He Walked Around the Horses

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by H. Beam Piper


  25 NOVEMBER 1808]

  These are mistakes which only a madman would make. There are thosewho think our prisoner is mad, because of his apparent delusionsabout the great conqueror, General Bonaparte, alias the EmperorNapoleon. Madmen have been known to fabricate evidence to supporttheir delusions, it is true, but I shudder to think of a madmanhaving at his disposal the resources to manufacture the papers youwill find in this dispatch case. Moreover, some of our foremostmedical men, who have specialized in the disorders of the mind,have interviewed this man Bathurst and say that, save for hisfixed belief in a nonexistent situation, he is perfectly sane.

  Personally, I believe that the whole thing is a gigantic hoax,perpetrated for some hidden and sinister purpose, possibly tocreate confusion, and to undermine the confidence existingbetween your government and mine, and to set against one anothervarious persons connected with both governments, or else as amask for some other conspiratorial activity. Only a few monthsago, you will recall, there was a Jacobin plot unmasked at Koeln.

  But, whatever this business may portend, I do not like it. Iwant to get to the bottom of it as soon as possible, and I willthank you, my dear sir, and your government, for any assistanceyou may find possible.

  I have the honor, sir, to be, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera,

  Berchtenwald

  FROM BARON VON KRUTZ, TO THE COUNT VON BERCHTENWALD. MOST URGENT;MOST IMPORTANT. TO BE DELIVERED IMMEDIATELY AND IN PERSONREGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCES.

  28 November, 1809

  Count von Berchtenwald:

  Within the past half hour, that is, at about eleven o'clocktonight, the man calling himself Benjamin Bathurst was shot andkilled by a sentry at the Ministry of Police, while attempting toescape from custody.

  A sentry on duty in the rear courtyard of the Ministry observeda man attempting to leave the building in a suspicious and furtivemanner. This sentry, who was under the strictest orders to allowno one to enter or leave without written authorization, challengedhim; when he attempted to run, the sentry fired his musket at him,bringing him down. At the shot, the Sergeant of the Guard rushedinto the courtyard with his detail, and the man whom the sentryhad shot was found to be the Englishman, Benjamin Bathurst. He hadbeen hit in the chest with an ounce ball, and died before thedoctor could arrive, and without recovering consciousness.

  An investigation revealed that the prisoner, who was confinedon the third floor of the building, had fashioned a rope from hisbedding, his bed cord, and the leather strap of his bell pull.This rope was only long enough to reach to the window of theoffice on the second floor, directly below, but he managed toenter this by kicking the glass out of the window. I am trying tofind out how he could do this without being heard. I can assureyou that somebody is going to smart for this night's work. As forthe sentry, he acted within his orders; I have commended him fordoing his duty, and for good shooting, and I assume fullresponsibility for the death of the prisoner at his hands.

  I have no idea why the self-so-called Benjamin Bathurst, who,until now, was well-behaved and seemed to take his confinementphilosophically, should suddenly make this rash and fatal attempt,unless it was because of those infernal dunderheads of madhousedoctors who have been bothering him. Only this afternoon theydeliberately handed him a bundle of newspapers--Prussian, Austrian,French, and English--all dated within the last month. They wantedthey said, to see how he would react. Well, God pardon them,they've found out!

  What do you think should be done about giving the body burial?

  Krutz

  (From the British Minister, to the Count von Berchtenwald.)

  December 20th, 1809

  My dear Count von Berchtenwald:

  Reply from London to my letter of the 28th, which accompanied thedispatch case and the other papers, has finally come to hand. Thepapers which you wanted returned--the copies of the statementstaken at Perleburg, the letter to the Baron von Krutz from thepolice captain, Hartenstein, and the personal letter of Krutz'snephew, Lieutenant von Tarlburg, and the letter of safe-conductfound in the dispatch case--accompany herewith. I don't know whatthe people at Whitehall did with the other papers; tossed theminto the nearest fire, for my guess. Were I in your place, that'swhere the papers I am returning would go.

  I have heard nothing, yet, from my dispatch of the 29th concerningthe death of the man who called himself Benjamin Bathurst, but Idoubt very much if any official notice will ever be taken of it.Your government had a perfect right to detain the fellow, and,that being the case, he attempted to escape at his own risk. Afterall, sentries are not required to carry loaded muskets in order todiscourage them from putting their hands in their pockets.

  To hazard a purely unofficial opinion, I should not imagine thatLondon is very much dissatisfied with this denouement. His Majesty'sgovernment are a hard-headed and matter-of-fact set of gentry who donot relish mysteries, least of all mysteries whose solution may bemore disturbing than the original problem.

  This is entirely confidential, but those papers which were inthat dispatch case kicked up the devil's own row in London, withhalf the government bigwigs protesting their innocence to highHeaven, and the rest accusing one another of complicity in thehoax. If that was somebody's intention, it was literally ahowling success. For a while, it was even feared that there wouldbe questions in Parliament, but eventually, the whole vexatiousbusiness was hushed.

  You may tell Count Tarlburg's son that his little friend is amost talented young lady; her sketch was highly commended by noless an authority than Sir Thomas Lawrence, and here comes themost bedeviling part of a thoroughly bedeviled business. Thepicture was instantly recognized. It is a very fair likeness ofBenjamin Bathurst, or, I should say, Sir Benjamin Bathurst, whois King's lieutenant governor for the Crown Colony of Georgia. AsSir Thomas Lawrence did his portrait a few years back, he is inan excellent position to criticize the work of Lieutenant vonTarlburg's young lady. However, Sir Benjamin Bathurst was knownto have been in Savannah, attending to the duties of his office,and in the public eye, all the while that his double was inPrussia. Sir Benjamin does not have a twin brother. It has beensuggested that this fellow might be a half-brother, but, as faras I know, there is no justification for this theory.

  The General Bonaparte, alias the Emperor Napoleon, who is given somuch mention in the dispatches, seems also to have a counterpartin actual life; there is, in the French army, a Colonel ofArtillery by that name, a Corsican who Gallicized his originalname of Napolione Buonaparte. He is a most brilliant militarytheoretician; I am sure some of your own officers, like GeneralScharnhorst, could tell you about him. His loyalty to the Frenchmonarchy has never been questioned.

  This same correspondence to fact seems to crop up everywhere inthat amazing collection of pseudo-dispatches and pseudo-Statepapers. The United States of America, you will recall, was thestyle by which the rebellious colonies referred to themselves, inthe Declaration of Philadelphia. The James Madison who ismentioned as the current President of the United States is nowliving, in exile, in Switzerland. His alleged predecessor inoffice, Thomas Jefferson, was the author of the rebel Declaration;after the defeat of the rebels, he escaped to Havana, and died,several years ago, in the Principality of Lichtenstein.

  I was quite amused to find our old friend CardinalTalleyrand--without the ecclesiastical title--cast in the role ofchief adviser to the usurper, Bonaparte. His Eminence, I havealways thought, is the sort of fellow who would land on his feeton top of any heap, and who would as little scruple to be PrimeMinister to His Satanic Majesty as to His Most Christian Majesty.

  I was baffled, however, by one name, frequently mentioned inthose fantastic papers. This was the English general, Wellington.I haven't the least idea who this person might be.

  I have the honor, your excellency, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera,

  Sir Arthur Wellesley

  THE END.

 

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