by T. K. Chapin
“Aw.” She clasped her heart pendant necklace as her heart melted. “It’s hard to see how I’m doing anything right sometimes when the boys are so difficult. The blessing is they’re not that way at your house at all.”
“Which is awesome, otherwise I’d have to fire you.” They both laughed. “I’m just playing. You really are an amazing person for what you’re doing with those boys. I admire you.”
“Thanks.”
The waitress came over and they ordered their food and drinks. Then they both handed her the menus. As she walked away from the table, Courtney thought about Serenah from the ladies’ Bible study. She had started as a waitress in a new town and ended up as a pastor’s wife and running multiple businesses.
“Do you ever wonder what the meaning is in all the stuff life throws at us?”
“Absolutely, I do.”
“Me too. I have to remind myself that it’s God who has the full picture of our life. He knows where we are going, and He is the one who can lead us in the direction we should go.” Reminded of Melody, she shook her head. “But sometimes, tragedy happens. Like with Drew, or this lady at my Bible study. She lost her daughter.”
Brian paused for a moment, shaking his head. He took a drink of his ice water and set it down on the table. “Life is uncertain sometimes and can change in a moment, but God never changes. He is the same, always and forever. I find that comforting.”
Courtney nodded. “I love that He doesn’t change.”
After dinner, they braved the chilly air and went for a stroll in Riverfront Park. They walked for a while, then sat down on the frozen cement steps near the waterfront.
“I love who I am when I’m with you.”
Courtney smiled over at him. “Yeah? I love who I am when I’m with you, too.”
She scooted closer to him and snuggled into his hold. He leaned in and kissed her gently. Deepening the kiss, he adjusted, holding her close to him. Warmth rushed from her head to her toes and filled her entire body.
After a few minutes, they released from kissing. Holding her in his arms as they shared the view of the river, he asked about her sister. “How’s your sister doing with sobriety? Hanging in there?”
“Yes. She’s still clean. My mother seems hopeful, and so am I.”
He nodded. “That’s good. How’s your heart doing with all that? I mean, I couldn’t imagine having the boys for this long and then seeing the possible end in sight in the coming months and days.”
“It’s hard, but it’s a mixed bag of emotions. I’d love to see the old Taylor come back to us fully and stay. I’m hesitant to believe, but I’m praying it’s lasting and true.”
“It’s kind of like what we were talking about back at the restaurant. God having the big picture in mind. We have to keep reminding ourselves of that. Especially in this situation.”
“Absolutely.” Turning her gaze up at him, she smiled. “You’re so cute with the boys, Brian. I love it.”
He smiled. “I love them. Sure, they’re difficult at times, but they’re precious gifts from God, and I couldn’t imagine life without them and without you.”
Arriving back home that evening, and after Brian and April left, Courtney ventured down to the boys’ bedroom door. Opening the door quietly, she went in and kissed each of their foreheads.
Brian was right. These boys were gifts from God and Courtney knew it. If it wasn’t for their coming into her life and into her heart, she wouldn’t have known the joy of giving unconditional love, and for that reason among many others, she was eternally thankful to God.
Chapter 12
The snow and ice began to melt in March, the following month. The early signs of spring had arrived in Spokane and winter was over. It wasn’t just the winter that was coming to a conclusion, but the month-long project Brian had been working on with Edgar. He had been working long hours at the warehouse in town, trying to perfect the new recipe of dog food for the spring roll out. By the end of March, it was finally complete.
“This is going to be great dog food.” Edgar patted the cylinder of the first batch. “Each and every dog owner has reported increased energy levels in their pups.”
“I’m excited.”
“Excited enough to get another dog?”
Brian laughed and shook his head. “Nah. I’m okay for now without one. Come by the house tomorrow and I’ll cut you a final check. Great job, Edgar.” Shaking hands with Edgar outside the warehouse that evening, Brian went to his car and got in.
Breathing a relieved sigh to be done with the new formula, he peered up at the ceiling of his car and prayed. “Thank You, God. I couldn’t be running this business without You by my side and You bringing these people into my life. It truly takes a small army to run a business, and I thank You for all the people You place in my life. Amen.”
Arriving home, Brian went to the shower to wash off the smell of dog food. As the hot water crashed over his head, he had flashes of Courtney flip through his mind. He hadn’t been seeing much of her during the last two months since he’d started working with Edgar on the formula. They still made sure to make time for each other at least a couple of nights a week, but it hadn’t been the same as it was back in the first few months when she started.
Shutting off the shower, he got dressed in a pair of sweats, a white T-shirt, and a hoodie, then went into his living room and turned on the television.
An hour went by and then his phone rang. Glancing at the screen on his cell, he saw it was her.
“Courtney.”
“Hey. I put your dinner on the second shelf in the fridge. Don’t forget to eat.”
He smiled and tossed the remote on the cushion beside him. “You know me too well.”
“I sure do. Did Edgar sign off on it today?”
“Yes! Finally. I was beginning to think we’d never get this formula done.” Opening the refrigerator, he saw the container of dinner she had prepared. Pulling it out, he took it over to the island and popped the red Tupperware lid off. Steak, potatoes, and carrots. “Thanks for the food.”
Turning around, he set it in the microwave and pressed two minutes.
“You’re welcome. Taylor called today.”
“Oh, yeah?” Raising his eyebrows, he leaned against the island. “How’d that go?”
“Good. She asked about the boys and wanted to hear all about how they were doing in school. She’s been sober since court three months ago now.”
Sensing the distress in her tone, Brian furrowed his eyebrows. “That’s not a good thing?”
“It is. I’m just worried, and I just . . .”
“You’ve grown attached.” He raised his eyebrows. “Can’t say I blame you. I’m guilty of that too.”
“These boys are in my life day in and day out, you know?” She was quiet on the other end of the phone for a moment but then let out a heavy sigh. “But that’s okay. I know God will get me through this. That and I have this amazing boyfriend.”
“Oh?” He smiled, raising an eyebrow. “Is he nice?”
She laughed. “He’s all right.”
The microwave dinged. “There’s my dinner. I’ll see you in the morning?”
“Bright and early. See you in the morning.”
While working on replying to emails in Brian’s inbox the next morning, Courtney kept her eyes on Blaze who was lying on the small sofa in the room. He had been running a low-grade fever that morning and had a sore throat. Seeing Blaze try to get up off the couch, she scooted her office chair away from the desk and went over to him. Bending a knee beside him at the couch, she smoothed a hand over his face and pushed his hair back away from his forehead. Kissing his forehead, she could tell the fever was subsiding.
“Just try to rest, bud.”
Just then, Brian walked into the room.
“Hey.”
Courtney stood up and went into the hallway with Brian.
“I have to run down to the warehouse. The new formula is working great, but the new freez
er we just got in a few days ago is having issues. I have to go see what’s up.”
“Okay. Have fun with that.”
His eyes went to the doorway. “Is Blaze okay?”
“Yeah. Just feeling a little under the weather.”
“Well, you can go home if you need to. I’d totally understand.”
“I’ll monitor him. It’s okay for now.”
“All right. By the way, if you’re here at about ten o’clock, Edgar will be coming by to pick up a check. I left it on the kitchen island in case I’m not back in a couple of hours. Could you give it to him?”
“Sure.”
“Great.” Leaning in, he kissed her cheek and then left.
Working through the inbox took a good chunk of time that morning. Then it was time to organize hard copies of the most recent invoices. She worked on sorting and organizing invoices when suddenly, the doorbell chimes sounded. Todd jumped up and Blaze did too. Checking the time on her cell phone, she saw it was already eleven, an hour past ten.
“Who’s that?” Todd inquired, coming closer to her and latching onto her leg.
She smiled at him. “Probably Edgar, Brian’s work partner. You want to go with me to see him?”
“Yes.”
“Me too!” Blaze hurried over to her. She scooped him into her arms and all three of them ventured down the hall to go meet Edgar at the door.
Opening the door, she greeted Edgar and led him inside.
“I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Not since I brought my puppy, Max, over a couple of months ago for dinner. Do you boys want to see him again? He’s grown a lot!” He pointed toward his truck. “He came along with me.”
“Yes!” Todd shouted.
He looked at Courtney for approval.
“Yeah, that’s fine.”
Edgar ran out to his truck while Courtney and the boys went into the kitchen. Picking up the check, she turned toward the entryway, waiting for Edgar. Barking flooded her ears as Edgar brought him inside and into the kitchen. Max jumped onto Todd, causing his steps to falter.
“Down, Max. Down!” Edgar scolded him. Max lowered his head, wagging his tail as both Todd and Blaze patted his side and head.
Edgar came over to Courtney.
“Here you go.” She handed him the check, and he folded it, shoving it into his coat pocket.
“Thanks.”
“Do you want some coffee? We were about to have a snack. I made blueberry muffins earlier this morning.”
“I’d love a snack. I haven’t eaten at all!” Edgar popped himself on a stool at the island while Courtney warmed up muffins with butter inside them. Pouring a cup of coffee for Edgar, she brought the muffin and mug over to him. As she set it down, the front door opened.
Walking over to the kitchen entryway, she peeked in the foyer at Brian.
“Hey. Edgar is here.”
He raised an eyebrow and nodded as he kicked his shoes off. She came back into the kitchen.
Brian arrived a moment later, slipping his hand along her lower back. Her smile grew as he pulled her in and kissed her. Then he went over to Edgar and shook his hand.
“What’s up, Edgar?” Brian peered at his coffee and muffin. “You eating my food and drinking my coffee?”
Edgar smiled with a laugh to his tone. “Why, yes, I am.”
“Maybe you should leave.”
Edgar’s smile fell away. “What?”
“I said, maybe you should leave.”
Touching Brian’s arm, Courtney shook her head. “Why are you acting like this?”
Edgar nodded and stood up from the stool. “I do need to get going. I have a lot going on.” Patting his coat pocket, he flashed a quick smile toward Brian. “Thanks again.”
Edgar grabbed Max by the collar and walked him out of the kitchen and to the door. Brian accompanied him. Courtney stayed in the kitchen, mulling over in her mind what the problem might be with him. Then, she remembered his past. Touching her mouth with a hand, she shook her head. No. He doesn’t think that.
The front door slammed shut, and she jumped, startled by the sound. Turning, she looked at the kitchen entryway, but Brian didn’t come back in. Courtney took the boys to her office and then went to find Brian.
Arriving at his office door, she found it shut.
She knocked.
“I’m busy.”
She turned the knob and went in anyway.
He turned toward her, spinning his chair to face her. Opening his arms wide, he shrugged. “I guess the words ‘I’m busy’ don’t matter to you.”
“Stop.”
“Stop what? Being busy? I have a company to run and—”
She reached out and touched his arm. “Brian.”
He peered up at her.
“I’m not Melissa. I’m not going to hurt you like she did.”
“I just don’t like finding men in my house. I said to hand him the check, not invite him to stay all day and play house in my home.”
“Stop. This is because you’re insecure and you fear me doing what your ex-wife did.”
“How dare you! I didn’t tell you that so you could throw it in my face!” He turned away, directing his attention to his computer.
Floodwaters of hurt rose within Courtney’s heart. Her eyes began to water and she backed away slowly from him. He didn’t take his eyes off the computer screen as she made it to the door. Turning, she left his office.
As Courtney walked down the hallway, she wiped tears from her cheeks. Brian, for the first time since knowing him, had hurt her. He didn’t just feel closed off. He felt as if he were . . . dead.
She grabbed the boys and left his house.
At a little past two o’clock that afternoon, some hours later, Brian left his office to go get lunch. Walking out into the kitchen, he listened for Courtney and the boys down the hall in her office.
It was silent.
Walking down the hall, he peeked inside her office.
Nobody was there.
Walking back down the hall, he went into the living room and peered out into the back yard.
Nobody.
A sinking feeling came over Brian as he went into the kitchen. He thought about earlier that day and how he had been harsh with her. A passage of Scripture floated to the tip of his mind.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Colossians 3:19
Well, she’s not my wife, he thought to himself sharply. Walking over to the refrigerator, he opened it and pulled the carton of orange juice out. Taking a long swig, he wiped his lips and set it back on the shelf inside. He saw the leftover lasagna sitting on the second shelf. He recalled her making it three days ago and how it had been the first time in a week since he’d had time with her. I missed her so much in that week . . .
He grabbed the leftovers and tossed them into the microwave. As the wheel churned inside the microwave to cook his food, his mind churned as well.
I love her.
The microwave dinged, indicating that his food was done.
Removing his food, he grabbed a fork from the silverware drawer and sat down on the stool Edgar had been sitting on when he arrived home earlier. He recalled adrenaline shooting through his body when he arrived home to see Edgar in his home with Courtney. He thought about Courtney’s words in his office—“I’m not Melissa.”
Setting his fork down, he leaned his elbow on the island and rubbed his forehead. What have I done?
After Brian finished eating, he went into the living room and sat down on the couch. He grabbed his Bible from the coffee table. Pausing before he read, he bowed his head and prayed.
“God. I love that woman and I’m scared to death. I know I shouldn’t fear, for fear is but an absence of trust in You. Help me to not compare Courtney to Melissa. Aid me in my efforts to weave through the emotional pain of the past. Weed out the roots of fear that still reside in my heart and wash me, Lord, in Your everlasting love. And please comfort
Courtney, Lord.” His eyes moistened as he paused, thinking of the harshness he had used with her and how he had shut her out. “It had to hurt the way I acted earlier toward her. Forgive me, Lord. Amen.”
Opening his Bible, he started to read in Psalms chapter seven. He read until chapter nine, two verses in.
I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.
I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High.
Psalm 9:1-2
He lifted his eyes toward the ceiling. “Let my heart be a heart that is thankful toward You always, Lord. You have been so gracious and kind and merciful with me. Let my life sing of Your wonderful deeds. I needed someone just like Courtney, and You brought her into my life. I thought it was just for my business in the beginning, but it has been so much more than that. Thank You!”
He set his Bible down on the coffee table and rose to his feet. Exiting the living room, he went and grabbed his car keys and coat.
On the way to her apartment, he prayed again. “That fear was a lie and was not from You. Help me to be the man of God You want me to be and push that fear away. Let fear be a four-letter word, not only to my vocabulary but to my heart. Let Your power and Your strength and Your love be the cornerstone of my life, Lord.”
He called and apologized to Edgar on his way to Courtney’s apartment.
Pulling into the apartment complex, his heart dipped when he saw her car parked. Seeing her car reminded him that she had to drive home with a broken heart that he had given her. He parked next to her car and paused before getting out. “Forgive me, Lord. Forgive this wicked heart of mine. Oh, how I struggle to do what is right in this fleshly body! Let my words only be grace, love, and mercy, always. Let Yourself flow through me.”
Getting out of his car, he walked to the apartment door and knocked.
The door unlocked and she opened it.
Seeing tears rolling down her cheeks, he crossed the threshold and embraced her.