by Amity Cross
“Deep down, I think you’re right, but sometimes it’s too much. Looking at them makes me remember the sound of that gun going off. I can’t imagine what you feel when…” She cast her gaze away, her cheeks reddening.
She was worried what her scars might trigger for me? When we’d had sex the other night—the first time since the attack—they hadn’t changed my feelings toward her one bit. Juniper was beautiful and her body… She got me unbearably hard with or without them.
“Those marks don’t define you, Juniper, and they don’t define what I feel for you. Nothing has changed, okay? I love you no matter what.”
A sigh escaped her lips and she leaned against me. I snaked my arm around her back and we watched the sun set across the harbour. The water shimmered with red and orange flame, while boats skimmed across the surface. On the opposite shore, the city’s lights had begun to glow.
I wasn’t sure if she believed me yet, but she had an uncanny way of surprising me like that. Her strengths lied in forging on, no matter what.
“I still haven’t told the guys about Vix,” I said.
“You better call them,” Juniper replied, her voice still tinged with frustration. “Wouldn’t want Star-fucking-gazers to leak it before you do.”
My lips thinned, and I fired off a quick text to the guys, telling them what Detective Halliday had told me.
Her eyebrows rose. “You’re texting them?”
“I think they’ll forgive me this one time.” With the message sent, I muted the notifications.
“You still haven’t spoken to them, have you?”
I shrugged. “It’s not like I don’t want to,” I argued. “I’ve been trying to put some pressure on Myers. Now that there won’t be a trial, things will start moving again.”
As long as everything was okay with Juniper. There was no way I was leaving her while the press was having a field day. That meant she’d have to come with me, which I wasn’t sure she’d be thrilled about. Being on the road meant being more open to the public and the paparazzi.
“Sebastian,” she scolded.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, deflecting more questions I didn’t want to answer. “It’s dinner time.”
“Not really. I’m too anxious to eat.”
I didn’t like not knowing how to fix things. I was as much in uncharted territory as Juniper was.
“It’s Mallory,” she said out of nowhere. “I knew she wouldn’t listen, but I wanted to believe she’d find a way to move on.”
“Not everyone wants to take the higher road,” I replied. “Sometimes burning everything to the ground is easier.”
I tightened my embrace and knew mindgames was lowest on the list of things I understood. Fists and punching arseholes out were the old Sebastian’s way of dealing with problems—I had no idea how to be the better man.
“What do we do?” she whispered.
“You never released a statement,” I mused.
“Was I supposed to? I just ignored it. I mean…” She sighed. “It’s just another thing I’m having trouble relating to.”
“Maybe we should.” I felt her body tense against mine. “It might calm down some of the rumours. Sometimes it’s best to fight this kind of shit with the truth.”
“But it is the truth.”
“Juniper, your feelings aren’t coming from a bad place. A lot of people go through the same thing.”
“How do you know?”
“I Googled it.”
She snorted and turned around. Her gaze searched mine, her emerald eyes glassy from unshed tears. She was barely holding on.
“I know you didn’t ask for it,” I went on, “but you’re in a position where you can help people. I know it’s weird and unnatural for you to be the centre of attention, but maybe you can say or do something that shows other women that they can get through this, too.”
She blinked and her bottom lip trembled.
“You could make a difference,” I whispered, “more than I ever could.”
Juniper lowered her chin and her copper hair fell forward. The shaved section had already grown back half an inch, and her scar was disappearing into the stubble.
“I like your hair like this,” I murmured. “A little length on the side, and all this long…” I combed my fingers through her silky strands.
“You do?”
I nodded and lowered my lips to hers. Kissing her softly, I drew back and caught her gaze with mine.
“What do you think?” I asked. “About making a statement?”
It was a long minute before she replied, “I’ll think about it. For now, I need to put one foot in front of the other. The bigger picture…”
“Is too much?”
She nodded.
“Take your time,” I said. “The right words will come when they’re ready.”
Juniper had been the strongest I’d ever seen her in the days after her attack, but after Stargazers printed the story about the baby, she’d closed herself off.
A few days had passed since then, and she hadn’t left the McMansion once, not even to go out onto the deck with Ziggy. After her excitement about visiting Haze Studios, it was a blow right where it hurt—the heart.
Josh’s apartment had become our informal meeting place. It was central, private, and he always had beer.
As usual, when the elevator doors opened, I saw I was the last to arrive.
I walked across the foyer and into the open-plan living room, the guys watching my every step from where they were lounging on the leather couches. It was impossible to read their thoughts from here, but then again, it was the first disagreement we’d had. Ever.
“I’m sorry,” I said, the words catching in my mouth.
“Fuck, you’ve never had to say that very often have you?” Josh asked, nursing his beer. “You look like you just licked a turd, mate.”
“Shut up. This is new to me.” I raked my hand through my hair. “I’ve never had to worry about anyone but myself, and now Juniper…”
“I know, I know,” he shot back.
“She was shot and almost died right in front of my eyes. I didn’t realise what seeing that did to me.”
“We don’t blame you,” Nate said, “at least, I don’t. We were there.”
“I reckon we were all knocked off kilter,” Josh mused. “But you copped the worst of it.”
“You don’t have to go and quit the band over it, though,” Damon said. “At least without talking to us about it first.”
“You quit, we all quit,” Josh stated, handing me a beer. “Simple. But we aren’t going to just let you just pull the plug.”
“I don’t want to quit,” I retorted. “I just…”
“Do we really have to talk about our feelings?” Damon complained. “I can feel my balls shrinking. Let’s just shake hands and get on with it huh?”
“At least we don’t have to worry about a stupid trial,” Josh stated, changing the subject. “All we need is a manager.”
“That’s what I want to talk to you about,” I began, sitting on the couch. “I want to make a push for Harry to take over.”
“Harry?” Nate looked surprised. “Does he have the experience?”
I nodded. “He does. He was my assistant, remember.”
“A gay fashionista,” Josh said with a shrug. “Doesn’t quite say rock ‘n’ roll, but I can’t argue that the guy’s got skills.”
“He’s got my vote,” Nate said with a wave of his hand. “After all the things he did for us with Vix, and after Juniper was in the hospital, I can’t think of anyone better.”
“It’s not just that,” I said. “He’s got the contacts, he’s driven, and it’s his dream. We all know what chasing your dream is like.”
“Managing our sorry arses is his dream?” Damon asked with a laugh. “He needs to aim a little higher.”
“I’m going to push it with Myers,” I said. “We need to get things moving again before the album sinks. It was bad enough cancelling the t
our. People won’t wait around forever.”
“Amen.” Nate raised his beer and I clinked mine against it.
“How’s Juniper?” Josh asked. “The stories are getting wilder.”
“We didn’t leak it, by the way.” Nate held his hands up.
“Like I’d blame you guys,” I drawled. “It’s cruel. To go through all that, then have the press and the public tear it apart and judge her?”
“It’s fucked up,” Damon said. “I see it all the time with my sister.”
I narrowed my eyes, knowing it was Victoria and Mallory’s rivalry over me that snowballed into Juniper. Yeah, I knew about all that, but as usual, had done nothing about it. I’d been kinda busy looking after my mum back then, and when Beneath took off, the last thing on my mind was Damon’s sister’s crush.
“Rumours can have a devastating effect,” I said. “It doesn’t matter if they’re true or not.”
“It’s Mallory,” Josh declared, echoing Juniper’s assessment. “She’s got an epic axe to grind.”
“Juni had a go at her,” Damon said. “When she came to see me, she said as much.”
“She went to your farm?” Nate asked, raising his eyebrows.
“It’s not a farm,” he complained. “You need animals and shit for it to be a farm.”
“Mallory needs to shut her trap before she ruins all of us,” Nate declared. “Seb goes down, we get caught in the blast. Again.”
“How do I get her to stop?” I grumbled. “Fucked if I know how to go up against the manipulative mindgames of a pop princess.”
“People like her only respond to one thing.” He pointed the top of his beer bottle at me. “Fire.”
I hissed through my teeth and ran my hand over my face. I was so over it.
“Juniper and I are going to open our own recording studio,” I announced. “She wants to pair it with a music charity targeting bullying, among other things. For disadvantaged kids.”
“Fuck, I needed something like that when I was a teenager,” Damon drawled. “I was such a little shit.”
“Really?” Josh looked surprised. “Why?”
“Why not?” I replied. “Beneath won’t be touring forever, and I wouldn’t mind getting back into the production side of things.”
“Pfft. Look at you getting all precious about the future and shit.”
“We’re thinking of moving,” I added.
“Where?” Nate asked.
I shrugged. “Melbourne maybe.”
Josh whistled. “Going home, huh?”
“But we all live in Sydney,” Damon complained.
Nate tossed a cushion at the drummer. “It’s only an hour and a half flight. Don’t be such a pussy.”
“It’s just the house has too many of the wrong kind of memories,” I mused, gazing out the windows.
“Don’t blame you,” Josh said, handing me another beer. “You gotta do what’s right, mate. Don’t let us hold you back.”
“But not where the band is concerned?” I cocked my eyebrow and smirked.
“You got it.”
When I got into the car, I sighed and sank back into the leather upholstery. Things seemed to be moving in the right direction again, but this thing with Mallory was like the epic climax to all the crap thrown at me and Juniper—the cherry bomb on top of the cake.
The driver made his way out of the parking garage underneath Josh’s apartment complex and into the Sydney traffic. As we moved through the city, I thought about calling her. Mallory.
There had been times where we had fun together, but I’d never felt anything more than that. It wasn’t until much later that I realised how deep she was in our fake relationship. I’d ended things then, but… It scarcely rated mentioning now.
We were enemies, plain and simple. She’d fight to the death, unless I did something.
Dialling Mallory’s number, I said a silent prayer.
She answered straight away.
“Sebastian,” she purred, her voice grating against my ears like nails dragging down a chalkboard.
“What’s your fucking problem, Mallory?” I demanded. “Juniper was almost killed and you’re still screwing with her? Get a life.”
She gasped in that overdramatic way she had probably practiced in the mirror a thousand times. “How can you say that to me? I sent her flowers!”
“Fucking roses,” I muttered.
“Expensive roses.”
“Look, this has gone on long enough. You tried, and you failed to break us up. If you don’t stop, you’ll regret it.”
“Is that a threat?” she asked coyly. “Because if it is, you better be willing to follow through.”
“Let it go, Mallory. You can’t make someone love you, and you can’t crack the shits and go on a rampage when they don’t. Love doesn’t work that way.”
She didn’t seem to be listening. “Do you know what your fiancée is up to while you’re not around?”
“What?” My hand tightened around my phone.
“Because if she was seeking solace in another man’s arms, wouldn’t you want to know? You are supposed to be in love, after all.”
“Fuck you, Mallory. I’m not falling for your manipulations anymore. Back off.”
“Oh, Sebastian… I told you once already, no one turns me down,” she said, her voice smooth as butter. “You know I loathe repeating myself.” She gasped like she’d just remembered something she’d forgotten. “There was one thing I heard about poor Vix. Something about you setting her up.”
“Bullshit.”
“Those kinds of rumours can kill careers, Seb,” she stated. “It doesn’t matter if they’re true or not.”
The call disconnected, and I stood there like a moron, staring at the screen. She hadn’t said it, but she may as well have. She’d been the one leaking all the stores to the press. Everyone’d seen it, but I didn’t want to believe it was her. Maybe, in some messed up place inside me, I had hoped she could turn things around and be a better person. Fuck, was I wrong.
Thinking about Juniper, I called her next. When her phone went straight to voicemail, I tried Statfield.
“Where are you?” I demanded, my anxiety rising. “Juniper’s phone is turned off.”
“We’re at Haze Studios,” he replied. “They don’t allow cell phones in there.”
Haze Studios… She’d gathered the courage to go back out in the world. I’d be proud, but Mallory had gotten into my head again.
“Mr. Hale?”
“Thanks,” I replied and hung up. Tapping on the screen between me and the driver, I waited until he’d rolled down the partition before telling him we weren’t going back to the McMansion.
I needed to make a stop.
17
Juniper
After the story about my lost pregnancy was printed in Stargazers, I was lost for three days. Even a call from Vanessa and Ziggy’s presence could snap me out of it.
My life was the talk of all the TV shows and newspapers—everyone had an opinion. I was heartless, I was selfish, and I was a monster. I’d thrown away a precious gift. People were even debating if I would’ve gotten an abortion, which drove a knife into my heart. I would never…
It wasn’t until I heard one female TV presenter make the statement that a lot of other women go through the same kind of thing—depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress—that the discussion, and my outlook, began to change.
I could wallow and I could hide, but what Sebastian said was right. I was in a position where I could foster change.
So, I did the only thing I could. I got up, held my head up high, and got on with it.
I went back to Haze Studios, determined to learn everything I could about the place. Given the success of the business, there was the chance to build a partnership to strengthen my proposed charity. As Harry had drummed into me, contacts in the music world were worth their weight in gold—it was all about who you knew and how you treated them.
The studio was empty whe
n I pushed through the door. Statfield waited outside in reception, watching the comings and goings of the world like a hawk.
Stewie was sitting at the mixing desk, his headphones sitting over one ear, while the other was pressed against his head. When he heard me walk in, he turned.
“Juniper, hey.”
“I hope you don’t mind me just showing up like this,” I said. “You did say come anytime.”
“No, that’s cool.” His smile widened. “I’m glad to see you, actually. Since you were here the other day, I’ve had a rush of inspiration.”
“Oh, really?” That was good to hear. At least someone was getting shit done without being torn down.
“I’m surprised to see you out, though,” he went on. “After all the stuff in the papers, I thought you’d be keeping a low profile.”
“And what would that achieve?” I asked, suddenly irritated. “Sebastian and I are trying to make something great here. The press is trying to destroy me, but I want to show them they can’t stop progress.”
He leaned back in his chair, the track he was working on forgotten. “You’ve got guts, I’ll give you that.”
“A lot of women go through the same struggles,” I stated. “We need to talk about these things and help one another. The days of sweeping it under the rug are over. And it’s not just the loss of a child in utero. It’s safety, sex culture, equality, and even the way we treat one another.”
Stewie gave me a look. “Sounds like you’ve got the beginnings of something there.”
“I sure hope so.”
“Have a seat.” He gestured to the couch against the wall. “You’re making me feel lazy. Your energy today is something else.”
“Sorry,” I muttered, planting my arse on the couch. “I’m just passionate about this, I guess.”
“Nah, don’t apologise. Passion is what gets shit done.” He pulled his headphones off his head and sat next to me. “Are you good? I mean, you’re the woman who came from nothing and was dropped in the deep end. This world has a way of taking down the unprepared.”
“Shit, that’s an understatement.” I laughed wryly and drug my fingers through my hair. “I thought getting shot was the worst, but the gossip and the labels…” I shook my head, “it’s just another level, you know?”