by Karen White
Zeke nodded, his long hair brushing my face, and then handed me up to Stuart sitting astride Endy. He held me tightly with one arm as he gathered the reins in his other hand. All strength now completely gone, I leaned against him and let him hold me on the saddle.
The moon in the clear sky guided our way through the woods. As I began to drift into unconsciousness again, lulled by the slow rocking of the saddle, I felt the light brush of Stuart’s lips against my hair. I gave his hand a quick squeeze before sliding off into a deep sleep.
I vaguely recalled being brought into the cabin and bundled into a warm bed. A roaring fire cast an amber glow throughout, soothing me until I succumbed to darkness once more.
The night began to blend into daylight, and I found myself existing in a twilight, unable to distinguish between reality and dream. I saw Michael many times sitting on the edge of the bed, his face cold and pale. He beckoned for me to go with him, but I resisted. Something held me bound to the place where I was, and I could not abandon it.
I held Annie, as a baby, and I spoke to her and sang to her until Michael took her from me and left, leaving me bereft in the twilight once again.
And then I heard a voice, piercing the darkness around my mind, and I reached out to it, seeking deliverance from the overwhelming sense of loss that had settled over me like a blanket.
“Laura!” I heard my name shouted by a voice, a voice I recognized as being of the living.
“Stuart,” I mouthed, not yet able to make a sound.
“Hold on to me.” I felt a strong, callused hand grab mine and squeeze tightly. I seemed to draw strength from it as I turned my head toward the sound of his voice. And then I slept, this time without dreams.
I awoke to the crackling sounds of a fire, the warm orange tones of the firelight illuminating the room. The rounded logs by the side of the bed I was lying in told me that I was in Zeke’s cabin. I snuggled down deeper under the warm down coverlet, the feeling of being safe, protected, and loved overwhelming me.
A movement next to the bed caught my eye and I turned my head. Stuart stood from a chair and leaned over me. “Thank God. You’re awake.”
Another person emerged from the shadows and I recognized Zeke, holding a cup with steam rising over the edge.
“Have faith, Stuart. All will be well.”
He took Stuart’s place by the side of the bed, holding out the cup to me. “If Stuart helps you, do you think you can sit up to drink this?”
My dizziness, although not completely gone, was beginning to fade. And while I still felt queasy, I also felt the first pangs of hunger. I had no idea how much time had passed since I had last eaten. I nodded.
Stuart hoisted me gently to a reclining position, then placed a pillow behind my back. The room seemed to spin suddenly as my light-headedness returned. I began to slump and immediately felt Stuart’s arm around me again.
“Do not worry, Stuart. She is only weak from lack of nourishment. Charles said that it has been almost a week since Pamela was allowed near her, so most of whatever poison she had been administering is out of Laura’s body. We just need to build up her strength.”
Zeke brought the cup nearer and I smelled a strong apple scent. I took a sip, feeling the warmth of it slip into my stomach.
“Can you drink more?” he asked.
I nodded and took another sip.
“If you can hold this down, I will make you some chicken broth.”
I managed a weak smile. “Oh, joy. Just what I was hoping for.”
Stuart’s face softened, the creases in his brow disappearing. “I think she is feeling better.”
Zeke indicated the chair next to the bed. “Stuart, stay here and help her finish the tea. I need to get more firewood.”
A small burst of cold air hit me as the door opened and closed. I eagerly took more sips from the proffered cup and then lay back on the pillows, completely exhausted.
The china clinked as Stuart sat the cup and saucer down on the nightstand. I looked into his face and saw the dead seriousness in his eyes. His sharp-cut features were softly hidden by a scraggly beard, and the dark circles under his eyes told me it had been days since he had slept.
“You look terrible,” I said.
He ran his hand over his stubbly jaw. “I imagine I do. I was worried about you.”
“Oh, so that’s it. And I thought you had come back for your socks.”
“My socks?”
“Yes. The ones I gave you for Christmas that you left behind.”
Smiling, he nodded. “Oh yes. That was the main reason.”
He leaned closer to me, his penetrating eyes inches away from mine, his face serious. “I thought you were going to die with all that was unresolved between us.” He paused briefly, as if unsure what to say next. He seemed to relax a little before saying, “I was determined to keep you alive until you could apologize for being so hardheaded.”
Despite my weakness, I struggled to sit up. “Apologize? For what?”
He sat back with a big smile. “Your fighting spirit is back. You must be on the mend.”
“You could have just asked me, you know. But I still feel as if I’ve been hit by a truck.”
“A truck?”
Realizing my error, I quickly said, “Oh, just a manner of speaking. It means to be trampled by a large horse.”
He regarded me steadily. “You said a lot of interesting things in your delirium.”
Feeling a pinprick of unease, I answered, “Oh, really? Like what?”
“You were talking with Michael. And you talked a lot about Annie.”
“I think I remember that part. Anything else?”
“A lot of it I did not understand. You mentioned a Mrs. Cudahy a few times, and you kept asking for a Diet Coke.”
He looked at me expectantly, but I conveniently smothered a yawn and slumped back down on my pillow. “I’m really tired. Could we talk about this later?”
His eyes narrowed, but all he said was “Of course,” and leaned down to kiss my forehead, his beard rubbing my skin.
“Go shave,” I muttered as he straightened.
“Yes, ma’am. But we have some serious talking to do when you are better.”
With my eyes closed, I nodded and snuggled deeper into the pillow.
For the next four days, Zeke nursed me back to health with his teas and simple meals. My appetite returned on the third day, but he wouldn’t let me eat anything solid—and he showed an amazing lack of compassion by eating his meals in my vicinity, the tantalizing smell wafting toward me. On the fourth day, in desperation, I climbed out of bed. With unsteady feet, I made my way to the table and snatched a piece of corn bread from his plate.
“Feeling better, Laura?”
Spots swam before my eyes and he quickly stood and helped me into a chair. “I’ll feel a lot better as soon as I can eat some decent food.”
The door opened, and Stuart appeared. Zeke threw a blanket over my nightgown, making me smile. Stuart had definitely seen me at my worst, and I don’t think the sight of me in a state of undress would have shocked him at all.
I suddenly realized that I hadn’t seen anyone else since I had come to Zeke’s cabin. “Where are Julia and Sukie?” I asked, stuffing another bite of corn bread in my mouth.
Zeke and Stuart exchanged glances. Stuart answered, “When you were sick, you kept screaming for them to keep away from you. I wanted to talk with you first before bringing you back to the house.”
“Oh.” I recalled Sukie’s face and the powder from her pouch as she had sprinkled it over me. “I thought Julia was trying to poison me. Because of Sarah.”
Stuart pulled up a chair to the table and sat down. “I am sure in your delirium you might have believed that. But now, with rational thought returning, I hope you know that Julia loves you like a sister, and
would never harm you. You know that in your heart, don’t you?”
I looked down at the corn bread, my appetite deserting me. I knew he was right. I’d known Julia for only a short time, but I had seen her resilience and strength of spirit through dark periods, witnessed her kindness and compassion. She was not a killer, regardless of motive. I met Stuart’s eyes. “But who else would want to hurt me?”
Stuart held me with a steady gaze. “Zeke and Charles are convinced it was Pamela. The tea Sukie brought to you was given to her by Pamela, and not Julia. Do you know why Pamela would want to harm you?”
“I promise you I don’t know. I’m aware that she uses you and others to ferry information to the Confederate Army, but I have never done anything to thwart her.” I swallowed thickly. “I have no interest in this conflict. I’m an innocent bystander, I assure you.” Dots danced in my eyes again, and I leaned back in the chair. Zeke shook his head at Stuart, staving off any more questions for the time being.
I sat up suddenly. “Where is Pamela now?”
Stuart glanced at Zeke before saying, “She is gone. She left the night we brought you here. Hit poor Charles over the head with her washbasin and made her escape on one of our two remaining carriage horses.” He raked his hand through his hair. “What she has done she has done for a reason, Laura. And you are the key. So think hard—why would she want to kill you?”
“I promise you—I really don’t know.” Angry tears formed in my eyes, and I turned away.
Zeke spoke. “Enough, Stuart.”
With a screeching of wood on wood, Stuart slid his chair back and stood. “I will go heat up some water and bring it in for you to wash.”
Zeke stood and cleared the dishes, and then I helped him remove the sheets from the bed and replace them with clean ones. When we were done, he considered me with a gaze I couldn’t decipher.
“I will go check my traps now and see what we are having for supper today.” He pulled on his coat and added, “I am also going to pay Julia a visit. Would you like me to bring Sukie here to help you?”
“No, thank you. I don’t think I need her. Besides, I think I’m feeling well enough to go back. I’m sure I’ve been a big nuisance to you, invading your home.”
He didn’t refute my words and I grimaced inwardly.
“I want you to stay here at least one more day. I want to make sure you are fully recovered. I am not sure of the poison she used on you. Enjoy the rest. The women will put you to work packing up everything as soon as you cross the threshold.”
“They’ve already started?” I asked with some surprise. I knew it was coming; I just hadn’t expected it so soon. But with the kitchen and storehouse gone, along with most of our winter food, it was a foregone conclusion.
“Yes. Willie is fully recovered, and they will be ready to leave soon.”
I nodded, having mixed feelings. With Phoenix Hall empty, Stuart would return to the army. And I would have to go with Julia to Valdosta, leaving Moon Mountain and my chance to return behind me.
Stuart returned with buckets of water and began heating them over the fire in the fireplace. He pulled out two large wooden buckets and poured the steaming water into them. “Zeke uses the creek to bathe,” he offered in explanation.
“Even in the winter?” The thought made me shiver and long for the convenience of hot water coming through the tap at the twist of a hand.
“All year round. He claims that it is not so bad because he is used to it.”
“Yes, I’m sure after you lose circulation in all your extremities, you don’t feel a thing.”
Eager to wash, I shrugged off the blanket Zeke had thrown over my shoulders and began to rummage around for anything resembling soap and a towel.
“Over there,” Stuart said, pointing to a rocking chair. “Julia sent them back with me.”
“Thank you,” I said, holding aloft the two items. He stood between the two buckets, his gaze darting about the room, looking at everything but me.
Realizing I was wearing nothing but my white cotton nightgown and standing before a window to boot, I immediately understood his discomfort. I moved the towel in front of me.
“I should be going now. We need more wood.” He didn’t move.
“Yes. And thank you for the hot water.”
“You are most welcome.” He picked up his hat from a chair and began backing up toward the door. He grabbed his rifle and left with a short nod before shutting the door firmly behind him.
With my stomach no longer empty, I felt invigorated and almost whole again. Not enough to run a marathon, but at least I was regaining my energy. I stripped out of the nightgown as soon as the door closed, shivering as the chilled air touched my flesh. He had placed the buckets in front of the fire, so I kneeled and gratefully dipped my hair into one, enjoying the sensation of the still-hot water on my scalp. I reached for the soap and ran it through my hair. I was glad Zeke didn’t have any mirrors in the cabin, because it had been some time since I had bathed and I must have been a sight worthy of a Stephen King novel. After rinsing, I twisted my hair up in a towel turban and continued.
Dipping the washcloth into the water, I squeezed out the excess, allowing the coolness of the water to spread over my skin. Droplets snaked their way down my spine and I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation. Prickly gooseflesh appeared on my arms and torso, causing me to shiver. I rubbed my arms harshly, making them red, reveling in the fact that I was still alive. Every sense seemed magnified as I continued bathing. The pounding outside of Stuart’s ax echoed in the rafters of the cabin. My skin stung where I scrubbed it, and I hastily soothed it with a handful of water. I delighted in the feel of the water flowing over my naked body, standing exposed and alone in the middle of the room. I had grown weary of the confining clothes of the nineteenth century.
Unwilling to put on my soiled nightgown, I took the towel off of my head and wrapped it around my body. I took another piece of corn bread that Zeke had left out and sat in the rocker in front of the fire to finish drying off. My proximity to the blazing logs made my skin burn, but I knew that if I backed up even a little, the icy chill of the room would claim me again.
I stared into the fire, trying to conjure Michael’s face. I saw the blond hair and the color of his eyes, but I could not see the face of the man who had slept next to me for almost eleven years.
Instead, deep blue eyes and a shock of dark hair formed in my mind. I saw the fine crinkles at the sides of Stuart’s eyes as he smiled, and smelled the pungent aroma of wet wool and horseflesh that hung about him. I hugged my arms around my chest. How could I ever say goodbye?
Drowsiness settled over me, and I closed my eyes to hover in a half-awake state.
Somewhere I heard a knocking on the door. Without thinking or opening my eyes, I uttered, “Come in.”
The door swung open, the frigid air making me bolt upright in the rocker. Stuart appeared in the threshold, his face obstructed by the stack of wood in his arms. He crossed the room and unburdened his load by the hearth. As he straightened, he caught sight of me and stopped, his face stricken.
“My apologies,” he stammered, and abruptly strode to the open door. “I thought— I am sure— Well. You did say to come in. I will just leave now.”
I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted. But I knew I didn’t want him to leave. Still gripping the towel close to my body, I rushed over to the door and shut it. “Don’t go.”
Without turning his head, he said, “Laura, I do not know how strong I am, but it is not enough to stand this close to you dressed like that and not touch you. I do not believe I can be expected to act like a gentleman if I stay.”
Feeling suddenly giddy, I replied, “If you promise not to act like a gentleman, then I promise not to act like a lady.”
He turned toward me, eyebrows raised. “What are you saying?”
In answer, I
stood on my tiptoes to kiss him, then stepped back to wait for his reaction.
Without a word, he turned around and latched the door from the inside, focusing his eyes on the rough wood. “I want you, but I do not want to take advantage of you. If you ask me to leave, I will.”
I slipped in between him and the door and pulled his face down to mine. “I want you to stay.” Yellow light from the fireplace warmed the side of his face as he regarded me with darkening eyes. I felt the tension ease out of the thick muscles in his neck.
He closed his eyes for a moment as he touched his forehead to mine. “I never thought I would hear you say that to me.”
My teeth chattered in the icy air around the door.
“You are cold.”
“Then warm me.” My chattering teeth prevented the seductive smile I tried to give him.
Scooping me up in his arms, he walked me over to the bed and placed me gently on the clean sheets. He leaned over me, a hand on either side, and whispered, “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’m sure.” A quick image of Michael flashed in my mind, then faded as I said goodbye to old memories and opened my heart to an uncertain future.
Stuart sat down next to me, his eyes serious. He took one of my hands in his, entwining our fingers. “There have been no promises between us yet. You have been holding on to something that you were not quite ready to give up. If you are still not ready, I will understand. But do know this: I want you. Not just now. I want you forever.”
He kissed me, his lips tentative against mine. He leaned back and slipped off his coat, letting it fall to the floor. I leaned forward to kiss him back, his lips tasting of salt and fresh air.
I slid the suspenders off his shoulders. Keeping one hand clutching the towel closed around me, my other hand began undoing the three wooden buttons at the top of his shirt, our gazes locked. I tugged the shirttails out of his waistband and then slid my hand up his chest, gliding over his smooth skin, feeling his blood warm at the surface. Gooseflesh rippled under my fingers.