Uncle John’s Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader

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Uncle John’s Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader Page 53

by Michael Brunsfeld


  In the face of that kind of force, the tax protesters backed down. Two of the leaders of the revolt were convicted of treason, but were pardoned by Washington. The tax? Although it stayed on the books until 1802, the government gave up trying to enforce it.

  There are about 6 million miles of paved roads in the U.S.

  DENMARK VESEY’S INSURRECTION (1822)

  Background: In 1800 Denmark Vesey of Charleston, South Carolina, became much luckier than most slaves: he won $1,500 in a street lottery ($22,000 today), enough to buy his freedom and still have enough left over to open a carpentry shop. But despite his new freedom, Vesey still identified with the enslaved. He founded a Black Methodist church in 1816 (it had 3,000 members), only to have it closed by white authorities for teaching the Bible story of Moses’ Egyptian slave rebellion.

  Rebellion: Inspired by the slave revolt that created the nation of Haiti in 1804, Vesey began plotting. He amassed arms from Haiti and, drawing on his standing in the black community, recruited former members of his congregation for a massive slave revolt. About 9,000 slaves and freed blacks were ready for the revolution. On July 14, 1822, they would seize armories, bridges—and guardhouses—and kill all of Charleston’s whites.

  Result: What is most surprising is how long the conspiracy progressed without being discovered. As the day approached, though, a slave betrayed the plot to his master, and Charleston was suddenly overrun with white soldiers. Vesey, knowing all was lost, released his followers and burned his lists of names. He and hundreds of other blacks were arrested. The trial stunned and terrified white South Carolinians, who were convinced that they were beloved by their slaves. Testimony indicated that virtually all of the slaves who were approached pledged cooperation, even though it meant killing the families they worked for.

  After the trial, 43 conspirators were deported, 35—including Vesey—were hanged, and laws were passed to further restrict the freedom of slaves and free blacks. Accounts of the plot and trial were suppressed in the South for fear of giving other slaves ideas, but the word still got out. Over the following decades, the Vesey Insurrection inspired several other slave revolts, and even the battle cry of the first black regiment to fight in the Civil War: “Remember Denmark Vesey of Charleston!”

  THE DORR REBELLION (1841–42)

  Background: Thomas Wilson Dorr holds a unique place in Rhode Island history: he was elected governor, charged with treason and jailed, yet ultimately managed to convince his opponents that he’d been right all along.

  Hi neighbor: There are 4.5 million people and 2 million alligators living in Louisiana.

  The son of a wealthy family, Dorr was elected as a Whig to the state legislature in 1834. Although not directly affected by them, he fought for liberalization of the state’s voting laws, which stated that only white males who owned $134 worth of land were eligible to vote. At one time most of the state’s residents had been farmers, but with industrialization, people flocked to the cities, and eventually only 40 percent of white men were qualified to vote.

  Rebellion: Dorr was convinced that this was unfair and unconstitutional. Other states had adopted universal suffrage for white men by 1840…except Rhode Island. Convinced that the existing power structure would never change the law of its own volition, Dorr called a “People’s Convention.” The convention had no legal authority, but in short order it drafted a new (illegal) constitution allowing white men to vote after a year’s residency, held its own statewide (illegal) election, and elected a new (illegal) state government with Dorr as governor.

  Result: When word reached Governor Samuel Ward King that Dorr was claiming the governorship, he declared martial law and accused Dorr of treason. Dorr’s reformers attempted to raid an armory in Providence, but were repelled by loyalists, including Dorr’s father and uncle. Somehow a cow got shot in the confusion (the only casualty), and Dorr’s forces retreated…and then fell apart. Governor King issued a warrant and $5,000 reward for Dorr’s arrest. Dorr fled the state.

  Later that year, the Rhode Island General Assembly decided that perhaps there was some credence to Dorr’s position, after all, and called a constitutional convention to change the voter requirements. New election laws—requiring a $1 poll tax, but not land ownership—took effect in May 1843. Dorr assumed he’d be able to return to his home state. Instead, he was arrested, charged with treason, convicted, and given a life sentence of solitary confinement and hard labor.

  The harshness of the sentence angered the public and after a year the legislature voided his sentence. A few years later, they restored all of his civil rights. Although vindicated and freed, Dorr died a broken man two days after Christmas 1854.

  On average, it will take 100 years for a tin can to disintegrate.

  TINY BUBBLES

  Here at the BRI, we love accidental inventions…especially when the accident turns out to be a party favorite. Here’s the bubbly history of the sparkling drink we all know as champagne.

  APLACE CALLED CHAMPAGNE

  The story of champagne (the drink) starts in Champagne (the place). It’s a hilly, barren district around the Marne River in the far north of France. Fossil evidence shows that wild grape-vines have been growing in the region for more than one million years. Exactly when people started making wine from them is unknown, but records show that the Romans began serious cultivation of vineyards there as far back as 50 B.C. By the 12th century, the Champagne district had become a major crossroads of northern Europe and word of the region’s wines began to spread. By the 15th century wine had become the area’s most important commodity, and by the 16th century, royal houses all across Europe were drinking the wines of Champagne.

  HAPPY ACCIDENT

  Champagne’s northern location (its latitude is about that of Newfoundland) means a short growing season, and that short season has everything to do with the “invention” of champagne. As in any wine-producing region, at the end of the season Champagne’s grapes were picked, pressed, casked, and allowed to ferment. Wine fermentation occurs when yeast in the grape skins convert the sugar in the grape juice to alcohol—and carbon dioxide. This process requires fairly warm temperatures, but in Champagne it was stunted because of early cold. When it warmed up the next spring, the fermentation started again—and that was the key. Normally wine only goes through the fermentation process once, but that second fermentation of Champagne’s wines created additional carbon dioxide, which created additional bubbles. Just why this hadn’t been noticed before remains a mystery.

  Why not before? One possible explanation has to do with Champagne’s winemaking and bottling process. Traditionally, green grapes were used to make white wines and red (or black) grapes were used to make red wines. But around 1660 the winemakers in Champagne discovered how to make a light-colored wine from a dark grape, specifically from the pinot noir grape. This new “gray” wine—vin gris—became popular in London. What many historians believe happened was that the casks were stored in the cold all winter, then shipped in the spring, just as the second fermentation was starting. When the wines arrived in England, they were quickly bottled and corked (the English had corks, the French did not), so the second fermentation continued in the bottle. Result: the bubbles were captured. The vintners thought it was a disaster…but the English loved it.

  One bottle of champagne produces about 56 million bubbles.

  The champagne industry had begun.

  THE DOM

  Why were there bubbles? How could winemakers produce them with consistency? And how could they keep the bottles from exploding? No one knew the answers to these questions. Champagne needed a master.

  In 1668 the Benedictine monk Dom Pierre Pérignon became cellar master and treasurer of Saint-Pierre d’Hautvillers abbey in Champagne. At first he hated the mousse (bubbles), regarding them as a sign of inferior wine and a flaw to be eliminated. He was unsuccessful, but in the meantime he improved every step of the abbey’s winemaking: he greatly improved cultivation practices; imported thicke
r bottles from Spain and corks from England; and invented the tied-on metal cap to keep the corks on, leading to a significant decrease in losses from prematurely popped bottles. He is also credited with being the first vintner to make a blend—a cuvée—of wines from different grapes and vineyards that resulted in a superior product. By the time Dom Pérignon died in 1715, what he learned had been passed along to other winemakers in the region. There was still much improvement to come, but he had laid the foundation for the future of champagne.

  FIRMLY GRASP THE CORK…

  Over the next 150 years, the development of the champagne business progressed slowly, but a few events helped set the stage for an explosion of success.

  • In 1715 Phillipe became king of France, and because he loved champagne, its popularity soared. Around the same time, chemist Jean-Antoine Chaptal discovered what caused champagne’s second fermentation: the residual sugar left in the bottle through the winter. He started the practice of adding sugar to the wine in the spring—still an important part of the champagne process today.

  “Brothers, come quickly! I’m drinking stars!” —Dom Pierre Pérignon

  • In 1729 Nicolas Ruinart made his first recorded sale of champagne. (Today the House of Ruinart is the world’s oldest official champagne house.) Fourteen years later, Claude Moët started the House of Moët and began traveling the world, spreading the champagne gospel. By the end of the 18th century, 300,000 bottles of sparkling Champagne wines were being sold every year.

  • In 1823 the cellar master at Veuve Cliquot invented “riddling,” a process that removed sediment from the wine, greatly improving its appearance and desirability. Also at this time, the corking and muzzling processes were mechanized.

  AND POP!

  In 1836 pharmacist Jean-Baptiste François invented the sucrooenomètre, a device that measured the amount of sugar in wine. Champagne vintners could now determine the exact amount of sugar needed to stimulate the second fermentation. Bottles lost to bursting dropped to 5 percent (from as high as 30 percent) and for the first time, a relatively uniform product could be marketed.

  The changes and improvements finally came to a climax in the 1840s when champagne sales soared around the world. Result: vintners in the area virtually stopped making still (un-bubbly) wines—champagne was a better seller. By 1853 annual sales had reached 20 million bottles. By 1861 the United States alone was importing 11 million, and that market rose to 17 million just 10 years later. The industry would see few bad years until 1914.

  BUBBLY GOES FLAT

  The first half of the 20th century was a bad time for champagne makers. Most of northern France was a battlefield during World War I, with more than 40 percent of the Champagne vineyards completely destroyed by the war’s end. During the same time period they lost two of their biggest customers: the czarist regime was toppled by the Russian Revolution of 1917, and in 1918, the United States passed the 18th Amendment—Prohibition—making the sale of alcohol illegal. Then in 1929 the stock market crashed and the Great Depression began, followed by World War II.

  A champagne cork leaves the bottle at approximately 60 mph.

  But through it all, champagne refused to disappear. The champagne houses became organized, establishing strict rules of quality and working internationally to promote their wines. It worked. By 1950 sales were back up to 33 million bottles. By 1964 sales rose to 70 million. In 2004, Champagne’s winemakers sold an estimated 300 million bottles—170 million in France alone.

  CHAMPAGNE FACTS

  • Three types of grapes are blended to make champagne. Pinot Noir, and Pinot Meunier (black grapes), Chardonnay (a white grape). The blends are the secrets of each champagne house. Some use as many as 40 different wines to make a single champagne.

  • Why does champagne intoxicate so quickly? The carbon dioxide is instantly absorbed by the stomach wall, which accelerates circulation once in the bloodstream, speeding the alcohol’s journey to the brain. (Little wonder champagne is such a party favorite).

  • Barbe-Nicole Clicquot Ponsardin took over her husband’s small wine business after his death in 1805 and made Veuve Clicquot (“Widow Clicquot”) one of the biggest names in the business. (In the film Casablanca, Rick asks Ilsa to stay for some champagne. Her response? “If it’s Veuve Clicquot, I’ll stay.”)

  • Ever wonder why there are no Italian, German, or Spanish champagnes? Many nations have agreed to make it illegal for any but the vintners of Champagne, France, to use the term champagne. To this day, only the United States, Canada (except for the province of Quebec), and some Asian countries use the term “champagne”—everywhere else it’s called “sparkling wine.”

  • The ancient Romans began the serious cultivation of grapes in Champagne, and gave the region another (unintended) boost. They quarried the area’s chalky hills for blocks, leaving extensive networks of caves up to 300 feet deep and many miles in length. These caves are still used today for the fermenting of champagne. There are a billion bottles in storage there at any given time.

  • Winston Churchill’s rallying cry to British troops in World War I: “Remember gentlemen, it’s not just France we are fighting for, it’s champagne!”

  “I could not live without champagne. In victory I deserve it, in defeat I need it.” —Napoleon

  LIFE IN 1966

  It’s amazing how much things have changed in 40 years.

  Vital Stats: World population: 3.4 billion. (It’s now 6.4 billion.)

  • Average yearly wage: $4,938

  • 40 percent of women work outside the home.

  • Life expectancy: 70.2 years. (Today it’s about 78.)

  • A postage stamp cost 5¢; a gallon of gas, 32¢; a McDonald’s hamburger, 15¢; a movie ticket, $1.09; and a gallon of milk, 99¢.

  Television: The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Flintstones, and Mr. Ed end their runs. Dark Shadows, Batman, The Monkees, That Girl, The Newlywed Game, and Star Trek debut. Canada gets color TV.

  Top Grossing Movies: Thunderball, Dr. Zhivago, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, and Disney’s That Darn Cat!

  Sports: England wins the soccer World Cup; the Baltimore Orioles win the World Series; the Boston Celtics win their eighth consecutive NBA title; golfer Jack Nicklaus wins his third Masters. The first NFL Super Bowl is still a year away.

  New Books: Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann and Quotations from Chairman Mao are now among the top 10 bestsellers of all time.

  Music: The Beach Boys’ Pet Sounds, The Beatles’ Revolver, Bob Dylan’s Blonde on Blonde. #1 single: “The Ballad Of The Green Berets” by Barry Sadler.

  News: In Miranda v. Arizona, the Supreme Court rules that police must inform suspects of their rights before questioning.

  • First African-American Senator: Edward Brooke from Massachusetts.

  • More than 300,000 American troops are fighting in Vietnam.

  • First African-American professional coach: Bill Russell of the Boston Celtics.

  • The Black Panther Party forms in Oakland, California.

  Science: Russia’s unmanned Luna 9 lands on the moon, as does the U.S.’s Surveyor I.

  Deaths: Walt Disney, Buster Keaton, Elizabeth Arden, Lenny Bruce, Sophie Tucker, and author Evelyn Waugh.

  Have you? 14% of Americans say they’ve skinny-dipped with the opposite sex at least once.

  ASHES TO ASHES

  When a BRI staffer suggested an article about the history of cremation, everybody said “ew!” But hey—death is a part of life, something we all have to deal with. (Ew!)

  FIRST FLAME

  In 1873 Sir Henry Thompson, a prominent English physician and surgeon to Queen Victoria, attended the Vienna Exposition. There he saw a cremating oven invented by an Italian professor named Brunetti, along with the ashes of someone who had been cremated in the device. Thompson was so impressed that when he returned home he founded the Cremation Society of England and began lobbying to make cremation a socially acceptable alternative to burial, the standard p
ractice in Christian countries. (While cremation was not expressly forbidden by most Christian churches, it was discouraged out of the fear that destroying the body by fire would prevent it from being reunited with the soul on Resurrection Day.)

  NO VACANCY

  The foundation of the Cremation Society was timely. England’s population was booming, which meant more people dying, and existing graveyards simply could not accommodate them all. In large cities the problem was particularly acute: one Parliamentary investigation found that while London had only 200 acres of graveyards within the city limits, 50,000 bodies were being buried in them every year. The graveyards were so overcrowded that you literally could not bury one person without digging up another. The smell of decomposing remains in graveyards was so overpowering that grave diggers were said to be “drunkards by force.” The graveyards of the late 19th century were serious public health hazards.

  It was no coincidence that the earliest proponents for cremation were physicians like Henry Thompson who claimed that cremation was “a necessary sanitary precaution against the propagation of disease among a population daily growing larger in relation to the area it occupied.”

  The Catholic Church banned cremation until 1963.

  OLD FLAMES

  But was cremation even legal in Britain? Nobody knew for sure. There weren’t any laws on the books that forbade it, but there weren’t any that allowed it, either. With the exception of epidemics and other emergencies when burial was not possible, cremation had fallen out of practice for more than 1,000 years.

 

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