by Amy Brent
Normally, I would be filled with a fierce excitement at the prospect of going someplace new, finding a sweet woman to fill my bed, or three, and forgetting that the past ever existed. But it all rang hollow now.
With a stale taste in my mouth, I forced my numb fingers to open the door of the truck and slid inside but I sat there for a long time before I started the ignition. My thoughts filled with her. Laughing clover green eyes, blond hair like sunshine, full of passion for life and love, and the biggest heart of anyone I’d ever met. Leaving her behind felt like I was peeling off my skin with every mile of distance I put between us.
I glanced at the garbage can. It’s better this way. Make it a clean break.
Better for who? For you, or for Quinn?
I tried to shake off the insidious whisper but they stuck there in my mind like a tick I couldn’t pry loose. It was the only way. Because I knew if I reached out to Quinn, if I heard her sweet voice, heard the pain that I’d caused her, I knew there was nothing on this earth that would stop me from going back to her if she asked. And I knew I couldn’t do that. For her, I had to keep moving on. For her.
Chapter 24
Quinn
Sweat dripped in rivulets down my back and my arms trembled under the strain as I hauled board after board from the front porch up the stairs to the second floor. It had been almost a week since Leo had just packed up and disappeared. Jonah had said it had nothing to do with him. I didn't believe him for a damned second but without proof, all I was left with was a pointless anger and a gnawing emptiness that ate at me.
I tried to fill it the only way I could. Throwing myself into work at the Mayhew house. The renovations were finally nearing completion but there were some glaring things that still needed to be done and my time was running out fast.
It was a blessing, in a way, that I could devote my attention to fixing up the property. I’d been there day and night since Leo had left, and I hadn’t cried once since that day in his empty apartment. I was too sore and too tired to cry.
The pain would sneak up on me at odd times. I’d be looking at a doorway that Leo had worked on and picture him there, tall and so handsome it hurt to look at him and shooting me that sexy, lopsided grin that always had my blood simmering. And it would feel like my whole world was crumbling under my feet. But then, I’d find tile to grout or trim to paint and I could focus on that for a while, forget the ache that pulsed in my chest like a second heartbeat.
I was so focused on the task at hand I didn't notice the blue-eyed woman standing just inside in the hallway until it was almost too late.
“Quinn! Watch out.” Lily said, jumping to the side just in time to avoid getting hit by the big wooden board.
“Lily, I’m sorry! I didn’t see you there.”
"Obviously," Lily muttered, shooting me a concerned look and I was glad when she didn't say anything about my haggard appearance. Instead, she pasted a bright smile on her face, trailing behind me as I walked the board into one of the unfinished bedrooms and set it with the growing pile of wood on the floor.
“I’ve been looking for you, Quinn. Tried to call a couple of times.” My friend was saying, and I could see the worry behind her bright blue eyes but I just shrugged it off.
"I've been really busy here. Only two more months until this place has to be finished. I've already booked a few customers for the summer."
“That’s great!” Lily shot me another smile, this one more genuine and it felt as if a small weight at least had been lifted off my shoulders, “I know how hard you’re working to make this bed and breakfast a success, Quinn. I’m really proud of you. You deserve it, you know?”
Out of nowhere, tears pricked the corner of my eyes at Lily’s words, threatening to spill over but I hid them behind a watery smile of my own.
“Thanks, Lil. I really needed to hear that.” I didn’t know how true that was until I’d said it out loud.
“Jonah is proud of you, too.”
My heart stuttered at the sound of my brother’s name and I shot Lily a hard look.
“Please tell me that Jonah didn’t send you to check up on me.”
“He didn’t have to, Quinn. I know something is wrong. I can sense it. I don’t need Jonah to tell me when you’re not acting like yourself.”
“Well, maybe I am. Maybe this is the new me.” I bit off the words, turning to walk back down the stairs. I still had more boards that needed to be hauled upstairs before I could start the accent wall that would set off each bedroom a little differently.
“That’s not what I meant, Quinn,” Lily’s voice followed after me as I trampled down the stairs, “It’s just, you’re working yourself so hard. I’m worried that you’re not taking care of yourself. You look like you haven’t slept in days.”
A week, to be exact. But I couldn’t tell Lily that. It would just prove her point and I was feeling particularly stubborn. Instead, I just rolled my eyes.
"Oh, thanks, Lily. That makes me feel real great."
“It’s the truth. It’s not supposed to make you feel good.”
“Is it supposed to make me feel like shit? Because if so, it’s working.” I shot back, grabbing another board but Lily was standing in my path when I turned around. Her hands were on her hips and she was giving me the same look her great aunt used to give us whenever we were caught doing something we shouldn’t be.
“Quinn Moore, I need you to listen to me. I don’t know exactly what happened between you and Leo, but–.”
"I don't want to talk about it, Lily," I said quickly, cutting her off as I tried to sidestep to get around her. The last thing I wanted to do was think about Leo, let alone talk about how he'd broken my heart and just left without a single word of explanation. Not even a goodbye. Just gone, as if he'd never been there.
"Please, Quinn, just talk to me!" Lily pleaded and I picked up my steps, trying to outpace her but in my rush, my foot got stuck in the pile of boards and my body was too tired to react quick enough to stop me from going down.
I yelped in pain as one of the boards slid, making contact with the side of my temple and Lily was by my side in an instant.
"Quinn! Hey, are you okay? Quinn?" She wrapped one arm around helping me back up to my feet and I was suddenly glad she was there as the whole world spun dizzily for a moment.
“I’m alright. I think so anyway.” I forced a weak laugh when all I wanted to do was throw up but I swallowed the nausea back down, trying to stand on my own as Lily gave me a hard look.
“Are you sure? You don’t look okay–. Quinn, your head!” She moved, too fast for me to follow as she leaned closer to look at my temple. “You’re bleeding!”
“I’m sure it’s not that bad.”
“You shouldn’t mess around if you hit your head, Quinn. You could have a concussion or something.” Lily’s expression grew as stern as her great aunts again for a moment, “I’m taking you to see Doctor Wiley.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Lil. I don’t need to see the doctor. I’m just fine.”
“I’m not being ridiculous,” my friend snorted, her blue eyes never wavering and I knew in the pit of my stomach that she wasn’t going to let this go. She could be even more stubborn than me when she wanted to and I could tell by the firm set of her mouth and the serious look in her eyes that she wasn’t going to stop until she got me in the doctor’s office.
I could feel the blood start to thicken in my hair and finally gave in with a sigh.
“Fine,” I huffed, “But you owe me after this.”
“I owe you for saving your life? You really did hit your head.” Lily snorted as she led me to her car. It was a tiny Volkswagen bug painted an obnoxious shade of yellow.
“I’m not riding in that thing. We can take my car.”
“Just get in, you big baby, and stop complaining.” Lily opened the passenger side door, not moving until I slid into the seat with a disgruntled look on my face.
“You really are turning into your aunt, Lil.�
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“I know.” She sighed, not a hint of regret in her voice as she walked around the car and got in on the driver’s side before shooting me a grin, “Someone has to be Coral Springs resident crazy cat lady.”
I rolled my eyes but even still felt a small smile tug at the corner of my lips. She was the hardest person in the world to stay mad at. It had always been like that. One moment I’d be infuriated by something and then the next we’d be rolling on the floor laughing like maniacs.
“Let’s just hurry up and go so I can get this over with. I still have a lot of work to do.”
“Don’t worry. The work isn’t going anywhere. But you’re not going to be able to do anything if you don’t take care of yourself.”
“Okay, okay. I’ve already surrendered, what more do you want?” I said on a sigh as we backed down the long driveway. Lily just shook her head, chortling to herself as she made the short trip to the center of Coral Springs.
She parked in front of the doctor’s office, insisting on leading me inside with one of her arms looped around mine and I cast her an annoyed look.
“I’m not an invalid, you know. I just hit my head a little.”
"I'm not taking any chances," Lily said, not breaking stride as we walked inside and she beamed a bright smile at the older woman behind the desk.
“Hi Agnes,” Lily said, still smiling, “I’ve got a patient here to see Doctor Wiley.”
“Oh, Lily. So nice to see you. And…is that Quinn Moore?” Agnes said, her eyes going wide on Quinn and moment before she noticed the small smear of blood on the side of my temple.
"Oh dear, what happened?" Agnes fluttered as she grabbed a clipboard and started scribbling.
“Quinn was working up at the Mayhew property and tripped. She hit her head pretty bad. I thought it would be a good idea to bring her down, just in case it’s a concussion.”
“Well, you did the right thing, Lily. Head wounds can be nasty things.”
I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes again as they spoke over my head as if I wasn’t even there. I really wish I wasn’t.
“Come on, why don’t you bring her into the office and I’ll let Doc know you’re here.”
"Thanks so much, Agnes," Lily said, and I forced a smile that was more a grimace than anything else.
“Yeah, thank you so much, Agnes," I said, overly bright as Lily led me into the office. She tried to help me up on the paper-lined cot but I shooed her hands away.
“It’s just a little bump. Really. I’m okay.”
Lily held her hands up and I walked to the cot before jumping up on the edge. For a moment, the world tipped again and I was so glad I didn’t topple to the floor but it was a near thing. Finally, I got myself settled on the edge of the cot, the paper crinkling underneath me as I gripped it so tight my knuckles went white.
It wasn’t long before old Doctor Wiley came in. He poked and prodded at my head, clicking his tongue as he examined me and suddenly I felt exactly like I had as a kid when I’d broken my arm and sat in that exact same spot as he put on the cast.
He clicked his tongue again as he did a quick check of everywhere else that had been injured during the fall. I wondered why he was checking my arms, legs, feet, eyes, abdomen…everything. And then finally, he shot me a soft smile that double the wrinkles on his face.
“Well, Miss Moore, there’s nothing to worry about. You both are just fine.” Doctor Wiley turned to the chart and I shared a confused look with Lily.
“Yeah, Lily is fine. She wasn’t the one who fell. Are you sure I’m okay?” Are you sure you’re okay? He was getting up there in years, after all.
But he just nodded, this time sending me a confused look. “No, dear. You and your baby. You both are just fine. I’ll bandage the cut on your head but it doesn’t need stitches. Head wounds always look worse than they are. It’s because there are so many blood vessels, when–.”
The doctor was still talking but I’d stopped listening, my ears filling with a loud, rushing noise.
“Wait a minute. Baby? What baby?”
“You’re pregnant, Quinn. About eight weeks if I don’t miss my guess. I’ve seen the signs often enough to tell.”
“Eight weeks.” I repeated weakly, “Pregnant?” I shook my head, overwhelmed with emotion but most of all, disbelief. “I can’t be pregnant. I’m on birth control.”
Doctor Wiley just shrugged, “Nothing is foolproof, Miss Moore. There is still a chance of conceiving on the pill. It’s much greater if you were ever late in taking one or missed any. Could that have happened?”
I wracked my brain, trying to remember if I had taken them every day at the same time. I’d been so wrapped up in the renovations, and with Leo himself, that it was entirely possible. My stomach tightened painfully.
“I think I’m going to be sick.”
"Totally normal for a woman at your stage of pregnancy." He nodded his head calmly, as if he hadn't just dropped a nuclear bomb on my entire life as he handed me a handful of pamphlets and paperwork. "I'll get you started on a prescription of neonatal vitamins. Make an appointment with Agnes to come in once every few weeks for a checkup."
And then he turned and walked out of the room, leaving me alone as shock imploded inside me. I was so frantic that I had forgotten Lily was even in the room with me until she was suddenly standing by my side, my hand clenched in one of hers.
I looked over at her with tears in my eyes, blurring my vision. “What am I going to do, Lily?”
“Don’t worry, Quinn. I know it’s a…surprise, but honestly? I know you’ll make a wonderful mother.”
I drew in a deep breath, so many thoughts running through my mind that I couldn’t focus on any single one. My whole body felt numb.
“Come on.” She said, helping me to my feet, “I’ll drive you home.”
Chapter 25
Quinn
I knew Lily had gotten me back to the apartment but I didn’t remember the ride, or the walk inside. It was like I was seeing everything in flashes. Flash. The doctor’s office, Wiley telling me my baby was okay. Flash. Leo, his expression as I drove away, the last time I’d seen him. Flash. Jonah, angry and raging at me for being a failure, for making yet another mess of my life.
I was on the raggedy, time-worn couch in the cramped living room. The TV was on but I couldn't have said what was playing on it for the life of me. Every single thought was turned inward, desperately trying to untangle the chaos my life had become.
First college, and finding out about my parents. Then Leo, and everything that had happened with him. My dream of turning the Mayhew house into a successful business was hanging by a thread. And now this. A baby.
Instinctively, my arms wrapped around my middle. It was still flat, no sign of the life that grew inside me. I’d been so full of doubt that I’d taken three pregnancy tests when I’d gotten home, thinking the crazy old doctor had finally lost the last of his marbles. They’d all been positive.
I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t hear the door open. I didn’t hear the shuffling of feet on the uneven floor. I didn’t even hear Jonah’s voice when he called my name from the kitchen.
“Quinn? Hey, Quinn?”
Some part of me must have recognized his voice and I looked over to see him staring at him with a strange look in his eyes from the edge of the couch.
“Hey there, little sis.”
“H–Hey.” I finally managed, stumbling through the word as I pushed myself to my feet. I couldn’t deal with another lecture right now. I was terrified I would just break down then and there if Jonah tried to yell at me again. To tell me how bad I’d fucked up this time.
I turned and started walking towards my bedroom but Jonah’s voice stopped me again.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“I’m going to my room, big brother. I’m tired and I’m going to lay down for a little bit.” I knew my tone was sharper than it should be but I couldn’t help it.
“Hold on a sec, Quinn,” He walked towards me, reaching out to turn me around until I was facing him and his eyes took in the white bandage marring the side of my temple. He didn’t look surprised. “Lily called me, Quinn. She told me what happened.”
I sucked in a hard breath and it hurt so bad I couldn’t exhale again. It just sat there, filling my lungs like a million shards of glass, tearing me apart from the inside out.
Lily had called him? She’d told him everything? How could she? Panic and a sense of sharp betrayal filled me and it had me opening my mouth, words flying out before I could stop them.
“She told you? She had no right! No right at all–.”
“Of course she did. She’s your best friend and she’s worried about you!”
“She doesn’t need to be worried about me! And neither do you! I know you think I’m just one big giant fuck up and maybe I am, but I swear to you I will take care of this baby and be the best god damn mother I can be! I don’t need you or Lily or anyone else telling me what–.”
“Baby?” Jonah said softly, just that single word, but it was honed to razor sharpness and it cut through the rest of my tirade in one blow. I looked at him then, really looked at him, and my heart was in my throat as I realized the truth. If he wasn’t surprised before, he sure as hell was now.
“Lily…she…she didn’t tell you about the baby, did she?” It wasn’t a question. I already knew the answer but Jonah gave one anyway, shaking his head dumbly.
“No. She just told me you had an accident up at the property and had a mild concussion. She said she took you to the doctor, that was…she didn’t say…a baby?”
I couldn’t meet his shocked gaze, so terrified I would see disappointment in them that I just kept my own eyes locked on the floor.
“I thought she told you.” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut tight. “I just found out today. I didn’t…I didn’t know.”