Now that was a feat. In five years, I’d never seen Miko voluntarily speak more than a few words to any man except for Jax.
Fiona liked to know how things functioned and fit together, and Shade explained his process for repairing the ship whenever she asked. As for Jax, the two men worked in companionable silence for the most part, but every now and then, I caught them sharing a laugh.
When Shade had shown up yesterday with an entire case of what he declared were “the best coffee beans in Albion City,” I think we all fell a little bit in love. He’d put the big box in the open doorway of the Endeavor and then gone about his work, not expecting a damn thing in return. My heart still squeezed happily just thinking about it.
I liked Shade. I liked so much about him, and any man who got Miko to talk to him and made Jax laugh was worth putting myself out there for. Another rejection would suck, but I would get over it. Life went on until the day you were gunned down or shot out of the Dark.
I tucked a fat bundle of universal currency into my coat pocket and then pulled on my ankle boots.
I was ready—I hoped.
I owned one nice piece of clothing, so I was using it. It was a simple, all-black dress that stopped midthigh on me and had a low-cut, square neckline and internal support that turned my breasts into perky balloons. Jax had nagged me into getting something nice for Emergence a few years ago, even though he knew I wasn’t a believer. I’d chosen this dress, although with the amount of skin it showed, it was probably a far cry from what he’d had in mind.
The midsummer festival to celebrate the birth of the Sky Mother was a huge party in the Fold. I’d been to two, and they were a lot more fun than the solemn rituals I’d been made to observe as a child in Sector 12. Mareeka had made Emergence fun, but she believed in the Sky Mother and Her Powers about as much as I did, so it had been more about playing games and cooking special desserts we got to decorate ourselves. In the Fold, we got dressed up, danced, drank, laughed, and forgot for a night that we were the hunted.
That was after humbly thanking the Sky Mother for existing, of course.
But even then, all dressed up, happy, safe, and not lacking for invitations once the parties got started, I hadn’t had the slightest interest in doing what I was about to do now. I didn’t delude myself into believing I’d turned down offers because I thought Gabe was still out there somewhere. I did wonder, and I hoped he was, but I hadn’t held back because of him. I’d held back because I hadn’t been ready to trust any of those men with myself, not with something so intimate, even though they were rebels like me and I trusted them with so much else.
Things had been done to me against my will, parts of me stolen without my consent while I fought, strapped down, small, scared, and powerless as adults loomed over me with needles, lab coats, and masks. Poking. Prodding. Taking. People I should have been able to trust had done that to me, to my body. They’d used me, and those experiences had formed me. I didn’t trust easily, especially when it came to getting inside my personal space. Inside me.
The funny thing was, with Shade Ganavan, I wanted to trust. Tonight, I would show him that.
* * *
The moment Shade heard the tentative knock, he knew who was at his door. It had to be Tess.
His heartbeat sped up, part excitement, part dread. He was so conflicted that he wanted to bash his head against the wall. Maybe then he’d either forget his need to reclaim his docks, or forget his feelings for Tess. Then he’d know what to do.
Earlier, he’d handed his bill to Jax and walked away from the Squirrel Tree without trying to see Tess. She’d slipped into the ship again at dusk carrying an exhausted Bonk. They’d played chase-the-rope around the platform until the cat had finally plopped down for a nap.
After she’d disappeared, Shade had been able to put on the finishing touches without being distracted by how much he wanted to kiss and touch Tess.
His chest had ached like it was being squashed in a giant clamp when he’d left the Endeavor’s platform without seeing her again, but he’d almost been hoping that Tess’s thieving instincts would kick in, and that she’d fly away immediately, leaving him shafted for his labor and his parts. That would have cost him a chunk of money, but he wouldn’t have chased after her, and that would have been that.
But no, she wasn’t a petty thief. And now she was at his door.
His whole body in one big knot, Shade walked across the dimmed shop to let her in. He’d had more than a week to turn her over to Bridgebane, and he hadn’t done it. He’d fixed her ship. He’d bought her half a door. Logically, that told him he’d known deep down and for a while now that he wasn’t going to betray her. The question now was, did he warn her before she left? Did he tell her the truth? Did he try to keep her here, with him? How deeply fucked was he willing to get?
Shade opened the door. Tess was wearing little boots and a dress. Heat shot through him. Those long legs were just what he needed wrapped around his waist.
“Hey.” She swept her long bangs back behind her ear, looking nervous.
“Hey,” he echoed, stepping aside so that she could come in. Once she’d passed him, he closed the door and threw the lock again, shutting them inside.
Tess walked straight to the counter with the register and plunked down a big pile of universal currency. “I’m sorry, I had to hold back about a hundred units to pay for the Squirrel Tree docking fee earlier tonight. You were right. It was way too much.”
Shade started to shrug. It didn’t matter, because he wasn’t going to take her money anyway. The second he’d seen her, he’d known, but she went on before he could tell her that.
“I brought you this to try to make up for it.” She pulled a small but thick book from the deep pocket of her lightweight jacket and handed it to him.
Looking down, he read Tales from the Dark. Shade glanced back up, and he could have sworn she was blushing.
“It’s not in great shape because it’s old, and I’ve read it a lot, but you know Susan, and you seem to like books…”
Even though he wanted to have something of Tess’s, Shade tried to hand it back. “If it’s a favorite, you should keep it.”
She shook her head and pushed it back toward him. She also picked up the money and put it on top. “I hope this will be enough. Along with my thanks for your help.”
“Yeah, about that…” Shade put the whole pile on the counter next to her and then stepped back. “I don’t think—”
“Please,” she interrupted. “It’s all I’ve got.”
She didn’t beg, but she was sincere. And strong. And beautiful.
His chest grew tight. He wanted her in his life. In his bed. He wished she’d never walked into his shop.
“Then like I said, you should keep it,” Shade told her, sounding hoarse.
She blinked. “What?”
“Keep it. Keep it all,” he said.
“I-I can’t do that.” She glanced around, as if looking for answers somewhere on the rows of shelves.
When her blue eyes came back to him, he asked, “Why not?”
She frowned. “Because I owe you.”
“I say that you don’t, so you don’t.”
Her frown deepened. “I do, and you have to take it.”
Rebels were always dirt-poor. Why didn’t she want her money back? “Look, Tess, I’m not—”
“Take it. Promise me you will.” She interrupted him again, which was probably a good thing, because he had no idea how to end that sentence.
I’m not who you think I am? I’m not going to hurt you? I’m not your enemy? I’m not your friend? I’m not what exactly? Maybe if he could decide, he’d know.
Shade blew out a breath. “Why? Tell me why. And you’re a shit negotiator, by the way.”
She smiled and seemed to relax. “You’ll take it? You swear?”
“Why?” he asked again.
“Just promise me,” Tess insisted.
“Fine.” He could always find a way to give it back later—if she lived.
A bullet seemed to plow through his heart at the thought of Tess not making it out of this.
“Now why?” he practically bit out.
He thought her shoulders went back at his surly tone, but it was only to shrug off her jacket. It hit the floor, leaving her in a little black dress.
His pulse quickened with a lurch. Slowly, she dragged the side zipper down. The front and back of her dress began to separate until they were a lot like him—torn in half.
Tess pushed the straps off her shoulders, and her dress fell, pooling around her feet. Heat blazed through him. She wasn’t wearing anything underneath.
She raised her chin a notch. “So you don’t think this is in any way an offer to pay for my ship.”
Shade’s mouth went bone-dry. She was stunning. Every single part of her was perfect.
Except… His eyes narrowed. There were bruises and needle marks all over her skin.
“What the fuck is that?” he demanded, picking up her hand and holding one arm up to the low light.
She seemed to recoil, and he let her slip from his grasp. “Nothing you need to worry about,” she said.
Was this about the orphanage again? More blood? “I hope you’re staying hydrated,” he ground out. That was all he could manage. His jaw had locked up tight.
Tess nodded, like she knew all about this, like maybe she did crazy shit like this all the time, and he was gripped by the sudden urge to rattle something. Not her. Just something—to get some aggression out.
“Why?” he asked, curling his hands into fists.
Her eyes flashed. “They’re children.”
Did that answer his question? He wasn’t sure it did.
“Yeah, and they’ve got people taking care of them already. Why you? What does it mean to you?” He pushed for answers, for something from her, like he always did. With Tess, he couldn’t seem to stop himself.
Her reaction was fast, almost frantic, and stronger than he’d bargained for. “I grew up there! I rocked some of those kids. Played with them. Read to them. Buried too many that I couldn’t help!” Her breath hitched, and a sheen of tears brightened her eyes. “Didn’t know I could help.”
Shade felt like a bastard when he pushed for more. “You’re from 12.”
“I’m from 8!” She looked like she wanted to ball up her fist and sock him in the nose. “Eight!” she practically yelled.
Abruptly, Tess bent down and pulled up her dress. It was mostly on and she was halfway to the door before he even moved.
“Tess!” Shade sprang after her. He didn’t grab her and pull her back like he wanted to. He touched her bare arm with his fingertips instead.
She turned, one dress strap on and the other drooping down her shoulder. The zipper still gaped, and her coat lay forgotten on the floor.
He curved his hands around her upper arms, hating the hurt and anger he saw in her eyes. Her skin seemed chilled, and the need to warm her rose inside him so quickly and powerfully it overwhelmed. “Don’t go.”
She stayed rigid for a moment while his heart thudded, and he wondered what the hell he was doing. He’d been mostly on track until now.
Her expression softened. “Don’t go?”
Shade shook his head. “Come downstairs.”
She swallowed, and her hands rose to his chest, light and cool and a little tentative.
“Stay with me tonight,” he said.
And that was that. He’d decided, because he couldn’t watch her walk out the door when he could have one more minute with her. Apparently, that was how deeply fucked he was willing to get for Tess Bailey—and he in no way meant the sex she was offering him now.
She hesitated only a second before sliding her hands up and around his neck. “No one’s expecting me back tonight.”
Shade couldn’t help his small huff of laughter as he drew her closer. “I’ll bet Jax loved that.” He’d worked on and off all week with the often grim-faced man, and Shade had gleaned some insight into Jax and Tess’s relationship. He let her live her life without interfering, but he was watchful, always alert, and she was the stitches holding him together, because whatever his wounds were, they were still raw and festering underneath.
“Oh yes.” Her agreement was pure irony. “His side-eye was something else.”
Shade leaned down to nuzzle her neck, and Tess’s head dropped back, inviting more.
“You sure you know what you’re doing?” he asked, brushing his lips along the curve of her jaw. He wanted her to know that she could back out if she wanted to.
“What I’m doing?” She laughed softly, rubbing her leg up his until she had it practically hooked around his hip. His cock started to swell as desire lit up his blood.
“Not really,” she said. “But I know what I want.”
Something about the way she said that made Shade draw back. “Are you a virgin?”
Her eyebrows flew up. “No. Would that make a difference?”
“Yeah, it would,” Shade said. “It would change a lot about how I do this.”
“But it wouldn’t stop you?” she asked.
“Only you can stop me, baby.” He looked at her hard. “Remember that.”
Tess nodded. Her lips parted like she was begging for a kiss, but then she flushed a bit and ducked her head. “Maybe just go slowly at first. It’s been a while.”
A while? Shade took her hand and drew her toward his office. “How long?”
She didn’t answer until they were halfway down the stairs. “Seven years. Plus.”
He stopped, turning, and Tess nearly ran into him. He put a hand out to steady her, but she didn’t need it. She had the balance of a cat when she wasn’t falling over from blood loss.
“That’s a long time,” he said, although what he really wanted to do was ask, Why me?
“Well, I’m pretty sure virginity can’t spontaneously grow back.”
It was a joke, but he couldn’t laugh. He didn’t think it was funny that something about her life had kept a healthy, beautiful, adult woman completely celibate for years. Or that she’d chosen the worst possible person to trust.
Tess seemed to grow nervous in the pause left by his silence. “I’m fully vaccinated, and I have an ovulation suppression implant.”
Shade stared. He figured he’d had about as many sexual encounters as any thirty-two-year-old man who worked hard and had a lot on his mind, but he’d sure as hell never heard a woman blurt that out before.
“I have protection,” he said.
Tess shrugged. “I’m risk-free. But it’s your choice.”
He was risk-free, too, because he’d never done anything to make it otherwise. The thought of being inside Tess with nothing between them sent lust ripping through him. He practically shook, he wanted her so much.
Shade took her hand again and led her toward his living space. He wanted to devour her in any way he could, but she’d asked to go slowly. That didn’t mean he couldn’t get back some of the spontaneity they’d lost.
He threw open his door, and with a tug on her hand, he jerked Tess in to his body. She gasped, and he captured the sound with a kiss that turned so hot so fast that he knew she was right back to being the woman who’d shown up at his door and dropped her clothes.
As usual, she jumped in with both feet, licking, sucking, grinding, and driving him crazy. Wildness came so naturally to Tess that he never felt like he had to try to coax it out of her and hope she got on board, instead of running from him like he was a degenerate or a freak. She was so fucking sexy, and she didn’t even know it.
He grabbed her hips and lifted. She jumped, and then her legs were around his waist, the naked heat between he
r thighs pressed right up against him.
Shade groaned and kicked the door closed, cutting out the harsher light from the gym. The table in his hallway—the one he’d never seen any real use for before—suddenly seemed very well placed. Turning, he slid her onto it, leaning over her until she reclined on her back. They never once broke their mind-blowing kiss.
Tess arched up into him. Her knees rose, hugging his sides. She clutched his head, keeping him on top of her. Her total lack of restraint made him want to rip off her dress like a savage, but he managed to shimmy it down her long body instead. He backed up enough to get it off her and drop it on the floor.
Tess watched him, her chest rising and falling on quick breaths. Flushed cheeks. Parted lips. Bright-blue eyes that blew him away every time she looked at him. The rest of her was amazing, too. He couldn’t wait to know every inch.
Shade got back between her legs and palmed her breasts. With just a little attention, her nipples stiffened, and he dipped his head, taking one into his mouth. Tess started to strain and twist, gripping his shoulders and moving her hips. She tasted fresh and sweet. He knew where she would taste even better, and just the idea of it made his cock strain hard against his pants.
He whipped off his shirt and then leaned over her again, skin on skin, his mouth on hers. She wasn’t cold anymore; she was burning up. Tess sank her fingers into his back and kissed him with an intensity he’d never felt from anyone. She was like a drug. He’d never been addicted to anything before, but he was afraid he was falling down that rabbit hole right now, and he couldn’t imagine how he’d ever get back out.
Shade finally lifted his head—but only because he was desperate to have his mouth on the rest of her.
He snagged her gaze with his. “Unless you tell me not to, I’m about to lick you between your gorgeous long legs until you scream and kick.”
Nightchaser Page 20