by S. Nelson
“I’m ready.” She placed her hands behind my neck to pull me closer. “Just go slow.”
Riley and I were alone at my house, in my bedroom, working up to having sex for the first time. She wanted to do it on her seventeenth birthday, but that day came and went. We couldn’t sneak away to be alone, which was for the best because I didn’t want to rush. I probably sounded like a girl or something, but I wanted the experience to mean something, just like she did, so when I found out my dad would be gone on a run for the club and my mom was going out with Addy and Reece, I invited her over. One thing led to another and we ended up on my bed, naked and nervous.
We were six months apart in age, so while Riley was seventeen, I was still sixteen, for the next two months, at least. I’d had the official talk about sex with my dad when I was ten, and while I’d been grossed out and embarrassed at the time, all I could think about from the first time I kissed Riley was the scenario happening right now… her naked beneath me, staring at me like I was her whole world. It was the same way I looked at her.
“I love you,” I said, gently planting my lips against hers. Everything in me wanted to rush through this, my hormones on overdrive, my dick so hard it fuckin’ hurt, but I would cause her pain if I didn’t take my time. Most of my friends told me the first time was over quickly, and to jack off a few times before doing the deed. I took their advice, although that tidbit of information I kept to myself.
“I love you, too,” she whispered, spreading her legs so I could move further between them, my hips pinning her to the bed.
The moment the head of my dick pressed against her, she tensed, swallowing hard, then licking her lips.
“Are you sure?” I asked again.
“Yeah.” Her breaths matched mine… short and choppy, and we hadn’t even started yet.
“I think it’ll be better if I move back a little so I can see what I’m doing. Besides, I have to put on the condom.” Riley nodded but didn’t say anything, her eyes following every move I made. I reached beside me and grabbed the foil wrapper, tearing the corner of it with my teeth before pulling out the condom. Once it was in place, I looked at her to see if she was still on board with all this, and her expression twisted my heart.
Her teeth held her plump bottom lip captive, her nostrils flaring the tiniest bit. But it was her eyes that undid me. The way she looked at me, love and trust all wrapped up into one, literally made my chest ache.
“Ready?”
She nodded.
I’d seen numerous videos and pictures, so I had a good idea of where everything was on a woman down there, but being with Riley like this washed away every image I’d seen before her. While I wanted to bury myself inside her, I wanted to hold out as long as I could just to commit the sight of her to memory.
Her tits were perfect, her dark pink nipples staring right at me. A thin patch of hair led to the place where I wanted to lose myself forever.
I hoped she didn’t think it was weird I was staring at her pussy as intently as I was, but I wanted to make sure I put my dick in the right hole. My one buddy told me he wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing and almost fucked his girl in the ass. Needless to say, that experience didn’t go down as expected.
Pressing into her, her chest expanded with a deep inhale, her teeth doing a hell of a job on her lip.
“Slow… go… slow.” She released her breath and I pushed in another inch, my restraint already starting to crumble.
The further in I went, the more she tensed, and while I hated hurting her in any way, I couldn’t help but love how incredible she felt around me. I tried not to be selfish and shove all the way in, counting to five over and over again. When I was fully sheathed inside her, I didn’t move, giving her time to adjust.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. It just hurts.” A lone tear fell from the corner of her eye, and when I leaned down to kiss her, trying to make her feel better, she slammed her hands against my chest. “Don’t move. It hurts worse when you lean over me.”
I moved back into place, on my knees and remained still for several moments. Finally, I asked, “Are you okay if I move a little.”
Again, she nodded, her eyes pinned to mine the entire time. I slowly worked in and out of her, her eyes closing and her features tightening every now and again. But the moment her lips parted, and she moaned, I released my own pent-up breath, picking up the pace a little more than before.
“Are you okay?” I asked again, hoping by now she wasn’t in as much pain.
“Better.” She reached for me. “I need you to kiss me. Please,” she panted. I leaned down, my body flush against hers and took her mouth with mine, my tongue gliding against hers, our kiss shoving me closer toward the edge. “I love you,” she moaned, her fingers twirling the underneath of my hair while she moved her body with mine.
“I… love—” I couldn’t even finish telling her I loved her before a powerful tingling sensation ripped through me and it was all I could do not to fuck her as fast and as hard as my body demanded. I pulled back and looked down at her, my breathing increasing and matching the thumping of my heart before collapsing on top of her and burying my nose in her neck. I clutched her waist so tight I thought I would leave a bruise for sure.
I wanted to tell her I loved her over and over.
I wanted to make sure she was still okay.
I wanted to make our first time last longer.
But several thrusts later and I came, all regard for her pain flying right out the fuckin’ window in those last few seconds.
Afterward, I rolled off her and onto my back, linking my hand with hers between us. So many words flew through my head, but I didn’t know quite what to say.
“Kaden?”
I turned to face her. “Yeah?”
“I’m glad we were each other’s firsts.” Her smile tamped down the overwhelming feeling of misplaced jealousy that sprung to life. The way I interpreted her words meant that we were someday going to have sex with other people, and the thought of Riley with anyone else made me lose my breath. But I never voiced my thoughts because I realized I was being ridiculous.
“Me too.”
My cell dinged, alerting me to a text. While I wanted to remain in the past, the effort was pointless. No good could come of dwelling on things that had already happened. Some of the events I wanted to relive repeatedly and some I wished I could take back.
Reaching for my phone, I swiped the screen and saw a message from my mom.
Mom: Don’t forget Roman’s birthday party is next Saturday
Me: I’ll be there
Roman was Ryder and Braylen’s son. He was named after his dad, which was how I’d come to find out what Ryder’s real name was. And while I wasn’t in the mood to be around a bunch of kids, everyone got together for all the kiddos’ birthdays, so it was pretty much mandated I attend. Thank God there’d be alcohol.
Once the kids reached fourteen, they stopped having huge club parties and just celebrated with their own families and select friends. Roman was turning ten, so he had four more years to go, but he was the last of them. Jagger and Kena’s boys, Evan and Harrison, were fifteen and sixteen.
After downing another two beers, I watched mindless television until I passed out on the couch. My last thoughts were of Riley, thinking of ways to get back into her good graces so we could become close once more. Whether I’d be able to accomplish such a feat was yet to be determined.
13
“Hey, man.” Perfect timing had me walking toward the clubhouse gate the moment Tag stepped out of the back of a car. I pressed the button and the metal arms swung open, allowing him to enter our little compound of sorts. My dad told me of talks many years ago of moving our clubhouse to a different location after the war with the Reapers had ended, but club vote ruled against it. And while our club still had dealings with theirs from time to time, I was told the happenings were miniscule compared to when their old president ruled them.
Af
ter slapping Tag on the back in greeting, we walked toward the far end of the lot where the garage was housed. It was ten in the morning and I was ready to get to work on his truck, hoping the distraction would be enough to stop thinking about Riley for at least a little while.
“Thanks again for helping me out. I really appreciate this.”
“No problem. Besides, you agreeing to assist me on a few jobs is thanks enough. We have two other mechanics, but we’re swamped, and if I don’t want to end up sleeping here every night because of the long hours, I needed to find someone to help with the load. You do know some shit about auto repair, right?” I wanted to confirm before we dove in.
“Yeah, I do. Not as much as you I’m sure, but I can be of use.”
We got right into it, dismantling quite a bit before we could start on the replacement of his head gasket. We chatted as we worked, and I found out he worked as a CPA back in Boston before he moved back to California. He didn’t look like any accountant I’d ever seen, and he told me he got that a lot when he told people what he did for a living.
Three hours later we broke for lunch, having put in some good work so far.
“Wanna beer?” I asked, walking toward the small fridge in the far corner of the garage.
“Sure.”
When I returned, I handed him his drink and took a long pull of mine. Wiping my forehead with my forearm, I breathed a sigh of restlessness. While I’d enjoyed having someone to help me work, even if that someone was the owner of the truck I worked on, I hadn’t been completely distracted like I hoped. In between jamming my finger and almost dropping the battery on my foot, thoughts of Riley had creeped in.
When we were alone yesterday in Linc’s room, things didn’t go well. While we’d shared a moment, she made it clear she didn’t want to be there with me, and I needed to figure out how to change that shit.
“Can I ask you somethin’?” Tag asked, looking a bit pensive.
“I guess.”
“What’s the story with that girl?”
“What girl?” I knew damn well what fucking girl he was talking about.
“Riley.”
My heart thumped faster hearing her name come from his mouth. He’d clearly been interested in her, so it wasn’t a secret he found her attractive, and being a guy myself, I could only imagine the filthy images he’d concocted in his head involving her.
I closed my eyes on an exaggerated blink. I was gonna ask how he knew her name, but then I remembered Riley telling me she talked to him.
“She’s unavailable.” I felt the need to remind him in case he got any ideas, although Tag didn’t strike me as a stupid guy who had a death wish.
“You said.” He smirked at me before swallowing half his beer. “She your ex?”
“It’s complicated.” I wasn’t about to divulge anything to a relative stranger, and while I liked the guy just fine, although he pushed my buttons with talk of Riley right now, I didn’t know him. I never told a soul about me and Riley and I wasn’t going to break that habit. Trigger knew about us back then, but that was only because he caught us making out behind the clubhouse.
“She seemed pissed you told me she was off-limits.”
“She was,” I bluntly replied.
“In my experience, if a chick is that pissed off, she still feels somethin’.”
“I don’t wanna talk about her.” Tag showed me his palms and backed off. “You hungry?” I asked, switching the subject, and while my stomach had rumbled moments before, I’d suddenly lost my appetite.
“My mom made me a big breakfast, but I could eat somethin’.”
“Isn’t that sweet,” I teased, grateful not to be talking about Riley anymore.
I missed the mornings my mom would whip up my favorites for the first meal of the day. Scrambled eggs, French toast, bacon, and hash browns. Damn! Maybe I was a little hungry after all.
“I tell her she doesn’t have to dote on me, that I’m here to do that for her now, since she’s…” He looked away for a moment before continuing. “But she loves doing shit for me, so I let her, but only sometimes.” He flashed me a tight smile before taking another sip of his beer.
“She sick? Like serious sick?”
“Yeah. Cancer. It doesn’t look promising.”
“Sorry to hear that, man. That’s gotta be tough.”
“It is,” he responded, leaning against the wall, the head of his bottle dangling from his fingertips.
“What about your dad? Is he around to help out?” I was being intrusive, but the further we got off the topic of Riley the better.
“I didn’t really know him. He up and disappeared when I was like three or four. And from the bits and pieces my mom told me about him, we were better off.” He took a few breaths. “He was an abusive asshole.”
While Tag was lucky he didn’t have to be subjected to his dad’s abuse, I couldn’t imagine not having my father around, especially growing up. While he’d been tough on me sometimes, he only did it so I would strive to do better. Whether it was school or sports, he always pushed me. Too bad he didn’t warn me about relationships and all the fucked-up shit that could happen. He and my mom seemed to have it all figured out, although when I made that comment to him once, he laughed, telling me I had no idea the shit they went through in the beginning of their marriage. He wouldn’t elaborate, but he did say that love goes a long way.
Too bad love couldn’t save me and Riley.
“We can stop at my house for a bite. I live close by and have some stuff there for sandwiches.”
“Yeah, okay,” he said. We finished our drinks and headed toward my truck.
Once I pulled out of the lot, I decided to find out more about the guy. “Do you have any siblings? Anyone to help out with your mom?”
“I have a younger sister in Florida. She lucked out. Her dad stuck around. In fact, that’s who she lives with.” Tag looked out the window as he spoke. “She’ll be here in a couple weeks.”
“You two get along?”
“Yeah, for the most part. I haven’t seen her in a while, but we text quite a bit. I know my mom will be happy to see her, lift her spirits. How about you?” he asked, turning to look at me.
“What about me?”
“I gathered you and Linc are part of a motorcycle club. I think that’s cool. You like it?”
“It’s all I’ve ever known. I grew up in the club, and once I graduated high school, I became a prospect, then patched in a year later, becoming a full-fledged member. My dad is the president, has been since before I came along. And Riley and Linc’s father, the hothead from yesterday, he’s the VP and my dad’s best friend.”
“That’s cool as shit. Really. I wish I had somethin’ like that growin’ up.” He turned his attention back out the window for a moment before he chuckled, and I couldn’t fathom what he found amusing. “Their dad scared the shit outta me.”
I laughed right along with him. “He has that effect on almost everyone.”
14
“You still pissed at your dad for the other day?” Chelsea asked, sweeping the floor around her chair. I glanced at Natalie who lounged at her station, her cell pressed to her ear and yammering away. I liked her, but delving into a sensitive subject around her put me on guard. Or to be more precise, it wasn’t talking about my dad and his over-the-top reaction to my bathing suit that I wanted to hide but more so my reaction to the circumstances that happened shortly afterward.
“Not really. I’m used to the way he acts around me if I’m not dressed in a potato sack, but I swear he’s getting worse the older I get, not better. He’ll always see me as his little girl no matter what age I am. I just wish I had a sister to take the heat off me sometimes.”
“I have a sister,” Natalie cut in, ending the call and shoving her phone into her back pocket. “They’re not all they’re cracked up to be.”
“Anyone would be a good distraction at this point. I don’t think he’ll ever let me bring a guy home, and God forbid t
hings get serious enough we wanna get married. I can’t imagine his reaction.”
“You sure about that?” Chelsea laughed.
“You’re right. I can imagine his reaction.” My chest deflated, a heavy breath forced from my lungs. “I’m doomed to be alone forever.” I had a relationship years back and look where that got me. Nowhere… that’s where.
“Well, I’m done early today, so I’m gonna head out. Either of you wanna grab a drink?” Natalie positioned her purse in the crook of her arm, standing by the front desk waiting for either of us to answer.
“It’s five o’clock.” I chuckled until I realized she was serious.
“Exactly,” she answered right away. “Time to get started.”
“You’re not even twenty-one,” Chelsea chimed in.
“So? My sister is, and we look a lot alike.” She rummaged through her purse and produced her sister’s license, passing the identification to me first.
“Yeah, you can pass for her.” I showed Chelsea the ID before giving it back to Natalie. “Does your sister know you have her license?”
“She lost it,” she said, using air quotes, “months ago.” I arched my brow. “Oh, don’t worry. She got another one.”
Chelsea opened her mouth to give her two cents when the bell above the door rang. I was done for the day as well, my last client canceling a half hour ago, so I assumed whoever had walked into the shop was here for Chelsea.
I couldn’t’ve been more wrong.
A pair of blue eyes stared back at me, his face void of any readable expression.
“Hellllooo.” Natalie rushed to stand next to Kaden. “Can I help you?” He glanced her way, giving her a tight smile before telling her no. Then he focused back on me.
“Do you have any openings?” he asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.