by Ford, Aria
“What?” He laughed and shook his head. “No. Don’t answer that. Chewed pancake is not at all attractive.” He winked. “But you sure as fuck are.”
I thought about saying thank you but decided to wait until I swallowed.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Stephen
I woke up feeling great the next morning. I had to work, and it was Brandon’s last day of school before his summer started. I had been saving vacation time to plan some trips, and I found myself thinking ahead to trips with Mandy while the coffee brewed. As terrible as the week had been while we weren’t in contact, everything felt right all of a sudden.
I tapped on Brandon’s door before starting on French toast for breakfast. I wasn’t in a huge hurry to get into the office, feeling that the hard part of the project was over.
When there was a knock at the door, I glanced at the clock. It was a bit early for Danielle but okay. I plated the bread and turned the stove off before making my way to the door. I wasn’t dressed for work yet, so the workout shorts would have to do. There was another knock, and I cursed under my breath as I threw the door open.
What. The. Fuck?
The face I thought I’d never see again looked back at me, purple hair framing her heart-shaped face. Lacy’s blue eyes were wide as she looked at me. “Stephen,” she said softly as I shook my head.
“What are you doing here?” I asked her in a slow, controlled voice as she looked past me into the house. “How did you know where we were?”
Pink tinged her cheeks, and I felt rage rushing through my veins. “Terry told me. He’s my son too, Stephen.”
I looked back to make sure that we were alone and then stared her down. “Your son? You handed Brandon off to me six fucking years ago, Lacy. I’ve done all of this on my own. Why would you think that he needed you now?”
“I cleaned myself up. I fixed my life. That and I miss him…I miss you.”
Hell fucking no. There was no me to her, no us.
“I want you to get the fuck out of here. We’re doing fine on our own. I can’t do this to him after so long,” I told her as pain throbbed behind my temples. “You left us.”
“Dad? Is breakfast ready?” Brandon asked as I prepared to slam the door in her face. It was more than he could handle and I needed to handle this a certain way.
Things moved quickly as he walked over to stand behind me and Lacy’s mouth dropped open. “Brandon? Look at you. You’re so big now.”
“No, not yet,” I pleaded with her, needing time.
“I’m your mom. My name is Lacy,” Lacy blurted out as I felt everything crumble around me. “I’m here to get to know you again, you and your dad. I’ve missed you.” I reached around to hug my son, looking down at him to see that the damage was done. He was staring at Lacy with big eyes as I felt my heart breaking.
I ended up letting her in and trying to get Brandon fed as he asked her a bunch of questions. It was the worst hell on Earth as she tried to explain to a goddamn seven-year-old what happened and I held my hand up as they both looked at me. I could tell that Brandon was surprised at my reaction to Lacy and I sucked in a breath. “Can we talk?” she asked me, a pleading look in her eyes as she stared at me. There was so much emotion in those big eyes, and I wished like hell I could ignore it.
“Do you have the same number?” She blushed and shook her head, asking for some paper. Lacy jotted something down and handed it to me, making me hate her even more for a moment. What kind of woman changed her number when she abandoned her son? “I need some time, Lacy. We…need some time. I’ll call you when I’ve had some time to think.”
She nodded slowly and told Brandon that she’d see him soon before making her way to the door. Everything she’d told him was a blur. I locked the door behind her as I turned to look at my son. He was the rock in my world, and I detested the hope that was in his eyes.
“Is that really my mom?” he asked with deep emotion in his voice.
I nodded. “Yes, she is, but I need to figure some things out before we see her again. It’s been a while.” I stroked his hair and led him to his plate. “Get some of this in your belly. I am going to get dressed for work.” I felt bad leaving him alone in the kitchen, but I needed a minute to myself. Hell, I needed a week to myself after that shit. All the pain came back as I walked toward my room, the pain that she caused when she left us alone. Brandon had no memory of it but I sure as fuck did. It turned my world upside down, and a simple apology couldn’t fix that. It couldn’t fix things.
I pulled on some black slacks and a random shirt from the closet, dressing automatically as I thought about my sudden shift in life. I hated Lacy, but she was Brandon’s mother. He deserved to have both of us, didn’t he? He deserved something like a family once I sorted through my thoughts and had a very in-depth conversation with her. If she was right again, I couldn’t keep her son away from her.
How I wanted to, though.
I finished dressing and fixed my hair, having dried from the earlier shower. I gave it an extra messy look, laughing bitterly as I thought how much it suited the day. By the time I was back in the main room, Brandon seemed to have eaten something and Danielle was arriving. He was telling her all about Lacy, and my nanny shot me a look of horror. I assured her that I’d call her later and explain this before I hugged Brandon goodbye, telling him to have a great day at school.
The bright sun seemed dull as I walked to the garage to get to my Jeep. The day seemed horrible as I started the engine and drove to the office, so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t even remember the short drive. I made some coffee and saw Paul on the way to my office, who immediately recognized the strain on my face. We went into my office, and I looked around, seeing it clean even as last night played back through my mind. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
“What’s wrong, man?” Paul asked me as he closed the door behind us, taking a seat on the couch as I joined him. I had a feeling that I was going to be worthless today.
“Lacy showed up at my door this morning,” I told him as he stared at me. “Six fucking years and she just drops by? I couldn’t shut her up before she told Brandon who she was. Fuck!”
“Look, I know you hate her. What she did was wrong, but she is his mom. Maybe you should talk to her, maybe give them a chance. Hell, maybe you should give her a chance.” I stared at him, my eyes cold with rejection at his idea. The thought of it made me numb. I was with Mandy now though, and I had no idea how all of this was going to work. “You were good together once, weren’t you?”
I blinked. All I could think about was the damage that was done when she left, losing all memories of before. “I don’t even fucking know anymore.”
“I’m just saying that maybe you should have an open mind here.” Paul paused. “I don’t think that Mandy is the girl you want to think she is. I don’t know where you’re at with her, but she’s a player. She’s a tramp, and she’s flirting with half the building, including me.” I looked at him in disbelief. “She came to one of the happy hours without you and acted the same way as she did before. She was all over a few guys.”
My stomach twisted as I thought about taking her bare. Was she lying to me about being clean? The idea of that just settled on top of everything else that was going on, and I sipped my coffee as if it was going to save me from all of this. “Are you serious?” I asked, seeing him nod out of the corner of my eyes. Mandy seemed so sincere to me.
“Sorry, Stephen. I know that you were into a girl for the first time in a while, but you need to know. Maybe this happened at the right time.” Paul gave me a shrug when I looked at him. “Maybe you should spend some time with Lacy and really talk to her. She might be sincere in wanting to be in your lives again.”
“Maybe,” I murmured as I leaned back. Everything felt so damn complicated and harsh.
Fuck dating. It obviously wasn’t for me.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Mandy
I got up and jumped right into the shower, feelin
g alive again. Stephen did that to me, and I embraced the reality of it. I pulled my robe on and went to make some coffee before going back to do my makeup for the day. I did dark eyes and a pale, romantic pink gloss before putting on a gray skirt and a soft pink silk T-shirt. I went to pour a travel cup of coffee to take to work and sang along to a new song on the radio as I drove into work.
I couldn’t wait to see Stephen. I had to get into my office and work, but I did look down the hall to see Paul sauntering toward me with a smirk on his face. Normally he was handsome and funny, but there was something evil about him this morning.
I headed into my office and breathed a sigh of relief as he passed by my door. Maybe I’d ask Stephen to have lunch with me today so we could talk.
I smiled and sent him a flirtatious text to see if he wanted to join me for Italian. The silence was agonizing as I logged in to my computer to work on a spreadsheet that I finally understood. The last month had been kind to be, and I was back on my game for the most part, but the lack of any response after yesterday made me worry. Maybe he wasn’t here. Brandon could be sick again, and that made me worry more as I looked toward my door.
I was considering going down to see if he was okay when there was a tap at my door. I called out for them to come in and frowned when Paul walked in, leaving the door open. “It’s break time, Mandy. Want to go get some coffee with me?”
“Coffee?” I asked blankly as he nodded. “I can get that here. Why would I go with you?” Paul leaned over my small desk.
I stared at him, wondering what he was trying to do. I was with Stephen, wasn’t I? He hadn’t gotten back to me, but I was still with him. Nothing happened to tell me otherwise.
I heard footsteps and leaned around Paul’s body to see that Stephen was staring at us. He looked like shit; tired and stressed out as I opened my mouth. “Are you okay?”
He turned to leave, going back toward his office as I dropped back into my seat. Paul snickered, and I glared at him.
“What did you just do? I’m with Stephen, not you. That looked like we were, it looked so bad from that angle.” I ran my hands through my loose curls as he stepped back and looked me over.
His laugh caught me off guard. “Did you think that he really wanted you?” My face fell as all my insecurities set in. “Stephen has a son, and Brandon’s mom is hot as hell, but I suppose you don’t know too much about him at all. I guess you haven’t heard that she’s back in town now?” I knew that my face betrayed me as I tried to act casual. He seemed to feed off my pain. “He’s always loved her, Mandy. He couldn’t care about you like that. You were the new piece of ass in the office, and that’s all. Office’s always have a little scandal and some flings going on.” He shrugged. “Yours has ended. His son’s mom is back to replace you and whatever it is that you think you had. Go to the next guy. It wouldn’t be hard for you.”
I shook my head, remembering how Stephen hated his ex. It was obvious when he spoke of Brandon’s mother. His eyes had darkened to a shade of cold steel and he tensed up without even knowing it when he spoke about her.
“No. We’re good together. You’re trying to sabotage this. You’re lying.” I squared my shoulders and tried to stand my ground.
“I’m not. He told me himself, but I’m guessing that you didn’t know?” I raised my hand to my mouth and gasped. “You were just a place to warm his dick, honey. It’s obvious that you fucked him, Mandy. Job well done.”
“Asshole!” I cried out before slapping him—hard. “Get out!”
He laughed as he turned to leave, stroking his cheek gently. “You’re feisty. I like that, and I’m sure Stephen did too. Lacy probably will get a lot of benefit from that.” He closed my door, and I sank into my chair as hopelessness hit me.
My mother’s words for years played back through my mind. The insecurities that she pounded into my head took over any sense of hope that I might have had.
Brandon’s mother was back, and Stephen hadn’t told me. No, instead he’d fucked me in his office last night and then cooked me a late breakfast. There was no sign of her anywhere, but I realized that he hid me from Brandon. I didn’t spend the night and left soon after eating. That didn’t seem weird to me after the hours we’d spent together here in this building together.
The end result was the same as it had always been: I wasn’t Kate.
I never had been in my mother’s eyes and never would. It was something that hurt me for my entire life. Stephen was helping me to get over that, and I couldn’t help but to think about his sincerity with me as I played back the few but powerful memories about Stephen.
I sent an email to Martin, lying about having a sudden flu bug. Could I go home? He assured me that it was fine and he’d have some details for a new account for me in the morning.
I made it out of the office without shedding a tear, which I was grateful for. I cried like a baby all the way home, though, unable to help myself.
I was falling for Stephen and even his sweet son, and that was gone. I didn’t give a lot of men a chance, but I wanted Stephen. I gave myself to him entirely within a few days, and it seemed like he wanted the same things. Vanessa was in the kitchen when I arrived home. She looked at me in shock before wrapping her arms around me. “Why are you home? What’s wrong?”
I told her about my morning through tears as we dropped onto the couch. Vanessa had received a lot more comfort from me about men over the years, since I rarely dated and I was all in with Stephen.
Vanessa got the emergency ice cream from the freezer, even though it was only eleven in the morning. “What did I do wrong?”
“I think that you proved yourself to Stephen. I don’t know why he wouldn’t tell you about his ex being back in town, but maybe he’s confused as well. Maybe he doesn’t want her but wants to offer Brandon the chance to get to know his mother.” Vanessa soothed me as I stared at her.
“He slept with me last night, Vanessa. He didn’t say anything to me about her,” I told her as she shrugged.
“I don’t know, sweetie. I prefer to focus on the facts, since I’ve been through hell with guys. I always thought that you were so smart about staying mostly single. I do know that you didn’t do anything wrong, Mandy. You’re a great person. You’re so giving, and sometimes that’s going to hurt you.”
“It’s just so fresh after that dinner with Mom. She was so sure that I was making a mistake. Maybe she was right.” I ranted as she sighed. Vanessa had never liked my mom. I felt her anger rising off her body against me. “Kate can keep a man. Kate is getting married and going to have a perfect life.”
“No. She isn’t. I don’t dislike Kate at all, but her life isn’t perfect. She just gives that illusion. Your mom sees her through fucking rose-colored lenses. She’s going to destroy you with that shit,” Vanessa ranted as I started to cry. I was moving away from that mind-set being with Stephen, convinced that I was proving my mother wrong.
Now, I was right back where she put me, feeling like the unwanted daughter that would never please her mother or a guy. I wasn’t enough for anybody, and I needed to find my strength. I knew that it was there, but I had to do some digging to find it. I needed to do some digging to find myself again.
I needed to find everything I had with Stephen, needed to find something that makes me feel that alive.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Stephen
I was a fucking mess all week. I worked hard to avoid everyone at work, particularly Paul and Mandy. It looked like he was leaning down to kiss her in her office that day, which was brazen and a surprise to me. If Mandy was, in fact, sleeping with other guys in the office, it was only a matter of time before I caught her with one of them.
Was she fucking Paul? The thought made me sick, but he got a lot of women in his bed, despite being an obnoxious horndog. Paul was single with a nice apartment and no kids to tie his life up like I had. He could give her whatever she needed whenever she wanted. Most of the people here were single and partied a lot, s
o why wouldn’t Mandy crave that? She was young and single.
I couldn’t picture her sleeping with a lot of people at all, much less in a matter of weeks. That didn’t seem like Mandy at all. She was shy with me at certain points. She didn’t act like some of the whores I’d seen at bars out with friends.
I wanted something with her. I wanted to move on with her and get to where she knew my son. I didn’t only want to be a couple but a family. I wanted to give Brandon what he wanted. I wanted it all and the act of trying to get it just fucked me over.
Beyond that, I had Brandon’s constant questions about Lacy. I tried to answer as best as I could, not wanting to tarnish her for him but also not wanting to hand her over to him. I made her stay away while I thought about all of this, but Lacy being back killed me. She was pressuring me to talk to her, to see her son, and I knew that she wanted to start a life together.
Martin told me at the end of the week that Mandy would be on a new project with me. That was the icing on the fucking cake. I’d have to see her and work with her, knowing how hurt I was by all of this.
Since I’d put her off for a food week, I finally agreed to meet Lacy at a coffee shop to talk after work one night. I left the office after everyone else did and made my way out to the parking lot alone, dreading the next several moments of my life. I did have to face this head on and try to figure out what role Lacy was going to play in my life; in Brandon’s life.
I’d talked to Kevin and my mom a lot since she had shown up at my door. Terry felt terrible about telling her my address, but she believed that Lacy deserved to talk to me. She couldn’t have kids and the fact that Brandon didn’t have a mom for so many years bothered her, so it was that part of her that weakened to Lacy’s pleas. They were disappointed in Lacy’s choice, but now that she was back, they both urged me to talk to her and figure out what this all meant. My mom was gentle when she reminded me that Brandon knew of her and deserved answers, no matter how that came about. This wasn’t just about me.