by C. T. Oliver
Pen and I schlepp up the hill of northwest Portland to meet Blu at his favorite Mexican restaurant, on what has to be the hottest day the west coast has ever seen. Pen looks elegant and graceful in her red and white strapless maxi dress that ends right on top of her strappy sandaled feet. Where as I try to beat the heat in a white tank top and little black overall skirt.
“Why Blu wants to meet for Mexican in this heat is beyond me,” Pen lifts her oversized Fendi sunglasses and rests them on top of her head as we step into the cool dark lobby of the festive restaurant.
“You know he loves Mexican food in any weather. I swear, he was probably gnawing on a burrito when he was born,” I say, heading to our usual table. Mario, the owner, waves at us enthusiastically before heading straight to the bar to get our first round of margaritas. I give up sliding into the booth when my thighs refuse to unstick themselves from the vinyl seat. Sexy.
Pen sits across from me, cool as a cucumber while sipping on her margarita when Blu comes in and plops down next her with a heavy sigh. Pen and I share a secret knowing smile before addressing Blu’s current situation.
“Picked up a new hobby I see,” I grin, raising an eyebrow at Blu.
Blu lets out a heavy sigh. “If you must know, yes, I’ve decided to pick up cycling. We live in the friendliest city for cyclists, why not embrace the movement.”
Pen and I share a look before my eyes travel down Blu’s skintight cycling outfit. “What’s his name and for the love of God, please fix your camel toe. I didn’t even think that was possible on a guy.”
Blu gives me a glare before adjusting himself discreetly under the table. “His name is Paul and he’s a very successful investment banker,” Blu says while digging in his man purse.
“Of course, he’s a successful investment banker,” Pen murmurs. She and I both know the type of men Blu seems to put out pheromones for.
“What’s wrong with an investment banker?” Blu looks between Pen and I while applying on the deodorant he just pulled out of his bag.
“Umm Blu, don’t you think that’s enough, there are little white pellets already forming in your pits,” I say as Mario comes around with our usual orders.
“I biked here on a day that the Devil himself wouldn’t even want to tan in. I don’t care what you think. I just don’t want to offend myself.” Blu brushes his helmet hair into a style before taking a sip of his drink. “So, how’s Craig?”
I shrug as I assemble my carne asada tacos. “We’re okay,” I say. My eyes look on to Pen’s trusting eyes and I feel my gates opening. “We’re comfortable, but I can’t help but feel that something is off.”
“Off?” Blu mumbles around a mouthful of chalupa.
“Two weeks ago, I was supposed to have dinner with him but he got held up at his review course and I ended up having dinner with Cory. Craig came home around midnight and passed out drunk on the couch. He never drinks that much.” I look into Pen’s sympathetic eyes.
“There’s also that weird thing where you have to report into him all the time,” Blu notes with disgust in his voice.
“I don’t mind that. I’m used to it, growing up with father,” I shrug, looking down at my half eaten food. “I just can’t help feel like he’s holding something from me.”
Pen reaches over, placing a hand over mine. I smile at the familiarity of her icy digits wrapped around my hand. The sweetest, warmest person in my life has hands that can freeze chocolate. “I’m sure it’s just the stress of his exam and moving to another city soon. Have you guys discussed it in detail yet?”
“He was very excited about my proposal being accepted and my new advisor putting in a letter to the admissions office of the university recommending me, but we haven’t really talked it beyond that.”
“Are you sure this is the right move for you?” Blu sits back in the booth with folded arms and stares at me. “I wouldn’t be a true friend if I didn’t rain on your parade, just little.”
I look down at Pen’s familiar supportive touch. “It is different with Craig and I see a future with him. I’m…happy. He helps me see the world differently. He doesn’t judge or question my family situation and I trust him.” I give my friends a smile that matches how I feel for the first time, in a long time. Confident.
My friends look at me with wistful looks and supporting smiles. For someone to walk into our lives and is able to understand and accept our past and still be supportive is a keeper. Between all three of us, it’s all we ever wanted. Someone who will incorporate us into their family.
“Well, you’re smart and strong enough to stand on your own anywhere. And we’ll always be here for you. Besides, it might be nice for us all to franchise to another city.” Blu suggests with sneaky smile on his face.
“You’d consider it? Opening a shop in Seattle?” I ask, excitement dripping from my voice.
Blu shrugs and goes back to his meal. “I’ll have to do some research.”
“Pen? You know you love the Fremont district or Queen Anne. They totally need a bookstore.”
Pen looks at me with shocked wide eyes. “Are you serious? I am barely holding my head up right now with all the legal papers to make the place mine.”
I give Pen a playful smile as I pull out my buzzing phone. “But it won’t really feel like us if…” I am lost for thoughts as I look over the email on my phone. Confusion, sadness, despair and anger hits me all at once and I feel my lunch crawling up my throat.
“Mel, what’s wrong?” Blu and Pen makes their way to me, but it’s all a blur. I zone out as my brain tries desperately to process the image.
“Amelia, babe? Please look at me.” I can see Pen holding on to my hand but I don’t feel her touch. I am numb from the inside out.
“Mel, I need you to listen to me. Are you listening?” Blu is holding my face in his hands. “You need to listen. You need to talk to him; you need to find out the truth. You are not going to throw away your happiness because of miscommunication.”
“Mis—miscommunication? She said that they’ve been together for years,” I choke the words out. I want to cry, to feel the burn on my eyes, but the tears won’t shed. I want to feel some sort of pain, but nothing. I am hollow.
I sense Blu shuffling me out of the restaurant, but I’m not aware of the surroundings. Everything is a blur as sorrow engulfs me from within.
“Come on, Pen. You drive her back to Mode. I’m going to straighten this out.”
Chapter 26
‘We need to talk.’ Amelia’s text flashes in my mind like a neon banner as I weave through the evening’s downtown traffic. All my calls to her have gone to voicemail, spiking my concern. Finally, Blu calls telling to me meet her at Mode.
Something is wrong and it’s at her doing. I knew it was too good to be true when she said she’s made her peace. If she thinks she can take the love of my life away from me she has another thing coming.
I let out a breath to calm down but the anger only boils up. The not knowing what is happening to Amelia is eating a hole in my heart. My adorable Amelia.
I park the truck next her SUV and sprint straight into the Mode. Blu is standing at the entrance to meet me with no emotion on his face. He gestures me to follow him up to Mode’s office space.
At the door to the conference room Blu turns and looks at me with his hand resting on the handle. “I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt,” he says, anger radiating from his eyes. “But if you are as fucked up as this situation is, you just crushed one of the most generous and beautiful soul that’s walked this is earth. And may you live with that on your conscience for the rest of your life.”
I take a deep breath to cool the anger but as Blu opens the door all my anger dissipates and is replaced with concern and worry. Amelia is so small and frail as she sits on the edge of the loveseat staring off into space. Pen sits beside her talking, but she’s not responding. I walk in as Pen stands to give us the room. She gives me a reassuring look before closing the door behind her.
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br /> “Amelia,” I kneel down in front of her. “Please look at me.”
When she finally turns her gaze to look at me, all I see is pain. Her bottomless eyes are now glazed over with sadness. She blinks a few times to register my face before her expression changes and tears start to build at the rims of her eyes.
“Do you love her?” she whispers.
“No,” I answer, already knowing who is at the root of my pain. “I love you.”
Amelia sucks in a breath and snaps her eyes shut, as if I’ve slapped her. “You were with her, you lied,” she says in a low calm voice.
Her statement is like a punch to my stomach. “She came into my life years ago, but she was never a part of my life. I never had feelings for her.”
Tears flow her cheeks, but she doesn’t move to wipe them away. “Craig, you were with her a few weeks ago. Please don’t lie and make this worse than it already is.”
“Yes, she surprised me out of the blue. She came to thank me. It’s a part of her healing process.” I inch closer to rest my hands on her knees, but she doesn’t respond to my touch.
“Healing process?” she asks in a small voice after a long pause.
“It’s a long story, but she claims to be in therapy and a part of it is to thank or confront those who had an impact in her life.”
“Claims? Craig, you are being so vague and I—I—” Her hands wave frantically with frustration. “You came home drunk after meeting with her, what happened?” she asks in a stern voice.
“That was the second time she demanded to meet with me. I just wanted to get her out of my life so I agreed to meet with her. Amelia, please believe there is nothing between her and me.”
She slowly hands me her phone. It’s opened to an email attachment with a picture of a couple embracing, taken from a distance, but it clearly shows my face. “Amelia, this is just me wishing her luck with her future and a good-bye hug, nothing more.”
“Craig, she claims you’ve been together all these years.” Sadness and anger hang thick on her voice. “We had all those talks about a future together and here I’m being made the biggest fool all over again.” Her body trembles from anger.
“No! I am not letting this get in between us. We are going to have a future together,” I state firmly. I want to soothe her. Hold her in my arms. Take away the sadness and pain consuming her.
Her sad eyes catch mine. “How can that be if you lie and keep things from me?”
“I wanted to protect you from this. This is my mess and I’m dealing with it. Please believe that I didn’t lie to you, I just wanted to protect you.”
“That’s how it starts off, Craig. You keeping something from me and then it turns into a lie to protect what you’re keeping from me and then you’ll just slip out and leave,” she says, shaking her head as if in disbelief.
“How can you still think, after all this time we’ve been together, that I’ll leave? With everything that I’ve shared with you, how we’ve connected. You still don’t fully believe in me. You still think that I have a foot out of the door.”
Fresh tears streams down her face. “Can you blame me? Don’t you know? Everyone leaves me. Whether they intend to or not, everyone eventually walks away without a second thought.” The pain etched around her eyes is like a gouge on my heart.
I lean forward, wrapping my arms around her and rest my head on her lap. “Not me, Amelia. I’m here to stay for the long haul. And we’re going to deal with this together. No more keeping things from each other. Please, believe me.” I feel her slightest touch brushing back my hair. “Believe the truth that I love you.”
Amelia’s body shakes as she lets tears of frustration, anger, and sadness flow freely. Moments later, I shift her into my lap onto the floor, holding her tight to me as she cries. I place kisses on her head, wanting to let her know I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Her last tear leaves her body in a tremble and for the first time this evening she reaches out and hugs me.
“I love you,” I whisper, tightening my hold around her. She has to know and believe that is that truth.
She only nods and holds on to me.
My stomach slightly plummets from her lack of response, but I’ll take her being in my arms over her walking away from me. Amelia doesn’t realize my biggest fear is her walking away from me.
“How about we take this upstairs? I’ll make you dinner or draw you a bath. Anything you want and we’ll talk. I’ll tell you everything and you tell me about your fears. No more keeping things from each other.”
She leans back, looking into my eyes. I want to do everything in my power to take away the hurt looking back at me. She nods. Slowly shifting herself off my lap, only I hold her tighter and stand with her in my arms making my way to elevator. We ride up the elevator in complete silence, only the hum of the elevator and Amelia’s periodic sniffles. Each time she hugs me tighter, it gives me hope.
The elevator doors open to the oval room that is usually bright and cheerful, now dimly lit. My senses heighten and adrenaline pours into my system. I slowly let Amelia down as my eyes scan every inch of the room.
“Did you leave the door open?” I whisper, pulling her into the corner of the room, out of the line of site of the open door.
“No, I haven’t been up here since lunch,” Amelia shifts to get a better look at the room. “Is someone in the apartment?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper. Pulling out my cell phone, I turn on the GPS.
“Why are all the icons on your phone flower designs?” Amelia whispers, eyeing my phone with the first smile I’ve seen on her lips all evening.
Feeling embarrassed, I quickly turn the phone away from her. “I may or may not have outbid Cory for the studio apartment in Seattle so he hacked my phone,” I smile at her glare. “I was going to surprise you. I think you’ll love it.” She simply shakes her head and looks on as I quickly send Cory our coded text message and leave it in his capable hands to trace my phone’s GPS and send help. I knew something like this would happen soon enough, but I didn’t want to worry Amelia, but here we are. At least I know she’s safe behind me. “Amelia, please stay out here.”
“No! You have kept enough from me. If we are going to make this work, we are going to do this together.” I can see the anger in her eyes.
I walk up the opened door, slowly nudging it to make my way through and try to keep Amelia back. Stubborn as she is, she is right on my heels. Slowly, stepping into the living room I can hear Larry whimpering and scratching from inside the closet door. Harmonic beats of The XX streams through the space from Amelia’s iPod. Looking around the dimly lit room, a figure slowly walks into view.
“Hi honey, it’s about time you got home. I’ve missed you. I can order you some dinner if you’re hungry,” the figure steps into view. She looks nothing like herself. Her blonde hair dyed dark brown, her blue eyes are now honey-brown and she’s dressed in what looks like Amelia’s clothes, even Amelia’s glasses.
“What are you doing here?” I growl keeping a close eye on her movements.
“Why are you asking such a silly question, honey? I’m here to welcome you home.” She stops by the kitchen island and perches onto a stool. She pushes a tumbler of scotch forward. “I poured you a drink. I know just what you like after a long day.”
“What do you think you’re going to accomplish by doing this?” I shift to block Amelia from the view. I can feel her trying to look over my shoulders.
“What do you mean, honey? I’m just showing you that I’m the perfect woman. A woman of class.” She curls her lips into the perfect pageant-winning smile she has perfected over the years.
“Jenny, you need to leave before I call the police.”
She turns her head to the side, giving me a skeptical look. “You want me to leave my own apartment? You have been working too hard.”
“Why would you think that this is your apartment?” I ask.
“Because after tonight, that girl is going to be out of our l
ives and we can move on from this mess,” she answers as steps off the stool and pulls out Amelia’s Smith & Wesson 1911. “Isn’t this fitting, Craig? She killed herself with her own father’s gun.” Jenny turns her head to the side with a sadistic smile playing on her lips. “Oh, and her poor father is going to hate himself even more with the death of his only daughter. Isn’t that a grand plan, Craig?”
“There’s nothing fitting about this situation, Jenny. Now, please put the gun down,” I take another step to shield Amelia from the line of fire. Stubborn as she is, Amelia takes a step closer to see over my shoulder. “Your father killed himself with your grandfather’s gun because he saw no way out of the debt you and your mother accumulated.”
“My daddy gave up!” Jenny says through clenched teeth. “Then you,” Jenny points the gun at me, “you were supposed to step in and clear our family’s debt.” Jenny tilts her head to the side, looking over my shoulder at Amelia. “But you! You little husband stealing whore.” Jenny takes a step to the side and closer to Amelia with her finger lingering on the trigger. “You had to step into his life and steal him from me. He’s going to be a lawyer, don’t you see the life that awaited me. Free of debt, lots of dinner parties, meeting the rich and powerful.” Black mascara tears stream down her face. “But that won’t matter because we’ll still be together after I take care of her.”
“What makes you think that I’m going to be with you much less marry you after tonight? You’re threatening us with a gun,” I say calmly as I place myself in front of the gun. A wise man would give in and say whatever needed to not escalate the situation, but I’m not a wise man. I’m an honest man. No matter what, I will not lie about my feelings for Amelia.
“Because you love me, Craig. Look at me,” Jenny steps back, running a hand through her dark dyed hair. “I changed myself and now I look like her. Don’t you like my new outfit? I took it from my closet upstairs.” Jenny runs a hand down the tight high-waisted pencil skirt she took from Amelia’s wardrobe. “Now I’m sophisticated and deserving of a husband that’s a lawyer. After all, you’ve been ring shopping.”