“Are you asleep?” Michael whispers much later, and his eyes shine in the dark.
Is it childish that I pretend not to hear him? Probably. Is it the only way to protect what’s left of my heart? Definitely.
What is there to talk about, anyway? He doesn’t want us in his life anymore. And I won’t be an unwanted intruder. I’m my own person. A capable businesswoman and mom.
I don’t need a man. And I’ll never rely on one ever again.
Chapter 20
Ellie
Two weeks later
“Thank you for watching him.”
“It’s nothing. We had fun, didn’t we, Johnny?” Lily ruffles Johnny’s hair.
As much as I love my son, easing back into working-mom life hasn’t been easy. Lily’s offer to babysit him today gave me a much-needed break. I ordered more Christmas décor, planned where I would place it around the shop, and took care of the bookkeeping. Doing taxes is my least favorite thing in the world. I needed peace and quiet to bring them back on track.
“’nado tood boy.” The little guy looks up at Lily with stars in his eyes. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s in love with her. Can’t blame him. Lily is the doll-like type men fall for.
“Yeah. Cornado was a good boy today when you fed him apples, wasn’t he?”
Johnny nods twice. “’oft.”
She chuckles. “That’s right. He has super soft fur. And you did really well when you brushed it.”
“Hmm.” Johnny’s chest expands a little. It’s good for him to spend time with animals. Since we can’t have one in our two-bedroom apartment, the zoo or Lily’s generosity are his best options.
I smile. “From what I read in the newspaper, you did really well overseas. Congratulations.”
“Thank you. Cornado is a fantastic horse.” She smiles, but then yawns.
“Are you still suffering from jet leg?”
She shakes her head. “It’s getting better. It’s so weird. I’m fine some days. And on others, I wake up in the middle of the night again and can’t fall asleep.”
“I can’t believe we haven’t seen each other, for what, four months? Time flies, doesn’t it?” I ask. Yet sometimes it doesn’t. Leaving Michael’s house feels like yesterday. And so does the pain in my heart.
“Sure does. I’m so glad the little guy remembered me right away.” She ruffles Johnny’s hair once again. “At the beginning of our trip, I thought we had so much time in Europe. But we only managed to see a handful of the things we wanted to visit. And when we came back, life got so busy with the hockey season kicking off and new clients for myself…. Time is truly flying.”
I wish. I shake away the unwelcome thoughts. “Did you have a lot of free time between competitions?”
“Not at all. We were so busy traveling from one place to the next, setting up the horses and the equipment, all we did was sleep when we had some free time.”
I laugh. “Poor Lily. Was Tyler with you the whole time?”
“Pretty much. He took his hockey equipment and scheduled ice time wherever there was a rink available. But he had to fly back at the beginning of September to acclimate and attend training camp. That’s when Danny took his vacation and spent some time with us.”
I frown. “Danny’s your physical therapist, isn’t he?”
“Yup. And our roommate.” Lily ruffles Johnny’s hair again. But doesn’t look at me.
I blink away a new set of tears. True love exists. Lily and Tyler are a prime example. Both enviably good looking. Both super successful in their careers. They’re equal partners. That might be the secret to their relationship. I should search for someone on my level. The question is, what exactly is my level?
“You really broke your leg and stayed with Michael King? For what? Four weeks?” Lily’s voice snaps me out of my love contemplations.
I flinch at the mention of Michael’s name. Hearing his name is pure torture to my bruised heart. I swallow. “How did you know?”
“Nessy told Tyler.”
These hockey players gossip like schoolgirls. “Yup. I did break my leg.”
“And?” Lily lifts an eyebrow.
“My sister was on her honeymoon, and I needed help with Johnny. Michael offered.”
“’sit Mitel?” Johnny pulls at my leg. It’s heartbreaking how many times he’s asked me whether we could visit Michael. I’m running out of excuses why that’s impossible. He doesn’t know how complicated things are between his play buddy and me.
“Michael’s busy, Johnny.”
My little man pouts. Maybe I can schedule a play date between the two of them. I don’t have to be there. Do I want to call Michael? Not really. But my son’s more important than my ego.
Lily looks from me to Johnny and back. “Wow. I mean… just wow.”
“Do you know Michael well?” I keep my voice casual.
“Not really. To be honest, I tried to stay away from him. Never liked him very much.”
“I think he’s become a different person after his accident.” Why the hell am I defending him to Lily?
She draws her eyebrows together and looks me right in the eyes. “It can’t have been easy for him…. Well, it was nice seeing you again, Ellie. I gotta go. But I’ll be back for Christmas décor.” She winks. “Just don’t tell Tyler.”
I chuckle. “My lips are sealed. See you soon. Bye, Lily.”
“Bye, Ellie.” She hugs me close then bends down to my son. “And bye, little Johnny. Let’s not wait so long for another play day, okay?”
“Tay. Bye, Lil.” He shakes her hand like a pro. I chuckle. Lily is the only person he doesn’t tell not to call him little. Johnny is to die for sometimes.
I open the door for Lily and wait until she’s made it down the stairs from my apartment. Then I turn my attention back to my son. “Did you have fun with Lily and her horses?”
He nods but runs over and hides his face behind my leg. “Want ’sit Mitel.”
I sigh. “I’ll call him later and ask him if he has time for you, okay?”
“Tay.” He rubs his face against my knee, oblivious of the dilemma I’m facing. It’s better to get this over with.
I’ll call Michael tonight; I have to after I promised my son. But if he doesn’t answer, I’ll simply tell Johnny he doesn’t have time for us anymore. And who says he wants to spend time with the little guy?
Michael didn’t want us in his life anymore. He said so himself. My heart breaks for my little man. I’ll have to be more careful who I allow near him. He doesn’t deserve to be disappointed. No one does.
The good thing is, Johnny will forget. That’s the great thing about being a kid. They can be distracted easily. Lily can be that distraction. With her help, he’ll forget Michael soon enough.
If only it were as easy for me to forget the nights I spend in his arms. No distraction in sight for me.
Chapter 21
Michael
I weigh my phone in my hand. It’s been two weeks, and Ellie hasn’t called. Not even sent a fucking text message. Nothing.
Not that it comes as a surprise. What is it about this woman that every time our encounters end, I have to apologize to her after? Or feel the need to apologize. I shouldn’t have thrown her out without an explanation. I know that. I knew it the moment the words left my mouth. But I was in shock.
What if something had happened to Johnny? If Ellie had witnessed how the vase swayed from side to side above him, she’d have taken her things and run away from me anyway. I’m a danger to the little guy. I had to push Johnny and Ellie away. I didn’t have a choice.
Now I’m back to where I never wanted to be. Back in seclusion. My mom has called me twice, but I haven’t answered. My dad has tried to reach me, but I haven’t called him back. If it weren’t for Sergei, who I still haven’t had the heart to fire, I’d have no human contact at all.
But other than missing my appointment with the new physical therapist, I didn’t mess up this time. I even managed to
get back on the waiting list. Four more weeks of waiting to begin the work on my knee isn’t a problem right now. I simply don’t care enough anymore.
“Here are your scrambled eggs.” Sergei places the plate in front of me.
“Thanks.” I take a bite—not that I taste it. Everything tastes the same for me these days. No matter how wonderful Sergei’s cooking is. I should save the money I’m paying him and return to having protein shakes for breakfast each day. And pancakes. My pancakes are getting better and better each time I make them—not that Sergei gives me much opportunity to practice since he arrives each day a little earlier and stays a little longer.
I take another bite, acting more like a robot than a human being. I’d rather be one at the moment. They don’t feel responsibility and all that pesky shit that comes with it. I’ve always known a family isn’t for me. Why am I even thinking about that? I’d do much better going back to my bachelor ways.
“Drink with me, my friend?” Sergei drops down across from me and places a glass of vodka in front of me.
I frown. “I’d rather not.” The guy is crazy. It’s not even eleven a.m. and he’s drinking vodka? I should fire him right away. Why is he even here in the mornings now? I didn’t tell him to and I’m not paying him more hours.
Look at me. I’ve become too much of a softy to fire my overbearing Russian chef who most likely has a serious addiction to alcohol. I was just too blinded by his tasty food to see it in the beginning.
“Why not? Vodka makes everything better. Trust me.” He gulps down his glass.
“No, thanks.” I shudder when I think of the last time I succumbed to alcohol. “Have you had your heart broken?” The words leave my mouth before I can think about them. Why am I asking him about his heart?
“A hundred times. I like to fall in love. Over and over again.”
“So, you don’t have just one lady?”
“No. Sergei can make many women happy. I like them all.” He chuckles into his vodka glass. Thank God I put a stop to him flirting with Ellie all the time. The guy’s a womanizer.
So was I at one point, I just didn’t fall in and out of love with my hookups. Maybe it’s time to make room for variety in my life again. Peter has called me a couple of times. He’s a great wingman. I should give the party lifestyle another try.
I won’t host a party to begin with but go out. Ease in. Peter and me. That could work. Better than contemplating whether to call a dino-loving little man and his irritating mom.
I check out my style in the mirror across from us. I still got it. I’m wearing a bright pink shirt tonight. Ellie would double over in laughter if she could see me now. She can’t. That’s the point. I don’t want to think of her anymore. I don’t need Mrs. Stubborn in my life. She was an… experiment. One that was doomed to fail. Miserably.
Why did I wait so long to go out again? There’s great live music in this bar tonight, and alcohol is flowing, not that I drink any. I don’t have to. But the girl right next to me sure does. Probably for the better.
I’m contemplating whether to take her home with me—or, better, go home with her. That way I can sneak out when I’ve gotten enough of her. She’s hot—blue eyes, blonde extensions, great tits. Fits my type. But something feels… off. Maybe because she’s a little on the stupid side. Why do I even care? Talking won’t be a requirement once we’re alone.
I don’t expect her to give me pointers. I never needed them to begin with. Ellie deserved to have her fun, that’s why I let her guide me. She deserved it after I…. Why can’t her green eyes leave me alone? Brownish green, Michael. They aren’t that special. Ellie isn’t special. She can’t be.
I shake the unwanted thoughts off and observe what’s going on at my table. Peter’s telling one of his terrible jokes to his lady of the night while she has one drink after the other. She isn’t really listening to what he’s saying.
The girl is way too busy admiring his face. And, more accurately, his Rolex. One would have to be blind to miss the dollar signs in her eyes. She’s probably contemplating how to become the future Mrs. Ringdahl. I should tell her that Peter isn’t here to find the love of his life.
Not that she would believe me. She has her hopes up. All women do. It just comes with being a pro athlete. We aren’t exactly asking for it. Girls throw themselves at us of their own free will. They’re everywhere—in front of the hotels, in front and in the arenas, at all kinds of events we’re forced to attend on behalf of the team. All you have to do is take your pick.
He wants to fuck you, not put a ring on your badly-manicured fingers, I think but don’t say it out loud. I don’t want to ruin Peter’s night.
I was once the same. Watching my former teammate is like watching the dead version of myself.
I shudder. My athlete days are over. But do I still intend to take what’s offered so freely? Eventually. My body has needs. But I’ll proceed with care. God forbid one of my future hookups saddles me with a child. If I wanted that, I’d go back to Ellie.
Why am I thinking of Ellie again? This evening is supposed to be an Ellie-free zone.
Why the hell did she have to call earlier? Was it really to ask me if I was okay? Why now? Why after over two weeks of ghosting me?
You ghosted her first, a little voice inside my head whispers. When she reached out to me, I told her I was in Toronto, visiting my parents. A stupid lie made up in the spur of the moment. I’m not ready to see her again, not after I’ve made up my mind to return to parts of my old life—parts that kids and single moms don’t have a place in.
The blonde beside me bends over to me. Unlike Ellie, she doesn’t smell of vanilla. Instead, sweet perfume hits my nostrils. I cringe.
“What do you think? Should we take the party to your place?” she slurs.
Suddenly the air is too thick for me to breathe. “I’ll be right back.” I push off my barstool and flee as fast as my cane lets me. In the bathroom, I bend over the sink and splash cold water in my face.
I’m lost. Torn between the person I once was and the person I don’t yet know. It’s time to decide who I want to be. Or who I don’t want to be. Coming here was a mistake. This flashy-shirt-wearing guy in the mirror isn’t me anymore. I can’t be the old me anymore. I don’t want to.
I look down to the cane in my hand. It has changed me. It had to. But until now, I didn’t fully realize how much. I don’t want the blonde anymore. I want… I need time. Time to figure out what I want. But fucking random strangers isn’t it. Be patient with yourself and forgive yourself, that’s what Dr. Winter tells me all the time. My efforts to learn how to be patient will have to double.
I dry my hands, open the door, and scuffle in the hallway, looking for a back entrance. I’m running away. I need to. I turn away from where I’ve come from and shuffle forward, not paying attention to my surroundings. A door hits me in the chest. I sway backward, stumble against a table, and drop the cane.
“What the—”
“So, Toronto is blonde tonight?” My head flies around. Ellie’s standing right in front of me. What the hell is she doing here? This can’t be true.
I stare at her. Ellie looks fucking fantastic in a dark blue dress that hugs her curves to perfection. I swallow. Fuck my life. Ellie in a dress with a touch of makeup is stunning.
Shit, why did I tell her I was visiting my parents in Canada? I’m such an idiot. “What… what are you doing here?” I look back where I left the blonde with Peter. Has she seen me? Us? Not that anything happened. But this looks bad. Please don’t let her have seen us.
“I go out with my sister for drinks once a month. I thought you were in Toronto?” Her voice is clipped.
“I….” Sweat breaks out on my forehead. Think, Michael. Think.
“Screw you.” She turns and walks away.
“Wait. Ellie, please wait.” I stumble along the table. My cane is laying on the floor. “Ellie, please. I’ve lost my cane,” I yell after her, frustration getting the better of me. I know
one thing for sure know. I can’t let her leave.
She pauses mid-motion, and her fists clench. Then she turns so fast, her dress flies around her.
I slump back and hold on to the table’s edge for dear life. Thank fuck.
“Here.” She bends down and presents the cane to me but keeps away from me as far as possible.
I grab the cane and pull, sending her stumbling into my arms. Her hands press against my chest for a second, and her eyes meet mine before she takes a step back, but I’m faster. My hand flies around her middle and I hug her close.
“What’s wrong with you?” She wiggles in my embrace, and I can’t help but stare at her breasts. I’ve missed them. My heart beats faster. I’ve missed her.
“Can’t risk you running away from me again.” I drag my eyes away from the perfect globes and take in her flushed face. How was I not able to see how beautiful she is before? Maybe not in a classical way, but who wants mainstream? My taste runs to the… what did she call it? Extraordinary? Yeah, I like that word. And it fits her as well. No ordinary woman could keep up with me.
“Go out with me.” I look right into her beautiful eyes. I even miss our staring contests.
She blinks. “What?”
I shrug. “You know… uh… on a date.”
“A date?” She bites her lip.
More sweat pools on my forehead. “I’ve never been on one, but… I’m exploring new things right now.” Why is it so hard to find the right words?
“I don’t—”
“Please. Please go out with me. I know I don’t deserve another chance. But… please let me explain why I had to send you away.” My heart slams against my chest while I say the words.
“Let go of me, please.” The schoolteacher voice is back. And all warmth has left her eyes.
I drop my arm and my head. I’ve lost her. Lost her before we ever had a chance. And it’s all my fault.
Fighting against Gravity: A Standalone Enemies-to-Lovers Sports Romance (An Ice Tigers Hockey Romance Book 3) Page 19