by Meghan Sloan
“Three?”
“The last one was outside just now.” Cassandra rubbed a hand over her chest, but it didn’t ease the tightness. “But when he’s around me, I feel like my legs are weak, my heart races and I’m housing butterflies in my belly. I want to go into his arms and not let go. I...I just want a lot from him, and none of it I should be desiring from him.”
Emily’s expression changed. Realisation seemed to have dawned as to what her friend was trying to say.
“You’re falling for him.”
Cassandra looked at the floor. She felt ashamed to admit it.
“I don’t want to, but I am. It’s a mess, Emily.”
#
“What do I do now?”
Emily sighed and knelt before her friend, taking Cassandra’s hands in hers.
“You’re going to have to fight it,” she said. “Resist it as much as you can.”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“You’re strong-willed. You’ve resisted other things before.”
Cassandra snorted.
“I’ve never resisted emotions of this kind in my own heart before. I’ve been trying, but it’s not easy. And I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.”
Emily frowned.
“Well, you’re going to have to. You and he are not compatible, both socially and emotionally. Your personalities clash, and Gabriel is as close to penniless as you’re going to get.”
“Being penniless doesn’t mean anything to me.”
That was the problem. It should have been a big barrier, but Cassandra found that she didn’t care. Gabriel could have been a beggar on the street and she wouldn’t have cared. The man had captured her heart and she was snared completely. She couldn’t get away, even when a small part of her said it wasn’t a good idea and she needed to back off.
“Besides,” Emily went on, “Gabriel Tattershall is not known for being loyal to women. How do we know he’s been celibate since he was disowned?”
Cassandra shuddered.
“I don’t want to think about that.”
“You have to take it into account.”
Cassandra knew she had to, and she hated it. She pulled her hands away and stared out of the window. She was feeling more lost than she had done coming in.
“Even if there is anything returned on his part, it’s only a simple emotion. Nothing meaningful, I’m aware of that. Nothing can come of it. He’ll just seduce me into bed and then drop me.”
That hurt more than anything. Cassandra had dreamed about falling in love with a kind, chivalric man who would treat her like a princess. Instead, she had fallen for a disowned nobleman with a renowned reputation with women, a former penchant for gambling, and a smile that would make her entire body weak.
Her father would be furious if he heard any of this. Cassandra certainly couldn’t tell Alice about this, because she would be duty-bound to let her brother know. Only Emily could keep this secret. And a secret it would stay; Cassandra knew nothing could come out of her and Gabriel’s relationship or whatever it was they had.
She stood and began to pace.
“Why can’t I feel something for the man who Father would approve of? Why do I have to fall for a rake?”
“Because life doesn’t work like that, Cassie,” Emily rose to her feet. “It’s never easy. You know that. We have to do as we’re told, but our emotions don’t listen to the rules society lay down for us.”
She was right, and Cassandra wished she wasn’t. She rubbed her hands over her face.
“What am I going to do, Emily? I can’t continue to be courted by Percy, and he’s already invited me to a ball hosted by the Duke and Duchess of Suffolk tomorrow night. But all I can think about is wishing his brother was the one who had invited me.”
Just thinking that felt like an insult to Percy. He didn’t deserve to be uprooted as the man of her affections by his older brother. Unfortunately, Cassandra’s mind had already been made up; Percydidn’t make her feel the way Gabriel did. He never would. Now Cassandra felt immense guilt for him. Percy didn’t deserve that at all.
Emily sighed heavily and looked away. A look of sadness passed across her face.
“Emily?”
“Forgive me, I…” Emily looked up, and Cassandra was shocked to see tears in her friend’s eyes. “I guess I’m getting a little emotional myself.”
“Why?” Cassandra hurried over. “Talk to me, Emily.”
“It’s fine. I’m just sad for you and this predicament.” Emily moved away as Cassandra reached for her. She brought out a handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes. “As for Percy Tattershall, you’re going to have to stay in courtship with him.”
“Why? What’s the reasoning for that?”
“Because he’s the heir to a viscountcy. He’s the safer bet, and certainly someone your father would approve of.” Emily sniffed and squared her shoulders, “Besides, it was just one meeting. You might find that you feel for him as much as you do Gabriel, if not more. You just need to give it time, have more interactions with him. I’m sure it’ll happen.”
“Give it time,” Cassandra murmured. She turned away. “I don’t know if I can. Yes, Percy is the safer option for me, and I know I can trust him to be faithful to me. But he doesn’t make me feel here,” she pressed a hand to her chest, “he doesn’t make me feel...whatever I feel for his brother.”
If her heart wasn’t in it, she couldn’t pursue it. Cassandra had said that before, and she had had no problems telling her previous suitors that it wasn’t working out and she needed to walk away. However, she hadn’t fallen for the older brother. Her heart hadn’t been given to someone else without her realising it. Now Cassandra had found out why she was feeling so off-balance, and she didn’t like it.
Why couldn’t Gabriel be someone more respectable? Her father would certainly not be impressed by him, seeing as everyone knew who Gabriel Tattershall was. And he would be disappointed with Cassandra for being so foolish with her heart. Cassandra hadn’t planned on giving her heart away. The problem was that her heart hadn’t been paying attention to her.
And right now, it was telling her to go and look for Gabriel. Tell him the truth, even if it meant rejection. But it was the rejection that stopped Cassandra from doing such a foolish thing.
She felt stuck in a huge mess, and she hated the feeling. Now she understood why women were told to keep their emotions under control; they were far too unstable.
“Oh, Cassie,” Emily turned her around and embraced her, rocking her a little as they used to when they were little girls. “It’s going to be fine. We’ll figure this out. It’s probably just a passing fancy. An attraction for someone who’s forbidden, which makes him enticing to you. It’ll wear off.”
Cassandra hoped so. She hoped it would pass and she would be able to go back to normal. But even as she returned Emily’s embrace and resisted the urge to cry, she knew it wouldn’t pass.
Chapter 13
“Mr. Gabriel?” Allen stood in the doorway. “Is there anything else you’d like from me?”
Gabriel shook his head and gave him a smile.
“It’s fine, Allen. You can retire for the night, if you wish. Mr. Montgomery and I can manage.”
Across the table from him, Norman raised his full glass at the valet.
“Goodnight, Allen.”
“Goodnight, Mr. Montgomery. Mr. Gabriel.”
Bowing, Allen left. Gabriel gathered the rest of the cards and shuffled them. It had been a very pleasant evening. Norman had come over for dinner, which Allen had made for them, and then the three of them had spent some hours discussing nearly anything and everything. It was at times like this that Gabriel felt really relaxed.
His father wouldn’t be impressed that the relationship between his son and the valet was getting stronger to the point they ate meals together and talked like old friends, but Gabriel didn’t care. Derek Tattershall had put them together in a small cottage, and they were practically on each ot
her’s toes. What other situation wouldn’t make master and servant become closer?
The evening was certainly helpful in putting aside his thoughts on Cassandra Seton. Not much - Gabriel couldn’t completely get rid of them - but Norman’s presence was a welcoming distraction from what was happening. He needed that distraction right now.
God only knew how much of a distraction Cassandra was. Especially when he knew she was going to be courted by Percy. Percy deserved some happiness and Gabriel wanted to see him happy, but it left a bitter taste in his mouth thinking about Cassandra with his brother.
You’re only bitter because she’s the one woman you can’t have.
It’s a lot more than that. So much more.
“Is it your turn to deal?” Norman asked.
“Hmm?”
Norman gestured at the deck of cards.
“I presume we’re still playing, even if you’re still shuffling them.”
“Oh.” Gabriel hadn’t realised the cards were still moving between his hands. He stopped and started to deal. “Doesn’t really matter who deals. We’re not playing for money. As long as we don’t cheat, it doesn’t matter who deals.”
Norman grinned.
“I suppose,” he sipped his drink. “How are you finding playing for fun, then?”
“Surprisingly, it’s a lot more enjoyable.” Gabriel finished dealing and put the other cards aside. “It’s not as tense, worrying if your next hand is going to be your biggest win or the biggest loss. I think that’s why I played so badly; I was so concerned about losing all my money that I didn’t pay closer attention to the cards.”
Norman burst out laughing.
“That’s a novel excuse. I’ve not heard that one before.”
“Well, it’s the one I’m sticking to.”
Not too long ago, Gabriel had come to realise that he thought he was brilliant at card games, when in reality he was terrible. He just thought he was good because he didn’t care about the amount of money he lost. He was still being given plenty for his allowance and his father always bailed him out. If he had known that Derek was getting fed up with paying off Gabriel’s debts and was planning on cutting it down, he might have stopped or eased back enough that he knew when to stop.
Who was he fooling? Of course he wouldn’t have stopped. Gabriel knew he would have got very angry and that would have resulted in an argument with his father.
It was remarkable how philosophical you became when you were ruined and disowned with very little money to your name.
“How’s your plan getting on?” Norman asked as he shuffled his hand around.
Gabriel frowned.
“Plan?”
“The plan to pair your brother off with Miss Cassie Seton. I presume you’ve been working on that and kicking it into motion.”
Oh. That. Gabriel bit back a sigh as he moved his cards in his hand until they looked right. He had hoped not to discuss the plan, but what else did he expect his friend to talk about? Norman would be asking about this ridiculous plan, something that Gabriel had been proud of for a while. Now he was beginning to regret doing it.
God, why did emotions have to get involved now? They hadn’t before. Why was Cassandra Seton so different?
“I’ve already got it into motion.” Gabriel put two cards down and picked up another. “They’ve met now. Percy finds Miss Seton sweet and gentle and Miss Seton says Percy’s kind and compassionate. They seem to be finding each other as attractive as you would expect in that situation.”
“Miss Cassie is sweet and gentle?” Norman scoffed. “Those are not the two descriptions I would put next to her.”
“You’ve never encountered that side of her?”
“We know each other, Gabriel. We don’t converse every day,” Norman laid down three cards and picked up two. “Maybe she is sweet and gentle, but she doesn’t display it to me when we’re in the same room. Are you sure this is the same Cassandra Seton I know?”
“It’s the same woman.” Gabriel shifted his cards about. “I think she was trying to tame her behaviour. The way she is naturally is not often accepted, and I don’t think that would have brought out a good first impression for Percy.”
“Otherwise, someone’s hit her over the head and completely changed her,” Norman grunted. He picked up his glass again. “So, your brother seemed impressed, did he?”
“Certainly. I see him falling quickly for her. Percy is a cautious man in the beginning but when he finally commits, he goes fully into it.”
“To be honest, it would be difficult not to fall in love with Cassie Seton.”
Difficult not to fall in love. Gabriel paused. Norman had hit a little too close to home. Anyone around Cassandra would be mad if they didn’t have any admiration for her. Falling in love with her didn’t seem such a big step beyond that. A big step downwards where you were aware of yourself falling. And Gabriel knew he had fallen. Hard.
And that left him cold.
“Gabriel?” Norman was looking at him strangely. “Are you all right?”
“I...I’m fine.” Gabriel gritted his teeth and concentrated on his cards. He was meant to be playing gin rummy, not thinking about the beautiful woman he was trying to pass off onto his brother. “Are you in love with her, then?”
“No, of course not. But I do admire her and I’ve seen other men fall over themselves to get her attention.” Norman shrugged, “She just walks away from it all.”
“Sounds like a very serene way to deal with things.”
Norman chuckled.
“She can be serene when she wants to be. It’s only with certain people she decides that she’s going to be a complete and utter...well, even when not in mixed company it’s best not to say, but I’m sure you get the idea.”
Gabriel did get the idea. The woman was enticing. Beautiful, fascinating, and even after she left Gabriel could feel her lingering. He could see her now, giving him one of those smiles that hadn’t yet been turned on him. It lit up her whole face and Gabriel felt his gut tightening. His trousers were beginning to feel a lot tighter than they had been a moment ago.
How was it possible that he could get aroused just by the image of her? Beautiful women could arouse him, but not like this. Gabriel’s chest tightened. God, he was turning into such a sap. He had vowed that no woman would ever do that to him, and here he was thinking about a woman who was not for him.
But you want her to be for him. You want her to be that so much.
“What’s the matter with you?”
“What?”
Norman frowned and lowered his cards.
“You’ve made a couple of mistakes with the game this evening already and your mind is not here. Even I can see that. What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing.” Aware that his face was getting warm, Gabriel reached for his glass. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.”
Normally, that would deter other people. People were polite and accepted the answer, even if they didn’t believe it. But Norman was not like other people.
“Gabe. Tell me the truth. Is it about the deal?” The other man’s eyebrows rose as realisation dawned, “Or are you thinking about Cassandra Seton yourself? Are you actually finding her attractive like the rest of the male population of Ipswich?”