Sarah took a deep breath. Touched my cheek. “Sometimes I get so lost.”
“I didn’t handle this very well either. I just knew I had to shut down for a bit. I should’ve explained.”
“Sarah, when you get back on a regular schedule, make an appointment,” Emily said. “I still have to sign off on your after-action clearance. Same goes for you, Win. Make an appointment. We’ll talk about what this dredged up.” She stood. “I love you both and I’ll do anything I can to help you stay together. Don’t be afraid to call.”
* * *
We sat on the couch for a long time after Emily left, simply breathing together. Sarah rose to put another log on the fire. She leaned into me when she sat down again.
“It’s not all your fault, Sarah. We both built the wall. I’m sorry. I just felt very fragile.”
“Personally, I think we’ve been under so much pressure, it just made it easier not to talk.”
“Only for you.” I said with a grin. “Now, tell me what news Nathan brought.”
“Let me show you.”
I lumbered to the computer after Sarah. I read Nathan’s file, asked questions as I read. By the time we finished, my head hurt. “I assume Bill’s on this.”
“Yeah. If this is a nationwide conspiracy it isn’t really our concern and I sure as hell can’t deal with it. But Nathan said our felons are getting their orders from high up and that includes the Bloomington crowd.”
“So they are connected.” I went back over the file. “You’re right, we need to concentrate on the local cell, or maybe cells. We need to know what progress Nolan’s made with infiltrating the McCrumb County Rangers. I hope to hell he’s okay.”
That thought had been floating around the periphery of my thoughts, trying to get my attention. I’d kept saying overload. It worried me that Nolan was out there by himself. No backup, no safe word. That had been his preference. I needed to talk to Bill.
“If you feel like talking about this—do you?” Sarah asked.
“Yeah. I understand why you were so livid. You don’t like your patch being used for a test run.”
“Exactly.” She put both hands on my shoulders, kissed my neck. “Why do you think they didn’t finish us off?”
“It’s a way of saying, ‘See, we can make you dead anytime we want.’ Hubris. Making us even more nervous. Beware of the snake—it can strike at any moment.”
“They sure as hell are succeeding, Win.”
“Keep it steady and sure. That’s the only antidote.”
“You have any idea what they’ll do next?”
I took a deep breath. “If I were planning the op, I’d attack.”
“Attack what?”
“The enemy’s headquarters. Send in a few RPGs, do a quick raid. In and out. Not engage in battle, just hit as many people as I could. Throw them way off-balance.”
“Oh hell and damnation.”
Chapter Forty-Seven
Sarah
Back at work on Wednesday morning, I called Caleb in first thing. As I recounted Win’s thoughts, I watched his jaw drop. His response echoed mine. “Oh, crap.”
“Let’s get everybody on the same page—on high alert. Have Mark keep SWAT close even if we have to rearrange patrol. We need to get the team together, go over possible attack scenarios. I’ll feel better if we have a plan.”
“Jesus H. Christ.” Caleb’s jaw still hadn’t returned to its normal position. “This is unreal.”
“I know. But would you rather be prepared or just ignore the whole thing as impossible?”
“If they attacked, they must know it’d be all-out war.”
“With whom? As far as they know, we have no idea who’s been sniping, much less that there’s an active cell in the county. From their perspective, they do a quick attack and disappear back to their regular lives. We’re up shit creek.”
Caleb ran the back of his finger against his mustache. He nodded. “I’ll check our armory, see what we have available. Make sure everything’s ready to go. What else?”
“Find a way that we can monitor our building cameras constantly and make sure they have a wide enough view we can see trouble coming.”
He nodded. When he got up, I thought his legs were a tad bit shaky.
I called Willy and told him what was up.
“This Win’s idea?”
“Yeah.”
“Then we better go full-out. Is she at the station?”
“No, she’s recuperating at home.”
“Any chance we could meet there? I’d really like her input.”
“Willy, she may not want to be involved. The ambush brought back some of her memories from Iraq. I’ll call and ask. If we meet there, what do I need to bring? Floor plans for the station?”
“Yeah, definitely floor plans. I’ll see if Google Earth has some shots of the square. We need to know where they could set snipers.”
“Let me call Win.” I called home and explained what Willy wanted. “But if you don’t think you can handle it, say so. I hired Willy because he had this kind of experience.”
“Maybe I wouldn’t feel like such a failure at keeping you safe if I helped. This is not something I want to do. But I can’t let you twist in the wind.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive.”
We set a time, I asked Caleb if he’d come and we headed out around two. Caleb drove, our escort of two deputies up ahead and I had a rifle in my hands. My wrist ached and if I admitted it, I was tired.
When we got home, Win had cleared the dining table and pulled up chairs. The computer was on and the fire lit. I hated that war entered Win’s sanctuary, but she looked alert and ready to go. She motioned for me to follow as she went into the kitchen.
“You want to serve snacks?” I asked.
“No, and what kind of question is that? I talked to Nolan,” Win said, leaning toward me and keeping her voice down. “The Rangers are planning an op. Against the station. They haven’t set a date or time yet, but Sarah, it’s coming.”
“I kept telling myself this was an exercise in vigilance, nothing more.”
“Yeah, right. But you can’t tell these guys anything is sure. It could blow Nolan’s cover. Just say Bill’s picked up some chatter.”
I nodded. I strode into the war room knowing Win had my back.
* * *
My head was full of options and alternatives, plans and counter-plans. Win had talked with Bill and he was going to provide fortification for the most exposed areas at the station. Bullet proof glass and steel plates for dispatch and the complaint desk. We couldn’t do much about the building itself because it was too old and we didn’t have a fortune to spend. Before the economic downturn, the commissioners had talked about building a new station by the jail at the edge of town. This was the first time I thought it was a good idea. We needed a bunker.
We’d worked until five and then the contingent of law enforcement trudged out of our home. I tried to relax on the couch, watching the flames dance. Win had brainstormed us to a good defensive plan with minimal threat to our people. To me, minimal wasn’t good enough. I wondered if our old station would go up in flames like the logs in the fireplace. If they used grenades or incendiary devices…
Win sat down next to me and let out a long breath. “How you doing?”
“Fair to middlin’,” I said. “You? Was this too much for you?”
“It’s what I used to enjoy most. Planning ops.” She lifted her cast onto a folded-up towel on the coffee table and grunted. “As long as I don’t have to be there, it’s okay. Except I’d like to be there, at your back. I don’t think I can do that, Sarah.”
“I don’t want you there, I want you here at home safe. If you were there, I couldn’t think about anything but protecting you.”
“Shit. We’re screwy, aren’t we?” Win gave me a hug. “I’ve set up a video conference with Emily for tomorrow.”
“Hey, good idea.”
“What option
do I have? I can’t drive my truck. First time I’ve ever wanted an automatic transmission. When do you get your new car?”
“Truck,” I said. “When the insurance money gets here. They seem to believe I was using it for work.”
“Bullshit. You need to get a lawyer on it.”
“Already did. Deborah’s sicced a guy in her office on it.”
“You didn’t tell me.”
“Sorry Win. It wasn’t on purpose, just one of those annoying things that got lost in all of the other stuff. Honest, I called Deborah and let it go.”
Win took my hand. “We’ve let a lot go, haven’t we? Cooking, cleaning. All the small comforts of life.”
“Cleaning? That’s a comfort?”
Win nodded and rubbed her thumb over the back of my hand. “This is the first home I’ve owned. Taking care of it gives me such great pleasure. It makes it real. Something to give thanks for, like I’ve survived. Like I give thanks for you.”
Win took my breath away. Even in the smallest things, she found solace and maybe healing. “I never thought of it that way, but I will.”
I put my arm around her and she leaned into me. I wished this moment could go on forever. The pop and roar of the fire, Des asleep at the end of the couch and my woman in my embrace. All of us safe and at peace. No matter the storm on the horizon, this was a moment of profound calm. I relished it and hoped it would sustain me, give me the courage to walk into the station with calm and certainty that we could face whatever came.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Win
After Sarah left for work, I started crying and couldn’t stop. I was terrified for her safety. At the same time, I knew I couldn’t get near a weapon without blowing all the fuckers away. Armed or not. Already down or not. The razor’s edge between fear and rage. I was scared to move.
Before my video chat with Emily, I went in and washed my face. There was no way I could tell her what was going on. Not over an unsecured link. I almost called her to cancel.
At our appointed time, I booted up the computer and brought up the link. Emily appeared on the screen, then leaned forward. “How are you?”
“Uh, not great.”
“What’s happened?”
“Um, some unexpected news, I guess.” How could I let her know the threat to Sarah? To everyone at the station?
“Hold on a minute.” She disappeared from the screen. When she came back, she said she had an emergency and would have to get back to me later in the afternoon.
Get back to me? I closed the link, pounded the desk with my fist. How the hell could she abandon me now? Fuck her! Damn if I’d ever go to her again!
My phone rang. I picked it up. Emily. “What?”
“I figured you couldn’t say much, afraid somebody was eavesdropping. Right?”
“Yeah.”
“I have one more client to see, then I’ll come out. Can you hold out an hour and a half?”
Thank the heavens. “Yes. I’m so sorry. I don’t want you to have to drive out here—”
“Can it, Win. I’ll see you soon.” She hung up.
I started crying again. Des padded up, put her head in my lap. I buried my face in her fur. She stood patiently until I pulled back, then went into a frenzy of licking my face dry. She woofed and went to the door.
“You’ve already been out. I can’t play, Des.”
She woofed again, stubborn dog. I got my parka, put it on. When I stepped out onto the porch, I was greeted by sparkling snow and warmer temperatures. I couldn’t do much hiking, but at least I made a circuit of the clearing.
When we came in, I realized I felt better. “Thanks, Des. Good idea.”
She woofed and settled down on her end of the couch.
Emily eventually arrived, looking worried. She settled in the chair, with me on the couch, upright. I explained the plot we’d discovered, how scared I was that I’d lose Sarah.
She shook her head. “Jesus, Win. How do you guys manage to land smack-dab in the middle of these ‘situations’? Never mind, shit happens.”
I closed my eyes. Took a deep breath. “When I woke up in the hospital, I immediately thought of the hospital in Germany. That I was at Landstuhl after the IED explosion. Brought back all those feelings of losing control.”
“Of being impotent?”
“Of course.”
“And how does that connect with what you’re feeling now?”
“They’re exactly the same. I feel like shit and there’s nothing I can do.”
Emily leaned forward. “Is that true? That you can’t do anything?”
“I’ve been working on intel, trying to figure out what those fuckers want.”
“What realization have you come to?”
I leaned my head back. Thought about the snake brigade and the hate they spewed. “They want revolution, to overthrow the government—national, state and local. For Sarah, there’s a solid threat to her life. Not just to Sarah, to all her deputies. We’ve already seen two attacks on them, one on us.”
“Okay, I get it and it’s damn scary. You’ve created the role of Sarah’s protector. Don’t you feel she can protect herself?”
“Overwhelming force against a county sheriff? Odds are they’ll succeed.”
Emily shifted in her chair. “Why doesn’t she call in the National Guard? Or, if this is a national plot, turn it over to the FBI?”
“She can’t do anything without tipping off the conspirators we’re on to them. Remember, it’s nationwide. Fuck it.” Des moved over to me and laid her head in my lap. I dug my hand into her fur. Rubbed the spot beneath her ear. “The more agencies involved, the more chance there’ll be leaks. That would be disastrous—cause the snake brigade to go further underground where we can’t track them. Sarah’s damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t. She’s got MCIA behind her. That’s enough for now.”
“And you?”
“I may have a savior complex, but this is a real threat, Emily. The thing that scares me so much, if I’m there, I’d take all the bad guys out. Not stop firing until they’re all dead.”
“You’re afraid you’ll lose control?”
I nodded. “This whole collection of crackpots makes me furious.”
“Why?”
“Why wouldn’t they?” I leaned back and took several deep breaths. “They buy the propaganda blindly, whole-assed. Government’s evil, ready to take all their rights. Ship them off to concentration camps. Their religion’s the only true path. They always think in black and white, don’t bother to listen to reason or facts. They see the world through the cockeyed lens of their own beliefs, religious or paranoid.”
“So they’re a bunch of twits. Why would they force you to lose control? How, Win?”
I had no answer, just a bubbling rage. “I will not allow those fucking idiots to hurt Sarah, to take her from me. I will kill every fucking one of them until there’s no more threat.”
My hands shook. I felt tremors that began in my stomach, pressed outward through my body. My chest was so tight I could barely force the words out. “I love Sarah so much. If I lost her…my soul would die.”
The tears started to flow again. I couldn’t get my breath. I felt Des get down. Then Emily sat down and put her arms around me. I gave up. Let her pull me to her shoulder. I cried until I was weak. She handed me some tissues.
I blew my nose a couple of times, wiped my eyes with my sleeve. Leaned back utterly exhausted.
“So it’s not just protecting Sarah,” Emily said quietly. “It’s about protecting you too.”
“I guess.” I was too tired to argue. “I’ve never felt the depth of love I feel for Sarah. I can’t lose her now.”
“You shouldn’t have to,” Emily said. “But you know, have known, Sarah’s wearing a target on her back for every crackpot and criminal in the county.”
“She never signed on for a dirty bomb or international arms dealers or a national conspiracy to overthrow the government of the United States.
But the bottom line is, this is just a fucking test run for these pricks before they do it nationwide.”
“I understand your anger, Win. We just have to figure a way to contain it.”
“Good luck.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be in the thick of the action,” Emily said after a long silence.
“So glad you agree with my assessment.”
“But you won’t be able to stay home, not without exploding.”
“I know.” I leveled an elbow onto the arm of the couch, let my head sink down to my hand. “Screwed either way.”
“Oh, Win. This isn’t the end of the world. It’s just a very dangerous situation. You’re a trained sniper, aren’t you?”
“Yeah. I could take lead sniper and pick them off while they mass outside.”
“Would you?”
I leaned back. “No. Not before they’d done anything. But if they came out firing…”
“Would you shoot to kill?”
“That’s what I’m trained to do. At this point, I honestly don’t know.”
* * *
When I finally pulled myself together, I asked Emily if she’d stay for dinner. She said yes with two conditions. “You lie down and get some rest and please, call me Em.”
“You’re lucky I don’t call you Dr. Peterson. Or Doc.”
I stretched out on the couch, my leg elevated correctly and a pillow under my head.
“Those are gorgeous photographs of you and Sarah,” she said. When I jerked up, she laughed. “Where do you think I got the pillow? They’re really beautiful and go to the heart of your relationship. Try thinking about them as you fall asleep.”
I did fall asleep, quickly. Deeply. Without dreams or nightmares. When I woke up, I heard voices in the kitchen. Smelled the unmistakable fragrance of lamb roasting. The fire burned brightly. Magic elves?
Speak in Winter Code Page 20