. I gotta go to work.”
Before I could hang up, he said, “Did you let him fuck you after all these years, Layla?”
Every ounce of me had wanted him to. I felt empty everywhere he touched me. We shared a few kisses, and I was already defensive and wanting more, like he was mine again.
“No, Hunter. It’s not your business, but no. Did you fuck Jade?”
We weren’t dating. We had no reason to be asking each other these questions. We had no right to the answers.
“It is what it is. Loneliness makes you do crazy things.”
L ayla was testing our boundaries when she sent me that photo this morning. My balls were still persistently tense and begging for an outlet. She wasn’t helping my situation.
I was aching for her so much that every hole around me seemed fuckable.
Thankfully, the nanny strolled in just as I was pouring the milk over my son’s cereal. I was also thankful the island was tall enough to cover my hard on I was concealing.
She was a ray of fucking sunshine, every day. 24/7. Even when Arson was in full meltdown mode, she would smile and wait him out.
“Morning, Mr. Abbott! I can take over breakfast from here. You go get ready for work.”
I didn’t know how to broach the subject without risking her quitting.
“Hey, um, he can watch TV with breakfast today. In the living room. Loud as he wants.”
She stopped cutting a banana for him and looked shocked at my wild suggestion. I had put a ban on TV until after his few hours at pre-k was over, and he had some hours of soaking up knowledge. I tried to give her a look that conveyed I needed alone time without saying it. I was her boss, and I wasn’t willing to lose her as a nanny over stupid shit.
“Will Miss Abbott being joining us for breakfast?”
It didn’t matter how many times I told her we weren’t married and not together. She refused to call us by our first names and bestowing her my last name.
“No, Jade is probably showering upstairs. Waiting for me.”
She seemed to understand when her eyes went wide, and she asked my son if he wanted to visit grandma while he had his cereal. I voicelessly mouthed “thank you” in her direction, when she scooted their morning routine elsewhere.
I wasn’t proud of myself for letting my desire for Layla transfer down to Jade. It had already been too long without relief, and phone sex with Layla wasn’t going to cut it. I needed a warm body, a tightness my hand didn’t provide, and wetness only stemming from desire of me. Jade checked all the boxes I needed right now.
I almost jogged upstairs, purely fueled by my aching cock. I thought she’d still be asleep, like she normally was. We didn’t even get in until two this morning.
She wasn’t in the guest room that was now hers or my bed; the only place left to check was the shower. I pushed the door open, watching her in her panties and tank top putting her hair up while the shower warmed up. Jade was most beautiful when she was quiet. All the little evils were contained, and her face relaxed, instead of looking like she was pissed off at the world. She turned towards me, snapping the elastic holding her hair up.
“I’m showering first. Nice try.”
And just like that, what I admired was gone.
I stood behind her, making sure to push my hardness against her panties shutting her up again.
“Just get in the damn shower, Jade, before I change my mind.”
I pushed my boxers down, getting in the shower before her. I let the water pour down me, making me exhale heavily, like even the touch of the water felt erotic. I felt Jade’s lips kiss my shoulder as she reached around me, taking my length in her hands.
“Layla wouldn’t let you, huh?”
My hand snuck up and grabbed Jade’s neck, pulling her between me and wall. I made sure I don’t hurt her, even though every time she spoke Layla’s name I wanted to inflict pain. Jade would only laugh, mistaking pain for pleasure. She liked things rough. I used to be the same, but something about Layla made me slow down, savor each moment, and feel what it meant.
I didn’t let my hand drop from her neck, tightening my grip. “Don’t fucking say her name.”
Jade didn’t care how pissed off I was or even that my hand could tighten even more. She spoke back anyways.
“Losing your touch? Or is Hunter just that good?”
She pumped her hand around me harder, and my hand dropped to her hip as my forehead touched the shower wall behind her. I didn’t care that I was most likely suffocating her. I wanted to collapse at her touch. It felt like a head rush and a good kind of buzz all at once.
I didn’t want to come. I needed to.
“Fuck, Jade…”
My hand skimmed down her thigh, manipulating it against my hip until my tip was at her entrance. I didn’t waste any time as my hips thrusted inside of her. She was wet, but not as wet as Layla could get. Her hands braced herself in place as I thrust into her hard, slamming her back against the shower each time.
She whispered against my neck mid-thrust, “I had sex with him last night, Ollie.”
I knew who she meant without having to think. He had everything of mine.
I pushed my hand over her mouth, turning her face away from me in the process. She was just a warm, wet body. She would never replace Layla or truly satisfy me. That was reserved for Layla—a women the universe was hellbent on keeping me from.
I picked up the pace so much that my breath was too far behind, pumping myself inside of her from behind. She was moaning against my hand and even biting my fingers, crazy bitch. The familiar tightening warned me I was close when I turned her around and lifted her leg pinning it to my side again. She had an evil look in her eyes, and I knew she was going to rub my moment of weakness in my face more.
She kissed my shoulder before whispering into my ear, “Come on, baby… what’s the matter? Want me to get all shy and moan ‘Oliverrrr’ like she would?”
Jade’s voice got softer, slower, as she impersonated Layla’s breathy moans of my full name instead of the shortened nickname.
I clenched my eyes closed, listening and making myself believe I had Layla wedged between me and shower tiles. It wasn’t long before I pulled out, letting my hand drag along my length to yield an orgasm that I gave Layla credit for.
She got all the credit when it came to the good parts of me.
Now, as a faculty member, I had to teach more than one class a day. I had four classes, each two hours, and all having to do with English. The university gave me guidelines, but I chose the focus and materials. No matter how hard I tried, the majority was still girls, and the few men who came to my class took it to impress a girl.
As long as they were using legends for a good reason. I couldn’t argue with poetry and the magical words of romance novels making women swoon.
I shook the guilt of giving in to Jade pretty quickly. Not allowing her to talk or look at me helped. I reverted to the asshole I always was. I treated her like the garbage she’d be if she didn’t give me Arson.
I didn’t actually think that Aspen would text
me. I didn’t want to leave off in such a weird place. I understood why he was team Hunter, and I wasn’t mad about it. I just wanted him to know that.
I read the text before I got into my car: Layla asked me who you were fucking.
I let my fists hit the hood of my car, loudly causing a bolt of pain up my arm from the power behind it.
I went to text back when Addi, Liz’s younger sister, said my name. The name I still wasn’t used to hearing without thinking my dad was around. My eyes always shot around like a ping pong, trying to find him, when they meant me.
“Mr. Abbott?” She wasn’t known for being shy, but her voice was shaking. Her tone caught me off guard. “I was wondering if you could explain this part to me?” She pointed to her iPad convincingly confused. It wasn’t abnormal drama majors would seek me out for insight in the hallways. Most of the plays were based on classic novels.
Aspen would have to wait as I huffed, before looking at her iPad briefly, giving her a vague breakdown of the passage. She smiled sweetly before biting her lip and scampering off. Addi knew I dated her sister, but I could tell she was trying to make an impression on me anyways.
I made sure to never give her the wrong idea.
I’m not sure other teachers would do the same. The rumors already flooded the school that she slept around with no real standard to adhere by.
That was drama I didn’t need, which was exactly why fucking Jade was easier than dipping into the dating pool in this town.
I texted him back: And you said?
You know I don’t lie.
I rolled my eyes, already annoyed with him again, as I tossed my phone on the passenger seat next to me. My earlier rejection weighed heavily now. Layla wasn’t just trying to flirt me into some phone sex. She was fishing, using my weaknesses, what she thought to be rejection to solidify her suspicions of me fucking Jade. Great.
I got back home and knew I had a papers to grade that I should have done yesterday. I never planned to be in Boston all weekend. I made sure to set up in the living room with Arson and his toys. I wanted to be around him as much as I could, despite my pile of work.