Her Pained Blue Silence

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Her Pained Blue Silence Page 16

by A. J. Downey


  Grilled steak and vegetables, fluffy dinner rolls, and fresh green salad greeted my eyes, which were likely bigger than my stomach, so I started small.

  “Wh-where’s everyone else?” I asked.

  “Golden wanted to get back to Lys and his nephew, Yale wanted to get back to Aly, and Skids wanted to get back to the 10-13, his one and only love,” Youngblood answered.

  “Oh,” I murmured, self-conscious, more than just my palms sweating. It took a force of will to keep my breath even, to not suck in air, even though it felt like my chest was being crushed as though a great fist held me, the fingers tightening, wringing the very air out of my lungs.

  “What about Driller?”

  “Sounded like his trap may have caught something in it,” Chrissy said, taking an elegant sip from her wineglass.

  “Oh, okay…” I trailed off.

  Just speaking those few words in front of these two strangers had me hot and flushed, sweating and panicking in a way that made my stomach do barrel rolls. I wanted to leap from my seat and run and hide, but I forced myself to stay put, telling myself over and over that Narcos was here and he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. The weight of his hand on my knee was definitely a reassuring thing.

  He looked sideways at me and shot me a smile that made me want to melt, saying, “You’re doing real good, babe.”

  “Agreed,” Chrissy said.

  “When do you go to trial?” Youngblood asked his wife, and Chrissy finished her bite before speaking.

  “Not my case, love. It’s Yale’s and I’m not sure when he’s taking it to trial. He’s been fighting it out through a barrage of motions from the defense. My guess would be sooner rather than later.”

  “He have enough of a case to go to trial with?” he asked.

  “For what? The drugs or the murder?”

  I shifted uncomfortably in my seat and stared at the last few bites on my plate. I didn’t like thinking about that: listening to King and his men laugh over killing that man, imitating him as he’d begged for them not to shoot him. I forced one more bite, then stood with my plate and moved to the kitchen. The conversation at the table ceased and all three sets of eyes followed me.

  “You don’t have to do that,” Chrissy said kindly, when I started to rinse my plate and work my way through the rest of the dishes. I shook my head and continued to do them, rinsing them at the sink and loading the dishwasher. I needed to be up and doing something.

  “I think a change of subject is in order,” Youngblood said.

  “Pretty much the only subject with you, Mr. Homicide Detective,” Narcos said and I looked back.

  Youngblood was nodding, but his steely blue eyes were fixed on me, solemn and apologetic.

  I finished up in the kitchen, and finished my wine, and by the time I was through, I just wanted to go lay down. My tiredness had caught up with me.

  “I’m going to go lay down,” I forced out and the conversation, once again ceased. I wanted to run screaming into the night, when, once again, all eyes were turned on me. I hated that and I was desperately afraid of what it would be like with a courtroom full of people, the rest of the gang, the Knights of Crescentia, in the gallery, glaring, mocking, and threatening.

  “Okay, babe. Be right up,” Narcos said, worry tingeing his voice.

  I nodded a bit too quickly and made my escape to a murmured “Good night” from Chrissy.

  Once inside the guest room, I leaned heavily inside the closed door and felt a little better, imagining, for the moment, that I could somehow magically shut this door and shut out all that was happening. I swallowed hard. I felt like entirely too much was riding on my shoulders and that scared me. I mean, what if the jury didn’t believe me? What if King didn’t go away?

  I knew too much.

  Narcos had betrayed them.

  They wouldn’t stop. Not until we were both dead, and I didn’t want to die.

  I stared at the back of my hand where it was pressed to the bedroom door, at the slight slash of pink scar marring the back of it, where the nail had come through. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about the look in Narcos’ eyes, the pain there, as he’d driven the nail through my palm.

  A part of me had always known something about his look hadn’t been right that night… that he hadn’t wanted to, but that he couldn’t give up. I couldn’t give up, either. No matter how frightening, no matter how much I just wanted to find a quiet corner of some wilderness and carve out a solitary life for myself, I knew I wouldn’t be able to survive that way, either. As introverted as I was, I was also prone to a terrible loneliness. I needed people around me; I knew that about myself.

  I slipped the dress off over my head and hung it in the closet, setting my bag on the floor inside. I found a nightgown and stepped into it, shrugging into the straps just as a light double tap fell on the bedroom door. I turned and it opened, Narcos slipping inside with me and shutting it firmly behind him.

  “You okay, babe?”

  I went to him and held myself to him tightly. He put his arms around me and smoothed those big hands up and down my arms, warming my skin. The house had central air and it was quite a bit cooler than what I had grown used to at the cabin.

  “Let me get ready for bed,” he murmured, and held up the blankets for me to scoot under. I got into bed and his eyes met mine, his expression grave as he searched my face. I tipped my head in curiosity and he drew in a shaky breath, as if trying to decide if he should say anything or not.

  He shook his head and dropped his eyes as he pulled his shirt over his head and discarded it on a nearby chair. He went for his belt and my gaze followed his every movement, sliding over every smooth, chiseled inch of him as I marveled. This big, beautiful man not only loved me, wanted me, and promised to protect me, he meant it with every fiber of his being and that wowed me like nothing else, left me sitting in awe any time I really allowed myself to take the time to think about it.

  He stripped down to his boxers and got into bed beside me, his blunt fingertips trailing in a ghostly touch down my cheek.

  “I’d give anything to heal you of your pained blue silence, babe. Give anything to just take the fear and anxiety away.”

  I smiled, no words needed, and grasped his bearded cheeks between my palms and kissed him full-on, pouring all of my love, my pride in him, and the joy that he brought me into the kiss, along with all the passion I held.

  22

  Narcos…

  She kissed me, and it was like she’d opened the damn floodgates. I suddenly couldn’t keep my damn hands off of her, my fingertips sliding the straps of her nightgown off of her shoulders so my lips had a path to follow across her lovely skin that was free of obstruction. The breathy moan that escaped from her lips as she tipped her head back and to the side to give me better access left me throbbing painfully in my shorts. I was about to lose my damn mind when she stood up and let the satin drift down her body to puddle at her feet.

  I didn’t hesitate, I bucked my hips up off the bed and shoved my boxers down. She whisked them off the rest of the way and put a knee to the bed, flinging her other leg over mine, her hands against my tattooed chest pressing me back into the sheets, her palms warm, her flesh like silk against my skin as she shimmied up my body and put her sex directly over mine.

  She didn’t hesitate, her jewel-bright eyes locking onto mine as she lifted my throbbing cock off of my stomach and pressed it at her entrance. She was as slick with want and need as I was desperate to be inside her as she sank slowly over the top of me. Her eyes fluttered shut, her head tipped back, her long, long hair tickling the tops of my thighs and over my knees as I got a world-class view of her perfect tits above me.

  I cupped one in the palm of my hand, pinching the peach-colored nipple between the side of my hand and my thumb, gradually increasing the pressure until she cried out gently and her hips began to move. I massaged her breast, my other hand on the perfect swell of her hip, encouraging her to ride me, and ride me
she did.

  She wasn’t rough, she wasn’t too fast or too slow. She kept an even, steady rocking of her hips, a seductive motion that fucking did amazing things, my cock sliding in and out of her hot wet cunt while at the same time rocking back and forth in the deepest part of her. It was sensual and erotic, almost too much for my mind to keep up with, so I didn’t try. I lay back and let her take me for a ride, watching her writhe over the top of me, watching her lose herself completely.

  Her inhibitions were stripped away, her shyness, her silence, her worry, and her fear all crumbling to dust as she looked down on me through hooded eyes. Her lips parted slightly, her breath coming in ragged and uneven pants as she took her pleasure and gave me the best experience of my life, bar none. She was magic. An earthly beauty that shouldn’t be able to exist, possessing the grace of water tumbling over stone, and full of life, her trust and her heart growing with the tiniest bit of care.

  She was magnificent, and wild, and somehow she let me be a part of it. She let me be the one to hold her, to taste her, and to love her.

  “Slow down just a little, babe. You’re going to make me come,” I warned, my voice tight as I fought to keep this feeling going forever. She gave me that Mona Lisa smile edged with sex and a little bit of love and my damn heart swelled so big, I thought I was about to crack it in two.

  “Good,” she whispered. “I want to make you feel good.”

  “Shit, Everleigh, you do. You make me feel incredible.”

  She smiled and it held a surreal light, like sunlight through the green leaves of summer and the last vestiges of my control just shredded. I gripped her hips with both of my hands, my fingers digging into her pale flesh, and pulled her down over the top of me one last time even as my hips bucked off the bed. The crash of our bodies meeting set something loose in her because she cried out, her body arching, her pussy clenching my cock in a grip so tight I didn’t even know it was possible before she bowed over my body and shuddered with her release.

  I felt myself pump cum-shot after cum-shot deep into her body, awash in this euphoric tingling sensation even as I cursed my own ass out silently for not being able to hold back. I loved coming in unison like this. In fact, I couldn’t ever remember pulling it off with any other woman, but it didn’t mean I was ready. Far from it. I wanted to stay inside her forever.

  We were lucky she was on that birth control shot every three months or whatever, because if I had my way, we’d be doing this a lot more, now that we didn’t have anything else to do.

  She slid off to one side of me, cuddling into my side, her inner thigh pressed over me as she wrapped herself around me, snug into my side. I turned just enough to smooth some of her hair from her face and to stare into her eyes.

  “I wasn’t ready for that to be over,” I said, between breaths.

  “You act like you’ll never have me again,” she murmured in a silvery whisper, a smile playing on her lips.

  “I’d have you forever if I could.” I kissed the tip of her nose and tucked her hair behind her ear.

  Her eyes widened and she swallowed hard.

  “Really?” she asked, breathlessly.

  “Really.”

  “A-are you asking me to marry you?” she asked, and her voice held a little thrill of panic to it.

  Too fast, too intense. Slow it down, man.

  “Maybe someday, but not today. Not any time soon, really. Not until things are resolved and you’re back on solid ground.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever been on solid ground, honestly,” she said and her body relaxed again, her relief palpable. I was just glad she was receptive to the idea that one day she might just be the girl I would marry. I didn’t want to be like, Oh, for sure, it’s gonna happen, because it really was too soon for shit like that, but I was catching a vibe from her like no other. We just meshed. I’d only ever experienced that with one other person, and that was Driller.

  Again the thought of sharing her with him crossed my mind. My cock started to stir and I was taken a bit by surprise at the fast turn-around. I decided to try and explore with her a little.

  “Have you ever really gotten to do what you want to do?” I asked.

  She cocked her head and considered me for a moment.

  “How do you mean?” she asked.

  “Like, I know you took off from that town at the first opportunity, but the nomad’s life doesn’t really seem to be your thing. You put down roots so fast at the cabin and I honestly think that’s the first time I’ve gotten to see you thrive. It was beautiful… but it was also sad in a way.”

  She dropped her eyes and listened to me, hearing me out, but didn’t say anything. I waited, and finally tipped her chin lightly with a finger. She looked up at me and I asked, “What do you dream about, babe?”

  “I don’t,” she said carefully, defensively.

  “Bullshit. We haven’t lied to each other once since I came clean about being a cop, let’s not start now. You can tell me you don’t want to tell me, if you want, but no deception. Okay?”

  She met my eyes and curiosity shone in hers, curiosity, and gratitude, I think.

  “I’ve always been fairly… flexible with my wants and needs,” she said and I raised an eyebrow.

  “Wants, sure… needs are a different story.”

  She scraped her bottom lip between her teeth and huffed out a breath. We always did a lot better when it came to talking about the past and things that once were when it came to her. The future was new territory.

  “Let’s talk about something a little bit easier,” I ventured, and she looked grateful for the out. She nodded a little too quickly and I smiled. “Let’s talk about sex.”

  She smiled, a beautiful grin that she tried to cover by burying her face in my chest. I laughed and she said, muffled, “What is wrong with me that sex is an easier topic to embrace?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with you, babe. You’re just beautifully complicated, like one of those images made up of hundreds of thousand smaller images. Sometimes you get so immersed in the little pictures, you don’t even realize they all mesh together and form one big picture.”

  “What do you want to know?” she asked softly, and I smiled.

  “What’s your ultimate fantasy? One that you’ve never asked for, but always wanted to try.”

  She swallowed hard and really thought about it, finally giving a shrug. “I don’t know. I’ve pretty much done it all…”

  “A threesome?” I ventured.

  She nodded.

  “With two men?”

  “Oh, no. Always another woman.”

  “Ever wanted to try with two men?”

  “You like to share?” she asked.

  “With Driller, on occasion, but only him. Never been comfortable with anyone else.”

  I could see her think about it, really think about it, and it seemed like she liked the idea. She asked me, “You don’t get jealous?”

  “Of him?” I shook my head. “No.”

  “I mean, he’s attractive.”

  I smiled and asked her, “You develop a little bit of a crush while in the hotel with him?”

  She blushed furiously and I laughed. She slapped me lightly on the chest and cried, “Quit it! Don’t laugh… but if we’re being honest, yes. I thought about it.”

  “About what?” I asked.

  “About what it would be like, you know, if he kissed me.” She covered her face with her hands and made a sound that told me she was horribly embarrassed to be admitting any of this. I pulled her hands away from her face and pressed them to my body with one hand. The other, I used to caress her face.

  “Nothing to be embarrassed about, babe. Attraction is a natural thing.”

  “Are you attracted to men?” she asked and I frowned and thought about it. Finally, I shook my head.

  “No. Are you attracted to women?” I asked.

  She sighed and laid her head on my shoulder.

  “No, but…”

  “
But, what?”

  “I guess it depends on the woman,” she said. “I mean, out of all of the ones I hooked up with for King, I was never really attracted to any, but there was this one girl that was just like… wow.”

  I nodded. “I guess that’s kind of what it’s like when it comes to Driller. I can’t really picture myself making out with him or like, sucking his dick, but with a woman between us – damn. It’s the most erotic fucking thing.”

  “You’d really be okay with me being with him in front of you?” she asked. “Like, not jealous at all?”

  “Yeah, is it something you’d want? Both of us kissing you, inside of you, touching you?” I dropped my voice to a slightly seductive whisper and at the suggestiveness of it, her eyes dilated and she tried and failed to suppress an involuntary shudder. I chuckled and said, “Well, that answers that.”

  “Shut up!” she cried, but she was laughing, and I was, too.

  I rolled over on top of her, between her thighs and caged her with my body. I dipped my head, bringing my lips to hers, my cock hanging thick and engorged between us.

  I put my lips beside her ear and pitched my voice low, quiet, and murmured softly, “My hands on your body, his lips on your skin. Close your eyes for me, babe, and just imagine it for me.”

  She closed her eyes, her arms going around my shoulders, cradling me close to her sweet, sexy, body. I whispered scenarios, my cock getting hard to the point of pain as her breathing became steady, even, and deep with passion. She writhed a little against me as I placed strategic kisses against her erogenous zones while I took her through everything I wanted to happen between me, her, and my best friend, and she seemed really into it.

  When I slipped inside her, she was impossibly wet. Hot and slick with arousal, her desire for everything I’d suggested was clear to me. I kissed her, and made love to her slowly, taking my time with her, driving her a little mad with pleasure, taking her to that place beyond words where she sank into that river of euphoria and just floated along with me.

  I smiled when we finished and she fell almost immediately asleep in my arms. I held her close and dared to dream about a future with her, hardly knowing where to begin. My apartment was small, and totally sucked. It was fine for me, but she needed air, and grass, and green growing things – something she wasn’t going to get in a twelve-story walk-up in the heart of Indigo City.

 

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