by Lynn Hunter
“Speaking of dating,” she began, turning the tables on her mom, “Glen seemed pretty taken with you.”
Her mom blushed. “He was very nice.”
Something in her mom’s voice made her worry. “You’re not interested in him, are you?”
“I just met him, Lily.’
“Mom, it’s too soon, I don’t want to see you hurt.”
“I’m all right honey, and, believe it or not, I’m a grown woman.”
“I remember what it was like after Daddy died, Mamma.” Lily reminded her.
A far off look came into her mom’s eyes. “I loved him so very much. I still miss him every day.”
“I know. I’ve never seen two people more in love. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately.”
“I think it has something to do with Sam,” Sarah said as she patted her daughter’s knee.
“I told him I wasn’t interested. Hopefully, I won’t have to see him again after next Friday.” Her mom became silent and became overly interested in the scenery out the window. Lily began to feel uneasy “What? What’s wrong?”
“Well,” she began, “I invited Glen out to the house for Sunday lunch and asked him to bring Sam.”
“What! Why would you do that? I don’t want to see Sam again at all. Let alone at our house. What about Johnathan? He’s going to see men parading in and out of our house!” She was panicking. Her sweet mother had the audacity to chuckle. Chuckle!
“Oh please, Lily. When your Dad was alive people came over all the time. Johnathan is used to it.” She waved her hand. “It’ll be nice to have company.”
No no no no. “I really wish you would have spoken to me first. We’re supposed to be in this together.” She knew she sounded pathetic. Lily pulled the car up next to the house. Taking a deep breath, she turned to her mom. As she started to speak her mom held up a hand.
“I could never ask for a better daughter. We never would have made it if it hadn’t been for you. We will always be in this together. However, we have been living like hermits since your dad died. We need to interact with other people for more than cake orders. You haven’t had a friend since John died. It’s time to live again. It will be good for Johnathan to see us do things besides work and worry.” Then she patted Lily’s knee again and left the car, stopping any possible argument.
Lily stared after her mom. She got a tight feeling in her chest. Things were changing and she hated change. Hated not knowing what was going to happen.
Sam in their house? How was she going to get through a meal with him at the table? She could picture it now. She’d be a red-faced stuttering idiot unable to carry on an ordinary conversation.
She dropped her head onto the steering wheel. She was uncomfortable with the way her body came to life with Sam near. It wasn’t a gradual awakening as it had been with John, but a lightning strike.
Again, she tried to conjure John’s face and his memory. With frustration, she squeezed her eyes shut and gripped the steering wheel tightly willing the memories to come. They were just kids. Seventeen and eighteen. She was at the lake with her friends and John was working in the bait shop at the marina. She and her friends went into the bait shop to get some drinks. One of her friends, Alison, kept flirting with him but he only had eyes for Lily. She thought he was the cutest guy she’d ever seen. Blond hair, blue eyes, killer smile and a job. They spent as many days together as they could. Which wasn’t an easy thing since her dad didn’t like the idea of her spending so much time with a boy who was going away to college. He thought she would get her heart broken. He dad was right. She did get her heart broken. Lily never so much as looked at another guy since that summer. It was her fault John died. She would never forgive herself.
“Mamma?” Lily jerked her head up at the sound of her son’s voice. “What are you doing?” He asked as he opened the car door.
“Oh…nothing. We just got home from delivering cupcakes,” She said a little too brightly. How long had she been sitting here? “I didn’t hear the bus. How was your day?”
His concerned eyes studied her face for a moment and then he touched two fingers to her cheek. She didn’t realize she’d been crying.
“What’s wrong Mamma?” Voice to serious for a seven-year-old, he leaned into her side seeking comfort and reassurance. She hugged him to her side.
“I’m all right honey. I promise.”
“Why were you crying?”
“I guess I’m missing your dad and Papa today. But this hug is making me feel so much better.”
Johnathan put his arms around her and squeezed. “I miss Papa too.”
He never met his father so he didn’t miss him. What he missed was the absence of a father figure since his Papa died. “Are you hungry? How about we eat a snack and then the two of us can take a walk? We can count all the different colored leaves.” Lily loved fall and the trees around the farmhouse put on a colorful show of leaves. A walk was just what she needed. The fresh air would help clear her head.
“Okay,” he said pulling back to look in her face.
“I love you, kiddo,” she said “don’t worry. Everything is fine. I promise. I think I have a few cupcakes left over from the batch I took to Sam. You want one?”
“Before dinner?”
She laughed at his shocked face, “Just this once. Let’s go.” A measure of peace filled her chest. This was all she needed. Her son, her mom and this house.
***
Lily woke up early Saturday morning to fill six cake orders. With any luck, the ladies would have their cakes picked up and gone by two. The growing cake orders were helping, but to make real money she needed a commercial kitchen. If she could get enough money together to rent one in the vacant building in town things could really turn around for them. She had the talent and the clients and even received several requests for wedding cakes in the spring. Unfortunately, she didn’t have storage or working space for big cakes.
Her mom came in the kitchen ready to help and the two of them knocked out the cakes in plenty of time before they were picked up. When the final cake had been taken away, they sat down with coffee to make a grocery list. Two of the women placed big cinnamon rolls orders for church functions. It meant less sleep but more money.
“Lily,” her mom began “I’m thinking of selling the house.”
Lily’s stomach dropped “What?” was all she could get out.
“I think we should sell it before we lose it.” Her mom’s gaze was steady on her….and her look was determined.
Lily realized she’d been thinking about this for a while and was waiting for the right time to tell her.
“No Mom. We can-”
“No Lily. It’s too much. We’re going to have to let it go. We can move to town and get out from under some of this debt.” Her gaze never wavered.
“I’ll get a job working nights. You’re better now. You can watch Johnathan and get things ready for orders and I’ll start baking as soon as I get home-”
“Lily!” her mom grabbed her hand with surprising strength. “You’re already spread too thin. We need to take some of the pressure off. Your father worked and worried himself to death. I won’t watch you do the same. I’m putting it on the market next week. We’ll find something more manageable and concentrate on the baking business.”
“It’s my home too Mom. And Johnathan’s.” She pleaded weakly. She felt everything slipping away. She couldn’t let this happen. They worked so hard to save it, they couldn’t give up now.
“I know honey. But your dad would hate to see us struggle like this. We have to stop hiding here and move on.”
‘I’m not hiding.”
“You’ve been hiding since John died. And we let you. We certainly didn’t do you any favors. Now you’re scared of anything that’s not your son, this house or me. I’m sorry it hurts, but it’s time to let go.”
Lily sat at the table feeling hollowed out and sorry for herself long after her mom left. Tired, so tired. Sh
e got up from the table and walked to the kitchen window to watch Johnathan and her mom playing on the swing set. Her son was laughing and the sun glinted off his golden curls. Her heart hurt. He was so happy here. Would he be happy somewhere else? Her shoulders slumped. She needed to take a nap. Just a short one. Maybe she would think better with a fresh brain. Lily trudged up the stairs to her room to rest for just a few minutes. That was her last thought before her head touched her pillow.
Chapter 5.
A delicious scent roused her from a thick haze of sleep. Lily turned over on her back and attempted to orient herself. What time was it? The sun streaming through the curtains was too bright for it to be early morning. She couldn’t believe she slept from yesterday afternoon all through the night. She was running low on energy and her body was trying to recharge. Forcing herself to sit up she brushed the wild twists of curls from her face. She even slept in her clothes. She rolled out of bed and stripped out of yesterday’s clothes and pulled on her favorite baby blue drawstring cotton shorts and a fresh white t-shirt. With a zombie-like walk, she headed for the kitchen for much-needed coffee.
At the bottom of the stairs she called out to her mom, “Mom, I’m so sorry I slept in. I guess I was more tired than I thought. Whatever you’re cooking smells wonderful.” Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she rounded the hall to the kitchen “Is there any coffee left-” When she dropped her arms she stopped mid-step at the sight of Sam sitting at their kitchen island. He stood up and turned to face her. Lily’s brain barely registered the other people in the room. Or that her mom was talking. Sam held her eyes captive for several heartbeats. She heard a roaring sound in her ears and her hands started to shake.
Johnathan wrapped his arms around her waist and it brought her back to her surroundings. Pulling her eyes from Sam, Lily looked down at her son.
“You slept all morning. You even slept longer than me,” he said with wide eyes, “you never sleep longer than me.” Still unable to find her voice she hugged him close.
“Lily, honey, It’s afternoon. I was getting ready to come check on you. Are you feeling alright?”
Her mom was at the standing in front of the stove stirring a pot. She looked pretty wearing a short sleeved pink blouse and comfortable-looking blue jeans. It was just then that she noticed Glen standing next to her. A little too close. Lily frowned.
“Lily?”
She jerked her gaze back to her mom and saw the worried look in her blue eyes. She couldn’t summon up enough sympathy to care, though. All of the sudden, she was angry. It seemed like overnight everything changed. She swung her eyes to Sam. He might not be the entire reason for her anger but it all appeared to come to a head since meeting him. He looked tall, strong and capable of handling her irritation. And for some reason, that just added fuel to the fire. In dark blue jeans and a blue long sleeved button up shirt that complimented his deep blue eyes, he looked so handsome it pissed her off even more. Her eyes narrowed on him and his eyes narrowed back. She wanted to lash out at him but she couldn’t. Her son was here as well as her mom. It was overwhelmingly frustrating that she couldn’t tell him to get the hell out of her house without horrifying her mother.
“No, I’m not feeling well today, I’m afraid. Please go ahead and enjoy your lunch.” Turning to Johnathan, she said, “Be good for Gramma and her company. I’m going back upstairs. Don’t forget we still have your reading homework to do today.” She avoided looking at anyone else in the room.
“I already did it this morning, Mom. I had to because guess what?” His arms squeezed her tighter in his excitement, his blue eyes dancing.
“What, honey?”
“We’re going to the movies!” He announced with a jump that jostled her.
Her gaze met her mother’s. Why had she made these plans? They couldn’t afford the movies. Her mom looked just as excited as her son.
Glen cleared his throat, “I wanted to take everyone. I haven’t been to the movies in years. I thought it would be fun.”
Lily felt her temples throb. “Please check with me before inviting my son anywhere.”
“Lily-” her mother’s voice reprimanding but she ignored her.
Turning to Johnathan, she touched a finger to his nose and forced a smile. “You be good at the movies and don’t stay out too late you party animal.” He giggled and she hugged him tight before kissing his blond hair.
She glanced briefly around the room and avoided Sam’s eyes but saw his jaw clenched tightly. “Excuse me, everyone.” She turned to go back upstairs barely containing the childish urge to stomp all the way to her room.
Once she reached her bedroom, she heard someone enter behind her.
“Lily, I’m sorry you’re upset but you were not very polite to our company.”
“They’re not my company, Mom,” she snapped “you could have woken me up so I would have at least been dressed.” Oh God her body felt wound up tight. She just wanted to be left alone before she said something regretful.
“Glen showed up early and Sam came just a few minutes later. Johnathan deserves to go to the movies, he’s been such a good boy.”
“Well, Glen should have cleared it with me before asking my son to go somewhere,” she said, still unable to control the anger in her voice.
“Glen asked me and I told Johnathan. I am still his grandmother in case you forgot.”
Taking a deep breath, Lily rubbed her hands down her face and closed her eyes. “I know. You’re right. I trust you to make decisions. I’m just feeling a little…off right now. Please go have fun. I could use a little time alone anyway. I’ll apologize to Glen when you get back.” She dropped down to sit on the mattress and put her face in her hands. What was wrong with her? Was she really trying to keep her son and mom from enjoying life? God, she was shameful. She felt the mattress dip slightly and her mom’s warm arm came around her shoulders.
“Oh Lily, I’m so sorry you’re so stressed out. I blame myself.”
“No, Mom. You and Dad took care of me when I had Johnathan. That’s what families do. I guess I don’t like change.” She said dryly.
“I love you, honey. Maybe you are coming down with a bug. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay home? I hate to leave you alone.”
Yes. Stay home. “No,” she sat up and took her mom’s hand, “go enjoy a movie. I would go it I felt up to it.” She lied.
“Well, if you’re sure.” She hesitantly stood.
“I’m sure.” Waving her mom out of the room.
Once alone she stood to grab her robe and went to the bathroom for a much-needed shower.
***
Sam sat through a short lunch trying to set his anger aside. Sarah, Glen, and Johnathan talked easily. He wished Sarah’s daughter was as accommodating. Lily was angry that he was there, no doubt about that. However, her anger only made him want her more. She was so pretty with her flushed cheeks and brown eyes throwing sparks at him. He also saw the vulnerability she was trying to hide behind the anger.
“Sam do you want to ride with us?” Glen asked. He looked happy. He was a good guy. They’d become good friends since becoming business partners of sorts. He was completely taken with Lily’s mom. Anyone could see why. She was very attractive with a sweet, genuine smile. Her daughter was beautiful also but she looked at him like she wanted to carve out his eyeballs.
“I think I’ll stay here for a while and make sure Lily’s okay before I leave,” he turned to Sarah, “if that’s alright with you.”
“I think that’s an excellent idea, Sam. Make yourself at home.”
Glen looked doubtful. He obviously noticed the evident sense of Lily’s dislike of him. But she didn’t dislike Sam, she was just angry at him. Sam wasn’t sure why she was so mad at him but he would find out shortly.
“You think Mamma is sick?” Johnathan’s worried gaze turned to Sarah.
“She might be coming down with a bug but with some peace, quiet and rest she’ll be good as new. Promise.” She reassured him.
Sam was irritated with Lily for making her son worry. “I’ll make sure she’s okay, bud. If she’s not, I’ll fix her up good as new.” He was confident about that.
The worry faded out of his eyes. “Okay, Sam. Ice cream helps. It always helps me when I’m sick.”
Ice cream wasn’t what she need. “Good advice.”
The lunch dishes were cleared and the three of them grabbed their jackets. Sarah stopped at the door as Glen and Johnathan walked out to Glen’s truck. She looked up at him with knowing eyes.
“Sam,” she murmured “Lily has been through so much the last few years. She also hasn’t gotten much sleep. She hasn’t dated or spent any time with men other than her father since Johnathan’s dad died and he was just a boy.”
Those words helped put some pieces together. Grateful to Sarah for giving him a little insight he said, “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt her.” He assured.
After watching them leave the driveway he closed the door. Sam decided to go on upstairs to talk to her.
He came to the top of the stairs at the same time Lily came out of another door. She froze when she saw him, eyes going wide. He liked the wide-eyed look on her. She was wearing a pink terrycloth robe that came to mid-thigh. Her hair was wrapped up in a towel sitting on top of her head. His eyes left hers to drift down her body. Her slim legs were still rosy and damp from her shower. He wanted those legs wrapped around his waist. His hands clenched into tight fists. Restraint was killing him. His blood started simmering and his body became instantly hard.
“Wh-what do are you doing up here?” She was slowing backing up. His eyes traveled slowly back up lingering on her hips and breasts before meeting her eyes again. He took one step toward her and she quickly stepped back.
“Don’t-” She started and took in his clenched fists. When her gaze flicked over his groin, she froze. She instantly began to panic.
“Where’s my son and mother?” she demanded.
“They all left for the movie. Your mom agreed I should stay here and keep an eye on you. Make sure you’re not sick. But you’re not sick, are you Lily?” His voice sounded rough, even to him. He took a step closer to her. She flinched and made a lunge for a door across the hall. She was quick and was through the door before he could reach it and turned to slam it in his face. He stuck his boot in the door and gently forced it open not wanting to hurt her.