by Ford, Aria
When I saw him standing there, I felt certain he would sense something between Ryan and me. I worried our attraction would be obvious, that Bradley would see through us right away.
“So,” Bradley said once he finished his sandwich. “How’s work going, Ash?”
“Great,” I said with an enthusiastic nod. “I’ve gotten a few new patients, including Bob.”
Ryan and I laughed and exchanged a look that made Bradley frown. He looked between us for a few seconds until Ryan explained.
“I adopted a cat,” Ryan admitted. “His name is Bob, and he’s a huge pain in the ass.”
“He’s adorable,” I argued. “He just doesn’t like you.”
“He will,” Ryan said with confidence. “I’m wearing him down.”
“You adopted a cat?” Bradley asked in disbelief. “Why?”
“I don’t know,” Ryan said, shrugging. “I just got lonely in that apartment. I need another living creature around. If I’d known how much that stupid cat would hate me, I never would have gotten him, though.”
“Give him more time,” I said encouragingly. “He’ll come around.”
Ever since we started dating, Bob had been a running joke between us. He was constantly running away from Ryan, but cuddling up to me whenever I was there. Bob loved to sit in my lap and let me scratch his head. Whenever Ryan came anywhere near him though, he would sprint away and hide in the closet. It drove Ryan nuts.
“I still can’t believe you have a cat,” Bradley said, grinning. “You hate animals.”
“I don’t hate animals,” Ryan corrected. “I just never had the time for them before. Now I do.”
“Ryan’s changed a lot,” Bradley said, turning his attention to me. “He’s not the same guy he was when you knew him.”
“Oh?” I asked, feigning interest. I already knew how much Ryan had changed, probably better than anyone. Still, I could tell Bradley was eager to fill me in on their time together in the SEALs. His excitement shone on his face.
“Did I tell you he saved my life?” Bradley asked.
“No,” I said, glancing at Ryan. I wondered why he never mentioned this to me. “When was this?”
“Our very last mission,” Bradley said. He fell easily into storytelling mode. Bradley had always been a kind, charismatic person. He loved to tell stories that made people laugh. As a kid, he was the most empathetic person in our family. If I cried, he cried with me. It was why we were so close.
“What happened?” I asked.
“We don’t need to talk about this,” Ryan said shyly. “It wasn’t a big deal.”
“Are you kidding?” Bradley scoffed. “I would be dead if it weren’t for you.”
“So, what happened?” I asked impatiently. “I want to hear the story.”
“Well,” Bradley said, clearing his throat. “We were on this mission. Can’t really say what is was, but it was a success up until the end. As we were pulling out, heading to the trees for cover, this insurgent appears behind me. I had no idea he was there until Ryan grabbed my collar and yanked me to the ground. His gun was in the air before I could blink and then boom! The fucker was dead, lying on the ground in his own blood.”
“Wow,” I said, looking at Ryan carefully. While Bradley spoke, Ryan’s face grew more and more serious. There was something about Bradley’s story that upset him. “That’s really … that’s amazing.”
Ryan shrugged. “It was nothing. Just doing my job.”
“Yeah,” I said, still watching his face closely. Thankfully, Bradley didn’t notice how much I was staring at Ryan. He was too busy finishing off the part of my sandwich I didn’t eat.
“Yup,” Bradley said through a mouthful of bread and turkey. “Ryan’s a damn hero, Jacqueline. He’s definitely not that same troublemaking kid he was back in the day. Can you believe it?”
“I can,” I said softly, still focused on Ryan’s face. He finally looked at me. Our eyes met, and I knew he was upset, so I smiled. He smiled back weakly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “He’s a hero, all right.”
“I’m not,” Ryan said, shaking his head. “Just lucky, I guess.”
“Nah,” I said, shaking my head firmly. “You saved my brother’s life. You’re a hero.”
“Thanks,” he whispered.
“He’s modest,” Bradley said. “Another thing that’s changed. Remember how cocky he used to be?”
“I’m still a cocky ass,” Ryan joked, coming back to himself a little bit. “I just hide it better now.”
“I can attest to that,” I said. “I’ve only been hanging out with him for a couple weeks, but still, that arrogance is as strong as ever.”
“Hey!” Ryan exclaimed, feigning offense.
We all laughed and then launched into a discussion about Bradley’s life back home. He seemed to be adjusting to civilian life easily. His job was going well, and he’d already met a girl. From everything he said, he was happy.
It was nice to sit and talk with both Ryan and Bradley. It had been so long since the three of us were together. In a lot of ways, it felt like old times. Only now, they didn’t tease me torturously like they did before.
“So, listen,” Bradley said just as we were about to leave. “When I told Mom and Dad I was coming here today, they had an idea.”
“An idea?” I asked suspiciously. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“It is,” Bradley assured me. “They want us all to go over there for dinner Saturday night.”
At his words, Ryan and I both froze. I stared at Bradley like he was insane before turning my attention to Ryan. His expression was similar to mine, somewhere between shock and disgust.
“Well,” Ryan said. “You two have fun.”
“Ry, they want you there too,” Bradley said kindly. “Come on, it’s time.”
“It’s not,” Ryan argued.
“You’re ready for this,” Bradley insisted. “I know you don’t think so, but you are. You’re stronger now. Stronger than you’ve ever been. I know you can handle this.”
“But I don’t want to,” Ryan said.
I looked between Ryan and my brother while they argued. Ryan’s face was set, determined. Bradley only wanted to smooth things out between the family, and I didn’t blame him. Still, he was asking a lot from Ryan.
After they kicked him out, Ryan disowned our parents without a second thought. I wanted to be mad at him for it, but I couldn’t. Our parents broke his heart. They took him in, let him be a part of our family, then they just dismissed him. Ryan’s pain was too great for him to forgive them.
“Maybe it’ll be good for you,” I said gently.
“What do you mean?” Ryan asked, turning to me with a flash of anger in his eyes. He expected me to be on his side.
“You’ve been carrying around all this pain for so long,” I explained. “And don’t say you haven’t, because we all know you have. They hurt you. They kicked you out, and it broke your heart.”
Ryan didn’t say anything. He just watched me with narrowed eyes while I continued to speak.
“I understand,” I continued. “I get it. I really do, but you have to find a way to move forward. If you don’t, you’ll just spend the rest of your life living with this pain. That’s not good for you. It’s been eating away at you for nine years. Do you really want to keep it buried inside any longer?”
Ryan’s face softened while I spoke. I knew he was still hesitant, but something in my words made sense. I was able to reach him in a way that Bradley never could.
“Okay,” Ryan said softly. “Fine. I’ll go.”
“Really?” Bradley asked, looking between Ryan and me with confusion. “You listen to her and not me?”
Ryan shrugged. “What she said makes sense.”
“Don’t question it,” I told Bradley, just as he was about to speak again. “He’s coming, isn’t he? That’s all that matters.”
Bradley nodded. “You’re right. This is a good thing.”
“I hope so,�
�� Ryan said softly.
Even I was surprised by how quickly Ryan agreed with me. I knew Bradley had been trying to convince him to see our parents for years, but it never worked. With just one conversation, I had him agreeing to spend an entire evening at their house.
When Ryan’s eyes fell on mine again, he smiled nervously. He was terrified to face them again, but I would be right there the entire time. I would help him get through it.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Ryan
I went to bed early Friday night. It was barely dusk, and yet I couldn’t bring myself to stay up any longer. My body felt weak, but I wasn’t tired. My exhaustion was purely emotional. After I agreed to dinner at the Keeton’s, I immediately regretted it. No matter how much Jacqueline tried to reassure me, it didn’t help. I was terrified to face them again after all these years. What would they say? How would they act? Would they finally apologize for how they treated me? Or would they expect me to apologize to them?
These questions and more whirled through my mind as I stared at my ceiling. My eyes roamed over the cracks in the paint, but I barely saw them. I couldn’t think of anything but dinner the following night. Over the past two days, I went through a million possibilities. I pictured them greeting me with joy, then with anger. I imagined them hugging me, then slamming the door in my face. I didn’t know what to expect, but that didn’t stop my brain from working on overdrive.
No matter what happened at dinner, I was sure it would be a mistake to go. When Bradley first mentioned it, I was prepared to argue all day if I had to. I refused to go. He could bug me about it for hours, but I wouldn’t give in. Then Jacqueline spoke.
The second she took Bradley’s side, it was over. I couldn’t say no to her. Arguing with Bradley was easy, but Jacqueline? She knew me in ways Bradley never could. She could convey her opinions while still remaining supportive of my plight. It’s what made her so amazing, but also what made it impossible for me to say no.
Part of me hated her for it. How dare she use our relationship like this? How dare she take her brother’s side over mine? After everything we’d been through lately, I expected her to understand why I couldn’t face her parents. Plus, she was there that night. She knew exactly why they kicked me out, and she knew it wasn’t my fault. How could she expect me to put everything in the past and just move on? Why would she even ask me for something so ridiculous?
My anger never lasted long. Deep down, I knew Jacqueline only wanted the best for me. She truly believed this dinner would help me heal. All she wanted was to see me let go of my pain. Her heart was giant and full of love. She cared for me so much, but part of me wished she wouldn’t. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t push me to go to dinner, and I wouldn’t be in this situation. I wouldn’t be lying in my bed, staring at the cracks in my ceiling, seriously thinking about running away.
As I laid there, I heard my front door swing open. I knew it was Jacqueline by the sound of her footsteps. The door swung closed, and seconds later, she appeared in my doorway. Her smile was gorgeous as she walked over to me. Whatever anger I still felt toward her disappeared in an instant.
“Hey, you,” she said softy, crawling on the bed beside me. “What are you doing in here?”
“Well, Bob was hanging out with me earlier,” I said. “He actually let me pet him for about a minute. Then he ran, and I just stayed here. I’ve been here ever since.”
“Really?” she asked. “What’s wrong?”
“Who said anything is wrong?” I asked.
“I can tell,” she said, resting her head on my chest.
I brushed her hair back to kiss her forehead, wrapping my arm around her. It felt nice to just lie here with her. Jacqueline’s presence could make any situation a little bit better.
“I’m fine,” I lied. “Just wanted to lay here for a while.”
“Are you thinking about tomorrow night?” she asked softly.
“Yes,” I admitted. “But we don’t need to talk about it.”
“Why not?” she asked, sitting up to look me in the eye.
“It’s not important,” I said. “I’m going. That’s what you wanted, right?”
Jacqueline sighed and shook her head. She reached for my arms and pulled me up so I was sitting across from her. We faced each other, and she stroked my cheek with her fingertips. Her eyes were soft, kind, and full of love. Just looking at them made my heart melt.
“I want you to be happy,” she said firmly. “Ryan, we never talk about them, but I know how much they hurt you.”
“Exactly,” I said. “So, why face them? Why put myself through that?”
“So you can heal,” she said. “It’s not healthy to hold onto things like this.”
“Like they haven’t been doing the exactly same thing,” I snapped. “It’s not like they’ve reached out to me either.”
“Didn’t they invite you to the homecoming party?” Jacqueline asked.
“Yeah,” I scoffed. “Through Bradley. They didn’t even call me themselves.”
“They’re stubborn,” Jacqueline defended.
“So, am I,” I argued.
“Listen,” Jacqueline said, taking my hands in hers. “I’m going to be there, okay? I’ll be right beside you the entire night. You aren’t doing this alone, Ryan. I’ll be there.”
I sighed. “I know, but still, I just don’t know if I can.”
“It’ll be okay,” Jacqueline promised. She squeezed my hands.
“I’ve been through so much,” I whispered, staring down at our interlocked fingers. “Things that you don’t know about. Jacqueline, I’ve killed people. More people than I can count, and I’m just not the same person I was back then. Bradley was right. I’ve changed, but they don’t know that. When they look at me, they’re only going to see the kid I was. They won’t see me for the man I am now.”
“Then we’ll make them see you,” Jacqueline said.
“How?” I asked weakly.
“I don’t know,” Jacqueline admitted. “All I know is that I’ll be there. That’s the only thing I can promise. I just hope it’s enough.”
“It is,” I said. “I wouldn’t have agreed to this if it wasn’t for you.”
She smiled. “I know. I feel a little guilty about that.”
“Don’t,” I said, shaking my head. “I could have said no. You just … you have a way of talking me into things.”
“I do?” she asked, raising her eyebrows playfully.
“You do.”
“Hmm,” she cooed, leaning forward to kiss me. Her lips were soft against mine. She kissed me deeply, sighing against my lips.
“Should we tell them?” I asked when we pulled apart. “About us?”
Jacqueline’s face changed in an instant. One second, she was playful and flirtatious. The next, she looked scared.
“No,” she said. “Not now. Not the first time you’re seeing each other after all these years.”
“Are you sure that’s smart?” I asked. “I mean, what if they—”
“They won’t,” she interrupted quickly. “There’s no way they’ll find out anything.”
Jacqueline’s words were meant to reassure me, but they only served to upset me. She seemed almost too determined not to tell them about our relationship. I worried she was ashamed of me, of us.
I lowered my face, staring at our hands again. Jacqueline sighed and moved forward. She crawled partially in my lap and turned my face up to meet her gaze. When I did, she smiled and kissed me softly.
“We should wait,” she said, pulling back. “It’s not because I don’t want them to know, okay? It’s not. I just think, tomorrow night is going to be tense already. We don’t need to add any more to the mix.”
“Okay,” I said. Her words didn’t make me feel better, but when she kissed me again, I melted.
I knew she was only kissing me to distract me from my fears and concerns. When she laid me down and climbed on top of me, I tried to stop things. She was only doing this to ma
ke me feel better. That was all. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to pull away from her. The deeper she kissed me, the harder I fell. Soon I couldn’t remember what I’d been upset about in the first place.
Jacqueline’s body pressed against mine, and her lips worked furiously. She kissed me again and again, sliding her tongue in my mouth with ease. I groaned and held her tightly, running my hands over her hips. As I grew hard in my pants, I couldn’t resist her for another second. I rolled her over onto her back and pinned her down, attacking her neck with my tongue.
I kissed, licked, and nibbled the sensitive skin on her neck. She writhed beneath me, wrapping her legs around my waist and thrusting her hips upward. When I moved to slide my hand under her shirt, I lost myself in the feel of her naked skin. All thoughts of dinner flew freely from my mind.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Jacqueline
Ryan’s hands explored the skin on my stomach. He trailed his fingertips up, stopping just beneath my bra. Our kiss was deep and slow, passionate, without our usual sense of urgency. As Ryan sat up, pulling me with him, he slowly lifted my shirt over my head and discarded it on the floor. His eyes roamed from my face to my chest, then back again. He removed my glasses and kissed each of my eyelids before he slid his hand around my back to unhook my bra.
When my breasts fell free, Ryan didn’t touch them right away. His eyes devoured the sight of me, moving from one breast to the other, then down my stomach and back up to my face. When he kissed me again, it was delicate and gentle. He’d never kissed me that way before. There was passion and desire, like always, but also something else. I felt like he wasn’t kissing me just for the moment, but that he was kissing me to remember it.
My heart swelled as he kissed me deeper. His mouth moved down my chin to my throat. I tilted my head back, giving him more access while he worked his way down to my breasts. He didn’t suck or bite me like he usually did. Instead, he kissed me tenderly, rubbing my mounds between his hands delicately. Just his soft, gentle motions were enough to form a tidal wave between my legs. By the time he removed my jeans, I was sopping wet.