“Red!” both agents answer Mama Maryam simultaneously. She's having the same, and evenly splits a bottle between three glasses before returning to the session.
“Thank you.” Agent Kynsey tosses back her head for a gulp.
“Agent Brixley, I believe Max made a request.” Mama Maryam smiles, enjoying herself as always.
“I don't love you anymore.” Brixley’s head remains fixed, straight ahead as if there are Frankenstein bolts in her neck.
“Try un-furrowing your brow, it's not becoming.”
“And I never did.” Agent Brixley turns her head, away from Max.
“Thanks. Honesty was never a good look on you either, not that I would know.” Max drinks what remains in the glass, an impressive display of alcoholism, wipes his mouth and stands. “Mama Maryam, thank you for the wine. If it's all the same to you, I think that was all I needed to hear.”
“Anything else from you Agent Brixley?”
“Not at all.”
“Therapy adjourned. I will discuss this session with each of you in private, tomorrow during your individual sessions. Have a nice day you two.”
“Thanks Mama Maryam.” Agent Brixley leaves right away, following behind Agent Speer who is two steps ahead of her. Another interesting episode of Divine Therapy in the books.
Post-Therapy Notes
Don't get me started. These two have it bad. Agent Speer is a man child, Agent Brixley enjoys having him believe that she is coupled with Agent Matias when she isn't. She also lied about never loving him, its written all over her log and face. That'll become regret. And Agent Speer is still dancing with the demon of alcohol, i suspect his next stop is a bottle of something. He will be back, looking to Brixley for answers. His problem is that he isn't standing alone, doesn't know how to. Until he realizes that he can be fine without her and still be honest about his feelings for her, he'll keep coming back.
There is nothing I can do, except stick them in the same room, over and over again, and let them handle these issues bit by bit. They'll get there, or we will have to separate them. At the current juncture, I do not offer any predictions as to which it will be. Should be hella entertaining either way. Now, off to get my toes taken care of.
DIVINITY Log: Max Speer
LOG Entry 6
07/23/2017
Another day of training in the books. What a nightmare. There is no way I can go back to civilian life, I'm built for this program, but I cannot stand that Agent Brixley. Her entire personality is a front for someone she wishes she was.
She thinks no one knows, but I do. She is so full of crap, so full of fear, it's laughable. As a coping mechanism, she has assumed the role of “Agent Kynsey Brixley”, the big bad Project Divinity Agent as if it were anything more than a pen name, an alter. My coping skills need work? I deal with things myself, using alcohol and poor decision making like everybody else. Perfect? No, but at least I'm honest with myself. Rather die alone than wearing someone else's mask. Starting to have trouble remembering what it was I ever saw in her.
Anyway, I'm starting to get the hang of things around here. Complete thy training, and then do as thou wilt. Found out a lot of specifics regarding Project Divinity today, and now I know what my goals are.
Risk levels 1-9 are missions for poons. Those who shake in their boots, those who aren't qualified for level 10. Risk level 10 missions are missions for Ten Men, like me. Elite agents. The backbone of this project's’ existence. I will not consider anything less. I've always said that if you wanna know the truth, really know, then you follow the money down the rabbit hole until you are dead or until you find it.
Here is the mission pay scale, also known as the truth. Risk levels 1-5, preschool missions, pay ten thousand dollars. You even get a kissey on your boo boo should you skin a knee. Completed sixes pay 20, sevens pay 40, eights 50. For a risk level 9, you walk away with a cool hundred Gs. Tens, available only to those qualified, pay one million dollars upon completion. Draw your own conclusions about which agents are valuable, and which agents push pencils for the Ten Men.
Lump 1-9 together, roll them into a ball, and aim for the waste basket. No one cares if you make it or miss.
Now for the history of tens, which will determine the future of humanity. As of right now, Project Divinity is four for six on ten missions. Randall Koch was the lead agent in the last successful mission, and an agent named Simraki Brixley (No relation, the program uses last names on a rotational basis) completed the other three. He died on attempt number four. There have been a total of five casualties on risk ten missions.
In other words, my boy Randall is at the top of the surviving food chain, and we are chasing the records of Mr. Simraki Brixley. I won't be eligible to accept my first mission until at least my ninetieth day of training is complete, along with a risk ten readiness test.
Mama Maryam has encouraged me to include all personal writing in my log. I write a lot.
Not a dancer
But I dance a lot
In the shadows
Where my demons
Are not judged
Not a singer
But I sing a lot
Where it's quiet
and my voice
Breaks down a lot
Not a quitter
But I quit a lot
Ditching paths
Where my heart
It is not sought
Not a Cryer
But I cry a lot
Where tears can fall
And it don't mean diddly squat
Just a man
And I'm flawed a lot
But I don't care
Cause myself is all I got
DIVINITY Log: Kynsey Brixley
Log Entry 414
07/23/2017
Training Agent Speer went well today. I really didn't think the therapy would have such an affect on him, but his attitude was much less pronounced. He won't look at me or respond to me directly, but he was actually listening. They took him to the Hall of Tens today, maybe it had more to do with that than our session. Either way, it's nice to see him firing on all cylinders.
Not exactly looking forward to my individual session with Mama Maryam today. That woman is an oracle, knows me better than my mom. Her input is an invaluable source for my continued personal and professional growth, but my goodness, she's so precise that it hurts.
Looking at a risk seven mission that suits my skillset and will get me out of headquarters and into the field. Basic spy stuff, obtaining highly sensitive information in a medium risk environment. Can't talk too much about details, but I'm excited. I need to get out of here for a while. Max’s arrival has been destabilizing for everyone. Ten Men always are.
DIVINITY Log: Max Speer
LOG Entry 7
07/24/2017
Guns! They finally gave me a gun. Used a .45, but we have it all. Basic range training, just to see if I could shoot. You already know I eagle eyed that shit. The silhouette on my paper target looked like he was wearing fishnets when I got through with him.
It's strange to think that I will eventually kill someone. If all goes as planned, I'll kill lots of people. As much as I enjoy competitive displays of violence, taking a human life has always been against my code of conduct. Ten Men are high powered infantry spies, there doesn't seem to be a way around it. Despite not being one who craves it, I know that I won't hesitate to do it when the time comes. Suppress emotion, Suppress compassion, and kill what must be killed.
Agent Koch and I finally got a chance to go hand to hand today. I let him choose the medium, and he chose wrestling. Got my ass beat. Didn't know beforehand that pretty boy was a national level qualifier in college, strong as they come. He could crush an unopened can of soda in one hand. Anyway, I'll show him what's up when I get him to glove up in the boxing ring. That's for another time though, tonight we have lower aspirations. We have a two day civilian pass, so a couple of us got a hotel and are going out for beers. I would report back in the l
og, but my intentions include not remembering shit.
Mad love,
Max Speer
DIVINITY LOG: Kynsey Brixley
LOG Entry 416
07/25/2017
Mission status pending, becomes mission status approved! Im officially in training for another mission. 7 days worth of briefing, then I'm shot back out into the field. It's been a while, easy to forget how much you love your job when you spend every day babysitting, er, training, an agent like Speer.
Everything is really flowing for me lately, and for once I actually feel like I truly belong here. Younger agents look up to me, veterans respect me, and I'm ahead of the curve in regards to most aspects of training. This is the type of job that never ends, it's a constant uphill sprint and you can never be skilled or prepared enough. That said, life is good. Even got two days off of training Max, as him and the other ten Men are all out drinking themselves further into retardation. They're the only group that requires multi-agent supervision in the event of a 2 day civilian pass. The same reason they're assets to us are the same reasons they're a danger to everyone else.
Gonna wrap this up and switch into hammock life mode for a few hours before bed. Got a glass of red and a book full of Rumi waiting for me.
DIVINITY LOG: Max Speer
LOG Entry 8
07/27/2017
Headache. Splitting headache. What happens on two day pass, is forgotten on two day pass. Suffice it to say, I no longer consider myself the most talented alcoholic on Team Divinity.
Got through training anyway, but couldn't keep up on problem solving. I'm hypersensitive to light anyway, and all of today’s problem solving took place in virtual reality. Agent Brixley is already better than me at that crap, but today she really got to pour it on. It's fine though, she needs the confidence boost. Apparently she leaves for mission in five days, a real ball buster. I think it involves finger painting, church service, and whatever else they do on seven missions. I pray for her safety.
Was blacked out at the hotel when I wrote this one. Someone had 80s rock blaring from their phone in the bathroom, and I wrote lyrics over top of it while laying on the floor. Think demonic chanting, big hair, and me wearing skin tight black leather pants. I don't know, it sounded cool in my head.
I will not be late
Will not disengage
My mission is my lover
I will not leave her to fate
All of us are one
All of us are none
Nothing really matters
So I'll see you at the gate
Heaven will not wait
Heaven will not wait
Heaven will not wait for me
There is much to save
The road I walk I'll pave
It is much too late for me
I'm just another slave
The dragon that I chase
Blows fire in my face
I breathe it in and smile at him
But can I keep his pace?
Heaven must be late
Heaven must be late
Heaven must be late for me
I do not give the orders
And I'm challenging no one
I will keep on marching
Cause the game it sure is fun
No matter why we're scared
It's dense and keeps us here
We must release it all
We must relinquish all our fear
Heaven must be late
Heaven will not wait
For me
DIVINITY Log: Max Speer
LOG Entry 9
07/28/2017
Another very interesting day of training in the books, all briefing. This whole thing is a mind fuck. Imagine spending your life traveling underground, further and further every day, and right when you think you’ve hit the center of the Earth, you realize you have only just stumbled upon the entrance to the rabbit hole. Like waking up in a matrix at 28 years old, and then watching it unravel with each passing day. What is this, a Stanley Kubrick movie? I'm particularly open to weirdness, but this is a bit much for even me.
Today I was shown surveillance video footage of me at 5, 10, 15, and 21 years old. I learned that half of my life has been a setup, maybe more. Hell, maybe all of it. I don't know which way is up, and reality isn't even a word I can identify with anymore. Professional fight promoters who were not divined agents, but program operatives paid to offer me certain scraps. Higher ups in the program who were planted in the crowds I fought in front of. Detailed records of my extensive pornography habits. I would feel violated if I didn't have something of an exhibitionist streak. These fools even knew what time I took a shit and when I showered. I've been the star of my very own reality show, minus the hoopla.
I'm well versed in conspiracy theory, everything from MK Ultra to project Blue Book. Nothing compares to this, but it has connected a lot of dots for me. I now understand why the program includes a steady diet of mandatory therapy. Who wouldn't be fucked up from all of this?
It is what it is. I'm trying to focus on what's real, and take things in stride. I never had a choice in the matter, and at this point, I still don't. Whatever, knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have changed a thing. Well, maybe that isn't true, but I do feel like I was destined for something like this. It's nice to know that I didn't fit in for a reason, and that I do have a family that has my back. Even if it consists of a bunch of dysfunctional, borderline psychos with control issues rivaling the God from the old testament. These are my people.
I will go deeper into what I learned today, either in future entries or in therapy sessions. Until then, I've written a short poem for my Project Divinity family. I would deliver it by hand, but I know now that I have zero privacy, and that big brother will read it anyway.
Star of a Truman Show
And didn't even know
How many?
How many of you weirdos have watched me masterbate?
I'll never look any of you in the face
Without feeling shame
The dirt you have compiled
Will keep me in my place
Should I ever escape
I can't tell the public
Because you'll release the tapes
Love you guys,
Speer
PROJECT DIVINITY
Individual Therapy Log: Agent Max Speer
LOG Entry 5
Therapist: Mama Maryam
07/29/2017
Agent Speer entered therapy with a bewildered expression. He smirked, and then winked.
“Did you read my log from yesterday?” he asked. I had. “That's what I wanted to talk about today.”
“We can do that.”
“I wanna know about you specifically. What all have you seen?” he still hadn't taken a seat. I was well aware of the briefing given to Agent Max. We follow standard protocol, slowly piecing things together for the agents at a predetermined rate. It isn't at all unusual for them to voice their concerns over privacy, or the lack there of at this point in their training.
“I don't have time to watch it all, obviously, but we have great editing guys. I've seen a lot.” I said.
“So you're a fan of my show?”
“Definitely. Yours has been particularly entertaining. Plus, I've been assigned as your future therapist since I was divined, about seven years ago.” I have no problem being honest with my agents. Plus, I knew he could take it. Max has always been concerned with seeing things as they truly are.
“Isn't that like a conflict of interest or something? You are supposed to be my therapist.”
“I am your therapist, and I'm the very best if I do say so myself. Watching you shower is one of my interests, but there is no conflict at all. Have a seat Agent Speer.” I've been assigned ten Men before, but Agent Speer may well be my favorite. He's the furthest thing from a meathead, good sense of humor, just a little broken. Like most people are.
“That's dirty. This whole thing is dirty.” he had
a laugh and took a seat.
“So is my mind. And yours.”
“Right, you've seen the porn history. So are we gonna consummate this thing or what? You've seen me cum, I should get to do the same.”
“You wish boy. Trust me, your interests are tame compared to mine. You couldn't handle me.”
“Sounds like a risk level ten mission to me, and I'm chomping at the bit.”
“It's an 11. You aren't qualified.”
“You're probably right. You're all a bunch of crazy people.”
“Correction. We are all a bunch of crazy people. You're on the team too, remember?” I could see that he was enjoying his divination, but there isn't a human alive who wouldn't have plenty of questions after finding out what he has. “So, what do you wanna know Agent Speer?”
“Everything, but I'm in no particular hurry. It's all very odd, that's all.”
“Disorienting. I was pissed when I found out about the surveillance. I'm into some freaky shit, which I own fully, but I always thought that I was at least entitled to discretion.”
“Right? Kinda hot though, knowing I was being watched during every pathetic porn binge.” he said, still making jokes. Hard to tell if it actually bothered him or not, and I read people like children's books.
The Divinity Page 3