by Rich Garon
She pulled her small flight bag briskly through the terminal. Welcoming faces lit up as long-awaited travelers were spotted. There were no hugs for Marian and she thought more than briefly if she should inquire about seat availability on a flight there and then that would bring her back to her small apartment. Once in the car, she felt more at ease. She buckled her seat belt and flipped her hair back as she looked into the visor mirror. Her plan was to go right to the hospital. It was less likely that Ellie would make a scene there. She was sure her daughter and son would be at the hospital; but if not, she figured they would return shortly. Maybe she should call Rev. Taylor. Maybe he could be there to back her up. He could tell her children she had no choice but to leave. It seemed to her that her story, her true story, would seem so less convincing with Jim Fitts in critical condition. Their poor father almost died and now their mother finally shows up with some sob story? Marian Fitts could leave. She’d see her husband first; but she could leave right after that if she had to. She could slip back into her rental car and drive back to the airport. She would have a gin and tonic on the plane and assure herself that she had done what was right, and at no little cost considering the lost day’s wages, the airline ticket, the rental car. She had done what was right and would be back soon in the only chair at her kitchen table. She had become resigned to what seemed the impossibility of getting her family back.
Lee was alone in the waiting area when the elevator door opened and his mother stepped off. They looked at each other, chipping away at more than ten years-worth of features they hoped would bring them to images they remembered. Slow steps took her to him. She now had to look higher to see his eyes. “Lee,” she said as she embraced him and her voice cracked. He put his arms around the woman he had known all these years solely through the envelopes containing four ten-dollar bills.
“Thank you for the money, Mother. I have saved most of it. It was very nice of you to send me the money and I did as you said, I did not tell Dad or Ellie about the money you sent me. I did not know if you would come to see Dad.”
She stepped back letting her hand slip down the side of his arm. The way he spoke, the way he looked at her; she had deceived herself all these years and had remembered him the way she wanted to. All her husband’s taunting, his screams calling his son a quitter, a coward; all Jim Fitt’s dark psychology and relentless bullying hadn’t brought back the son that left them that day. “Lee, I am here because I thought it was the right thing to do. I wanted to see your father and I wanted to see you and Ellie. That’s why I’m here, Lee.”
“I am glad you are here mother. It has only been three days, but it seems to me much longer that Dad has been in the hospital. The doctor and the nurses say he is getting better and that they see progress. But the doctor said Dad is still in the woods; that he is not out of the woods yet. He was more awake this morning and when I took his hand, he closed his eyes and smiled and said ‘Lee, remember what I’ve told you since you were a little boy? Always have a nice firm handshake; that’s very important in the world.’ He spoke those words very slowly. That is the most I have heard him say since he has been in the hospital.”
“Where is Ellie?”
“She will be here soon. She had to go to the store with D.H. before she came to the hospital.”
“Lee, maybe I’ll go in to see your father now. I might have to leave soon and it’s probably best that I see him now.”
“Mother, where do you live? You never told me where you live.”
“No, I never told anyone where I lived. Rev. Taylor probably figured out from the post mark on the outer envelope when I mailed you your money. It was better that no one knew; maybe it still is. Come, let’s go see your father, we can talk later.”
The hospital-clean smell hung like a veil fluttering in the air of taut hope found in every CCU room. Marian looked at the monitors and they looked back at her, their electrical breaths never losing a beat. This world belonged to the monitors; they discerned truth in the CCU in a fashion that eschewed bedside manner. If they had to, they would erupt into a spasm of lights and alarms and quickly-changing numbers with no care for how the truth, sometimes the deadly truth, was received. With their report that modern medicine was failing at the hands of some superior force, the monitors would suck up all hope in the room. Marian Fitts had better understand there was nothing special about her husband, the monitors would call ‘em as they saw ‘em.
She looked at her husband. Jim Fitts was sleeping, paler and thinner than she’d ever seen him. This was the man from whom she told those who cared, that she had to leave? She stood back as Lee reached gently for his father’s shoulder and whispered something into his ear. His father’s eyes opened.
“Yes, she is here right now. She has come to see how you are doing. She must care about you very much if she came here to see you. Mom, come over here.”
Marian half-stepped to the side of the bed as Jim Fitts’ head tilted forward. There was no expression on his face. “Jim, Oh Jim, I can’t believe this happened.” She reached for his hand and held it. Jim Fitts smiled as if not remembering that his wife had left him, as if he didn’t know that his son hadn’t sent a ball through the uprights in more than ten years. Then his focus sharpened and he withdrew his hand.
“Why are you here? Why have you come back?” came the words that crawled from the dry walls of his mouth.
“I can leave if you want me to, Jim. Would you feel better if I left?”
“No, no he does not want you to leave, Mother,” said Lee as he rushed to save his dream of his parents reuniting from the same quick spiral of misunderstanding that had driven them apart.
“Lee, son, I am talking to your father. This is something only he can answer.”
Jim Fitts said nothing, then grabbed for Marian’s hand as tears made their way down the side of his face. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I want you to stay. I want you to stay.” She reached for a tissue and blotted his eyes.
“I didn’t know you were here Mother. You never said anything about coming,” Ellie said as she moved to the side of the bed. “I don’t think you should be applying so much pressure to his hand.” She removed her father’s hand from her mother’s grasp. Ellie established quickly, by checking the monitors and smoothing the bed linens, that she was in charge of her father’s recovery.
“Ellie, I have very good news for you. Mom asked Dad if he wanted her to stay and Dad said yes.”
“I’m sorry Lee but I don’t know why I would think that was good news. And I don’t want to discuss anything that will get father upset. You know we’ve been able to do without her help and I see no reason why that would change.”
His parents’ quick exchange had patched up everything as far as he was concerned. Ellie’s words were like a brick through the front window of the new house Lee saw himself and his parents living in.
“I’m sorry I didn’t let you know I was coming. My plans were uncertain, but I won’t be here long. I think I’ll go downstairs for a while, get a cup of coffee.”
Jim Fitts caught his wife’s glance. He had told her he wanted her to stay, but now she was leaving. “I told her I was sorry,” Jim told his daughter. “I don’t want her to leave again.”
“She’ll leave just as she left us before. You never left us Daddy.”
“She was right to leave. You all were right to leave if you wanted to. I told Lee I was sorry. I did things and said things.” The Percocet pulled the covers over his head. If his daughter said anything, it was in a foreign language.
Lee followed his mother to the elevator. “You said you would come back.”
“I’ll be back,” Marian Fitts said as she smiled. “What do you want me to get for you downstairs?”
The elevator door opened. “I just want you to come back.”
“Here’s my jacket. Hold it. You know it’s too chilly outside for me to leave without my jacket.”
Lee walked back to his father’s room. He felt the year
s that hadn’t been as he held his mother’s jacket. It was going to be different now. He knew what his mother and father had said to each other. Ellie hadn’t. Maybe she would understand once she saw mother’s jacket.
“So, your dad’s been in the hospital for three days now?” Reid Fletcher asked. “Damn, this is a pretty good tuna fish sandwich for coffee shop food.”
“Yes, today will make three days that my father is in the hospital,” Lee answered.
“Man, I still can’t believe this whole thing. I knew there was something wrong when I couldn’t get in touch with you for so long. Don’t worry Lee, we’ll get you through all this. And now that your mother’s back; are you really glad your mother’s back?”
“Yes, I am very glad. I am going to see my mother tonight when she comes back to the hospital. I do not know if she will stay. I know my father and I want her to stay, but Ellie is still very mad.”
“Yeah, I know that has always really rubbed your sister the wrong way. I mean, I’m not a member of the family, but your father got a little out of control sometimes.”
“Things are going to be better now Reid, and if my mother stays, things will be a lot better. I will just have to talk to Ellie.”
“Yeah, talk to your sister. I mean, those years are long past, man. Start fresh, that’s the best way to do it. And your dad’s going to recover just fine. You know, when I was waiting for you this morning, I was reading the paper and it’s amazing what happens in the world of medicine. I mean you just never know what’s going to happen. They had this woman who was in a coma for ten years. The doctors said nothing could be done. The daughter was talking about how the doctor said she should think about pulling the old plug; just let her go. Well you know what? The daughter is sitting by her mother’s bed and all of a sudden, her mother’s eyes open and her mother starts moving her fingers. Ain’t that somethin? I mean they wanted to pull the plug. Hey, I’ll tell you about another thing I read in the paper, you know that guy you used to work for, Dan Calvert; the guy that lost the election? They arrested his ass. He has some company that was buying up real estate through some phony program using government loans. He was supposed to fix the property, something to help poor people with their rent. Well, seemed the money he was getting wasn’t doing what it was supposed to be doing. His lawyer said it’s a misunderstanding. Those guys always say there’s a misunderstanding; I mean what else are they going to say?”
“Dan Calvert, arrested?”
“That’s what the paper said. They had someone, I think it was his campaign manager, who said he was shocked to hear about the charges and if it was true, it could have a negative impact on Dan Calvert’s future in politics.”
“Christie was right, now I know she was really right.”
“Well, I didn’t like that guy too much when I met him that time at the rally. Something about him just wasn’t right; his handshake or something.”
“You did a lot of reading in the paper this morning, Reid.”
“I try to stay up with the news whenever I can. Hey, when I spoke with Christie she said she had been up to some state university and that’s why she wasn’t home when I was first looking for her. What’s that all about?”
“Christie is a very good student and her professor at the community college thinks she can get a scholarship to the state university. When I spoke to her on the phone this morning, she said she had some very good news and would tell me all about it when she came to the hospital tonight.”
“State? That’s like five hours from here. Where the hell does that leave you? I mean you and Christie been kinda tight lately. She’s gonna be a long way away, man. And you know, lot of guys at that school. I mean, you never know what happens in a situation like this. She could become a changed person.”
“There is a bus that goes from here to the state university. I have not told Christie about the bus yet. I was going to surprise her. I would take the bus to the state university every weekend. That is my plan I am going to tell her.”
“I think you’re missing the big picture here, man. Your plan might work for a while, but it’s gonna be big bucks. I mean, bus fare, got to find some place to stay, and you have to eat.”
“I can bring some food from home. I can make small portions and have it last the whole weekend.”
“Lee, you’re still missing the big picture. You have to get a snapshot in your mind of what I’m saying. Christie’s going to have all these college friends, they’re all going to have something in common and then they’ll all have degrees so they can get some big- time jobs and there’s gonna be guys going to hit on her. I don’t see you in that snapshot.”
“I will be in that snapshot. Christie said she loves me, and I told Christie that I love her.”
“But that’s before she gets up to state; it’ll be a different ball game, man.”
“I will be in your snapshot,” Lee shot back.
“All right, all right, calm down. Damn, look at me; I’m supposed to be here trying to comfort you because of your dad and everything. Lee, I’m your friend. I just don’t want to see you get hurt anymore.” Reid paused and took the deep breath he thought appropriate for the important information he was about to share with his best friend. “You know, there was this guy once at work, he was a smart guy, always reading the newspaper or some magazine. I was talking to him at lunch one time, and I think he got this from one of his magazines, but this is what he told me. He said it was the best advice he’d ever seen. Ready for this, listen carefully: ‘It’s a big universe. Only live in as much universe as you can handle.’ And this was a smart guy, so you know this is good advice. I’m just trying to help you man. Don’t go getting into things in the universe you can’t handle.”
“Reid, I know you are my friend. But I will be in your snapshot.”
“Okay. Look, I got to go. I told them I’d be a little late, but I gotta go,” Reid said as he took a last swallow of coffee and picked up the check. “I got this. Have a truck load of bushes waiting for me. No rain, and they got us planting bushes. Damn bushes are gonna die, just like last summer during the drought when they had us planting bushes. Look, call you man. You know if there’s anything I can do, let me know.”
Reid put his arm around Lee then walked out of the coffee shop.
As Lee turned he noticed someone from his canvassing days. She was pushing a stroller carrying a toddler wearing a neck support.
“Hello, Mrs. Aggarwal,” Lee said.
Mrs. Aggarwal stopped. “Hello, why you’re the boy from the election.”
“Yes, that is right. My name is Lee Fitts. I was at your house during the campaign for Dan Calvert for Council.”
“I remember well. My father, my husband, and I were very impressed with your honesty.”
“My boss was not happy. He fired me. But I thought it important to do the right thing.”
“Doing the right thing is very important, Lee. What brings you to the hospital?”
“My Dad is here. He was trying to stop a robbery and he was stabbed. He is in critical condition.”
“Lee, I am so sorry to hear that. If we can help in any way, please let us know. I am usually at the hospital on Tuesdays and Thursdays for Raymond’s treatments. Raymond has muscular dystrophy but he’s making some progress with his therapy here and at home.”
Raymond had been looking at Lee. Something in that look made Lee want to do something to help the boy. “Raymond is a very handsome little boy. Thank you for offering to help my father. Is there something I can do to help you with Raymond?”
Mrs. Aggarwal thought about that; at times, she could get desperate. “Lee, I might take you up on your kind offer. Raymond has someone who helps him with his exercises at home, but sometimes she cancels on short notice and I can’t get off work. My father is at home, but he can’t do these exercises with Raymond by himself. It would be so nice if . . .”
“I would be glad to help, but I do not know how do to those exercises.”
&nbs
p; “Oh Lee, that would help us so much. They really are quite easy; my father can show you.”
“Okay,” Lee said as he began to write his phone number on a scrap of paper.
“Thank you so much, Lee. You’re a fine boy.”
He smiled, and waved good-bye to Raymond.
Lee headed toward the elevators through the lobby’s morning hustle-bustle of visitors, incoming patients, discharged patients being wheeled to the front by volunteers, doctors trailing other doctors, flower deliverymen, technicians pushing carts of medical devices, nurses in flower-covered smocks and a nervous air that said anything could happen in a hospital, that’s why there’s a chapel.
Jim Fitts smiled at his son and Lee took his father’s outstretched hand. His father’s face was clean-shaven and the part in his still damp hair reminded Lee of how his own hair looked when he first went to Sunday school. Jim Fitts’ pillows had been fluffed and his bed linens neatly tucked. Anyone listening to Jim and his son talk would detect no hint of how things had been during those years which as Reid said were now long past. Jim spoke of the sunlight through his window and of telling the nurse about how good he felt to be alive to see the sunlight. Breakfast had tasted good to him. The eggs were a little cold but the tea was hot. Jim Fitts asked Lee why his mother had come to the hospital. He asked his son a lot of questions about Marian Fitts. He asked in that tone Lee heard in his head when he thought about Christie. Jim Fitts closed his eyes. He opened them again when he heard his daughter’s voice; he knew instinctively not to ask any more questions about his wife. Ellie adjusted the pillows, smoothed the blanket, and rustled up her father’s hair. His hair never looked that way, she told Lee in an annoyed tone, even though she realized that the nurse meant well. Lee watched as his sister got up to pull the curtains. Jim Fitts pulled on the straw his daughter put against his lips. He drew and then stopped. He needed sleep. The nurse helloed as she put her clipboard on the bed: tubes, check; IV, check; monitor’s electrical faces, check. She picked up her clipboard and left, her high-pitched thank you dissolving slowly behind her. Ellie sat down in the straight-back chair that had been her command post for the past three days.