by Amy Brent
I had woken that morning with a blazing headache and pounded down some water, thinking I was getting dehydrated. I hoped I was going to be able to kick the pain in my skull because it was distracting me from the work I had to get done. On top of that, I had this ache in my lower back, the kind you get when you sleep too long or in the wrong position. I tried sleeping with different pillows in different ways and even slept on the couch one night, but that ache was still there. I had gone by the store the night before and looked for something to rub on it, but nothing fit the symptoms. It wasn’t like a pulled muscle. It was more of a stiffness that, over the course of the day, started to get sore and irritating. So, I just dealt with it, trying my best to get through the day.
I had four boxes of files on my desk and had pushed my chair out of the way, not able to sit any longer. I flipped through the files, trying to match the new orders with their client folders from prior seasons. Knowing what projects they’d okayed in the past helped us determine where to start during the current season. I pulled out the Hendrick’s Auto file and clipped it to their order, tossing it in the finished stack. I stood up tall and stretched my arms over my head, groaning as the tension in my back released for just a second. However, as I pulled my arms back down, I got lightheaded and grabbed the desk for support. Maybe I was working too hard, and I needed to take it easier. Yeah, right, like that was even an option. I looked up as Gillian walked through the door smiling.
“Hey.” I groaned. “I completely blanked that you were coming for lunch today.”
“Is it still okay?” she asked, glancing up at Greg on the phone pacing his office.
“It’s fine. Ignore him. He lives in a tank of anxiety and worry,” I said. “Pull up a chair. We’ll have an office picnic.”
“Nice,” she said, laughing. “God, your office is a mess.”
“Yeah.” I rubbed my back. “It’s right before the spring rush. We’re trying to get all the orders together so we can start banging them out early.”
“I forgot about that.” She set the bags on the table. “Last year, I remember coming in to find Greg having a panic attack because his printer went out.”
“Yeah, because he rolled over the cord and unplugged it from the wall.” I laughed, shaking the spins from my head again.
“Hey, are you okay? You look paler than normal.” Gillian’s eyebrows pulled closer together with her concerned expression.
“Yeah,” I said, brushing it off. “I have this headache and a stiff back. I’m sure it’s just stress.”
“And bending over those boxes all day long,” she said. “Why do you not have digital files?”
“Because Greg is old school.” I rolled my eyes.
“I’m sure it’s just stress,” Gillian said, watching my face. “Besides, I don’t remember you ever getting sick.”
“That’s because I never do,” I said, shifting in my chair. “I’ve been cold and flu-free since my freshman year of college. It would have been since middle school, but my roommate in college gave me the stomach flu from hell. I’m still mad at her for ruining my wellness streak.”
“You should get some vitamin C. It’ll help you keep a strong immune system,” Gillian said. “And I have some essential oils at home that you can put on your back. Just come by after work, and I’ll give them to you.”
“That would be phenomenal,” I said. “I couldn’t find anything that would help, so I’ve just been dealing with it.”
“How’s your home demolition project going?”
“Excellent,” I said, smiling. “I finally got everything of Alex’s boxed up and dropped off at the firehouse. The chief told me I could bring it there to avoid any confrontation. It seems he knows how big of an asshole Alex is, too.”
“Good,” Gillian said. “After he showed up at your house last month, I was worried about you going over there.”
“I’m redoing the décor in the living room and my bedroom,” I said. “I needed a fresh look, something with no memories of him and me. I also wanted to rid the house of his evil spirit and bad juju. I do not need that lurking around when I’m trying to sleep at night.”
“Ha! You’re absolutely right. You do not need that bad crap floating around you anymore,” Gillian said. “Honestly, I’m glad to see you moving past all of that. I was worried about you, and I knew it took a huge toll on you. I want you to be happy.”
“Thank you, Gilli,” I said, smiling. “I want to be happy, too, and start fresh.”
“So.” She clapped her hands and pulled the bags up on the desk. “I got you your favorite. Italian. Mr. Procopio said to tell you hello and that you’re welcome anytime. He misses seeing you.”
“Yeah, I haven’t been in there in a while. It was kind of an Alex and me place,” I said. “I’ll stop in next week and get some tiramisu and show my face.”
“Good.” She smiled. “They have bangin’ tiramisu.”
I sat back in the chair rubbing my back with one hand and my forehead with the other. The pain seemed like it was pulsing in my temples and in my lower back. It was miserable. I watched as Gillian pulled out the takeout boxes and started to situate the food in front of us. At first, I thought the fact that my mouth wasn’t watering yet was because the headache had killed my appetite. It had done that the last two days to the point to where I didn’t even try to make anything. However, as she opened the boxes, the smell wafting up to my nose, I knew it was definitely something else.
I took in a deep breath, trying to settle myself, but two seconds later, I jumped up from my chair and ran across the room, sliding across the bathroom floor and making it there just in time. I threw up, feeling my body lurching and my head pounding. Sweat dampened my face, and I felt like I was going to die. I sat back on my legs and flushed the toilet, looking up as Gillian ran over to the bathroom door and looked down at me in concern.
“Oh my god,” she said. “Are you okay?”
“Maybe I spoke too soon about not getting sick,” I said, rubbing my throbbing temples.
She grabbed a paper towel and wet it for me. “Here. Wipe your forehead and neck.”
“Thanks.” I groaned, appreciating the coolness of the water on my forehead.
“What’s going on? Are you okay?” Greg poked his head around the corner. “You look terrible.”
“I feel terrible,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t know what happened.”
“You should go home,” Greg said.
“No, there’s too much to do.”
“And you need to be at your best for it,” he said, cutting me off. “Seriously, it’s okay. We have time. The rush hasn’t started yet. Just go home and get some rest.”
“When did we switch places?” I laughed.
I wasn’t going to fight it. Whatever was going on, it was making me feel absolutely terrible. I was dizzy, my head had its own heartbeat, and my back was killing me. I just wanted to lie down and close my eyes, make the world stop wavering back and forth in my vision. On top of that, I had never been very fond of being sick in front of other people, especially since it didn’t happen so often. I hated the look on their faces, and I imagined them asking themselves if I was about to keel over or not. It wasn’t comfortable, and I only wanted to be alone to give my immune system a pep talk. Greg helped me up off the floor, and Gillian rushed over and packed the food back up, not wanting to set me off again.
“I’ll drive you home.” She put her arm around my waist. “Greg, there’s a boatload of Italian over there. Please eat whatever and take the rest to your family so it doesn’t go to waste.”
“Thanks, Gillian,” he said. “Lunch is on me next week. Emma, get better.”
“Will do, sir.” I gave him the thumbs-up as Gillian helped me out the door.
She drove me home and walked me slowly inside, helping me upstairs and out of my work clothes. Normally, I would cringe at someone helping me undress, but at that moment, I was grateful she was there. She tucked me into bed and brought several b
ottles of water up and a box of crackers.
“Drink water,” she said. “And call me if you need anything. I’ll text you later to see how you are.”
“Thank you, Gillian. You’re a lifesaver,” I said, smiling as much as I could.
When she left, I curled up into a ball on the bed and closed my eyes, wondering what in the hell I could have possibly caught.
Chapter 13
Brandt
I was in my office jotting down notes for the upcoming meeting. The AI we had been developing was ready for the testing phase, and it was a really huge deal. We wanted to make sure we crossed all of our t’s and dotted all of the i’s before we released the first version to the public. We knew they would sell like crazy, and we wanted their quality to be beyond company standards.
“There’s a package for you,” my secretary said over the intercom.
“Great, bring it on in,” I said, turning off the com.
She walked in, handed me the envelope, and smiled. I looked down at the packaging and got excited almost immediately. I had found a site online that would send me county records of residents living in Camden. I was hoping the information inside would give me some sort of clue to how I could find Emma. She still was the primary thing on my mind, but instead of continuing to fight it, I embraced it and let myself be okay with the idea of eventually putting all of it to rest. I had been searching for Emma for a month, calling Camden, looking for social media pages with similar names and towns, combing through their local yellow pages, but there still was no leads. I only had her first name and the name of the town she said she was from, which apparently wasn’t much. I had thought with that information and the fact that the town was so small, it would be a slam dunk, but it appeared people there were a little less willing to talk to me than I thought they would be. I guess it was strange to have a man calling about a woman who lived in their town and for him to not know more than her first name.
Standing on the balcony a month before, I had promised myself I would do everything I could to find her, no matter what resources it took or how long it took to do it. I didn’t even wait until the next day to start, diving right in and starting to look around. I had to admit, the search had become sort of an obsession, me taking most of my free time and after Sicily went to bed at night to look up anything I could think of that might help me find her. I had talked to one private investigator, but he said with the distance and the little information, the case wouldn’t be worth his time and effort. It was irritating, but I understood where he was coming from.
I finished up my notes for the meeting and then grabbed the envelope and opened it up. I pulled the stack of papers out and took my pen, going through each line carefully. I came to an Emma, but the birthdate put her somewhere in her seventies. That definitely wasn’t the woman who had been in my bed that night. I went line by line through every single page and then again, just to make sure I didn’t miss anything. I sat back in my chair and pulled my hands to my head, staring down at the envelope. There was nothing there, not one single Emma in the books. I asked myself if I had gotten the town wrong, but I was ninety-nine percent that I was right on the money from what she’d told me.
I grabbed the stack of papers and tossed it in the shred bin, sighing as I turned back to the computer. That had been the third company I had gone through and the third file I had received. All of them had been different with different names, dates, information, but not one single one of them had anything on the girl I had met a month before. I was coming up empty at every turn, and it was frustrating. Actually, it was more than frustrating. It was starting to feel absolutely hopeless. I had no real understanding of why the universe would reveal this girl to me and then lead me down a thousand dead-end roads trying to find her.
“Hey there,” Trevor said, walking into the room and sitting down. “Why do you look like your puppy just died?”
“It’s nothing,” I said. “Just another search coming up empty on Emma, that’s all. What’s up?”
“You’re still searching for this girl?”
“Yeah.” I clicked off my computer screen and leaned back in my chair.
“Dude, seriously, this is getting a little ridiculous,” he said. “I supported you at the beginning thinking you would do a little Google search, maybe call around and then be done with it. You’re chasing a ghost, man, and I think you’re doing it to keep your mind off actually going out there and finding an actual girl.”
“I told you I wanted to see this through,” I said. “And I’m not chasing a ghost, trust me. I had her in my fucking hands. I’m not avoiding finding another woman. I just want to make sure this gets out of my head before I start trying.”
“It should already be out of your head, dude,” he said. “She left and didn’t leave any way to contact her. Obviously, you were a lot of fun on vacation, and that was it. I don’t mean to be harsh, but someone has to say it to you eventually.”
“Thanks for the advice,” I said, picking up my jacket and briefcase. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’m taking a half day,” I said. “See you at the meeting tomorrow.”
I left the office and jumped in the town car, heading back to my apartment. I needed to clear my head, get my mind straight about all this stuff. When I got home, I changed into some comfortable clothes and grabbed a beer from the fridge. I went down into the living room and sat down on the couch, leaning back and closing my eyes. Maybe Trevor had a point. I had been at this nonstop for a month and still wasn’t any closer to finding this girl than I was the day she’d left. Maybe I was chasing a pipe dream, hoping for something I knew I would never find. Emma had run out of this house in the middle of the night without one single word. Trevor had pointed it out, and I couldn’t ignore it. If she had wanted me to find her, to contact her, she would have left a note, a phone number, her last name even. But she hadn’t. She had dipped out and left me here wondering if I was losing my mind or not.
I had spent so much time tossing away phone numbers from women that it was crazy I was now hunting one down like a nutbag. Maybe karma was having a heyday with me, getting back at me for passing up women who actually were interested in me, calling them back, and taking them out. Before I could think any more about it, the front door opened, and Sicily came bolting in the house, stopping and smiling big at seeing me on the couch. She ran over and jumped in my lap, squeezing me around the neck.
“What are you doing home?”
“I just wanted a half day, that’s all.” I kissed her on the cheek. “But act like I’m not here and go do your homework.”
“All right,” she sighed. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I said, watching her run into her room and close the door.
My mom walked in and set her stuff down on the table, looking over at me and smiling. She had picked up Sicily from school and brought over food to make for dinner, figuring it would be another late night at work. I had been working a lot of late nights recently between the search for Emma and the new project coming out. She walked over and plopped down on the couch next to me, handing me the mail.
“I’m happy to see you home,” she said. “Though you don’t look happy to be home.”
“I am.” I took in a deep breath. “I want to tell you about something. On Valentine’s Day, I met a girl, a girl who made my world stop. When I woke up the next day, she was gone and didn’t leave any note or any way of finding her. I tried to let it go, but I couldn’t, so after a couple weeks of torturing myself, I decided to try to find her.”
“Any luck?”
“No,” I said. “A month of trying and no luck at all. Trevor said I’m chasing a ghost, and I need to get my head back here instead of looking for some girl.”
“Is that how you feel?”
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “No, that’s not how I feel. I made myself a promise that I would find her and either something would come out of it, or I would
put it to bed. I’m getting frustrated and tired though.”
“I think if this girl and this search is in your heart, then that is what you need to follow,” she said. “Your brain will always try to take the easy route. You know that. It’s harder to follow your instinct but so much more rewarding in the end. I haven’t seen you this happy in a really long time. At least not when you’re going about your everyday actions. Actually, I take that back. I have never seen you this happy about something. When you just talked about her, I saw a twinkle in your eye, a twinkle. That is the same thing I saw in your father’s eye every time he came to pick me up for a date. The same thing I saw when he said, ‘I do.’ That is something really special, Brandt. That is what I was talking about when I said the life-changing kind of love.”
“I know,” I said, smiling. “I just don’t know when I’m supposed to say enough is enough and put it away. I don’t want to be doing this when I’m seventy.”
“You’ll know when enough is enough,” she said. “But as long as that twinkle is still there, you still have more in you. I’ve seen a sense of motivation and determination in you that has been gone since Josie up and left, probably even before that. I’ve seen that take effect of your business life, your personal life, and everything between. Whoever this girl is, she lit a fire under your ass, and I want to meet her so I can personally thank her for that.”