by A. J. Downey
He broke the kiss first, his breath coming in ragged pants as I looked into his eyes and whispered, “More?”
15
Narcos…
Her voice was light, breathless with wanting me, and so musical to my ear. She went from wood nymph to sexy siren in the span of that one breathy syllable and I couldn’t deny her. Hell, bastard that I was, I couldn’t deny myself. I needed her like plants needed sun or rain to grow. She’d become food for my battered and weary soul and her forgiveness… Jesus, there was nothing else like it in the world.
I held her close, her fingers tangling in my hair, her body rising as she stood on tiptoe to press her mouth to mine. I kissed her back, my tongue exploring the sweetness of her mouth, my hands sliding along the hourglass curve of her ribs, the flare of her hips, my fingertips rucking up the skirt of her dress.
She moaned into my mouth as the material slid up her shapely legs and I groaned into hers in return. She did everything for me. She was beautiful, she was sweet, she was kind and gentle and forgiving – all of these things I wasn’t.
That’s what they meant, though, wasn’t it? When men introduced their woman to you as their better half? I think I finally understood it like I never had before, because if she were my other half, she was certainly the better one.
She gave a little leap and I wasn’t quite ready for it. I compensated quickly, though. Her long legs twined around my hips, her arms around my shoulders, her lips finding mine once more. I slid my arms around her back and felt her sex press against my thickening, hardening cock imprisoned in my jeans.
I had to fix that. I had to fix that, like, right then. I laid her across my bed and dry-humped her like a teenage boy. All the while, I worked at my belt and fly, trying to get my damn pants off. It wasn’t helping me that her hands were first pulling at my tee, then warm and soft against the skin of my flanks. She sent them stroking over my ribs and my back, delving beneath my waistband, against my ass. She was pulling me into her, her hips rising and falling of their own accord as she let out these little moans into my mouth which I devoured like a starving man.
I had reached ‒and exceeded‒ my limits when it came to her and maintaining a professional boundary, and I couldn’t help myself. I could and would throw my entire career away for her because I knew, deep in the bottom of my very existence, it was the right thing to do. That she was worth it.
“Tell me you want me,” I growled, after tearing my mouth from hers.
“Yes,” she gasped. “Yes, please, now.”
It wasn’t the most graceful or sexy move ever, flopping my cock out of my pants, smacking her pussy with it through the thin cotton of her panties, but she either didn’t notice or didn’t care, her voice like an angel’s choir when she cried out in need. I slipped her panties off, whisking them down her legs and dropping them to the floor, and just managed to drag my shirt off over my head before I collapsed over her again, nothing between my dick and her hot, wet, velvet heat except my quickly fraying patience. I pressed hard with my hands against the mattress and let my gaze sweep over her.
“Oh, God, Everleigh. You’re so fucking perfect.”
She smiled up at me, and reached for me and I lowered myself over her once more, only this time, I rocked my hips against hers, trying to find purchase. The third time was the charm as I slid into her, too quickly at first, her body jerking beneath mine as she sucked in a sharp breath. I stilled and asked, “Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head and dragged my mouth back to hers and I eased into her body with mine, further.
She moaned and arched beneath me and my hands found her hips, pulling her onto me as much as I thrust into her. She pressed her hands to her mouth to stifle her next moan, and I shook my head.
“Don’t do that, don’t ever hide that perfect angel’s voice from me, babe.”
She arched beneath me, provocatively, and cried out a little as I found that spot inside her and started working it with slow, measured, angled thrusts, the head of my cock tingling, my balls tightening, that slow build I was used to moving instead with the speed and ferocity of a freight train.
I was so used to having more control than this, but this woman, this beautiful creature of fable and fantasy… she disarmed me in so many ways with those luminous green eyes. I cried out as she tightened up around me and drove myself deeper, bringing an echoing cry from her.
She touched every part of me she could reach, her hands stroking over my skin in light, butterfly touches, as if she was trying to convince herself this was real.
I had every intention of making her believe.
I hooked an arm behind her knee and placed one of her shapely calves against my shoulder, turning my lips to her leg, nipping her soft skin lightly with my teeth. She gasped, her even panting a seductive song as I kept a slow, even rolling rhythm with my hips, the head of my cock brushing against that slightly-roughened patch on the roof of her pussy.
Those luminous green eyes of hers were shuttered, her eyes closed as she surrendered to my touch completely. Her head falling back against the sheets, her long auburn hair a corona of deep fire around her face, she was an angel fallen to earth, and I didn’t know how she’d found her way to my bed, but if she’d let me, I would keep her here forever.
It was getting harder and harder for me to keep myself in check. I wanted to come so badly, but I wasn’t about to come first. I tried, I mean I really tried, but in the end I thought sure I’d failed. I drove into her deeply and both of us cried out. Her arms went around me, pulling me atop her body and I went willingly, caging her within my arms, cocooning her protectively.
Pleasure throbbed through my body, echoing my heartbeat and my ragged breathing, coursing through me thoroughly. I was about to apologize for coming first, for coming without her, but then she gripped me again in a gentle little aftershock and I realized we’d both pitched over the edge at the same time, had taken the plunge together, holding on to one another, in a perfect harmony that I don’t think I’d ever experienced before, nor was I really certain I would again.
She put her hands on my bearded cheeks and turned my face to hers. I looked into her eyes from inches away and she gave me the sweetest, most tremulous smile and drew me down for another kiss, and I just lost myself in her. I was so completely under her spell that I would do anything I needed to become her knight, her champion. I would spend the rest of my life making up to her the evil, the terror I’d put her through, and nothing, I mean nothing, would so much as come near her again. Any harm that came her way would have to go through me first… whether she told me to get the fuck out of her life later on or not.
I pulled back from the kiss and searched her face, and fear slid through her eyes at the serious look on mine. I caressed her cheek and shook my head gently and said, “Nothing’s ever going to hurt you again, babe. If it does, it will literally be over my dead fuckin’ body.”
She sucked in a sharp breath and placed one hand on my shoulder; the other she rested lightly in the center of my sweat-dewed chest, over my heart. She shook her head gently and whispered, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“Oh, I’m keeping this one.”
She shook her head and her eyes became dewy with unshed tears, her chin trembling slightly. I cocked my head slightly in question, and she murmured, “I don’t want you to die because of me.”
“I’m not going to let that happen, either, babe. My brothers won’t. You’re safe,” I smoothed a stray lock of her long hair off of her forehead. “Life is going to be different for you after this chapter of it comes to a close. It’s going to be better.”
“You really think so?” she asked and her voice was so frail, the hope as delicate as a snowflake freshly landed on a blade of grass. Everything about her felt so fragile right that moment, but I wasn’t making any promises I had no intention of keeping. I wasn’t that guy. I would never be that guy again.
As soon as this case was done, I needed the fuck out of Narcotic
s; I needed to slow my roll. I couldn’t do it to her, go back undercover, leave her wondering and going weeks without seeing me, not being able to tell her about my day or my time away from her. She needed full transparency and I couldn’t give that to her as a Narcotics detective and I wouldn’t.
“I really think so,” I told her.
“You really mean it, don’t you?” she whispered. “All of it.”
“Yeah, Everleigh. I really mean it. All of it.”
She wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her face in the side of my neck. I held her as best I could while also trying to hold myself off of her, but it was awkward and hard to keep up. Just as I was about to say something, she relinquished her hold on me and murmured she was sorry.
“For what?” I asked.
She shook her head and pressed her lips together and wouldn’t be budged. I moved off of her and out of her and to her side. We lay next to each other, staring into each other’s eyes, and even though she’d found her voice with me somehow, the silence that stretched between us was so full that no words needed to be spoken.
I loved that about her, like I loved a lot of things that I’d learned about her the last few days. She’d been through some awful shit. Trying shit, that would have broken a lesser woman to pieces, but she somehow stayed whole. Not only that, she somehow managed to still hold a sense of wonder in everything around her. She was resourceful, intelligent, beautiful, thoughtful, and just my type of perfect but I knew if I tried to tell her any of hat, she’d refute my claims, because she was also so very humble.
“Sleep with me tonight,” I asked her, and she smiled and nodded.
“Outside?” she asked.
“Sure, I’m happy to do it at your place,” I said and winked and she laughed. It was a good laugh, high and clear and sounding so free.
I laughed with her and drew her forehead to my lips and kissed her softly there. I was sure her eyes drifted shut and she just melted into me in the sweetest way.
God, I would die to protect her, and fuck any motherfucker who would try to stand against me.
16
Everleigh…
I didn’t know what had possessed us, but there was no going back now. Problem was, I didn’t want to go back. Ever. I wanted to see where this would lead but I was afraid. Not for me, but for him. I mean, weren’t there rules against sleeping with a witness during an active investigation? Granted, I was a willing participant, and I do mean ‒absolutely‒ willing. It was a lovely summer evening, the dulcet sound of insect song and rushing water the perfect backdrop for what I was doing. The citronella candles burning around us cast his skin in golden light, and my fingertips lovingly traced his tattoos as he looked up at me.
I was straddling his hips, nude, letting the outdoor air wash over my skin as I reached between us and raised his cock up off his stomach so I could slip him inside me.
I couldn’t remember ever being so aroused before. I mean, I was positively dripping wet with my eagerness to make love to him and he was so gentle, so perfect, and so kind about it. He was easy on me, his hands splayed across my hips, smoothing over my skin like he’d never felt anything so soft.
My nipples pebbled in the slightly cooler air out here and I threw my head back and gasped, working my body up and down his shaft, gripping him with my pussy as I rolled my hips. I felt like I was part of the divine like this. Like we were performing for the ancient gods and goddesses, the moon our witness to this rite, this offering of our joined bodies.
I felt as free as I’d ever been, and worshiped by this man beneath me, all-powerful, a goddess in my own right. It was beautiful, a powerful feeling like no other. Spectacular and winsome, I wanted to feel like this forever and the promise of it was reflected in his eyes, but I’d had promises before, and promises were meant to be broken.
“Like that,” he whispered. “Just like that, babe.”
“Yeah?” I whispered back, gently.
“Oh, yeah. I want to remember you like this forever. Every time I think of you, I want to see you just like this, wild, beautiful, and free. Body bathed in golden light, fire in your heart showing just behind those cat-green eyes of yours.”
His words stole my breath, his body took mine to heights it’d never been, and I wanted it. I wanted to stay just like this forever and ever, and so tonight, I let myself believe.
“God, Everleigh, you’ve got me under your spell,” he growled when I bent over him, and he buried his hand in my hair and dragged my mouth to his. He kissed me with such a fiery passion it sparked flame through my soul, spreading through my veins, and I swore I rose like a phoenix from the ashes and I soared.
“Oh, God, yes!” I gasped, and I came, my pussy gently pulsing around his cock. Not as intense as before, but lasting; it felt like I flew for hours without ever having left the ground.
I drifted lazily in the afterglow, hazy, warm, safe and held fast in his arms and I vaguely remember my voice asking him, “What happens tomorrow?”
He chuckled, the vibration of it thrumming through my body and he said back, “Tomorrow you’ll still be you and I’ll still be me, and I’ll still be here with you, and I’ll still feel the same. You’ll be safe, and we’ll make this place better, together. Sound good?”
I nodded against his shoulder, my body limp where it was draped over his, my eyes too heavy to keep open. I mumbled, “Sounds good,” and it was the last thing I remember until the sun came up the next morning, casting fire through my eyelids.
I moaned and shifted and realized I was in bed, alone, but then something blocked the sun and cool glass was pressed into the palm of my right hand.
“Morning, babe. Here, drink this. I’m afraid you might be a touch dehydrated.”
I cracked one eyelid and immediately fell in love with the sexy smirk on his lips, half-hidden by his beard, which I loved but was in desperate need of a trim. I pushed myself up with my other hand and hissed at the twinge in both it, and between my legs.
Good sex will do that to you, Everleigh. I smiled and drank down half of the quart Mason jar full of water he’d given me.
“That’s my girl,” he murmured. “How you feel?”
“Well-fucked,” I smiled warmly and he laughed.
“Glad I could be of service.” He cocked his head to the side and traced his middle finger across my forehead and behind my ear, taking the hair that’d been in half my face with the gesture so that he could see me. He heaved a satisfied sigh and whispered, “There’s my beautiful girl.”
I felt myself blush and his smile grew.
I shook my head and said, “I don’t feel beautiful.”
“Mm, why do you say that?” he asked.
I heaved a heavy sigh and said, “I just feel… broken.”
“Well, I feel special that you’ve decided you’re comfortable enough to speak with me.”
I smiled and asked, “How much do you know about selective mutism?”
“Nothing, other than there’s nothing physically wrong with your voice. You can talk, you just choose not to.”
I shook my head and bit my lips together for a second before I started to cry. It was so frustrating and humiliating talking about it. I cleared my throat, which was trying to close on me, my anxiety starting to bubble to the surface. I forced the words out and tried not to choke on them.
“Th-that’s not exactly it. It’s not that I choose not to, it’s literally that I can’t. It’s a severe form of anxiety, of f-f-fear and it’s like it chokes me. It strangles me and cuts off my voice, my air, and I c-c-can’t!” I covered my face with my hands and not for the first time thought to myself savagely, Why can’t you just be normal! Except the words took on my father’s voice, my mother’s scornful tone and the mocking cries of the children I’d gone to school with on the playground and finally in the halls.
The only person who hadn’t treated me like a freak had been my grandfather, and he’d died when I was thirteen. My last escape, my only beacon of light in an o
therwise dark existence had disappeared.
“Shhh, it’s okay,” he soothed, smearing the errant tear that escaped my lashes across my cheek. “You don’t have to explain anything to me that you can’t or don’t want to, babe.”
“I-I-I want to, though.”
He nodded and smiled at me and it was one of those perfect smiles that meant exactly the right thing at exactly the right time.
“So how come you’re talking to me now, huh?”
I shrugged a little helplessly and said, “I guess that part of my brain that’s defective is comfortable with you. I have to be completely comfortable and at ease for the words to come.”
He nodded slowly and I could tell he was thinking.
“Didn’t anybody try to get you any help for this as a kid?”
I shook my head.
“Where are you from, anyway?”
“Indiana.”
He nodded some more, his eyes unfocused and distant as he puzzled through something, and I waited with bated breath for what he would say. He finally came back to himself and smiled at me and said, “I’m not sure what to do to make things easier for you.”
I smiled and shook my head and said, “I get along just fine.”
His smile grew into a grin and he said, “You got that right. You’re one hell of a woman, Everleigh. A force to be reckoned with. Voiceless, sure, but still the loudest personality in the room. I knew it the moment I saw you.”
I wrinkled my nose and said, “You don’t have to compliment me every five minutes. I don’t need it.”
He chuckled and smacked a kiss against my lips and said, “Oh, I think you do.” He got up with a gusty sigh and said, “Feel like a day off from this place?”