by T. K. Chapin
“Then why do I get the feeling that you like her?”
He hesitated for a moment to have the conversation but decided she was old enough to hear it. “Well, I do like her. She’s a nice lady with a kind heart, and I can’t help but enjoy having her around.”
Sniffling mingled with his daughter’s silence in the following few moments.
“Listen, I know this kind of thing must be hard for you. I get that, and I’m here to talk about it whenever you need to chat. I love you.”
“I just feel like you have this whole life outside of me.”
“That’s not true. You are very much a part of my life.”
“Sure, when I come over one weekend a month.”
“That’s something you have to talk to your mother about if you are unhappy with it. You can spend more time with me, if you’d prefer. Personally, I’d like to have you every weekend.”
“But then I miss out on my other family over at Mom’s house.” Lucy rested her head against her hand. “It’s not fair. No matter what, I lose. Either I’m missing out on stuff over there or over here with you. I feel stuck and I hate it.”
Pulling over to the side of the road, Brian went to Courtney’s car as she slowed and told her to head back to the house and that he’d catch up with her soon. Then he went over to the side of the truck where Lucy was sitting. Opening her truck door, he peered into her eyes and grabbed both of her hands gently.
“Look at me, my daughter.”
She lifted her swollen and puffy eyes to her father.
“I love you, and I know it sucks how things have to be in your life with two different homes. It’s super lame, and I never wanted this life for you, but it’s the cards you were dealt, dear. I’m not saying it’s okay the way it is, but I am telling you right now that it’s going to be as okay as you allow it to be. And just so you know, for me, it’s been the most difficult things in my life that taught me the most about God’s love for me. Let Him show His heart to you, my child.”
She rolled her eyes and looked away.
“Hey. Don’t be disrespectful because you’re hurting inside. Come here and give me a hug.”
They hugged for a long moment. As they did, Brian prayed over and for his daughter. Help her, Lord. Strengthen her heart and help her see Your love and experience it for herself. Amen.
As they released, Brian raised his eyebrows.
“Listen. Do you want to go see the warehouse where all the puppy food is made?”
Her eyes lit up and she nodded excitedly. Brian had been promising for months to take her, but he hadn’t found the time to do it.
“Okay.” He was about to shut the door when he paused and looked at her again. “Life gets harder the older you get, kid, but having a relationship with God is what helps you get through it.”
She nodded and sat up a little straighter in her seat.
Walking around to his side of the truck, he got in and called Courtney, letting her know they’d be an hour or so.
Warming apple cider on the stove in the kitchen, Courtney went into the living room to check on the boys. They had the ornaments out of the boxes and were throwing them at each other. Rushing over to the two of them, she scooped them both up into her arms. Setting Blaze on one couch, she took Todd over to another and sat him down. Lowering to her knees, she peered into his eyes.
“Todd. You know we aren’t supposed to touch those until Brian and Lucy get back.”
He pointed to Blaze. “He did it.”
Grabbing his hand, she flipped it over to reveal the sparkles that had fallen from the ornament onto his hand. “Don’t lie, Todd.”
His head dipped. “I’m sorry, Mom.”
Neither of the boys had called her that in over a week. Hearing the name caused her heart to jerk as she thought about the coming court date. Rising, she took him gently by the hand, along with his brother, and led them down to the playroom where there was less for the two of them to get into.
Coming back to the kitchen, she was surprised to see Brian standing over the pot of apple cider, stealing a drink from the ladle.
“Caught you.”
He laughed and set the ladle on the counter. “It smelled too good in here not to snag a drink.”
Peering around, Courtney raised an eyebrow. “Where’s Lucy?”
“She’s grabbing a saw from the garage and is going to attempt to cut the end of the tree for us.” Brian walked over to Courtney in the kitchen and pulled her in close to him. Smoothing her hair back behind her ear, he grazed her cheek with the warmth of his palm. “I figured I could sneak in here and steal a kiss.”
Her heart melted as he leaned in to kiss her. His movements were slow and purposeful. It was as if he did everything on purpose and nothing by chance, calculated and well thought out.
His lips pressed against hers and heat traveled down her body. His embrace, his kiss, his everything were exactly what she wanted, exactly what she needed.
Separating a moment later, he smiled and nodded. “There, I’m all good now. I’ll be back in soon with the tree and Lucy.”
He was about to leave, but she stopped. “Wait. Is everything okay with Lucy?”
Brian stopped and turned toward her. Nodding, he glanced at the kitchen floor then lifted his gaze to Courtney. “She’s okay. Just struggling a little bit with me and you.”
Courtney remembered Lucy’s comments in the hallway when they first met. Lifting a hand to shield her mouth, she looked at Brian. “Is it my fault? I remember telling her I was just an employee. I didn’t—”
He held a hand up. “It’s all right. I got it handled. She’s just getting older and to that age where girls and guys have a bit of an identity crisis. Toss in the fact that she has two different homes . . .” He shrugged. “It’s tough.”
“I bet.” Courtney came closer to him, feeling drawn to his concern over his daughter. Touching his chest gently, she looked him in the eyes. “You’re a good dad, Brian.”
A light sarcastic laugh lifted from his lips. “It’s hard to know that sometimes.”
“You are.”
“You’re a good Mom too.”
He turned and left to go back outside and help Lucy. His words lingered over her heart and in her thoughts. Good Mom. The reality was that she wasn’t a mother at all. She had merely taken care of her sister’s children, and soon, that could all be changing.
After hanging the ornaments all together, the three children sat down on the couch with Courtney while Brian told them a story out of the Bible.
“ ‘Then the Lord shut him in.’ When you first read the story of Noah, at least for me, I didn’t think anything about this verse. Can any of you tell me something interesting about Genesis 7:16? I’ll read it again.”
The animals going in were male and female of every living thing,
as God had commanded Noah. Then the Lord shut him in.
Genesis 7:16
Lucy raised a hand and Brian called on her. “Every animal had a male and female?”
“That’s true, but there’s something else. Courtney, you want to take a shot?” His eyes shifted to her and her pulse ticked up as his warm brown eyes focused on her.
“God shut the door?”
“Yes. Exactly. God shut the door. Imagine the door for the ark. How massive it had to be.”
Blaze was chewing on his shirt and Todd was staring at the tree lights, neither paying attention.
Courtney tapped each of their legs.
“Boys, pay attention.”
Brian continued, “What’s fascinating is the fact that Noah had to have built a door that he couldn’t alone close. That takes some pretty amazing faith, right?”
Lucy nodded, and the boys were still unable to listen, but Brian kept his cool.
“Todd.” Brian captured his attention. “Try to lift that couch over there.”
Smiling, he scurried over to the nearby empty couch and attempted to lift it. He grunted and tried three times. Blaze went over
and tried too, but it was of no use.
Laughing, Brian directed them back to the other couch. “It’s heavy, huh, boys?”
The boys nodded.
“Noah made a giant door he knew only God could close. He had faith and trust in God that He would close the door when the time was right. Let’s go ahead and pray.”
Bowing their heads, Brian led a closing prayer. After the prayer was over, Lucy took the boys outside to play in the snow while Courtney stayed inside with Brian in the living room. Courtney grabbed the stereo remote and turned on light Christmas music. They sat together looking at the tree covered in lights and ornaments. Courtney moved in closer to Brian on the couch and snuggled up to him.
“Taking the day off today was a great idea. It’s been really fun.”
“I agree.” Resting his arm around her a little more, Brian surveyed the tree in its entirety. “There’s a lot to be thankful for this Christmas season. Having you and the boys come into my life has been wonderful.”
“Same.” Lifting herself away from his embrace, she turned toward him as she recalled last night’s teaching on forgiveness. “Have you forgiven Melissa?”
“Whoa. What?”
Courtney smiled, sensing his confusion of the topic coming out of nowhere. “I’m just thinking of last night’s Bible study. We had a guest speaker who spoke about forgiveness.”
“Ah, over at Susan’s place. Hmm, I think I have forgiven her.”
“That’s good. I realized through last night that I need to work on forgiving my mother and sister. Especially my sister. I hold what she has done against her, and I need to let that go.”
“Yep. Because of the forgiveness that Christ has extended to us.”
“Exactly.” Courtney smiled warmly, glad to hear he understood the connection of forgiveness to the Gospel. “I just don’t know how that forgiveness looks in real-to-life application. You know? Is it, ‘Here’s your kids, have a great life?’ ”
“No, not at all.” He sat up and turned his body toward Courtney. “That’s putting the children in danger. Forgiveness isn’t passivity. It’s releasing that person of the debt.”
He paused, appearing as if a light bulb went off in his head.
“What is it, Brian?”
His gaze turned toward the large windows overlooking the back yard where Lucy and the boys were playing. He stood up. “Maybe I haven’t totally forgiven Melissa.”
Courtney stood and walked over to the window with him. She peered over at Brian. “What do you mean?”
“Earlier today, while I was walking around with Lucy at the warehouse and showing her all around, I kept thinking about how it was all Melissa’s fault. She was the one who cheated. She was the one who tore this family apart at the seams.”
“And you thought you had forgiven her?”
He turned toward Courtney. “Yes. I don’t hate her. I just don’t like her. I accept that she’s with Conrad . . . kind of . . . and I don’t want to see her die or anything. I also have moved on in my heart. I like you. But what I’m starting to realize is I haven’t released her of that debt at the heart level. You know? I feel as if she owes me for what she has done. That’s without even mentioning that the worst result of all from what she has done still exists.” He stopped short, appearing uneasy about continuing.
“What is it, Brian?” She came closer, touching his chest.
“I’m scared of losing you like I lost her.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Yeah.” His eyes went to the kids in the yard playing in the snow. “She wasn’t, either.”
“That’s not fair to me.”
“I know.” He turned toward her and took both of her hands in his. Bringing them up to his lips, he kissed the top of her hands. “It’s not fair at all, and I’m fighting against that feeling inside. I’m learning to trust.”
Chapter 9
On Christmas morning, at a quarter past five, Courtney was startled awake by the sound of a loud crash in the living room of her apartment. Leaping from the covers, she darted out from her bedroom and down the hallway.
Coming out into the living room, her heart dipped. The Christmas tree was lying on the floor, ornaments broken all over place and two smiling boys who had opened every present from under the tree.
“What did you boys do?” Courtney asked as tears filled her eyes. Walking through the carnage of wrapping paper, her heart was heavy. “I asked you not to open presents until I was awake.”
“Why didn’t I get a sword like Blaze?” Todd’s question completely neglected the fact that she had uttered a word.
Staring up at the ceiling, Courtney prayed. Lord, strengthen me. I need You. Bringing her attention back to Todd and to Blaze, she lowered herself down to their eye level.
“It breaks my heart that you two disobeyed. Now, listen, you need to help me clean this up.”
Todd threw himself onto the floor and started crying. Blaze ran away down the hallway and into the bedroom.
Picking up the tree, Courtney set it back into place and then threw away the broken ornaments and hung the non-busted ones back onto the tree. By that time, Todd had calmed down.
“Come here, Todd.” Opening her arms, Courtney motioned for him to come in for a hug. He came in closer and wrapped his arms around her as he rested his swollen tear-filled eyes against her chest.
“I miss my mom.”
Her heart ached and she rubbed his back. “I know you do, bud.”
Peeling him off her, she looked him in the eyes. “Listen, do you think it was okay what you did? Opening all the presents when I was asleep?”
He dipped his chin and shook his head. “No . . .”
“That’s right, it’s not okay. What do you need to do about it?”
“Say sorry?”
“Remember what can we say instead of ‘sorry’?”
“Will you forgive me?”
Courtney smiled and nodded. “Yes. I will forgive you. Can you help me clean up?”
“Yes.”
Retrieving a garbage bag from the kitchen, she handed it to him and went down the hallway to retrieve Blaze from the bedroom. Walking into the bedroom, she saw Blaze playing with his little blocks, building a tower.
Sitting down next to Blaze, she watched him for a moment as he finished the last block on top of the tower. His eyes grew wide as he looked at the tower, then over to her.
“That’s an awesome tower, Blaze. Good job.”
He swung a fist and smashed the tower of blocks, sending them crashing to the floor.
Pulling him into her lap, she held him. “What did I say last night about the presents, Blaze?”
“No opening.”
“That’s right. So, what did you do this morning by opening them?”
“Disobeyed . . .” His little eyes fell to the floor, remorse evident in his posture. She placed a hand on his back.
“Is disobeying okay?”
“No. I’m sorry. Forgive me?”
“I forgive you. Go help your brother clean up and then we’ll have breakfast.”
“Okay!”
Jumping up, he ran down the hallway to go help his brother in the living room.
Standing up, she looked over at the desk. Walking over to it, she sat down in the chair and pulled out journals, searching for a Christmas entry. Finding one, she relaxed into the desk chair and read.
12/25/2010
Bible reading: 1 Thessalonians 4-5
Focus: 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 states, ‘Rejoice always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.’ What a beautiful reminder of the will of God in my life.
Prayers:
Help my heart to be always rejoicing and thankful in all circumstances, Lord. I realized this morning after Courtney and I exchanged gifts and we were sipping on our morning tea that the gifts were nice, but the true and greatest gift was what You did on the Cross. What You did by taking on the form of a
child. I’ve heard the Christmas story for years, but it wasn’t until this year that I really meditated on the fact that You became a mere human being, and for what? For us. For me. You took the form of a human, Lord. Let my heart rejoice in that all the days of my life. Let me have a heart that is thankful for Your sacrifice which allows me the opportunity to be in a relationship with You, my Creator, my God.
Smiling, Courtney closed the journal and thought over her life and how much there was to be thankful about. She thought of Melody, the woman at the ladies’ Bible study who had lost her daughter just a few months ago. She was waking up today for her first Christmas without her daughter. Courtney’s heart ached for her.
Leaving the room, she went into her bedroom and grabbed her cell phone from the nightstand. She sent a text to Melody.
Courtney: Praying for you today.
Walking out into the living room, she saw the boys had managed to clean almost the entire floor of the wrapping paper.
“Good job, boys! I’m so proud of you. Let’s get you some breakfast, then we’ll video chat with Grandma.”
“What about Brian?” Todd asked.
“We’ll see him later this morning. It’s Christmas, so we should let him sleep in.”
As she prepared breakfast for the boys, eggs and toast, she lifted a rejoiceful prayer to Heaven. She had food to eat, children to love on, a boyfriend who was Godly, and a roof over her head.
The doorbell chimes rang at nine o’clock and brought his devotional time to an end. Closing his Bible, he set it on the coffee table and went into the foyer to answer the door.
“Merry Christmas!” Brian cheered as he opened his arms and bent down to embrace the boys. “Go look under the tree!”
They darted through the foyer to the living room.
He stood up and embraced Courtney in a hug. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas, Brian. I’m thankful for you.”
As they released, he smiled. “I’m thankful for you as well. How’d the morning go with the boys?”
She smiled as they walked through the foyer. “Good. They got up pretty early.”