One Last Risk

by Nancy Stopper

  Eventually, she called Lily in for dinner. After initially whining about coming in, Lily ran up the stairs and into the house, the storm door slamming behind her. Sarah and Lucas followed at a slower pace, the only one she was capable of at the moment. But Lucas showed no frustration with staying beside her as she hobbled her way into the house.

  The scent of garlic and herbs filled her kitchen. She opened the oven door and took a huge whiff. “That smells fantastic. Thank God for Emma and Jessica. They stocked my freezer full of casseroles. It’s probably about ready. Could you pull it out of the oven for me?”

  Sarah stepped back and made room for Lucas. She shouldn’t have, but she tilted her head and eyed how Lucas filled out a pair of jeans, jeans that wrapped around his ass and clung tight to his legs. She waved her hand in front of her face. Maybe he would think she was flushed from the heat of the oven. She hadn’t stared at a man’s ass and made a total fool of herself in a long time. But that didn’t stop her from ogling him anyway.

  He pulled the lasagna out of the oven and placed it on the stovetop while she stared. At a few inches over six feet tall, he stood a full head taller than her five-foot-six. He’d pulled his flannel shirt off when he came back in the house, and she had a spectacular view of strong arms and a muscular back. Sarah, stop it. You’re a mother. You have no business ogling Lucas.

  A wave of guilt washed over her. How could she be thinking of Lucas when her heart still belonged to Alex?

  “Thanks so much for your help.”

  Lucas flashed his cocky grin as he finished placing lasagna on three plates. She and Lily put drinks and silverware on the table, and then the three of them sat down to dinner.

  “I’m sure this isn’t what you expected when you stopped by… the three of us eating dinner together?”

  He grinned. “I wanted to see how you were doing. Being invited to dinner is a bonus.” He reached his hand across the table and squeezed hers briefly.

  Sarah shifted in her chair, her stomach tied in knots. Sitting across the table from a man, this man, stirred feelings she wasn’t sure how to handle. But every moment with him drew her in, his mere presence, his kindness, and his gentleness with Lily.

  “At the risk of sounding cliché, I’d like to know more about you. All I really know is that you’re a paramedic and you’re great with kids.”

  He tapped Lily on the nose and wiped her mouth with his napkin before turning back to Sarah. “There’s not a lot to tell. I grew up in Oak Grove. I’ve got two brothers and a sister. My mom and dad still live just outside of town.”

  “I bet you love having your family close. Do you get to see them a lot?”

  “A good bit. We get together, whoever’s available, for Sunday afternoon dinner. My mom makes the best chicken and roasted potatoes.”

  She sighed. She could have that too, if she was able to handle the pity looks whenever she sighed, or the constant pressure to move on with her life. Who were they to tell her when she was or wasn’t ready to start dating another man. “I miss that. My sister and parents live in Philadelphia. I know it’s not that far, and we still see each other a lot, but I just couldn’t live near them anymore. Not after…”

  She didn’t have the heart to finish that statement. She’d already shared more than she probably should have with Lucas.

  Lucas kept his head buried in his dinner plate. He shoved a forkful of lasagna into his mouth and swallowed roughly. “I understand… more than you know.” He fumbled with the food, pushing a bite of lasagna from one side to the other and then back. “About eighteen months ago, my best friend, Shawn, died in a fire.”

  Sarah’s hands flew to her mouth. She bit down on her fist to keep from reaching out to him. No wonder he reacted how he did when she said Alex died in a fire. Lucas was remembering his friend.

  He kept his head down as he talked, his voice even and lacking in emotion. “He left behind a wife and a son. His son was only six months old. Regena, Shawn’s wife, had a hard time after his death. I spent as much time as I could with her and Eli after Shawn died. It took a while, but she’s doing really well now.”

  Her heart ached for Lucas and for that poor woman and her son. The early days after Alex’s death were so hard for Sarah. The only reason she got out of bed most days was Lily. “It sounds like we have a lot in common. I sure would like to meet her sometime.”

  “I think that’s a great idea. You and Regena would really get along.”

  She and Lucas continued their conversation while they ate. Lily hadn’t interrupted them at all. Sarah couldn’t remember the last time she’d had such a comfortable conversation with a man. It had been a long time. She’d been so focused on Lucas, on some of the stories he shared about his friends at the station, that she hadn’t noticed her daughter lay her head down, close her eyes, and fall asleep. “I guess we wore her out. Thank you so much for playing with her today.”

  “My pleasure.” He pushed his chair back from the table. “Let me help you carry her to bed.”

  She started to protest, but Lucas had already reached out and gathered Lily, cradling her small body in his large arms. Just like a father would hug his daughter. But Lily wasn’t Lucas’s daughter and he wasn’t her father. Lily’s father was gone and she was growing up without one. Life just wasn’t fair.

  Sarah hobbled down the hall in front of him, kicked a couple of toys out of the way and pulled down Lily’s princess covers. Lucas carried Lily to the bed, his body brushing up against Sarah’s as he laid her daughter down. He smoothed Lily’s hair and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before stepping back.

  Tears welled in Sarah’s eyes. Alex should be here, tucking his daughter into bed. Instead, she stood here with another man. But she didn’t feel guilty about being here with Lucas; she actually felt guilty that she didn’t. How screwed up was that.

  Sarah pulled the covers up and kissed Lily on the cheek then the two of them stood side by side, staring at her beautiful daughter. Finally, Sarah turned and together they left Lily’s bedroom.

  “Thanks so much for dinner, and for your company. I have the midnight shift tonight, so I probably should head out.”

  He gave her a heated look. Her stomach jumped, the intensity of his stare overwhelming. Was he going to kiss her? Did she want him to?

  He opened his mouth but shook his head and snapped his jaw shut. What did he want to say? What did he see when he looked at her? Did he see a woman or just Lily’s mother, someone to pity? Did he feel it, too—this thing that was developing between them whether she liked it or not.

  Lucas headed toward the door and Sarah fell in step beside him. His hand grazed the small of her back and she shivered. Damn, this shouldn’t be so hard. She was only twenty-eight years old, most women her age were still out there dating, yet here she was a widow with a daughter.

  As she opened the door, the comfortable feeling they’d had in the kitchen was replaced by stiff muscles and awkward stares. As though neither of them wanted to say goodbye. Or didn’t know how. Would he ask to see her again? Should she suggest something? Damn, this was too hard. “Listen, thanks again, Lucas. For everything. I can’t thank you enough. I’m so grateful that it was you that found me in the car.” She stretched up onto her tiptoes and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. She paused, her lips a whisper away from him, before she stepped back.

  She couldn’t believe she just did that. Heat flushed her face and she covered her cheeks.

  Lucas stared at her, his warm brown eyes swirling with desire as he leaned down, his gaze locked on hers and his mouth a breath away from hers. “Me too.”

  Chapter Twelve

  A COUPLE DAYS later, Lucas sat in the station’s kitchen, grabbing a few moments of quiet before the crew jumped into some of their routine daily tasks. Hopefully, they wouldn’t have a call. He hadn’t been able to focus since he left Sarah’s house the other night. Instead, he’d replayed their dinner over and over: how peace washed through him when he’d held her hand o
n the table; how his pulse raced when he’d placed his hand on her back on the way to the door; and how his cheek tingled when she’d kissed him. He’d shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from grabbing her and kissing her back before he left. And had regretted it ever since. He’d wanted to kiss her, but he’d hesitated. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d acted this way toward a woman. Any woman.

  But how could he let Sarah and Lily into his life only to leave them alone if something happened, especially after the way she’d lost her husband? Alex wasn’t even a firefighter. No way would she be able to deal with his career. So, that was it. He’d checked on her… she was okay and recovering from her accident. Now that was done, he’d move on with his life, and she’d move on with hers. No harm. No foul.

  He thumped his forehead on the table.

  “What’s going on with you?” Stacey pulled out a chair and slid a bowl of ice cream in front of him. She dug a spoon into her own.

  “Thanks.”

  “You looked like you needed it.”

  Ice cream was Stacey’s comfort food. They’d had many meaningful, overnight conversations over ice cream while waiting for a call. Typically, Stacey’s issues filled the long hours. This time, though, she sat silently, waiting on him.

  “Well…”

  He took a big bite of ice cream. He liked Stacey but didn’t want to discuss Sarah with her. Hell, Sarah had already invaded his dreams, did she have to occupy every waking moment, too?

  “I see those wheels of yours turning.”

  “God, you sound like Regena. I was just thinking about the MVA last week.”

  “Rough call.” Stacey shoved a big bite of ice cream in her mouth, like she was considering her words carefully. “What was that woman’s name again?”

  “Sarah.”

  Stacey just kept eating. Damn, did everyone act like Dr. James now, saying nothing until he was forced to talk about things better left unsaid.

  “Did I tell you I met her before the accident?”

  “Jake may have mentioned something. Pretty unbelievable, huh?”

  “I stopped by her house the other night, after Sunday dinner with my parents.” And she’d filled his every thought ever since.

  “How is she?”

  “Good. Better. I met her daughter, Lily.”

  Stacey choked on the bite of ice cream she’d just swallowed. She placed her hand over her mouth and coughed several times before regaining her composure. “Her daughter?”

  “Yeah, she’s four and the spitting image of Sarah.”

  Meeting Sarah and spending time with her and Lily had him rethinking a lot of things in his life. For once, what the captain said started to make sense. Maybe he did have a reason to clean up his act.

  “Yeah. She’s still pretty banged up, so I took her daughter out to play. She reminds me a lot of Eli—full of energy. We sat outside for a while and… we had dinner.” He tried to sneak that last point in, hoping he sounded casual. Besides, what did it matter if he had no plans to see her again?

  “Wait. Are you telling me you had dinner with a woman? A single mother? Wow, Lucas, that’s a big step.”

  “Yeah. But her husband—Lily’s father—died in a house fire.”

  “Oh, man. Did you tell her about Shawn?”

  “A little.”

  “Does she know you’re a firefighter?”

  “We don’t know if I am a firefighter. I’m on suspension, remember?” A suspension he had every intention of completing without further incident. He’d be back on the engine in no time and show all of them that was where he belonged.

  “That’s not the point, and you know it.” Stacey looked at him, disappointment on her face. He saw that look every time he looked in the mirror, he sure didn’t like seeing it in his partner.

  “Yeah, I know. But I just met her. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now, I just visited the one time, and—”

  Alarm bells clanged through the fire house, cutting off his words. He and Stacey leapt to their feet and flung their bowls into the sink on the way to the garage. The dispatcher’s voice announced a fire, so the guys on third shift were rushing down the hall, pulling on shirts or pants on their way.

  Lucas hustled into the bay, jerked on his turnout coat and leapt into the cab of the engine. Four pairs of eyes locked on him as he settled into the seat. “What?”

  Jake shot a sympathetic look at Lucas from across the cab. “Bennett, get out of here. You know you can’t be on fire duty.”

  Lucas’s heart fell. He couldn’t believe he’d done that. He was embarrassed… and pissed off. He’d responded by rote, performing the tasks he always had. He hadn’t meant to leap on the engine; his body just knew where it wanted to be.

  “Sorry, guys. Old habit, I guess.” He hopped down and flung his coat onto the floor. His hands shook. He ran to the ambulance and jumped into the passenger seat, pulling the door closed behind him as the wheels started to roll.

  When Stacey threw a look at him, he raised his eyebrows.

  Stacey shook her head. She flipped a switch and the sirens blared through the air. Lucas grabbed the notepad off the dashboard and jotted down the address broadcast through the radio.

  “We’re headed out of town. Garage fire. Off Old Mill Rd.”

  “Got it.” The two vehicles rushed through the center of town to the scene of the fire, the ambulance in the lead. Stacey turned her head to Lucas several times, shaking it each time. He didn’t need her condemnation, he had enough for the both of them. This just sucked. He didn’t need counseling—he needed to be fighting fires and saving lives. By the time they arrived at the scene, his nerves were completely shot.

  The homeowner, garden hose in hand, was shooting water on the garage as they pulled up to the curb. Small, orange flames darted out of a side window, and grey smoke poured between the slate shingles on the roof. Thankfully, the small structure stood detached from the rest of the house, posing little risk to the family.

  Lucas jumped down from the ambulance and ran to the homeowner. “Is there anyone in the building?”

  “No. No one. I’m the only one home.”

  Breathing a sigh of relief, Lucas shouted back to rest of the company. In short order, the engine crew laid hoses and hooked up to the hydrant down the street. He returned to Stacey’s side, waiting by the ambulance.

  He bounced on his toes, shaking his hands out as he watched the crew work. Doing what he wanted to be doing. He should be out there with them. There was little risk to the company today. What harm would it do if he pitched in?

  Stacey placed her hand on his shoulder. “Don’t even think about it.”

  “How do you know what I’m thinking?”

  “It’s oozing out of your pores. I know you want to get out there. To help the company. But you need to get control of yourself before you do. Look at you—you’re barely holding it together.”

  Lucas stilled his body, his muscles tensing. Stacey didn’t know everything. He almost told her exactly that, but instead bit his tongue and stood on the sidelines while his crewmates extinguished the fire.

  A quick inspection of the scene identified greasy rags too close to a space heater in the workshop at the back of the garage. As the temperatures grew colder, Lucas knew they would see more of these types of fires. And he planned to be back with the company by then.

  The crew stowed the gear, and he and Stacey climbed into the ambulance for the short trip back to the station. Stacey radioed their status to dispatch. She stared at him for a second, then turned her eyes back to the road. The whirring sound of the tires on the pavement formed a steady soundtrack for their drive. Lucas tapped his fingers on his knee in a similar rhythm, his need to move, to contribute, still coursing through his veins. The adrenaline rush of the initial call was wearing off, and Lucas’s mind was taking over, running scenarios of how he could return to the engine sooner.

  “So, how’s the counseling going?”

  Damn. St
acey was really forcing Lucas out of his comfort zone today. “Okay, I guess. I’ve got another session in a couple of days.”

  “Good. Looks like you still need it.”

  Lucas shot her a look. “I know I fought it when Cap brought it up, but I’m starting to get it now, I think. I’m going to do whatever it takes to get back on the engine.”

  “Good for you. Being a firefighter is in your blood. It’s who you are. I see it every time you have to stand by and watch. I’m glad you’re doing what you need to do to get healthy and get back. Cap did the right thing suspending you. You scared me, taking too many chances. I don’t think the company can handle losing another man.”

  “Aw, Stacey, I didn’t know you cared.” He leaned over and nudged her in the shoulder.

  She smirked. “I don’t care. Others may, but not me.”

  He smiled at her. Beneath Stacey’s tomboy exterior beat a heart of gold. She’d make someone a good wife someday. What in the hell was he thinking? He meets a beautiful woman and all of a sudden it was hearts and flowers for everyone around him.

  They arrived at the station and Stacey backed the rig into the drive so they could organize and inventory supplies. For all his complaining about being placed on restriction, he loved his time with Stacey. She was a good friend and a great partner. He looked around at his friends climbing down from the engine, happy back slaps between them for a successful run. Damn, he loved this company. He had a lot of loyal friends here. In addition, he had two wonderful parents, three siblings he couldn’t live without and he just met a woman that for the first time had him considering the impact of his actions. Maybe he did have a reason to stop taking risks.

  Captain Craddock rounded the front of the ambulance after pulling his truck into the drive. “Bennett, got a minute?”

  “Yep, just a sec.” Lucas turned back to Stacey. “Hold off on cleaning the rig. I’ll jump in when I’m done with the captain.”