Sarah wasn’t sure of the condition of her deputy, but the folks in uniform would surround the wounded man and his family. She’d taken off after a quick shower, gravel spitting from her tires.
After breakfast, I called Nathan. “You hear from Bill?”
“Yeah. It’s so cool to hack with government permission. You have time to come over and peek over my shoulder?”
“Yeah.” I told him about Sarah’s “Officer down” call.
“Anyone you know?”
“No. But she was upset. I am too.”
“You think it could be connected to the threatening letters?”
I shrugged then realized Nathan couldn’t see. “Could be. Right now, I don’t think the department knows what went down.”
I drove to Nathan’s cabin wondering how I was going to get up to the clearing on the narrow and steep track. As I slowed to make the turn, I saw it had been plowed. Spread with something dark. Whatever it was, I made it to the top with no sweat. I turned off the engine and waited until his lean frame appeared at the door. Today, his long hair was loose.
“What’d you use on the driveway?” I asked as I climbed the stairs to the porch.
“Wood ashes. I’ve got plenty, it’s free and does no environmental harm. Plus, when the sun is out, it helps the snow melt faster.”
“Wise man.” I stamped the snow off my boots on the porch. Slipped them off as soon as I stepped inside. “So, what’ve you got?”
“Lots of scary stuff,” he said with a smile. “Tea?”
I nodded. Wondered what kind of Miami tonic I’d get today. I remembered the stuff his mother made at change of seasons and Nathan and his sister Mary still made. Tasted awful but seemed to work. At least did no harm.
I padded over to the stacks of electronic equipment that took up one wall. Herbal tea and twenty-first century technology. He’d grown from an inquisitive boy to an amazing man. One who could track as well in the woods as online.
“Where do I find the scary stuff?”
“You’re an impatient woman, Win. You should try meditation.”
I laughed. “Exactly what Mr. Kim said. That’s why he put me in a tai chi class. It’s a moving meditation. Speaking of which, I need to be there at two for a special class.”
Nathan grinned as he put a mug within my reach. “Mr. Kim is a wise man. Does the tai chi work?”
“Surprisingly well. At least, close as I can tell since I’ve never been able to do any meditation. You know, the kind that says ‘Think about a lotus flower blooming.’ I get the image and then I’m off, chasing some other thought because the flower reminded me of another image.”
He hit a few keys and four monitors lit up. “These are the main groups in southern Indiana, all with members in McCrumb County. Many of them belong to all four groups. So we’ve got racists, religious fanatics, militias and sovereigns in one angry stew.”
“Shit.” I examined each of the four websites. “This is ugly garbage. Who don’t they hate?”
“Each other. But they’re all connected to national networks and a lot of them are set up through Idaho. I asked Susan to ask around, see if they’ve heard anything.”
“Susan?”
“My ex-wife. She’s Coeur d’Alene, lives in Plummer, Idaho. I should hear back tomorrow, but I doubt if it’ll be anything specific. Rumors mostly, but maybe it’ll give us a lead.”
“Nathan, I understand that we need to know about these networks, but is this getting us any closer to finding a shooter here?”
“I thought you liked patterns, Win.”
“I do. What I’m seeing is the large picture. What I need to see is how our portion fits into the larger—which I can’t do when our part is so sketchy.”
“God you’re picky.” Nathan fastened his long hair and stretched. “I can’t show you what I don’t have.”
“There’s got to be a reason why it’s so blank.”
He turned to me. “Whoever’s doing this, they’re off the grid.”
“Or it’s a lone wolf?”
“God, I hope not.”
Chapter Fourteen
Sarah
“As I was leaning over to get my sunglasses, the windshield shattered and I heard the shot,” Deputy Ted Perlman said. “Tried to keep it on the road, but I didn’t make it. Sorry about the squad car.”
“I’m just glad you’re here,” I said, meaning still alive. He knew what I meant. “So the sun was in your eyes?”
“Yeah. Cloud passed, sun shone through. Bam.”
“Then the sun must’ve been on the windshield. Your shooter couldn’t see you lean over and that probably saved your life.”
“I will thank the sun every morning, whether I see it or not.”
“You didn’t have your vest on?”
“No. I don’t wear it in the car, well, didn’t. I will forever more.”
We learn from our mistakes, but cops’ mistakes can be deadly. “Do you usually patrol that section of road at that time in the morning?”
He grimaced. “Yeah. Never thought there was reason not to.”
“We’re going to have to shake up the patrol routes.” I made a note. “Anybody gunning for you that I need to know about, Ted?”
He shook his head. “This came out of the blue. My wife loves me, her relatives love me, my neighbors like me. I haven’t put anybody away for a major crime and I haven’t made any big drug busts.”
I put my notebook away. “Ted, take my advice—do what the doctors tell you to do. It’s really tempting to push beyond what they allow. Don’t.”
He nodded. “Guess you learned that lesson the hard way.”
I smiled. Since Win and I were supposed to go on our first date the night I was shot in a drug bust gone bad, most of the pushing I’d done was to be healed enough to make love with Win. “Just remember, I’ve warned you that you’ll be impatient with the restrictions. Don’t allow the impatience to take over.”
I left his hospital room, repeated my advice to his wife. “Don’t nag, but stay on his butt when he gets home. He’ll push the limits. If you notice a change in his demeanor, please call me.”
“PTSD?”
“Just a possibility. We’ve got a shrink we use for departmental issues. I’ve seen her several times—there’s no stigma in this department about it.”
I drove back to the station thinking about Em. I thought a lot of her turmoil came from not identifying Laura’s condition soon enough. I also thought about the wives who kept their fear at bay every day their husbands went to work. Like Win.
I walked into the station and was met by Caleb. “We dug a slug out of Ted’s front seat, but it hit the frame.”
“Mangled?” I asked.
“Yeah. But it looks like a thirty-aught-six.”
“Well hell. The same as the Brownes’.” I walked into my office. “Have you talked with John? He’s been working on hate groups because the threats we’ve gotten seem to echo their craziness.”
“Bunch of nut cases. Guess I’ve been aware of them, but not what they’re up to. Is there any chance the shooter could’ve thought you were driving?”
My heart did a triple-gainer. “I don’t see how. That’s Ted’s usual patrol route and he makes the round in the same order every day. We need to alter the patrol routes, keep changing them up. I need to speak with Head of Patrol. Is Mark Goodrich here?”
“Yeah. Conference room?”
I nodded and picked up my phone to call Win.
* * *
It was three o’clock before we got all the patrol routes shuffled. As Caleb and I walked to my office, he paused. “Isn’t this your day off?”
“Supposedly.”
“You want to try again tomorrow? Then you could take two days in a row.”
“With all this up in the air—”
“Take some advice from an old married man?” He lifted an eyebrow and brushed his mustache. “When we work all the time, our spouses get restless. They can take a gander a
round, see someone who could better fulfill their need for companionship.”
“You’re speaking from experience? Not that it’s any business of mine.”
“From experience. I almost lost Mary Beth a couple of years ago.” He walked me to the door. “I’ve been thinking. I think we should both reduce our schedule to five days. Mark and John can take up the slack. Good training if anything happens.”
“To us?”
He nodded. “You’ve got kids coming. I’ve already got them. Life has got to be more than a job, Sarah.”
“I’ll think about it, Caleb. Really give it serious thought. I think you should go ahead—”
“I won’t if you won’t. So do it for Mary Beth.”
He walked across the bullpen to his office. I sat at my desk and rubbed my temples. Why was it, when the job came up against everything else, the job won? In my heart, I knew Caleb was right. It was bad enough Win worried about me every time I went to work, but to spend more time here… Would she get tired of waiting for me to come home?
“She’s so damn beautiful.” I shook my head. Talking to myself—a sign of early senility? Or job-related stress?
I didn’t know what else I could do today. Information on the slug from Ted’s shooting wouldn’t be in and that was our one solid clue. We’d found where the shooter had made his nest, but no tracks, nothing we could use to identify him. Our ghost had shot twice, hit both targets and then disappeared.
Chapter Fifteen
Win
I got to my tae kwon do class early and prepped my students what to do. “You can begin to move, then abort—but I will intervene if I see any two of you active at the same time. Understood?”
They groaned, but all said yes.
“Take it easy on her. No hard kicks. This is more like flag football.”
When Emily appeared, I explained the exercise. “The person in the center is ‘it.’ The rest of these people will form a circle around the person. They’ll be able to attempt a move anytime, but only one at a time.”
“This is the way you’re going to help me?”
“Damn straight. Join the circle for now. I’ll be ‘it’.”
I stood in the middle of the circle. Relaxed. “Begin.”
One by one, they tried to attack. Found themselves on the mat. I didn’t need to watch their movements, just their eyes. First lesson. After fifteen minutes, I signaled an end. Stepped into the circle with the others. Nodded to Emily. I thought she was going to run, but after a long pause, she stepped to the center.
I watched her eyes. Unfocused. She failed to defend herself time after time. Then I saw the spark of anger in her. People went flying. Emily was good when she was in the groove. After all of the students had a turn, I stepped forward. Emily’s eyes widened. She stepped toward me, her jaw clenched, wrath in her eyes. I didn’t move. I saw her move coming. Deflected. Took her down.
I asked everyone to sit down. Looked around the circle. “What lessons have you learned from this exercise?”
“Never attack a teacher!” said one young guy. The group laughed.
A couple of them pointed to form and where they’d gone wrong.
“You’re missing the central point. At the very end, did I attack Emily?”
I saw lights going on around the circle.
“We use the force of someone’s attack to disarm, to deflect,” I said, looking at each in turn. “Watch their eyes, not their movements. You will see the moment of attack before they move. Your opponent can also see the moment in your eyes. I did not attack anytime during this exercise. I only watched eyes. Never be the aggressor. Wait for your opponent’s eyes to signal.
“Questions?”
There were a rash of them, all beginning with “but.” I answered, then bowed deeply to the class. Dismissed them to the showers. Helped Emily up.
“Once you felt the fire, you did good, Emily. How did it feel?”
“Isn’t that my question?”
“Only when you’re operating on all cylinders. Can I take you to dinner?”
She stared at me. “Fuck it, I’ve created a monster.”
* * *
I called Sarah after I’d showered and dressed. “Are you still in town?”
“Just getting ready to leave,” she said.
I told her I was taking Emily to dinner. “You want to join us?”
There was a long pause. “You think that’s a good idea?”
“Probably not, but I thought I’d offer. See you at home?”
“Eat fast, Win.”
I appreciated her tact. Her understanding that Emily and I shared a different relationship than she had with Emily. Personal versus departmental. And her willingness to bow out even though I knew she was worried about Emily too.
Emily was dressed when I stepped back into the locker room. “Ready?” I asked.
“No, but does that matter?” she responded.
“You want to eat sprouts?”
She smiled. “Your choice since you’ve shanghaied me.”
We walked to Mama Mia’s, an Italian place that had great salads and marvelous pasta dishes. We found a back booth, ordered.
“I’m not going to grill you,” I said. “I saw the moment you got angry. I saw the anger directed at me when you faced me—”
“I wasn’t mad at you—”
“Of course you were. Are. For dragging you into two situations where your life was threatened. First with Shamsi, now with Laura. You have every right to be pissed at me. I just hope you can work through the anger so we can return to a therapeutic relationship. Who the hell can I talk to if I can’t talk to you?”
“You’re a fucking manipulator.”
“I learned from the best.” I opened the cloth napkin, put it on my lap. Took a deep breath. “I think what you’re really mad at is yourself. For not seeing how close to the edge Laura was. That’s why you shipped her off to Indianapolis. Your failure. One you can’t deal with.”
Emily pushed back tears. “You’re full of shit.”
I shrugged. “What you don’t realize is that Laura’s a trained agent, used to hiding what she feels. I think when I broke down in Tucson, it scared her. So much so, she felt she couldn’t give in to the terror she’d experienced. The way she avoided was to fantasize about Sarah.”
“Why didn’t I see it?” Emily asked. “I really misdiagnosed. I wish to God I’d believed in your instincts.” She shook her head. “I should’ve.”
“First, you didn’t get an opportunity to see the way she looked at Sarah. I did. Second, I might’ve been in some paranoid funk about her.” I examined her face. She was fighting an internal struggle. “When the explosion in Tucson happened, I had a blinding headache and couldn’t open my eyes without stabbing pain. Couldn’t stand up straight. Laura saw the famed Colonel Kirkland immobilized.”
“Famed?” She shook her head. “You’ve become quite a diagnostician.”
“Thanks to you. That’s not meant to be snarky.” I took another deep breath. “What Laura saw has informed her actions ever since. I was in combat, she was a paper-pusher. If a combat veteran could fall apart like that, how the hell would she react if she was in a dangerous situation? That worst-case scenario happened. She retreated totally to fantasy because she couldn’t handle the reality. Am I making sense?”
She nodded. “Question is, why didn’t I see that in her?”
“Because her hold on the fantasy depended on you not seeing it. I’m sure you saw some strange stuff in her aura or whatever the hell you see when you get all squinty. Can you see erotic emotions?”
“Yeah. I did see it. I tried to get her to talk about it, but she deflected every time. I thought it might be a response to the damage done to her breasts.”
“Did you see them?”
Emily shook her head.
“Her breasts are not only disfigured, but she has no feeling in what’s left of her nipples or surrounding tissues. What I’m trying to tell you is, one, she’s very
good at hiding feelings. Two, she couldn’t allow herself to fall into the abyss. Like I did.”
“But you climbed out.”
“She didn’t know how, not in her skill set. Nor was she able to allow herself to be guided out. I think I trusted you from the first time I came to see you. But we had the time to let the trust grow.”
The dinner came then. I let go of serious talk and told her about the kids, their progress. Anything I could think of. Except the threats against Sarah and how scared I was.
As we walked back to the dojang, she turned to me. “Thanks, Win. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“Think?”
She gave me a weak smile. “Incorrigible.”
Chapter Sixteen
Sarah
Des, curled up at my side, lifted her head and woofed as I heard Win’s truck coming up the drive. Des bounded off the couch and stood at attention at the door. Win opened it wide enough to let Des out, saying, “Be right back.”
I put the manuscript on the table and stretched. Shortly, Win and Des came in. I felt two cold hands on my neck, then cold lips on the back of my neck. I shivered. “Getting colder out?”
“Yeah. Can you warm me up?”
Win moved around the couch and sat beside me.
“Sit on your hands for a bit, okay?”
Win laughed and put an arm around me. “Metaphorically? You’re not in the mood? Have a headache?”
I pulled her to me in a scorching kiss. “Take that, you little shit.”
“Little ‘shit.’ My, my.” She waggled her eyebrows.
“You’re a bad influence.”
“Now that my lips are warm, I’ll work on my hands.” She tucked one between my side and the couch and grinned.
“She’s still talking to you?”
Win nodded, then glanced at the table and saw the stack of pages. “What’s that?”
“I was going to ask you that. Did you write a novel?”
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