“That’s just fine,” Win said, bending over to push play on the boom box she’d brought. The music started and she pulled me close. I felt her body so close to mine, in movement, swaying together to the same melody. I slipped my hands under her sweater. When I tried to undo her bra, she pulled away. “Slow down, speedy. Just enjoy the moment.”
“I was.”
She let go of me and stepped back. “Sarah, I’ve got something to say. I really want you to listen.”
I nodded and sank down on the couch with a feeling in the pit of my stomach that felt like a cannon ball. “What?”
“You need therapy,” she said, sitting beside me. “The nightmares haven’t stopped. If anything, I think they’re getting worse.”
“How do you know? I can’t even remember having one.”
“That’s part of it. You shove everything down so deep, no wonder you don’t know what’s there.” She stroked my hair. “But you’re the one who has to realize you need help. You have to ask for it. I know it isn’t easy. I know. But going to therapy was the best decision I ever made. What Emily gave me was the ability to be with you. Fully and completely with you.”
“I just need to get—”
Win held up her hand. “I’m not giving you a deadline. I’m just asking you to seriously consider it. When it’s right for you, promise me you’ll go.”
“Why can’t I just talk to you?”
Win grimaced. “You think that much of Emily’s rubbed off on me?”
“Yes.”
“You need someone who’s objective. Who won’t be seduced when you look at her the way you’re looking at me now.” She leaned over and kissed me. “I can’t tell you how important this is to me. To us.”
“You think I have PTSD?”
“I think it’d be amazing if you didn’t. Plus a good part of your department. Your people all have been through two major traumas.”
“If I don’t, would you leave me?”
Win ducked her head. “I couldn’t stay and watch you self-destruct like Laura.”
“She had such severe physical trauma—”
“That’s not what drove her. The horror in her head broke her.” Win leaned toward me. “Therapy isn’t a death sentence. It’s a chance to heal. Think about unburdening yourself, freeing yourself for more love. Getting ready to help two little girls bloom in McCrumb County soil. Just getting to know yourself better. You’ll like the woman you’ve become. Deal?”
I nodded and found it difficult to say anything. I felt pathetic, but I realized what Win asked of me would require more strength than I had. “Deal.”
Win stood. “May I have this dance, Sarah?”
“I love you Win Kirkland.” I stood and entered into the circle of her arms and felt safe and protected—for the moment.
And I wondered what the Rangers were planning tonight. Push it down, Sarah, push it down and dance, dance while we can.
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